Ballad of the Bed of Orchids

The Ballad of the Bed of Orchids is a Froyalanish song about the Konungstekja wedding night of the Sacred Marriage between the White Orchid Goddess and King Noah of Elwynn. It was often sung at weddings just before the newlyweds enter the bridal chamber. The ballad was especially composed for King Noah and the Lady Elwynn.

Following the Auspicious Occasion it now forms an integral part of the soggy biscuit drinking game, essentially whoever gets the biscuit has to recite the entire song before consuming the tainted digestive.

First Stanza

Elwynn opened the door for him.
Inside the bridal chamber she shone before him
Like the light of the moon.
Noah looked at her joyously.
He pressed his neck close against hers. He kissed her.

Second Stanza

"What I tell you", Elwynn spoke,
"Let the singer weave into song.
What I tell you, Let it flow from ear to mouth,
Let it pass from old to young:
My vulva, the horn,
The Boat of Heaven,
Is full of eagerness like the young moon."

Third Stanza

"I bathed for the wild bull,
I bathed for the sturdy steed,
I perfumed my sides with ointment,
I coated my mouth with sweet-smelling amber,
I painted my eyes with kohl."

Fourth Stanza

"My untilled land lies fallow.
As for me, Elwynn,
Who will plow my vulva?
Who will plow my high field?
Who will plow my wet ground?..."

Fifth Stanza

"Great Lady" , Noah replied,
"the king will plow your vulva.
I, Noah the King, will plow your vulva."

Sixth Stanza

"Then plow my vulva, man of my heart!
Plow my vulva!", Elwynn said.

Seventh Stanza

At the king's lap stood the rising cedar.
Plants grew high by their side.
Grains grew high by their side.
Gardens flourished luxuriantly....

Eighth Stanza

"O Lady, your breast is your field.
Elwynn, your breast is your field.
Your broad field pours out plants.
Your broad field pours out grain.
Water flows from on high for your servant.
Bread flows from on high for your servant.
Pour it out for me, Elwynn.
I will drink all you offer."

Nineth Stanza

"Make your milk sweet and thick, my bridegroom.
My lord, I will drink your fresh milk.
Wild bull, Noah, make your milk sweet and thick.
I will drink your fresh milk...."

Tenth Stanza

My king is ready for the holy loins.
My lord Noah is ready for the holy loins.
The plants and herbs in his field are ripe.
O Noah! Your fullness is my delight!"

Eleventh Stanza

Let the bed that rejoices the heart be prepared!
Let the bed that sweetens the loins be prepared!

Twelfth Stanza

The king went with lifted head to the holy loins.
He went with lifted head to the loins of Elwynn.
He went to the queen with lifted head.
He opened wide his arms to the holy priestess of heaven....
He put his hand in her hand.
He put his hand to her heart.
Sweet is the sleep of hand-to-hand.
Sweeter still the sleep of heart-to-heart.

Thirteenth Stanza

"He shaped my loins with his fair hands", Elwynn said,
"The Prince Noah filled my lap with cream and milk,
He stroked my pubic hair,
He watered my womb."
He laid his hands on my holy vulva,
He smoothed my black boat with cream,
He quickened my narrow boat with milk,
He caressed me on the bed."

Fourteenth Stanza

"Now I will caress my king on the bed,
I will caress the faithful Prince Noah,
I will caress his loins, the Kingship of the Land,
I will decree a sweet fate for him."

Fifteenth Stanza

The Lady of the Tower of Araxion,
The purely good woman, as lovely as her mother,
Who was presented to him by the Norns,
Elwynn, the Volcano Queen,
Then decreed the fate of Noah:

Sixteenth Stanza

"May your heart enjoy long days.
Your Wisdom, Strength and Valor
light your Reign with bright example
your thunder guards our ways.
Your protection keep your people safe
from those things both here and
beyond the ken of man."

Seventeenth Stanza

"May life always grant you
A sunbeam to warm you,
The Disir to charm you,
So nothing can harm you,
Fair laughter to cheer you,
And faithful friends near you,
Whenever you pray,
The Vanir to hear you."