Periodic Spore

Periodic Spore, The

A recent (2007) manifestation of Malarbor was The Periodic Spore , a news blog written primarily by Malarbor (though Benkern helps with some admin stuff). The Paper was originally started after Shireroth was believed dead to preserve this iconic figure of Shireroth, however when the nation inevitably came to, this blog started to become a news paper both for Shirerithians and keeping the outside world aware of Shirerithian affairs.

The publication consisted of six issues, Oct.-Nov. 2007.

Masthead

Malarbor says: Welcome, unwitting servant, to The Periodic Spore! Finally, my roots have worked their way into some telecommunications lines and I now have the power to surf the web and, of course, start up a blog. A news blog.

Yes, the Periodic Spore is a news publication created by My Omnimalevolence to keep both your inquisitive-reader and unenlightened-slave sides filled with all the latest from across the micronational board. You thought just because Shireroth's hit the rocks you can just set me on fire and use me as a Military Banner? That you could contain Malarbor's spawn in a small bag carriable by man?! You thought wrong!

But why "Periodic Spore"? Well, aside from it being a less-than-clever play on the fact that I'm a demonic tree god, in the time it took you to read this short introduction your lungs have been corrupted with MalarSpores (Patent pending) which have filled the atmosphere around your computer terminal. Look forward to 24 hours of pain and a subsequent lifetime of following my orders!

Issue #1

Wednesday, 24 October 2007 Another Day, Another MO

Just when you thought you'd have a breather to recover from the wonderful mistake of the Grand Commonwealth, there's another "Grand Half Merger But Don't Worry We're Only Interested In Your Foreign And Military Affairs" Organisation on the prowl. It's called the Confederation of Graius- oh wait, it's called Gralus! Wow, that makes a bit more sense. I was starting to hope Graius was active on the Micran scene again - and corrupting the hearts and minds of three of the up-and-coming micronational powers in order to make them do his evil will would certainly be the way he'd burst back on the scene.

So, as I said, up-and-coming micronational powers. In my books (yes, books - my old favourite "The Joy of Cooking Babkhans" has been knocked off the best-sellers list by my new release "Giess - It's a Lie and You Know It"), this equates to a bunch of young whippersnappers running around screaming, dressed in Imperial clothes far too big for them. So yes, micronationalists doing their thing. Let's take a little look at the nations involved. There's Tokidoki (plus their dependancy, Spartistan), Novatainia and Passas. I know, I may as well have been reading the ingredients on a pack of 1-minute microwaveable noodles, but bear with me. (or face the consequences!)

Novatainia don't seem all bad, despite the fact that they have more boards than the old Shirerothian ezBoards - remember, without sub-boards. *Shudders as best a tree can* Yes, they seem to have done quite well for themselves in terms of activity and foreign affairs - Embassies include those for Oscland, NAM and Lovely. Guess which ones no longer exist! Their representatives on the MCS seem to be part of the furniture these days (I remember when I was part of the furniture - well, not literally), but they lose points for not having any Malarbor-sounding provinces or regions.

"tokidoki is the Japanese inspired lifestyle brand created in 2005 by Italian artist Simone Legno and his business partners Pooneh Mohajer and Ivan Arnold. tokidoki produces apparel and other products using art and iconic characters designed by Simone Legno." While I couldn't find anything on the Tokidoki forums about Simone Legno, I did find some great stuff on Magics of all kinds. These guys seem to be rather crazed about their Magic - they hold RecWar-style expeditions to, well, who cares. Some other magic places I guess. Importantly they claim that Daemon Trees are Immune to Fire - I can live with that. But they think we're also corrupted ents - what a joke! Come on now, that's just going over the top. So, though Tokidoki have promise, I'd say they're going a bit too far with some of their cultural stuff.

Passas - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I know I'm fire proof but that much red would set water aflame. Seriously, tone down those forum colours before we all go blind. Their level of inactivity is evidently directly proportional to the ability of their forum to cause epileptic seizures, and indeed they're in fact a "client state" of Gralus - probably a protectorate. Ah, it reminds me of good old Shireroth - the last topic to have posts in it is called "The End?" and mainly consists of people talking about the nation's death. Ah, nostalgia. So yeah - Passas isn't the greatest addition to the CoG Team, but, well, you can't blame it.

The conclusion: while some of the individual nation states may be a bit of a laugh, I don't really see Gralus becoming the new GC. Maybe the new NAM. If they're lucky they'll avoid being the new CIS. However, there is a solution - allowing me to cover all member nations with my own demonic sap could yeild some productive results, like Treenation... Treeland... Treesia?

Now, some food for thought - Tokidoki's Beastiary defines a Leprechaun as someone with a good head for a drink and an Irish accent. Last time I checked, Ardashir's hobbies include drinking Guinness and meeting up with micronationalists in Ireland. I'll let you draw your own conclusions... for once.

Issue #2

Thursday, 25 October 2007 Treithar plays the Phoenix while Non-Citizens try the same in Shireroth

Treithar. Anyone remember it? I think I can. Oh yes, its all coming back to me now. They were a grey-coloured nation (Eh? Eh? Anyone? No? Ah well) on the MCS quite a while ago, wedged between Novaya Zemlya and Shireroth - should have created an interesting mix. They were a protectorate of the Grand Commonwealth, and left the map with them, and later became a full member. And they were a stratocracy! Should have been quite fun. However, bear in mind who was in charge - Graius. Yeah, it sort of went downhill from there. But don't worry! As could be expected, my forebodings of a return to Micras by Graius are apparently to be realised.

Yes, my Sporelings have reported to me over the last 24 hours that despite the closure of MicroGov, successor state of Treithar which contraversially planned to create a working micronational state free of the trouble of foreign affairs (I know - hilarious). Though I believe the fact that MicroGov's closure thread got near enough the same activity as the micronation did in its entire existance has spurred Graius to plan a great Treithar revival. And guess what? It's on Micras. Wha-hey! Wait, having Graius disrupt all our affairs while being in charge of a potentially active military-based micronation...? Dammit, I think we got the short end of the straw. Either way keep a warey or interested eye on the lookout for Treithar.

However the whole "Phoenix from the Flame" structure of micronational activity, that is periods of activity followed by complete death followed by revival, gets boring. Really quickly. People like having something to hold onto - I've got my roots firmly embedded in this here sullied soil around me, but you humans with your flimsy minds need something to rest on and be reliant on. If a nation dies and is reborn over and over again, interest quickly disappates. Remember Audentior? And Shireroth is doing the same - except not voluntarily.

In the only active thread in Shireroth, Dutch Praetor Jonas confidently stated that Shireroth was not dying, despite my ever-present demands in "Malarbor Says", and bizzarely claimed that "Inactivity makes from Shireroth wat it is". Um... okay Jonas. Unless you follow that scentence with the word "dead", that's the least convincing argument I've ever heard. And I'm a fire-proof tree. However, Jonas isn't the worst offender here - Jacobus has decided that Jonas has declared himself Kaiser and has egged him on by getting the Cyberian Government (which one, you tell me) to recognise him and screaming about his Kaisership on the MNN. Transparent and tasteless, much unlike me.

It's all the J's this week in Shireroth as King Jeremy II of New Brittania, who has countless other titles in nations such as Babkha and Riponia, has seemingly out of the blue-ly claimed the Golden Mango Throne as Kaiser Augeore I of the new Imperial Bloodline of Bellami. How many people are going to ignore my demands before I have to gas the entire country?! This is getting ridiculous. Ah well, I'll simply invite all potential Kaisers to dinner and poison their mangoes.

Now for some advertisements: Are you bored? Easily ousted from power by Cyberians? Reasonably unknown in Shireroth? Then come on down to the Shirerithian forums and claim the Shirerithian Throne! Applicants must have a post count lower than 50 and little to no verifiable claims to the Golden Mango Throne. Contact Jacobus, 41 Frozen Heart Lane, Lac Glacei, Cyberia/Shireroth (We're in the process of moving) for reputable PR organisation.

Issue #3

Saturday, 27 October 2007 Shireroth sorts itself out?

I'm wary of Shireroth revival. Very wary. So wary in fact that you could say I'm even reasonably cautious. I'm not against Shireroth living per se - though Scott's repeated attempts to change the "Malarbor Says" did get fustrating at times - but it is widely speculated that Shireroth's time has come. But as I was exploring the MNN fora, I stumled upon a post by Graius (by Malarbor, this man does seem to worm his way into each of these articles, doesn't he?) asking Shireroth revivalists to stop and let Shireroth die with some dignity. My old, wooden nostrils creaked as they flared; death?! Dignity?! I've administered such justice to so many people over the centuries, I can tell you there is not one single ounce of dignity in death! Live with dignity - that is all. And so someone that wanted Shireroth to be left in peace has inadvertently rallied my support, and therefore the support of all you mere mortals, behind the "Live Shireroth" banner.

Congratulations!

Now I speak of Shireroth revival. As I have willed it with my approval, it has happened; Erik Metzler, the benign death-obsessed founder, Brother of Metal, has descended from On High (that is Real Life) and using his Sword of Virtue slain the demon of inactivity, united the squabbling Anti-Kaisers under his glorious banner and has put forward a series of reforms to bring Shireroth into a New Golden Age. Okay, I lie. HA, YOU MERE MORTALS BELIEVED MY EVERY WORD! MALARBOR EXERCISES HIS OMNIPOTENCE ONCE AGAIN FOR ALL TO SEE!

No, the real deal was far less romantic but followed the same basic storyline. Fake Kaiser/Throne Claimants Random Newb Jeremy/Augeore I and Praetor Jonas/Mahamantot I were busy preparing to destroy one another over nothing, with President "Faeces Stirrer" Jacobus making matters oh so much worse from the very outset of the events I describe. Then Erik, late as is his ever-popular style, showed up and explained, with many ellipses, that he wasn't dead. Immediately Jonas, being "a good, Kaiser-fearing citizen of Shireroth", gave up his claim and Jeremy, as a random non-Shirerithian, lost interest. Fun eh?

Erik sort of went weird after that and became another Kaiser, but I think that's over. However, what I am sure of is that he's suspended the Imperial Charter. Yay! Time for a couple weeks vacation to Anarchy, Letifer-styley. For those of you who are unaware of this devilishly Malarbor-esque action, this gives the Kaiser absolute, absolute power. And I mean absolute power, not that cheap absolutionist crap he has to work with with the Landsraad and that. Imagine if I were Kaiser, and you get the idea. Hmm... that's a good idea. Damn shame my "1 Free Kaisership Claim" coupon with Jacobus has expired.

Now, to end on a high note, here's a definately-not-an-advert Commercial Message from our partners in Winston Smith's Alkhivan Tobacco LTD:

Now on sale: Malarboro's Choice!

Issue #4

Wednesday, 31 October 2007 Lord of the Forums: The Return of the Mangoes

And so Ari Rahikkala, after a long and tiresome journey that began in that innocent, homely little place called the Shireroth, cast the wacked-up, mod-inflated phpBB Shirerithian forums into the flames, just as his conveniently-named ancestor Ari Rahikkala had planned to do, and as he did so the sub-boards collapsed, giving him just enough time to escape the rock and flames to hop aboard a dolphin's back and fly home...

Okay, I know that would make an awesome book, but unfortunately that was just an amusing dramatisation. I also know it was the worst copy of LotR you've ever read, with characters being mixed around the place - but THE MANGOES RETURN! Yes, finally we have our old New Post images of the great Shirerithian fruit, the juicy mango. Plus the whole place looks oh so much sweeter. The Malarbor Says box looks sleeker, too. And, as God of Forum Colours, I think it's my job to approve such things - not exactly my department, but definately way out of B'caw's league. So appreciate Ari's hard work! MALARBOR DEMANDS IT!

In other news, the citizenship list has been growing over the past few days, as old Shirerithians and newbies alike come together to rebuild Shireroth. Indeed, there are now 5 Dukes for our 4 Duchies (the Straylightians, while good with forums, are odd like that) - one of which, the Duke of Brookshire, is the Kaiser himself. In the same Decree, the Landsraad was opened again, with (relatively) long-time Praetor Jonas being reconfirmed in his position and a new voting system - in which each Duke recieves but one vote, which was until recently confined only to elections of any sort - has been touched upon, but it's basically been left for the Dukes and Praetor to work out what the new-look Landsraad for the New Old New Empire of Shireroth will look like.

That guy that's following me about held B0O0/\/\ist service, the first for a while, in the temple. The thread's still open, so come on down for the best explosion-based religious celebration simulation on the internet. And finally, our venerable Kaiser made his way to the Mapping Society he co-founded, the Micronational Cartography Society, and requested a map archive. He also questioned the Atkins Reduction, which he was unaware Shireroth had consented to. Exciting stuff? No. But it does perhaps foreshadow the long-awaited return of Shireroth to the international community. As soon as that happens, my malevolent influence can spread throughout all nations, and everyone and everything shall obey my demands!... well, at least on Micras. The GSO wouldn't really be worth the effort.

Issue #5

Thursday, 8 November 2007 Shireroth prospers, as activity demands

Ahhhhhhhhh! Shireroth is... active! There are... numerous citizens! Dukes a-plenty! And by me, there's even discussion in the Landsraad! You know, its times like this that I wished I had a heart, that I might be able to joke about having a heart attack. Alright... let's get through this calmly, sensibly, with a cool trunk. The news isn't so mindblowing that- oh heck, listen up! Now! Malarbor demands it!

First off, Shyriath's sister, Luxi, has posted an immigration form in the recently re-named Ministry of Immigration and Naturalization, to the joy of all. Signs that Maryland has in fact not been blown to smithereens by My Infinite Tree-Warrior Host after Shyriath disappeared is disappointing but seems to have worked out well. In fact, after Luxi revealed a cryptic clue with regards to "a form of his real name... that he doesn't appreciate a whole heck of a lot", Shyriath himself showed up and posted a bit about some stuff about whats going on in his life and his plans regarding Shireroth. Seemingly he has been drawn back. Bwa ha ha ha! None can escape the All-Consuming, All-Interesting Imperial Republic! Yet another crushing victory over the hearts of men! Now I just have to hope they don't call B'caw on me. Ugh, can't stand that spicy stuff.

The Landsraad isn't the only active part of the legislature in active Shireroth - the Front Gate is getting quite a few posts, too. Across the two boards, there are many proposals being discussed or voted upon, most prominently an upheaval of the Feudal System, an upheaval of the Ministries in association with the Kaiser's Decree, an upheaval of the Wiki involving it replacing the website (in accordance with the fact that Micronation.Net's "MicroWiki II" has replaced ShireWiki as the main micronational wikipedia in recent months), and an upheaval of the Lawbook (System Reboot). It's a barbaric abuse of the Landsraad's potential to be *shudder* an active institution of Shireroth, but hey, it seems to be working so far.

Please welcome, my good slaves, Ari Rahikkala to the position of MiniEx. Possible nations to be annexed/have offers of relations extended to include New Brittania and Gralus, while nations we have signed treaties with but were too inactive to say Hi to - for example the Dutch nation of Batavië, and Cyberia (please, don't ask me which, I might be banned from the MNN) - are to be visited and brought closer to Shireroth. Despite all that, Ari has stated he has no clear objectives as MiniEx. Though perhaps we'll have a few more Ministers soonishly - a full Landsraad, every Ducal seat filled, now the Ministers would complete the set.

Shireroth has certainly become much more active. This article was but a mere peek into the wonderful world of Shirerithian affairs; before, you may have expected every little off-topic thread to have been linked to, analysed in depth, and rated out of 10. Unfortunately Shireroth has outgrown this news blog. The Spore will always continue to bring the latest and greatest news of Shireroth to your attention, but if you want to know the full story, the forum is the best place to go. Visit now, and see what I have missed/chosen to miss! MALARBOR DEMANDS IT!

Issue #6

Sunday, 18 November 2007 Moms, Militias, Maps and Melangia

Inactivity... will we ever have to worry about this again in Shireroth? Well, *I* won't in any event, because if Shireroth dies I get to exercise my carrion tendencies - but I'm sure some of you pathetic mortals may take offence if I start eating your nation. The Ministry of Immigration And Naturalization is still nice and busy, with new guys joining up and more old friends poking their heads in - welcome back Hypatia's Mom (who incidently now holds her old position of Minister of Immigration and Naturalization from the looks of things).

One of the newer newbies, Maksym Hadjimehmetov - apparently a former citizen of Matbaa, and its founder - has instigated interest in the revival of the MoMA, which is now manifested in His Niftness' reform ideas for the Shirerithian Military. If you're interested in dying gloriously at the hands of a crazy CO, or expanding the Shirerithian borders in the more Babkhan method of military occupation rather than the Babkhan approach of political intrigue and intimidation, then head on down to the Ministry and held build up a new and better way of beating or blowing the heck out of any of the Imperial Republic's enemies. Those with B0O0/\/\ist experience preferred.

New map of Shireroth! First for a long time, and produced by the Kaiser - another first for a long time. And there's also been some activity within the individual subdivisions recently, the first half of which revolves around the attempt (and indeed on-going attempts) to change the name of the County of Lesser Zjandaria to Ardashire amongst other things. The other half is disputes over land which, as one could guess, sprout from Yardistan - the Barony of Vorpmadal was moved to Brookshire due to its land holdings, but this was met with some opposition as Benkern made a "moving" post about what Yardistan means to him and all other sorts of lies. It'll be a dark day for Shireroth if Yardistan means anything but nutsness to anyone! This seems to have been resolved, with the geographic holdings being given to Brookshire but the Barony itself remained landless as part of Yardistan. However, watch out about Melangia - could be some trouble there, as Benkern's still poo-stirring on behalf of his Yardistani comrades.

That's about it. Oh - Ari's taken to his position of MiniEx quite well, and he is currently following along with the Kaiser a course of "Drunk Diplomacy". Relations are being opened with Gralus, Antica (again), and Matbaa from the looks of things. Annexations ahoy, methinks! Keep your eyes on the forums, you never know when a storm will come or something. Be prepared! MALARBOR DEMANDS IT!