Imperial Visit to Kildare...

[Kaiser Mors V]

Kaiser Mors V sits reading some random paperwork while he rides in his big black carriage down a street in Kildare's capital city; surrounded by guards outside, courtesans inside, and various other officials and people of courtly note. The kaiser bored to death by the mindless trappings of state gazes out the window of his carriage, how he missed his life before he took the throne at times. Back when he could just wander the countryside at his leisure. Back when he could just hop onto a horse and go... Whether it was a horse of steel or one of flesh didn't matter. Just the feel of the ground beneath him, the wind in his hair, the dusty air in his nostrils. Those were the days. But he had a duty to fill, and a man to kill. Now here he was, Kaiser of an Empire just barely recovering from the edge of collapse. A million responsibilities, and duties to fulfill. So many looking to him for guidance and wisdom.

Since he relieved the old ministers and suspended the Charter, even more duties fell to him directly, with no one else to do them. Every ministry personally overseen by him. Every little detail... It was more then this man could bare at times. And the absolute power granted to him without a charter to hold reign over him. Power unknown to his predecessors for several generations.

Mors sighed longingly as these thoughts plagued him, and he looked at those that shared his carriage.. not a one of them could he tell these things to. Nothing but sycophants...the lot of them. None he could call friend...

The carriage came to a halt outside a fancy building and a man-servant opened the carriage for the Kaiser to exit. Doing so he looked about... then turned to the servant.

"Where the hell am I again?"

"St. Kildare m'lord. Capital of the Duchy of Kildare."

"Oh yes. They renamed the place. I knew that..."

"Of course you did sire-"

"Oh shut up! You know I didn't so why do you insult me and say I did?!?! Everyday people tell me I'm right when I'm wrong, do whatever I want. Yes, Sire. As you like Sire... You are always right sire. Well shut the hell up! Even I'm wrong some times! So bloody well tell me when I am got it boy!?!"

The servant looked at the guards near the kaiser that were beginning to close in on him, and at the kaiser who's anger he had apparently just unleashed. A man named for the god of death was not a man to anger, especially when he could have you slain on the spot with a gesture... The kaiser was staring at him, hand on his sword; the mighty Sword of Vengeance itself. Figuring his life was already forfeit, the poor servant decided to make the most of the last few moments he had.

"Fine. You know what? You're right....about being wrong. You didn't remember they renamed it, you didn't even know till someone told you. You weren't even paying attention to what happened here. And what's more...SIIIRE... I'm not a boy... I'm 26 years of age. I stopped being a BOY long ago. And I don't care who you are.. you shouldn't treat me so badly. While I may be willing to die for you.. doesn't mean I want to be yelled at by you!"

The kaiser blinked at the servant. The guards closed in even closer, ready to pounce, anger and bloodlust in their eyes. Well, at least he was going out with a bang the man thought. Then...cold resolution of his fate turned into utter confusion and even fear as the kaiser began to laugh, a deep and ominous laugh, from the bottom of his very being, almost evil in it's grandeur.

"You think I'm about to have you killed don't you, for your insolence?"

"iii...I....II....yes." He sighed.

"No.. I have a better idea....something far better for you then death.. something.. more amusing...to me at least.. something... FFAAAAR more insidious!" The Kaiser laughed...

The man envisioned torture chambers.. floggings.. whippings.. disembowelment.. vivisection... and other horrible fate.. tongue ripped out.. eyes plucked out...

"You want to know what I have planned for ...YOU?"

The man just stood there silent...

"You.... are to be my personal aid for the rest of my trip here. You will come with me to all official functions and assist me. Remind me of those things I forget, tell me when I screw up. Then when this is all over... assuming you don't make me kill you. " He smiled playfully " ...When this is all over and we return to Brookshire... ...well.. I'm not sure what I'll do.. but I'm sure you'll not complain to much... Perhaps a small manner somewhere..."

The kaiser's new personal aide just stood there, dumbfounded. The guards backed off and stopped watching him.

"thhhhank... yooooou Sire. Thank you. I shall not disappoint you!"

"You better not! Now, Someone get this guy the right attire for his new position. And when that's done, let us go see how the Duke of Kildare is doing."

When all was ready, the Kaiser began his unannounced visit upon the Duke of Kildare.

[Jonas]

An unanounced visit to the Duke? My Ducal Palace is a mess!
Wait, Have I a Ducal Palace?

Ehmm, Your Niftiniss, I must tell you something about our capital's name.
We had decided to rename Blackrock Nua into St. Kildare, but a few minutes after it it was decided (under international pressure) that we recalled it Blackroch Nua.

Ow, I will get killed for saying this...

[Kaiser Mors V]

Really... Wow... Guess that news was still in my mail heap to be sorted still... *looks at aide..* "Have that looked into... "

So.. anything else of interest going on here? Everything going all right? Any problems, questions? Concerns?

[Jonas]

Maybe I need some money for a Palace... ehm, developping the Duchy

[Kaiser Mors V]

Raise taxes?

There is a banking system in the works... I'm sure we could get taxes incorporated into it...

[Jonas]

My peasants... ehhmm, my nice people will work and pay taxes...

[hypatias mom]

My Lord Duke-

His Imperial Niftiness is reinstituting our national currency, the erb. This is what will be received in your ducal coffers from your barons, counts, and peasants. I'm sure you will have plenty to build a fine new ducal palace. I only wonder what you plan to do with the fine, old one built by Dutch Griffon the Pure, which was the seat of power for himself and his Dutchess, Hypatia Agnesi.

[Kaiser Mors V]

wow.. that was a while ago...

[Jonas]

My Lord Duke-

His Imperial Niftiness is reinstituting our national currency, the erb. This is what will be received in your ducal coffers from your barons, counts, and peasants. I'm sure you will have plenty to build a fine new ducal palace. I only wonder what you plan to do with the fine, old one built by Dutch Griffon the Pure, which was the seat of power for himself and his Dutchess, Hypatia Agnesi.

The fine?
If you mean the old palace...
How do you call buildings that are empty? Museums?

[hypatias mom]

That's only if their magnificence is maintained for public viewing. If just empty and allowed to sit with no upkeep or care, it soon can become a ruin.

[Jonas]

That's only if their magnificence is maintained for public viewing. If just empty and allowed to sit with no upkeep or care, it soon can become a ruin.

Excellent

Ehhmm, ow what a disaster should that be!

[Kaiser Mors V]

I like ruins...

[Nick Foghorn Leghorn]

That's excellent, sire! Then I'm sure you'll love what I have in mind!

I'd like to go steal the County of Yardistan by force, but I'm light a few troops. Do you think I can have a few, just for a week or so?

[hypatias mom]

My Lord Duke--

There seems to be some deception going on here. While our esteemed Kaiser is here on his royal visit, he just called for the invasion of Kildare. I have alerted the forces at Port Nevermore and called up my militia, but I think it important to advise you to speak with His Niftiness and see what his real intentions are. We may have to call in reinforcements.

[hypatias mom]

Duke Jonas:

You should be informed that while you have been entertaining our dear Kaiser, he has attacked Port Nevermore with his Monte Crisco paratroopers. We were able to intercept his order, though, and have captured them all and put them in the brig. I believe you need to have a serious talk with His Majesty, under whose protection we are supposed to be. Please find out his intentions toward us as a Duchy, and toward my Barony in particular. Let me know if he still is our protector, or whether he has become a ruthless aggressor. I have a lot of hot-blooded Scots warriors at my disposal, who are used to dealing with tyrants. My family has done so for centuries.

[Jonas]

You're right!

Your Niftiniss, to solve this peacefully: I have bought some nuclear weapons from the black market

[Kaiser Mors V]

Really? Cool! Can I have them... I'm sure my troops where just sight seeing.. you know.. from several thousand feet...

[Jonas]

Really? Cool! Can I have them... I'm sure my troops where just sight seeing.. you know.. from several thousand feet...

Mom would not be happy if I sell them... can you pay in euros?

[Kaiser Mors V]

sadly.. just EURrb...