The State of the Realm

[Kaiser Nicodemus I]

Subjects:

It is indeed saddening to return to Our domains after Our long absence to see Our realm in such terrible disarray! Huge portions of the Empire are breaking off, and some of them have even joined with those dastardly Anticans! Who knows what fate might befall them in the clutches of that villainous Republic.

Well, the only emotion We espouse for our Subjects is sadness. Regret. Perhaps if We had been permitted just one day--just one more precious day!--upon the Golden Mango Throne, such peril and disaster would not have befallen Our belov'd Imperial Republic. Alas, Our subjects--no doubt forced into their folly by powers of much greater moment than themselves--drove Us from our Gods-given seat. Yet we feel no anger, no bitterness toward them. We feel no pity, either--Our subjects, including my very bitter predecessor, Meskan, brought all their misfortunes upon themselves. What wonders We might have worked if We had been permitted to sit on the Throne! If We had had cooperation! Alas! Alas! Alassssssssssssssss!

By Our Most Sovereign and Royal and Uncalloused Hand,

At Our Most Lovely and Well-Scrubbed CAPITAL, SHIREKEEP,

Where many a garden blooms among the flagstones and many a peafowl strides with majestical grace,

NICODEMUS I, IMPERATOR EMERITUS SHIRITHIMUS

[CJ Miller]

IMPERATOR EMERITUS SIRITHIÆ.

That is your Latin lesson of the week.

[Kaiser Nicodemus I]

Kindly Peasantperson Miller:

We do thank thee for thy most erudite Lesson in the Language of the Latins. We are doubly delighted to see that thou hast left behind the most ignoble Republic of the Anticans!

Being that thou art a Miller, We do require 500 sacks of meal for the Imperial Larder, that we might advaunce to the Castle Age.

[Kaiser Loki II]

My Imperial Brother Across the Years,

Hey, my realm is picking itself up nicely. Those who don't like Shireroth much at the moment have gone off to other countries for a while and stomp and scream, hey, its a tradition. I did myself. We all come home eventually, one way or another.

Shireroth sumus. Tempus in parte nostrum est. That says it. The Empire will survive. Maybe some of the refugees are really deep cover agents, and those dastardly Anticans will wake up one day in a restored Duchy. Maybe Lovely or Ocia will make a comeback and overrun the planet?

The gods only know, and they only tell us a little.

We do know Brother, that the Final Battle between Goodness and Very Much Badness will be fought before the gates of Shirekeep. And we will both be there, as comrades!

Until we raise our swords together along with all of the Kaisers of Shireoth before us, between us and after us against the hordes of Balgurd, I wish you well, my Imperial brother!

Kaiser of Shireroth, 3119–3127

[Daniel Farewell]

Somebody fetch Hasan!

[Kaiser Nicodemus I]

Most Trusty Loki:

Alas, if only I were counted as a legitimate Kaiser, instead of merely an Anti-Kaiser! I never felt the joy of holding the Sword of Destiny in mine hand; I doubt the cardboard weaponry with which the Shirithian folk fought in my time would be of much avail against the forces of Balgurd! Such was the emptiness of the coffers, then, that we could not forge weapons of wood, let alone steel--our armor and weapons turned to smelly mush whene'er rain fell upon a battlefield!

I do wish thee the best of all things, O Loki! Let us all hope Shireroth revives itself from these dire straits--otherwise, we might all be forced to go, coronet-in-hand, to those vile herders of sheep and fishers of fish, the Anticans! O what terror! What revulsion!

[Kaiser Loki II]

Somebody fetch Hasan!

Yes, Wise One, for he will be among the mightiest fighters of us all!

And, yes Brother Nicodemus, you will be among us. I was not technically a Kaiser either, and fought only with the Sword of Madness. But we both sat upon the Golden Mango Throne, and our words were law, at least for a time. So we will be there!

It is our moral force of Goodnesses that will defeat the Badness, and your Goodness is as Good as mine!

[CJ Miller]

Most Trusty Loki:

Alas, if only I were counted as a legitimate Kaiser, instead of merely an Anti-Kaiser! I never felt the joy of holding the Sword of Destiny in mine hand; I doubt the cardboard weaponry with which the Shirithian folk fought in my time would be of much avail against the forces of Balgurd! Such was the emptiness of the coffers, then, that we could not forge weapons of wood, let alone steel--our armor and weapons turned to smelly mush whene'er rain fell upon a battlefield!

I do wish thee the best of all things, O Loki! Let us all hope Shireroth revives itself from these dire straits--otherwise, we might all be forced to go, coronet-in-hand, to those vile herders of sheep and fishers of fish, the Anticans! O what terror! What revulsion!

Your Former Niftiness:

Do you forget that you are indeed a legitimate Kaiser, as you are listed on the Roll of Kaisers? Indeed, the only Anti-Kaiser is His Former Quasi-Niftiness Loki II.

[Jonas]

If this is an anti-Kaiser then he should be very, very, very, very old (in ASC-years).

[Daniel Farewell]

O diluted Niftiness,

Ayreon, your nemesis, made you kaiser the hour before his suicide

[Jacobus Loki]

The historian notes-

Loki II was a sort of AntiKaiser who slid by. Loki III was an bona fide Kaiser with no shadow on his reign.

So Loki II is a rough analog to poor Nicodemus.

[Daniel Farewell]

All these ordinals. I'm glad Ayreon scrapped his!

[Jacobus Loki]

Yes, he was wise, sad, kind and unique.

[Erik Mortis]

Sword of Destiny? Right... proof that you have no claim.. you don't even know the name of the sword...

[Jacobus Loki]

Maybe ghosts don't read wikis?