I have a dilemma.

[Gman Russell]

I have an old friend whom I grew up with, but we grew apart and didn't talk for a longish time (years). Well, he ends up getting a tumor and becomes housebound. It is now in remission, but he is still very limited. He is lonely and wants to hang out with me again, but we grew apart, and now he kind of grates me. What should I do?


(please, serious posts only.)

[hypatias mom]

Greg--

I have been in the exact position of your former friend, and am now in your position with my best friend. She doesn't grate me, but I am so frightened for her it is difficult to talk with her on a regular basis. I find that spending some but not an unlimited amount of time would be a kindness and would be greatly appreciated. But if being around him is annoying, you might remember that this person has been through a lot and might be more self-absorbed and different than he might have been when he was in perfect health. Illnessess can strengthen empathy and character, or make one more selfish and demanding, or even a combination of both. Recognize that this is a typical situation and make allowances for his personality quirks, if you can. Remember, this was a long-time friend. You might remember the things you used to enjoy and try to discuss or do those things. Even playing cards or video games can be a great distaction from problem personalities. Good luck finding a happy medium in this situation.