Scott's Utah Adventure, or, Attack of 8 Foot Talking Jesus!

[Scott Alexander]

So, I just got back from Utah, and man is it a happening place.Without a doubt my most interesting experience was the Mormon temple there, which my grandparents and I went to on the theory that if something has a visitor's center, one ought to visit it. It turned out to be a trick in which they get you there and they make you sit through all sorts of presentations until you agree to convert to Mormonism (I myself managed to escape by agreeing to let them send me the Book of Mormon and making it sound like I was honestly interested in it). One of the presentations though, and this is one of the highlights of my life, was given by an eight-foot tall talking statue of Jesus, who said such theologically complex statements as "I died for your sins" and ended with a heartfelt plea for me to convert to Mormonism so He could save me. If any of you have an opportunity to visit a Mormon temple (technically the visitor center to the temple, as they won't allow infidels like us in the temple itself) I highly recommend it. Be sure to ask for the video on how Jesus came to America after his crucifixion.Among the other attractions in Utah are the rocks. Utah has among the largest quantities of rocks of any state I have been in, and all of them are dull reddish-brown. My favorite rocks were probably a big gorge my grandparents and I drove through, although I had to listen to awful puns about how it was "gorge"ous.On the upside, all that time doing nothing gave me a chance to think, and the fact that much of that time was in the middle of a desert at noon without any water guaranteed that my thoughts were somewhere in the borderlands between rational speculation and bizarre hallucinatory ravings. Thus, I have come up with a Secret Evil Plan. Eoin, I'd like to get into contact with you sometime so we can discuss this. If I can't find you on AIM by Sunday I'll proly just email you. Edited by: Scott Siskind  at: 1/13/04 7:56 pm

[Zirandorthel]

What the heck are Mormons? I thought they were on the lines of Jehovah's Witness on the Christian-Cult-Alert Scale, but they sound absolutely crazy.Utah sounds funky, alright. I'll be on about 10 my time tonight, see you then, hopefully. Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Scott Alexander]

Alas, I was unable to make it. We will talk soon enough, though. "I am a verb" - Buckminster Fuller

[Zirandorthel]

So are your grandparents Utahian? Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Scott Alexander]

Nah...they just moved there a few months ago from Missouri...to which they moved from California...to which they moved from New York. Now they live in St. George, which is a really pretty city in the south of the state conveniently located at an equally far distance from pretty much everything. "I am a verb" - Buckminster Fuller

[Kaiser Mors III]

Did you see Moab Utah? It's a town!.. My Aunt is the City Planner/manager type person though.... I MIGHT go work there this summer.. for the City... Oh gods.. me working for the government! 1 step closer... Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Zirandorthel]

You're kidding, right? Do you think George W. Bush ever did any community work, or his father, before either of them became President? No, they worked in big business, and sailed along until they had their noble titles bestowed upon them by the "public vote". Civil servants do not, 98% of the time, become political leaders.Not to shatter you dream/nightmare, Erik, just a bit of bitterness. Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Kaiser Mors III]

I'de be working... anyhoo.. I just pray... if I did... that we don't have Bush again. Maybe someone will shoot him or something.. not that I advocate it, or support it or in anyway plan to anything of that effect... Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Zirandorthel]

B-b-but Erik, you gave me all this money, and this rifle. If I can count on your patronage, surely I can count on your support?! Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Kaiser Mors III]

shhh.. Don't say things like that.. or the Shrubs forces will come and take me away, put me on trial without lawyer and execute me without telling ANYONE about any of it... Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Zirandorthel]

Thank God I live in Ireland, land of free-*Eoin is cut off by a loud banging on his door*Garda: Oscail an doras! Seo é na nGardai??Eoin: Ach, a t-uasal, nior rinne mé aon rud!!Garda: Cinnte? Agus cad faoi an "ve-hih-cle" os comhair do theach?Eoin: Oh, sin? Níl sé mo charr, Is le mo theachta dala é. Anois, teigh agus cnag ar a dhoras.Garda: Oh, go raibh maith agat, slán.Eoin: Slán.*door slams*Eoin: Bud... Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Kaiser Mors III]

Translation? Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Zirandorthel]

Oh yes, sorry, got a little carried away. I think I was originally going to post a translation too...Garda: Open this door! This is the Gardai(??, for whatever reason)Eoin: But, sir, I never did anything!Garda: Really? And what about this ve-hih-cle in front of your house?Eoin: Oh, that? That's not my car, that's...ummm, my TDs car. Go and knock on his door.Garda: Oh, thanks, bye.Eoin: Bye.*slams door*Eoin: .Gardai all say veh-hih-cle, because of the weird training school they all go too, they all come away with these weird cultchee accents. Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Kaiser Mors III]

Who are the Gardie.. and what is a TD? Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Zirandorthel]

The Gardai are the Gardai Siochana, the police force of our Emerald Isle.A TD is a Teachta Dala, or a Member of Parliament. The title is Deputy, so Deputy Erik Metzler, or alternatively it's Erik Metzler, TD, which is cool, cos it makes you sound as if you're qualified. Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Kaiser Mors III]

Amusing.. Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Zirandorthel]

Gardai Siochana means, literally, Guardians of Peace. Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Kaiser Mors III]

I see.... Sounds kinda... corny.. Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Zirandorthel]

They don't have guns either. They used to, but then someone saw the sense in taking them away. Hell, ever armed operation the gardai mount ends up in one of them getting shot anyway, usually in friendly fire from the military operation that they weren't informed was converging on the exact same spot.Corny? What about "Protect and Serve"? At least we drape our overly-tall gardai in bright yellow jackets to distinguish them from normal people. Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Kaiser Mors III]

Why do you thnk they are called "Boys in Blue" sometimes... Unless they are Plain Cloths... in which case they blend in... which is for a reason.. Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Mattlore Devious]

We got a Morman Church down the road...

[For Her Light]

One of my friends was a Mormon. Emphasize the "was" there because she totally rejected that religion along with every other sect of Christianity and also every other organized religion on the planet. And so we lay,We lay in the same grave,Our chemical wedding day...

[Sir Iain de Vembria]

Good for her. His Excellency the Grand Chancellor of the United Baronies

[Kaiser Mors III]

I like being an athiest... Tiss fun.. Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth