Fucking, fucking angst

[Daniel Farewell]

So I'm here in the kitchen... With my computer... Alone.

It's almost exactly three years since I almost died by my own hand. I fucking took overdose, fucking Ric!! I just... did it, without thinking... unplanned, just did it, fucken fucken, bitching head forced me to it. I regret it with all my heart. And my soul. MAMMA, PAPPA... ÄLSKADE BROR

And now, all memories coem back, fucken fucken fucken idiot. I am. Nightmare. Was almost dead, I could have died. I was unconcious for almost a week, in coma. No memories.

Mamma, pappa, se så stor jag är. I hate this anxiety. It can make me do anything. So in February I did it again. Not so, luckily, dangerous as the last time. I ate some coal and it was fine.

ANyway, I can't breathe. My heart is aching. My vision is blurring. I'm gonna pass out soon. Don't be worried if I leave you for a while.

[Daniel Farewell]

I wonder what I wanna say... Just wanna write soemthing, sort my thoughts out. I mgiht delete this soon anyway. But you're my friends, you understand. I've known you for ages.

I love you guys.

[Daniel Farewell]

I DON'T WANT TO DO SOEMTHING AGIIN.

Eeeeee... Mamma, pappa... help me. OK. I'm gonna write here for all night. Just to keep myself occupied. I will not do soemthing bad.

I will nto go to hospital. I HATE THE FUCKING HOSPITAL

[Daniel Farewell]

Hm. A poem. I should recite poems.

[Daniel Farewell]

OUT OF THE NIGHT THAT COVERS ME,
BLACK AS THE PIT FROM POLE TO POLE,
I THANK WHATEVER GODS MAY BE
FOR MY UNCONQUERABLE SOUL.

IN THE FELL CLUTCH OF CIRCUMSTANCE
I HAVE NOT WINCED NOR CRIED ALOUD.
UNDER THE BLUDGEONINGS OF CHANCE
MY HEAD IS BLOODY, BUT UNBOWED.

BEYOND THIS PLACE OF WRATH AND TEARS
LOOMS BUT THE HORROR OF THE SHADE,
AND YET THE MENACE OF THE YEARS
FINDS AND SHALL FIND ME UNAFRAID.

IT MATTERS NOT HOW STRAIT THE GATE,
HOW CHARGED WITH PUNISHMENTS THE SCROLL,
I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE:
I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL.

[Daniel Farewell]

I am the master of my fate! Remember that. I am the captain of my soul. I will not succumb to evil.

[Daniel Farewell]

Härlig är jorden. Härlig är Guds himmel. Skön är lallala pilgrimsssång. Genom de fagra riken på jorden gå vi till paradis med sång.

[Daniel Farewell]

*SINGS*

MISTER MUSCLE FORCING BURSTING
STINGY THINGY INTO LITTLE ME, ME, ME
BUT JUST ”RIPPLE” SAID THE CRIPPLE
AS MY JAW DROPPED TO THE GROUND
SMILE SMILE

IT’S TRUE I ALWAYS WANTED LOVE TO BE
HURTFUL
AND IT’S TRUE I ALWAYS WANTED LOVE TO BE
FILLED WITH PAIN
AND BRUISES

YES, SO CRIPPLE-PIG WAS HAPPY
SCREAMED “I JUST COMPELETELY LOVE YOU!
AND THERE’S NO RHYME OR REASON
I’M CHANGING LIKE THE SEASONS
WATCH! I’LL EVEN CUT OFF MY FINGER
IT WILL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH!
IT WILL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH!
IT WILL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH!”

MISTER MUSCLE, GAZING BOREDLY
AND HE CHECKING TIME DID PUNCH ME
AND I SIGHED AND BLEEDED LIKE A WINDFALL
HAPPY BLEEDY, HAPPY BRUISY

I AM VERY HAPPY
SO PLEASE HIT ME
I AM VERY HAPPY
SO PLEASE HURT ME

I AM VERY HAPPY
SO PLEASE HIT ME
I AM VERY VERY HAPPY
SO COME ON HURT ME

I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH

I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
LIKE A STARFISH…

[Daniel Farewell]

i cant breathe

[Daniel Farewell]

So I tried to throw up. Not a good idea. Just upset my stomak even more.

... need to breathe... need to relax...

*looks at my crisis list*

[Harvey Steffke]

This whole thread doesn't bode well.

You okay there chap?

[Daniel Farewell]

Not really, no :/

Sorry for bringing this up. I just need someone to listen. To me... To show me... I need a hug. A hug.

[Harvey Steffke]

*hugs*

All I can offer at the moment, I'm afraid. You hang tight there. Lotta people on the other side of the interwebs like you and are looking out for you.

[Daniel Farewell]

Thanks man... Thanks

Relax... don't do it...

[Daniel Farewell]

Mantra mantra mantra

Gud som haver barnen kär
Se till mig som liten är
Vart jag mig i världen vänder
Står min lycka i Guds händer!

Lyckan kommer, lyckan går
Du förbliver Fader vår.

[Daniel Farewell]

Ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc et in hora mortis nostrae.

[Daniel Farewell]

I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish.

Shaky shaky shaky...

VIK HÄDAN SATAN!

[Daniel Farewell]

Rikkard ranka stod på en planka,
ropade så här:

Mamma! Pappa! Se så stor jag är!

Jag kan klara mig själv! Jag kan klara mig själv!

[Daniel Farewell]

Six AM.

I'm shaking. I can't breathe. Death, death death death all aroudn me. Thoughts killing me. I need to relax. I need to relax, fantasize, dream... relax, sing, relax, breathe, breathe...

[Daniel Farewell]

Mother, I'm tired, let me sleep.

[Daniel Farewell]

Mamma... pappa... bror... älskade bror.

Förlåt.

Inte leka med kniven. Inte leka med kniven.

[Daniel Farewell]

EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO.

Emo.

[Daniel Farewell]

Vade in retro me, Satana.

[Daniel Farewell]

STEP BACK!

[Daniel Farewell]

Six o six. AM.

Six minutes. I'm still alive.

[Daniel Farewell]

I will stay alive.

[Daniel Farewell]

JÄVLA PISSHELVETES JÄVLA SKITKUKFANFITTA

Played with a knife. STUPID: WHY;:

[Daniel Farewell]

SIx 11.

Still here.

[Daniel Farewell]

Its gonna be a long day.

[Daniel Farewell]

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