Thank you for arriving on such short notice. As the rulers of the three remaining European powers, it is imperative that we come together here, in the neutral city of Vienna, to determine the outcome of the struggle that has plagued our continent for the past five years.
I would have very much enjoyed showing you all the pluck of our valiant English Tommies. Alas, the countries that could have made such a war interesting are a lot of bloody quitters. If we continued fighting, the war would be (and it goes against every British bone in my body to say this) pretty boring.
The Queen is prepared to divide control of Greater Europe with Turkey along a north-south line passing through the city of Vienna. They may have Russia south of St. Petersburg, and we get Scandinavia and the north coast. Italy may remain independent and get Venice back, if it renounces all rights to its French and Iberian territories. Italy will also receive full colonial mandate to North and West Africa, and Turkey to East Africa and West Asia. India and the Far East will be ours by right, and we will also set about rectifying our mistake in allowing independence to our American colonies.
Finally, I propose the creation of a great League of Nations here in Vienna, with representatives from all civilized countries, to guard the peace we create today, and to ensure that Europe will never be plunged into war again.
Yours,
Duke Scott of Thrapstonwickshire-on-Fleem
Prime Minister of Great Britain
