An Unremarkable Visit

[The Mysterious Stranger]

A totally unremarkable visitor hopped off at the airport at Eliria. He was carrying a briefcase and wearing a hat. He had no other luggage. He made his way quickly outside, then turned his face towards Nordland. He hailed a taxi, and there was the flash of money changing hands. Then he hopped in, and the driver turned off the 'Available' sign and began to drive away. His passenger settled into the seat. He wondered how easy this visit would be.

[Aurangzeb Khan]

Unfortunately what the Unremarkable Stranger had failed to take account of was the fact that the Gentlemen-Cudgellers, who are sometimes found at the gates of Eliria, kept a keen and vigilant eye out for taxis with paying fares. A man who can pay a fare, it has been sagely noted, can surely stand paying an on the spot fine in lieu of receiving a cudgelling.

A cudgeller, waving his dreaded implement as a directional baton, flagged the taxi down to a idling halt, and then proceeded to gently tap the bonnet of the car with said implement as he walked nonchalantly along towards the rear passenger door. As for the driver, the cudgeller paid no heed, for his colleague was covering the cab with a decidedly non-regulation pistol aimed squarely at the driver's forehead. Standard operating procedure for stop and search operations apparently.

A tap of the polished iron tipped cudgel against the window was enough to induce the reluctant stranger to lower it.

"A good evening to you Sir. What a fine evening it is too - if I might say. Cudgeller Cadwal at your service sir. I have the pleasure of being your Cudgeller for tonight. Now if I could get the preliminaries out of the way, if you could be so good as to hand me your papers, we can begin. Travelling alone Sir? Business or pleasure might I ask?"

[Gman Russell]

( )

[The Mysterious Stranger]

"A spot of business, Mr Cadawal," the stranger replied, taking a passport out of his pocket and handing it to the Cudgeller. As the Cudgeller began to inspect it, the stranger continued chatting. "My client is considering opening a lamb based food outlet, and heard a tip that Elwynn would be a good place to start it. I'm here to check out if that is true."
"Perhaps," the Cudgeller replied, looking at the passport, and searching for a means by which it could be considered not up to scratch, and able to be pressed for money.

[Aurangzeb Khan]

"Perhaps sir. They are a bit sensitive about the whole sheep business up in Nordland - in fact I think they worship the damned things, you'd be best advised to avoid trying to purchase or sell lamb anywhere Baron Dine might be able to get his hands on you... Eliria might be a better bet, the local Babkhans love mutton with couscous. Most of the sheep however are in Nordland where they are a protected species, so getting them into Eliria where they are considered a food group rather than ones intellectual equals might be difficult and require a, shall we say, entrepreneurial spirit."

"Quite." Was the Stranger's non-committal reply.

Cadwal however wasn't especially listening as he was very disappointed - the passport was a shiny, glossy, professionally done piece of work. The embossed cover alone would have been enough to convince a less profit motivated Cudgeller to wave the inconspicuous gentleman on his way. Brother Cadwal however was made of sterner stuff and needed to supplement his income. So he fell back on an old expedient.

"Administrative fee of ten erb, fee for issuance of a receipt for payment of administrative fee is five erb, cudgelling waiver fee twenty erb... Thirty-five erb in total then. Payable by cash, cheque or clinking gold coins."

The Stranger sighed disappointedly and made as though he were searching for his wallet.

It would be an adequate sum but not the rich pay-off that Cadwal had been hoping for. Then he had a flash of inspiration and hit upon a new conceit, dimly half-remembering some paranoid new order issued by the Khan.

"Well this seems reasonably in order sir but there is one minor point, what was the issuing authority for your passport? Not the Imperium Incognito by any chance? Rum lot they are sir, hear all sorts of rumours about them, controlling the media, moving closer to Treesia, trying to revive the Grand Commonwealth - truly frightening stuff. I hope your passport is from elsewhere sir, as otherwise I'm afraid I'm going to have to refund your fees, and serve this here Writ of Cudgelling issued by the Khan."

[The Mysterious Stranger]

“Good Mr Cadawal,” the stranger said warmly, “you have already inspected my passport and know that I am not from the Imperium. But please, it is starting to get cold outside and I’m sure two enterprising gentleman like you would rather see the inside of a tavern than standing in the cold out here inspecting harmless businessmen. So hopefully this will resolve all the administrative issues.” He handed over a folded piece of paper, inside of which were two 29 erb notes. He leaned closer, and began to whisper, and the Cudgeller leaned closer with him. “And between you and me, in thanks for allowing me to depart so promptly, buy yourself another one on my behalf. No need to tell your trigger happy friend, eh?” And he pressed into the Cudgeller’s eager hands a further two 5 erb notes.

[Aurangzeb Khan]

"A truth be told sir. One look at you and I was saying to myself straight away now this gent here he has the look of being as sound as a 29 erb note. Just like what my mother used to say." Discretely, Cadwal took the proffered notes and folded them in a single motion that somehow also placed them snug inside his jacket at the same time.

"Ere! Cadwal!"

It was the voice of his colleague, the Gentlemen-Cudgeller with the outsized pistol. With a weary groan Cadwal straightened up his back and looked across to where his brother cudgeller was hailing him from. Forgetting himself he also broke into his native Elirian vernacular.

"What the fuck's your problem Elafrac? Can't you see I'm busy yakking to this geezer ere?"

"Stuff yer cozening yer daft git. The Gaffer's just called. All Balgard's breaking loose down in Shirekeep."

"Yer what?... Whatcha gabbling on about? You senile old coot."

"I'm tellin ya. It's gone crazy down there. Like there's a bleedin war on..."

Cudgeller Cadwal then lent back down to the passenger's side window and once more spoke to the Stranger.

"My apologies for the inconvenience of this delay. It does appear that everything is perfectly in order and now if you will excuse me it appears that we have other pressing matters to attend to. May I bid you Joy of the Night sir."

[The Mysterious Stranger]

The taxi then continued its journey, undisturbed, the rest of the way. En-route, the stranger reflected that he would probably be best not to return to Eliria airport.