Under the assumption that you are capable of reading this, (bare in mind our public schools are second to none, thank you) We would like to make a special address to the jolly country folk which infest..erm Inhabit Our realm.
Firstly, We thank Our Dukes who've remained loyal during the tribulations brought on by this socialist witchcraft and would like to ensure them that their loyalty will be well provided for.
Secondly, in this age of unrest, the cost of raising militias to suppress the rabble has put a rather heavy burden on Our treasury. As such, We see fit to warrant Our Captain-General, (The Wrathful Khan) with our blessing to tax all subjects of Our realm who have committed treason against Our Throne either through thought, devilish symbol or printed word. That those who withhold the levy We have commissioned, so shall their land be seized and redistributed to the Dukes of the Crown.
Thirdly, Understanding that this brigand guild of socialist nonsense preaches godlessness and is bereft of virtue, a donation on behalf of the souls of these wicked rebels will be paid to the B0O0/\/\ist Temple forcibly if necessary. That the funds shall be brought forth as a sacrifice for the insolence of their misguided ways.
Lastly, As many of you animals may know, there have been bad ethers manifesting in the winds which We are told, bring the dreaded Typhoid. To make matters worse, this rebellion has cost this years crops from Our once plentiful lands. We would like to assure you, that your plight will be heavy on Our head during Our spring sabbatical to the Palace at Alexandria. That We are quite certain all of you will pull through that much stronger! Now then, good luck to you all, and fear not, We will return once Our Captain-General has rectified your treasonous, indignant folly. And if We are particularly successful at the hunt, We will be sure to distribute a commemorative coin of Our glorious success!
Signed,
TS
and symbols of nobility 
are standing by to take your call RIGHT NOW, so we can stop this bug and be united on the front against the Britannians!
