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https://shireroth.org/wiki/api.php?action=feedcontributions&feedformat=atom&user=Scott 2026-10-21T21:56:13Z User contributions MediaWiki 1.39.10 https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Kaiser_Ikol_II&diff=9934 2010-07-09T21:48:46Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>{{Kalir}}<br /> <br /> Kaiser Ikol II, a royal name of [[Scott Alexander]], was Kaiser of Shireroth from 3962 to 3990 ASC (11 June to 9 July, 2010).<br /> <br /> His short reign had many changes and accomplishments. To tone down the drama of previous reigns, he instituted a tradition of loyalty oaths in which his subjects promised not to rebel or ragequit. He reformed the Landsraad, tripling the number of people with votes and granting access to the majority of the Shirerithian population for the first time and reforming the noble title system to a more manageable structure. He created a new coat of arms for the country, and individual coats of arms for each [[Noble House]]. He found a conlanger to officially restart work on the national language, [[Praeta Sxirothes]], after a long hiatus caused by the departure of [[Gryphon Avocatio]]. And he created a new forum style to replace Shireroth's old and frequently mocked blue-bubbles pattern.<br /> <br /> Also during his reign, [[Shyriath Bukolos]] continued work on his vector map of Shireroth, and [[Ramadan Tarekseev]] reformed the Shirerithian Association Football League.<br /> <br /> However, his time in office failed to arrest the slow bleeding away of Shirerithian citizens. The formerly great house of Tessier-Ashpool completely collapsed with the emigrations of [[Icebreaker]] and [[Ari Rahikkala]], following on the loss of many citizens from Eluinea and Yardistan in previous reigns. And [[Operation Light Blue Octopus]], a military plan to annoy Antican citizen Elliot Markham, was more effective than anyone had anticipated and ended up nearly driving him out of micronations, something which left Shireroth with some egg on its face. There was also continuous conflict between the Kaiser and [[Erik Mortis]], who opposed many of his reforms.<br /> <br /> At the end of his reign, he abdicated in favor of Shyriath.<br /> <br /> ==Imperial Decrees==<br /> '''Imperial Decrees and Orders made by this Kaiser:'''<br /> <br /> *Dissolution of House Tessier-Ashpool<br /> *Re-establishment of Duchies<br /> *Director of Constructed Language<br /> *Grant of Titles<br /> *Congratulations<br /> *Kildare to Major House<br /> *Flag Day<br /> *Land Tax<br /> <br /> <br /> {{start box}}<br /> {{succession box|title=[[Kaiser|Succession of the Shirithian Kaisership]]|before= [[Kaiseress Anandja II|Anandja II‎]]|after= [[Shyriath]]|years=3962 &amp;ndash; 3990}}<br /> {{end box}}<br /> <br /> <br /> [[Category: Kaisers]][[category:people]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Kaiser_Ikol_II&diff=9933 2010-07-09T21:47:56Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>Kaiser Ikol II, a royal name of [[Scott Alexander]], was Kaiser of Shireroth from 3962 to 3990 ASC (11 June to 9 July, 2010).<br /> <br /> His short reign had many changes and accomplishments. To tone down the drama of previous reigns, he instituted a tradition of loyalty oaths in which his subjects promised not to rebel or ragequit. He reformed the Landsraad, tripling the number of people with votes and granting access to the majority of the Shirerithian population for the first time and reforming the noble title system to a more manageable structure. He created a new coat of arms for the country, and individual coats of arms for each [[Noble House]]. He found a conlanger to officially restart work on the national language, [[Praeta Sxirothes]], after a long hiatus caused by the departure of [[Gryphon Avocatio]]. And he created a new forum style to replace Shireroth's old and frequently mocked blue-bubbles pattern.<br /> <br /> Also during his reign, [[Shyriath Bukolos]] continued work on his vector map of Shireroth, and [[Ramadan Tarekseev]] reformed the Shirerithian Association Football League.<br /> <br /> However, his time in office failed to arrest the slow bleeding away of Shirerithian citizens. The formerly great house of Tessier-Ashpool completely collapsed with the emigrations of [[Icebreaker]] and [[Ari Rahikkala]], following on the loss of many citizens from Eluinea and Yardistan in previous reigns. And [[Operation Light Blue Octopus]], a military plan to annoy Antican citizen Elliot Markham, was more effective than anyone had anticipated and ended up nearly driving him out of micronations, something which left Shireroth with some egg on its face. There was also continuous conflict between the Kaiser and [[Erik Mortis]], who opposed many of his reforms.<br /> <br /> At the end of his reign, he abdicated in favor of Shyriath.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> {{Kalir}}<br /> <br /> ==Imperial Decrees==<br /> '''Imperial Decrees and Orders made by this Kaiser:'''<br /> <br /> *Dissolution of House Tessier-Ashpool<br /> *Re-establishment of Duchies<br /> *Director of Constructed Language<br /> *Grant of Titles<br /> *Congratulations<br /> *Kildare to Major House<br /> *Flag Day<br /> *Land Tax<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> {{start box}}<br /> {{succession box|title=[[Kaiser|Succession of the Shirithian Kaisership]]|before= [[Kaiseress Anandja II|Anandja II‎]]|after= [[current]]|years=3962 &amp;ndash; present}}<br /> {{end box}}<br /> <br /> <br /> [[Category: Kaisers]][[category:people]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=History_of_Shireroth&diff=9894 2010-06-30T20:14:41Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>Shireroth was founded April 24, 2000 by [[Erik Mortis]]. It spent the majority of its early history as a client state to the great powers of the day, including [[Audentior]], [[Jasonia]], and [[Tymaria]]. After the fall of Tymaria, Shireroth emerged as the most powerful of its successor states. It was both able to collect most of the remnants of the old [[Apollo Sector]] micronationalists and gather a native community of its own consisting mostly of students at Sonoma State University in California.<br /> <br /> <br /> By 2003, Shireroth's post-Tymaria glory days were gone, and many observers thought it was being outcompeted by flashier micronations like [[Menelmacar]]. In response, [[Steward Nikkolo]] declared &quot;[[Oustfest]]&quot;, a tradition of kicking out anyone with more than three citizenships as insufficiently loyal. The tactic worked, with a smaller, sleeker core of patriotic citizens more willing to place Shirerithian interests first, and became a yearly occurence. Around the same time, the unpopular [[Kaiser Mog I]] was overthrown by [[Kaiser Letifer I]], creating a Shirerithian tradition of revolting at the drop of a hat.<br /> <br /> <br /> The next few years saw many highlights, including the [[War of the Wylthean Succession]], an ultimately failed pro-democracy movement by rebel [[Philip Locke]], and the reduction of and combination of the country's many Duchies into six &quot;classic&quot; ones: [[Brookshire]], [[Goldshire]], [[Elwynn]], [[Kildare]], [[Yardistan]], and [[Straylight]]. This era ended when [[Kaiser Yarad I]] attempted the brave but ultimately doomed &quot;[[New Feudalism]]&quot; experiment, in which the country's traditional feudal structure was turned on its head to allow more independence and bargaining between counties. Around the same time, many of Shireroth's traditional enemies allied into a &quot;[[Grand Commonwealth]]&quot; designed to check Shirerithian power; due to poor communication between the government's many ministries and branches, Shireroth's response was lackluster at best. For a combination of reasons including the new feudalism, a series of weak Kaisers, foreign stagnation, and bad luck, many Shirerithians departed and by 2007 the country was in a state of complete disrepair.<br /> <br /> <br /> In October 2007, Erik Mortis returned, took the royal name [[Kaiser Mors V]], and along with tech guru [[Ari Rahikkala]] led the &quot;[[Great Reconsolidation]]&quot;, a reconstruction of Shireroth's institutions that shook off the inactivity of the past year. After Mortis' abdication, a long civil struggle began between a faction based in Shireroth's ally [[Babkha]] and a second faction that wanted to see ex-Cyberian [[Jacobus Loki]] on the throne. The early dominance of the Babkhan faction collapsed when it was revealed to be a front for a Babkhan plot to take over the country, and Jacobus took the throne as Kaiser Loki the Long-Awaited in 2008.<br /> <br /> <br /> Through 2009, Shireroth gradually collected new citizens, repaired its relationship with Babkha, gained international prestige as the home of the Small Commonwealth, and otherwise enjoyed growing prestige and power abroad completely unmarred by a series of constant low-grade feudal struggles at home. Most recently, long-standing debates between traditionalists and liberals resurfaced in battles over Shireroth's beloved but graphically questionable flag and in [[Kaiser Agni I]]'s controversial disbanding of the Duchies in favor of a system of noble houses. These two arguments created an era of bad feelings that led to several Shirerithians &quot;ragequitting&quot;, especially during the short but exciting reign of [[Kaiseress Anandja II]]. Her successor, [[Kaiser Ikol II]], has declared an &quot;Age of Tranquility&quot; in which he hopes to resolve some of these bad feelings.</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=History_of_Shireroth&diff=9893 2010-06-30T20:14:08Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>Shireroth was founded April 24, 2000 by [[Erik Mortis]]. It spent the majority of its early history as a client state to the great powers of the day, including [[Audentior]], [[Jasonia]], and [[Tymaria]]. After the fall of Tymaria, Shireroth emerged as the most powerful of its successor states. It was both able to collect most of the remnants of the old [[Apollo Sector]] micronationalists and gather a native community of its own consisting mostly of students at Sonoma State University in California.<br /> <br /> By 2003, Shireroth's post-Tymaria glory days were gone, and many observers thought it was being outcompeted by flashier micronations like [[Menelmacar]]. In response, [[Steward Nikkolo]] declared &quot;[[Oustfest]]&quot;, a tradition of kicking out anyone with more than three citizenships as insufficiently loyal. The tactic worked, with a smaller, sleeker core of patriotic citizens more willing to place Shirerithian interests first, and became a yearly occurence. Around the same time, the unpopular [[Kaiser Mog I]] was overthrown by [[Kaiser Letifer I]], creating a Shirerithian tradition of revolting at the drop of a hat.<br /> <br /> The next few years saw many highlights, including the [[War of the Wylthean Succession]], an ultimately failed pro-democracy movement by rebel [[Philip Locke]], and the reduction of and combination of the country's many Duchies into six &quot;classic&quot; ones: [[Brookshire]], [[Goldshire]], [[Elwynn]], [[Kildare]], [[Yardistan]], and [[Straylight]]. This era ended when [[Kaiser Yarad I]] attempted the brave but ultimately doomed &quot;[[New Feudalism]]&quot; experiment, in which the country's traditional feudal structure was turned on its head to allow more independence and bargaining between counties. Around the same time, many of Shireroth's traditional enemies allied into a &quot;[[Grand Commonwealth]]&quot; designed to check Shirerithian power; due to poor communication between the government's many ministries and branches, Shireroth's response was lackluster at best. For a combination of reasons including the new feudalism, a series of weak Kaisers, foreign stagnation, and bad luck, many Shirerithians departed and by 2007 the country was in a state of complete disrepair.<br /> <br /> In October 2007, Erik Mortis returned, took the royal name [[Kaiser Mors V]], and along with tech guru [[Ari Rahikkala]] led the &quot;[[Great Reconsolidation]]&quot;, a reconstruction of Shireroth's institutions that shook off the inactivity of the past year. After Mortis' abdication, a long civil struggle began between a faction based in Shireroth's ally [[Babkha]] and a second faction that wanted to see ex-Cyberian [[Jacobus Loki]] on the throne. The early dominance of the Babkhan faction collapsed when it was revealed to be a front for a Babkhan plot to take over the country, and Jacobus took the throne as Kaiser Loki the Long-Awaited in 2008.<br /> <br /> Through 2009, Shireroth gradually collected new citizens, repaired its relationship with Babkha, gained international prestige as the home of the Small Commonwealth, and otherwise enjoyed growing prestige and power abroad completely unmarred by a series of constant low-grade feudal struggles at home. Most recently, long-standing debates between traditionalists and liberals resurfaced in battles over Shireroth's beloved but graphically questionable flag and in [[Kaiser Agni I]]'s controversial disbanding of the Duchies in favor of a system of noble houses. These two arguments created an era of bad feelings that led to several Shirerithians &quot;ragequitting&quot;, especially during the short but exciting reign of [[Kaiseress Anandja II]]. Her successor, [[Kaiser Ikol II]], has declared an &quot;Age of Tranquility&quot; in which he hopes to resolve some of these bad feelings.</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Ministry_of_the_Exterior&diff=9781 2010-05-31T20:54:50Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>The [[Ministry abbreviations|MiniEx]] keeps the Kaiser informed on the events of the outside world, negotiates mutually beneficial relationships with foreign countries, and formulates policies to deal with foreign crises. <br /> <br /> ==History==<br /> <br /> The Ministry of the Exterior has a long and checkered history. Foreign affairs were originally run by the Kaiser himself. The first recorded Minister of the Exterior was [[Stjepan Aracic]]. The Ministry was then held by [[Scott Alexander]] for a very long time, during which it formulated the Four-Pronged Foreign Policy, added intelligence/espionage to its portfolio, and worked hard to raise Shireroth's standing in the outside world. After Alexander's administration ended, the Ministry passed to [[Eoin Dornan]], who founded the [[DiploCorps]], to [[Iskander Mirkdale]], whose reign was marred with accusations of collusion with Shireroth's enemeies, and to [[Ari Rahikkala]], who began the formal codification of relations statuses. The long administration of [[Isabelle Allot]], was noteworthy for a major change in the policy on recognition. After Allot's untimely resignation, the Ministry passed to [[Daniel Farewell]] before returning to Scott Alexander in 3950 ASC.<br /> <br /> Scott Alexander is the current Minister of the Exterior.<br /> <br /> ==Official Policy==<br /> <br /> The guiding document of the MiniEx is the Four-Pronged Foreign Policy:<br /> <br /> #Shireroth will make friends with any peaceful and intelligent nation in order to establish a standing in the international community and promote microworld peace.<br /> #Shireroth will cooperate in the sharing of resources and talent for mutual benefit in any areas deemed appropriate, including but not limited to military, intelligence, cultural, and economic matters.<br /> #Shireroth will join international organizations only if they can prove an obvious purpose and an obvious plan to attain that purpose. It will only join organizations whose goals coincide with the Imperial Republic's best interests.<br /> #(the slightly evil prong) Shireroth will attempt to expand itself through convincing foreign countries to become Imperial territories. It will not use aggressive or malevolent means to achieve this, but will attempt to prove to other countries that this is in their best interest.<br /> <br /> This policy is at least five years old; in addition, modern Shirerithian foreign policy also revolves around supporting international organizations of which Shireroth is a member, including the [[Small Commonwealth]] and the [[Micronational Cartography Society]].<br /> <br /> Since Isabelle Allot's administration, the Ministry has been willing to recognize nations on the spot without official treaties, a time-saving measure that has simplified its work considerably.<br /> <br /> ==Subsidiary Organizations==<br /> <br /> SHINE, Shireroth's intelligence service, used to officially report to the Ministry of the Exterior. However, after a long period in which the Minister of the Exterior was not always trustworthy enough to have the necessary security clearance, the organization was removed and now reports directly to the Kaiser (if that).<br /> <br /> The DiploCorps is an organization of ambassadors placed in foreign countries who keep a Shirerithian presence active and visible there, and then report back to the Ministry on day-to-day events in their country of residence. Although universally agreed to be a good idea, it is only very rarely active.<br /> <br /> ==Links==<br /> <br /> [http://shireroth.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=11&amp;start=100 Ministry of the Exterior Forums]<br /> <br /> [http://shireroth.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&amp;t=12559 List of Recognized Nations]<br /> <br /> [http://shireroth.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&amp;t=7335 State of Foreign Relations]<br /> <br /> <br /> &lt;center&gt;<br /> {{Ministries}}<br /> &lt;/center&gt;<br /> <br /> [[category:government]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Ministry_of_the_Exterior&diff=9780 2010-05-31T20:54:31Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>The [[Ministry abbreviations|MiniEx]] keeps the Kaiser informed on the events of the outside world, negotiates mutually beneficial relationships with foreign countries, and formulates policies to deal with foreign crises. <br /> <br /> ==History==<br /> <br /> The Ministry of the Exterior has a long and checkered history. Foreign affairs were originally run by the Kaiser himself. The first recorded Minister of the Exterior was [[Stjepan Aracic]]. The Ministry was then held by [[Scott Alexander]] for a very long time, during which it formulated the Four-Pronged Foreign Policy, added intelligence/espionage to its portfolio, and worked hard to raise Shireroth's standing in the outside world. After Alexander's administration ended, the Ministry passed to [[Eoin Dornan]], who founded the [[DiploCorps]], to [[Iskander Mirkdale]], whose reign was marred with accusations of collusion with Shireroth's enemeies, and to [[Ari Rahikkala]], who began the formal codification of relations statuses. The long administration of [[Isabelle Allot]], was noteworthy for a major change in the policy on recognition. After Allot's untimely resignation, the Ministry passed to [[Daniel Farewell]] before returning to Scott Alexander in 3950 ASC.<br /> <br /> Scott Alexander is the current Minister of the Exterior.<br /> <br /> ==Official Policy==<br /> <br /> The guiding document of the MiniEx is the Four-Pronged Foreign Policy:<br /> <br /> #Shireroth will make friends with any peaceful and intelligent nation in order to establish a standing in the international community and promote microworld peace.<br /> #Shireroth will cooperate in the sharing of resources and talent for mutual benefit in any areas deemed appropriate, including but not limited to military, intelligence, cultural, and economic matters.<br /> #Shireroth will join international organizations only if they can prove an obvious purpose and an obvious plan to attain that purpose. It will only join organizations whose goals coincide with the Imperial Republic's best interests.<br /> #(the slightly evil prong) Shireroth will attempt to expand itself through convincing foreign countries to become Imperial territories. It will not use aggressive or malevolent means to achieve this, but will attempt to prove to other countries that this is in their best interest.<br /> <br /> This policy is at least five years old; in addition, modern Shirerithian foreign policy also revolves around supporting international organizations of which Shireroth is a member, including the [[Small Commonwealth]] and the [[Micronational Cartography Society]].<br /> <br /> Since Isabelle Allot's administration, the Ministry has been willing to recognize nations on the spot without official treaties, a time-saving measure that has simplified its work considerably.<br /> <br /> ==Subsidiary Organizations==<br /> <br /> SHINE, Shireroth's intelligence service, used to officially report to the Ministry of the Exterior. However, after a long period in which the Minister of the Exterior was not always trustworthy enough to have the necessary security clearance, the organization was removed and now reports directly to the Kaiser (if that).<br /> <br /> The DiploCorps is an organization of ambassadors placed in foreign countries who keep a Shirerithian presence active and visible there, and then report back to the Ministry on day-to-day events in their country of residence. Although universally agreed to be a good idea, it is only very rarely active.<br /> <br /> ==Links==<br /> <br /> [[http://shireroth.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=11&amp;start=100 Ministry of the Exterior Forums]]<br /> [[http://shireroth.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&amp;t=12559 List of Recognized Nations]]<br /> [[http://shireroth.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&amp;t=7335 State of Foreign Relations]]<br /> <br /> <br /> &lt;center&gt;<br /> {{Ministries}}<br /> &lt;/center&gt;<br /> <br /> [[category:government]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Ministry_of_the_Exterior&diff=9779 2010-05-31T20:52:24Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>The [[Ministry abbreviations|MiniEx]] keeps the Kaiser informed on the events of the outside world, negotiates mutually beneficial relationships with foreign countries, and formulates policies to deal with foreign crises. <br /> <br /> ==History==<br /> <br /> The Ministry of the Exterior has a long and checkered history. Foreign affairs were originally run by the Kaiser himself. The first recorded Minister of the Exterior was [[Stjepan Aracic]]. The Ministry was then held by [[Scott Alexander]] for a very long time, during which it formulated the Four-Pronged Foreign Policy, added intelligence/espionage to its portfolio, and worked hard to raise Shireroth's standing in the outside world. After Alexander's administration ended, the Ministry passed to [[Eoin Dornan]], who founded the [[DiploCorps]], to [[Iskander Mirkdale]], whose reign was marred with accusations of collusion with Shireroth's enemeies, and to [[Ari Rahikkala]], who began the formal codification of relations statuses. The long administration of [[Isabelle Allot]], was noteworthy for a major change in the policy on recognition. After Allot's untimely resignation, the Ministry passed to [[Daniel Farewell]] before returning to Scott Alexander in 3950 ASC.<br /> <br /> Scott Alexander is the current Minister of the Exterior.<br /> <br /> ==Official Policy==<br /> <br /> The guiding document of the MiniEx is the Four-Pronged Foreign Policy:<br /> <br /> #Shireroth will make friends with any peaceful and intelligent nation in order to establish a standing in the international community and promote microworld peace.<br /> #Shireroth will cooperate in the sharing of resources and talent for mutual benefit in any areas deemed appropriate, including but not limited to military, intelligence, cultural, and economic matters.<br /> #Shireroth will join international organizations only if they can prove an obvious purpose and an obvious plan to attain that purpose. It will only join organizations whose goals coincide with the Imperial Republic's best interests.<br /> #(the slightly evil prong) Shireroth will attempt to expand itself through convincing foreign countries to become Imperial territories. It will not use aggressive or malevolent means to achieve this, but will attempt to prove to other countries that this is in their best interest.<br /> <br /> This policy is at least five years old; in addition, modern Shirerithian foreign policy also revolves around supporting international organizations of which Shireroth is a member, including the [[Small Commonwealth]] and the [[Micronational Cartography Society]].<br /> <br /> Since Isabelle Allot's administration, the Ministry has been willing to recognize nations on the spot without official treaties, a time-saving measure that has simplified its work considerably.<br /> <br /> ==Subsidiary Organizations==<br /> <br /> SHINE, Shireroth's intelligence service, used to officially report to the Ministry of the Exterior. However, after a long period in which the Minister of the Exterior was not always trustworthy enough to have the necessary security clearance, the organization was removed and now reports directly to the Kaiser (if that).<br /> <br /> The DiploCorps is an organization of ambassadors placed in foreign countries who keep a Shirerithian presence active and visible there, and then report back to the Ministry on day-to-day events in their country of residence. Although universally agreed to be a good idea, it is only very rarely active.<br /> <br /> ==Links==<br /> <br /> [[Ministry of the Exterior Forums | http://shireroth.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=11&amp;start=100]]<br /> [[List of Recognized Nations | http://shireroth.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&amp;t=12559]]<br /> [[State of Foreign Relations | http://shireroth.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&amp;t=7335]]<br /> <br /> <br /> &lt;center&gt;<br /> {{Ministries}}<br /> &lt;/center&gt;<br /> <br /> [[category:government]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Ministry_of_the_Exterior&diff=9778 2010-05-31T20:51:58Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>The [[Ministry abbreviations|MiniEx]] keeps the Kaiser informed on the events of the outside world, negotiates mutually beneficial relationships with foreign countries, and formulates policies to deal with foreign crises. <br /> <br /> ==History==<br /> <br /> The Ministry of the Exterior has a long and checkered history. Foreign affairs were originally run by the Kaiser himself. The first recorded Minister of the Exterior was [[Stjepan Aracic]]. The Ministry was then held by [[Scott Alexander]] for a very long time, during which it formulated the Four-Pronged Foreign Policy, added intelligence/espionage to its portfolio, and worked hard to raise Shireroth's standing in the outside world. After Alexander's administration ended, the Ministry passed to [[Eoin Dornan]], who founded the [[DiploCorps]], to [[Iskander Mirkdale]], whose reign was marred with accusations of collusion with Shireroth's enemeies, and to [[Ari Rahikkala]], who began the formal codification of relations statuses. The long administration of [[Isabelle Allot]], was noteworthy for a major change in the policy on recognition. After Allot's untimely resignation, the Ministry passed to [[Daniel Farewell]] before returning to Scott Alexander in 3950 ASC.<br /> <br /> Scott Alexander is the current Minister of the Exterior.<br /> <br /> ==Official Policy==<br /> <br /> The guiding document of the MiniEx is the Four-Pronged Foreign Policy:<br /> <br /> #Shireroth will make friends with any peaceful and intelligent nation in order to establish a standing in the international community and promote microworld peace.<br /> #Shireroth will cooperate in the sharing of resources and talent for mutual benefit in any areas deemed appropriate, including but not limited to military, intelligence, cultural, and economic matters.<br /> #Shireroth will join international organizations only if they can prove an obvious purpose and an obvious plan to attain that purpose. It will only join organizations whose goals coincide with the Imperial Republic's best interests.<br /> #(the slightly evil prong) Shireroth will attempt to expand itself through convincing foreign countries to become Imperial territories. It will not use aggressive or malevolent means to achieve this, but will attempt to prove to other countries that this is in their best interest.<br /> <br /> This policy is at least five years old; in addition, modern Shirerithian foreign policy also revolves around supporting international organizations of which Shireroth is a member, including the [[Small Commonwealth]] and the [[Micronational Cartography Society]].<br /> <br /> Since Isabelle Allot's administration, the Ministry has been willing to recognize nations on the spot without official treaties, a time-saving measure that has simplified its work considerably.<br /> <br /> ==Subsidiary Organizations==<br /> <br /> SHINE, Shireroth's intelligence service, used to officially report to the Ministry of the Exterior. However, after a long period in which the Minister of the Exterior was not always trustworthy enough to have the necessary security clearance, the organization was removed and now reports directly to the Kaiser (if that).<br /> <br /> The DiploCorps is an organization of ambassadors placed in foreign countries who keep a Shirerithian presence active and visible there, and then report back to the Ministry on day-to-day events in their country of residence. Although universally agreed to be a good idea, it is only very rarely active.<br /> <br /> ==Links==<br /> <br /> [[Ministry of the Exterior Forums http://shireroth.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=11&amp;start=100]]<br /> [[List of Recognized Nations http://shireroth.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&amp;t=12559]]<br /> [[State of Foreign Relations http://shireroth.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&amp;t=7335]]<br /> <br /> <br /> &lt;center&gt;<br /> {{Ministries}}<br /> &lt;/center&gt;<br /> <br /> [[category:government]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Ministry_of_the_Exterior&diff=9777 2010-05-31T20:51:20Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>The [[Ministry abbreviations|MiniEx]] keeps the Kaiser informed on the events of the outside world, negotiates mutually beneficial relationships with foreign countries, and formulates policies to deal with foreign crises. <br /> <br /> ==History==<br /> <br /> The Ministry of the Exterior has a long and checkered history. Foreign affairs were originally run by the Kaiser himself. The first recorded Minister of the Exterior was [[Stjepan Aracic]]. The Ministry was then held by [[Scott Alexander]] for a very long time, during which it formulated the Four-Pronged Foreign Policy, added intelligence/espionage to its portfolio, and worked hard to raise Shireroth's standing in the outside world. After Alexander's administration ended, the Ministry passed to [[Eoin Dornan]], who founded the [[DiploCorps]], to [[Iskander Mirkdale]], whose reign was marred with accusations of collusion with Shireroth's enemeies, and to [[Ari Rahikkala]], who began the formal codification of relations statuses. The long administration of [[Isabelle Allot]], was noteworthy for a major change in the policy on recognition. After Allot's untimely resignation, the Ministry passed to [[Daniel Farewell]] before returning to Scott Alexander in 3950 ASC.<br /> <br /> Scott Alexander is the current Minister of the Exterior.<br /> <br /> ==Official Policy==<br /> <br /> The guiding document of the MiniEx is the Four-Pronged Foreign Policy:<br /> <br /> #Shireroth will make friends with any peaceful and intelligent nation in order to establish a standing in the international community and promote microworld peace.<br /> #Shireroth will cooperate in the sharing of resources and talent for mutual benefit in any areas deemed appropriate, including but not limited to military, intelligence, cultural, and economic matters.<br /> #Shireroth will join international organizations only if they can prove an obvious purpose and an obvious plan to attain that purpose. It will only join organizations whose goals coincide with the Imperial Republic's best interests.<br /> #(the slightly evil prong) Shireroth will attempt to expand itself through convincing foreign countries to become Imperial territories. It will not use aggressive or malevolent means to achieve this, but will attempt to prove to other countries that this is in their best interest.<br /> <br /> This policy is at least five years old; in addition, modern Shirerithian foreign policy also revolves around supporting international organizations of which Shireroth is a member, including the [[Small Commonwealth]] and the [[Micronational Cartography Society]].<br /> <br /> Since Isabelle Allot's administration, the Ministry has been willing to recognize nations on the spot without official treaties, a time-saving measure that has simplified its work considerably.<br /> <br /> ==Subsidiary Organizations==<br /> <br /> SHINE, Shireroth's intelligence service, used to officially report to the Ministry of the Exterior. However, after a long period in which the Minister of the Exterior was not always trustworthy enough to have the necessary security clearance, the organization was removed and now reports directly to the Kaiser (if that).<br /> <br /> The DiploCorps is an organization of ambassadors placed in foreign countries who keep a Shirerithian presence active and visible there, and then report back to the Ministry on day-to-day events in their country of residence. Although universally agreed to be a good idea, it is only very rarely active.<br /> <br /> ==Links==<br /> <br /> [Ministry of the Exterior Forums http://shireroth.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=11&amp;start=100]<br /> [List of Recognized Nations http://shireroth.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&amp;t=12559]<br /> [State of Foreign Relations http://shireroth.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&amp;t=7335] <br /> <br /> <br /> &lt;center&gt;<br /> {{Ministries}}<br /> &lt;/center&gt;<br /> <br /> [[category:government]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=The_Great_Consolidation&diff=8728 2009-11-24T21:01:09Z

<p>Scott: /* Preliminary Events */</p> <hr /> <div>The Great Consolidation was a [[Shirerithian Revival Attempt]] which was proclaimed by [[Kaiser Mors V]] on October 26th 2007([[ASC]] 3003).<br /> <br /> ==The Great Consolidation==<br /> <br /> ===Preliminary Events===<br /> <br /> Toward the end of the Great Slump, [[Erik Mortis]] returned and declared himself [[Kaiser Letifer III]], raising hopes of an end to the nation's bad times. However, when Erik remained inactive and the predicted renaissance failed to materialize, several nations began bidding for Shireroth's remains. Although Antica made a few moves in that direction, more significant was King Jeremy of New Britannia's claim to the throne as [[Kaiser Augeore I]] of the [[Line of Bellami]]. In response, Jonas, a new Shirerithian citizen from [[Batavia]], claimed the throne as [[Kaiser Mahamantot I]]. And related to both claims, [[Scott Alexander]] emigrated and tried to officially declare Shireroth dead through the [[Malarbox]] in order to protect its memory. Luckily, just as all of these competing claims were going on, Erik killed off his Letifer III personality, took the name [[Kaiser Mors V]], and became genuinely dedicated to recreating Shireroth. Augeore was declared an [[Antikaiser]], but Mahamantot, because he willingly relinquished the throne to Mors and was only doing what he thought best for the nation, was given the honor of remaining an official Kaiser even though he only ruled for one day.<br /> <br /> ===Forums and Duchies===<br /> <br /> Heartened by the appearance of activity, several citizens of foreign micronations joined Shireroth; these included [[Harald Thorstein]], [[Ben Kern]], [[Maksym Hadjimehmetov]], [[Liam conToketi]], and [[Andreas the Wise]]. Several other citizens who had joined during the slump but never really done anything also got a chance to shine, including [[Jacobus Loki]] and [[Jonas]]. A friend of Ari's, [[Neike Tesse-Tessaro]], helped without ever immigrating, and [[Yvain Wintersong]] joined up around this period as well. These people compensated for the loss of many of the old Shirerithians, like [[Fax Celestis]] and [[Hypatia Agnesi]], during the Slump.<br /> <br /> Ari Rahikkala had a bit of an epiphany and devoted himself with vigor to the reconstruction of Shireroth's long-suffering forum. Various glitches had prevented easy creation and moderation of new forums, so Ari completely reworked the phpBB from the ground up, making controversial decisions like giving Erik full password control and stripping Scott of his monopoly on the Malarbox. The first new Malarbor message was:<br /> <br /> 'So, after a few dead Kaisers, we now have Kaiser Mors V. And apparently a &quot;Great Consolidation&quot; of positions and powers. Silly mortals. Thinking that I didn't plan this all along. For I am Malarbor! I know all! This is as I have foreseen!'<br /> <br /> On the political side, Kaiser Mors ended the last scraps of [[New Feudalism]] and restored four of Shireroth's traditional [[Duchies]] - [[Brookshire]], [[Yardistan]], [[Kildare]], and [[Elwynn]]. He also added an extra, [[Straylight]], to reward Ari for his leading role in the Consolidation. <br /> <br /> ===Politics===<br /> <br /> Though at first glance the Great Consolidation may appear to be nothing more then a fancy [[Oustfest]], at closer look one can see that it was so much more; more potent and power; and frightening. Within the first days [[The Charter]] was suspended and the [[Landsraad]] dismissed, giving the Kaiser absolute control over the nation once again. All dukes, ministers and other officials were removed from power, except the [[Prætor]] who was retained. Next all citizens were required to reapply for citizenship into the nation, leaving the census rather small for a number of days.<br /> <br /> However, these acts were not merely exercises of vital powers by the Kaiser. As people began to reapply for citizenship the Kaiser began to bestow lesser ranks to individuals and deliberate upon the new Dukes soon to be proclaimed. Another oddity was introduced into the Shireroth political system at this point, the idea of nobles ''in'' a subdivision but not ''of'' a subdivision. [[Jonas]] was proclaimed Baron in Kildare, while [[Ari Rahikkala]] was proclaimed Duke in [[Straylight]]. This had the effect of bestowing title without necessarily bestowing power. <br /> <br /> On October 30th (ASC 3007) the Kaiser made [[Imperial Decree 270]], which established new duchies reviving the [[Duchy of Brookshire]] and proclaiming new dukes. Jonas as Duke of Kildare, Mors himself as Duke of Brookshire, [[Jacobus]] as Duke of Yardistan, Ari Rahikkala (officially) as the Duke in Straylight, and [[Harold of Stormark]] as Duke of Elywnn. Lastly the Landsraad was once more called to session and instructed to create new voting procedures; with a Prætor already available, with was a simple task. <br /> <br /> The next move done in [[Imperial Decree 271]] was to reorganize the ministries of Shireroth, though no new ministers were appointed. The [[Ministry of Cartography]] and the [[Ministry of Research and Education]] where merged into the [[Ministry of Information]], which aside from this merge was left unchanged. The [[Ministry of Military Affairs]], [[Ministry of the Interior]] and [[Ministry of the Exterior]] were all left completely untouched, while the Ministry of Immigration, Naturalization and Tourism was restored to it's original title of [[Ministry of Immigration and Naturalization]]. Though not inherently altered, the [[Ministry of Trade]] was suspended from active existence. <br /> <br /> The next two decrees [[Imperial Decree 272|272]] and [[Imperial Decree 273|273]] established Ari Rahikkala as Duke of Straylight and Minister of the Exterior respectively. <br /> <br /> Within the Landsraad the Great consolidation took hold and produced several pieces of legislation aimed at restoring the old ways, and repairing the damage caused to the nations laws and infrastructure by the past year or so of mismanagement and neglect. The [[Lawbook reboot Act: 11-2-2007]] was such a piece of legislature that sought to reconcile the various outdated copies of the [[Lawbook]] that existed at the time, and deal with the fact that there was no &quot;Current&quot; copy in existence. Other bills such as [[Procedures of the Landsraad 3009]] restored new and simpler voting rules to the Landsraad. Other bills such as [[Welcome to the fourth millennium, MiniInt]] and [[The website, ShireWiki and its contents]] worked to restore some semblance of order to the various electronic medium that the nation used and prevent future problems. <br /> <br /> ===Goals and Reasons===<br /> <br /> One of the main goals of the Great Consolidation was to remove all old institutions, laws and procedures that had hindered previous revival attempts. The Landsraad was a prime example of this. As it stood the Landsraad was inactive and dead. With the procedures and nobles of the time in place there was no way for the Landsraad to revive itself, but the Kaiser prohibited by the Charter could not directly interfere with the Landsraad and remove the procedures preventing its restoration. This and other needs of expediency are what prompted the Kaiser to suspend the Imperial Charter, with the consent of the Prætor. Further it was obvious that the current dukes within the Landsraad had fallen off the face of the world, and that new nobles would be needed if the Landsraad was to restore itself.<br /> <br /> Though some might criticize the Great Consolidation to be a break from Shireroth traditions, other would argue that it was in fact a return to older simpler traditions from the early days of the [[Republic of Shireroth]]. For example the return to only dukes voting in the Landsraad, along with their only have 1 vote each. Combined with the return of the Duchy of Brookshire with the Kaiser as its duke, also known as [[Erik Mortis]]. &lt;br&gt;<br /> Indeed it was the goal of the Kaiser to return Shireroth to an earlier and simpler time and way of government to help promote it's revival, feeling that it was because of the complexities of it's own laws and precedures that previous revival attempts had failed. <br /> However we would be remiss to not point out the great effect the restoration of the forums by Ari Rahikkala had on the Great Consolidation. <br /> <br /> ===Conclusion===<br /> The Great Consolidation gradually came to an end as the reign of Mors V moved on and the nation began to be able to once again move under its own power. The Kaiser moved onto side projects and his own personal issues, and allowed things to take their own course. Perhaps the last event to take place in the Great Consolidation came during the last days of Mors V reign when he announced that the Kaiser would no longer take as active a role in the day to day operations of the nation, and would delegate these responsibilities to the [[Steward of Shireroth]] who was hence forth to be elected by the Landsraad whenever there was a change in Kaiser or the Steward resigned, or in the rare event, removed from power. This plan however met with much disfavor and the Kaiser decided that he would not officially implement it, though he would encourage the election of the next Steward.<br /> <br /> ----<br /> ''See Also: '' [[Mors V]], [[Shirerithian Revival Attempts]], [[Oustfest]]<br /> [[category:Events]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=The_Great_Consolidation&diff=8727 2009-11-24T20:57:38Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>The Great Consolidation was a [[Shirerithian Revival Attempt]] which was proclaimed by [[Kaiser Mors V]] on October 26th 2007([[ASC]] 3003).<br /> <br /> ==The Great Consolidation==<br /> <br /> ===Preliminary Events===<br /> <br /> Toward the end of the Great Slump, [[Erik Mortis]] returned and declared himself [[Kaiser Letifer III]], raising hopes of an end to the nation's bad times. However, when Erik remained inactive and the predicted renaissance failed to materialize, several nations began bidding for Shireroth's remains. Although Antica made a few moves in that direction, more significant was King Jeremy of New Britannia's claim to the throne as [[Kaiser Augeore I]] of the [[Line of Bellami]]. In response, Jonas, a new Shirerithian citizen from [[Batavia]], claimed the throne as [[Kaiser Mahamantot I]]. And in response to both claims, [[Scott Alexander]] emigrated and tried to officially declare Shireroth dead through the [[Malarbox]] in order to protect its memory. Luckily, just as all of these competing claims were going on, Erik killed off his Letifer III personality, took the name [[Kaiser Mors V]], and became genuinely dedicated to recreating Shireroth. Augeore was declared an [[Antikaiser]], but Mahamantot, because he willingly relinquished the throne to Mors and was only doing what he thought best for the nation, was given the honor of remaining an official Kaiser even though he only ruled for one day.<br /> <br /> ===Forums and Duchies===<br /> <br /> Heartened by the appearance of activity, several citizens of foreign micronations joined Shireroth; these included [[Harald Thorstein]], [[Ben Kern]], [[Maksym Hadjimehmetov]], [[Liam conToketi]], and [[Andreas the Wise]]. Several other citizens who had joined during the slump but never really done anything also got a chance to shine, including [[Jacobus Loki]] and [[Jonas]]. A friend of Ari's, [[Neike Tesse-Tessaro]], helped without ever immigrating, and [[Yvain Wintersong]] joined up around this period as well. These people compensated for the loss of many of the old Shirerithians, like [[Fax Celestis]] and [[Hypatia Agnesi]], during the Slump.<br /> <br /> Ari Rahikkala had a bit of an epiphany and devoted himself with vigor to the reconstruction of Shireroth's long-suffering forum. Various glitches had prevented easy creation and moderation of new forums, so Ari completely reworked the phpBB from the ground up, making controversial decisions like giving Erik full password control and stripping Scott of his monopoly on the Malarbox. The first new Malarbor message was:<br /> <br /> 'So, after a few dead Kaisers, we now have Kaiser Mors V. And apparently a &quot;Great Consolidation&quot; of positions and powers. Silly mortals. Thinking that I didn't plan this all along. For I am Malarbor! I know all! This is as I have foreseen!'<br /> <br /> On the political side, Kaiser Mors ended the last scraps of [[New Feudalism]] and restored four of Shireroth's traditional [[Duchies]] - [[Brookshire]], [[Yardistan]], [[Kildare]], and [[Elwynn]]. He also added an extra, [[Straylight]], to reward Ari for his leading role in the Consolidation. <br /> <br /> ===Politics===<br /> <br /> Though at first glance the Great Consolidation may appear to be nothing more then a fancy [[Oustfest]], at closer look one can see that it was so much more; more potent and power; and frightening. Within the first days [[The Charter]] was suspended and the [[Landsraad]] dismissed, giving the Kaiser absolute control over the nation once again. All dukes, ministers and other officials were removed from power, except the [[Prætor]] who was retained. Next all citizens were required to reapply for citizenship into the nation, leaving the census rather small for a number of days.<br /> <br /> However, these acts were not merely exercises of vital powers by the Kaiser. As people began to reapply for citizenship the Kaiser began to bestow lesser ranks to individuals and deliberate upon the new Dukes soon to be proclaimed. Another oddity was introduced into the Shireroth political system at this point, the idea of nobles ''in'' a subdivision but not ''of'' a subdivision. [[Jonas]] was proclaimed Baron in Kildare, while [[Ari Rahikkala]] was proclaimed Duke in [[Straylight]]. This had the effect of bestowing title without necessarily bestowing power. <br /> <br /> On October 30th (ASC 3007) the Kaiser made [[Imperial Decree 270]], which established new duchies reviving the [[Duchy of Brookshire]] and proclaiming new dukes. Jonas as Duke of Kildare, Mors himself as Duke of Brookshire, [[Jacobus]] as Duke of Yardistan, Ari Rahikkala (officially) as the Duke in Straylight, and [[Harold of Stormark]] as Duke of Elywnn. Lastly the Landsraad was once more called to session and instructed to create new voting procedures; with a Prætor already available, with was a simple task. <br /> <br /> The next move done in [[Imperial Decree 271]] was to reorganize the ministries of Shireroth, though no new ministers were appointed. The [[Ministry of Cartography]] and the [[Ministry of Research and Education]] where merged into the [[Ministry of Information]], which aside from this merge was left unchanged. The [[Ministry of Military Affairs]], [[Ministry of the Interior]] and [[Ministry of the Exterior]] were all left completely untouched, while the Ministry of Immigration, Naturalization and Tourism was restored to it's original title of [[Ministry of Immigration and Naturalization]]. Though not inherently altered, the [[Ministry of Trade]] was suspended from active existence. <br /> <br /> The next two decrees [[Imperial Decree 272|272]] and [[Imperial Decree 273|273]] established Ari Rahikkala as Duke of Straylight and Minister of the Exterior respectively. <br /> <br /> Within the Landsraad the Great consolidation took hold and produced several pieces of legislation aimed at restoring the old ways, and repairing the damage caused to the nations laws and infrastructure by the past year or so of mismanagement and neglect. The [[Lawbook reboot Act: 11-2-2007]] was such a piece of legislature that sought to reconcile the various outdated copies of the [[Lawbook]] that existed at the time, and deal with the fact that there was no &quot;Current&quot; copy in existence. Other bills such as [[Procedures of the Landsraad 3009]] restored new and simpler voting rules to the Landsraad. Other bills such as [[Welcome to the fourth millennium, MiniInt]] and [[The website, ShireWiki and its contents]] worked to restore some semblance of order to the various electronic medium that the nation used and prevent future problems. <br /> <br /> ===Goals and Reasons===<br /> <br /> One of the main goals of the Great Consolidation was to remove all old institutions, laws and procedures that had hindered previous revival attempts. The Landsraad was a prime example of this. As it stood the Landsraad was inactive and dead. With the procedures and nobles of the time in place there was no way for the Landsraad to revive itself, but the Kaiser prohibited by the Charter could not directly interfere with the Landsraad and remove the procedures preventing its restoration. This and other needs of expediency are what prompted the Kaiser to suspend the Imperial Charter, with the consent of the Prætor. Further it was obvious that the current dukes within the Landsraad had fallen off the face of the world, and that new nobles would be needed if the Landsraad was to restore itself.<br /> <br /> Though some might criticize the Great Consolidation to be a break from Shireroth traditions, other would argue that it was in fact a return to older simpler traditions from the early days of the [[Republic of Shireroth]]. For example the return to only dukes voting in the Landsraad, along with their only have 1 vote each. Combined with the return of the Duchy of Brookshire with the Kaiser as its duke, also known as [[Erik Mortis]]. &lt;br&gt;<br /> Indeed it was the goal of the Kaiser to return Shireroth to an earlier and simpler time and way of government to help promote it's revival, feeling that it was because of the complexities of it's own laws and precedures that previous revival attempts had failed. <br /> However we would be remiss to not point out the great effect the restoration of the forums by Ari Rahikkala had on the Great Consolidation. <br /> <br /> ===Conclusion===<br /> The Great Consolidation gradually came to an end as the reign of Mors V moved on and the nation began to be able to once again move under its own power. The Kaiser moved onto side projects and his own personal issues, and allowed things to take their own course. Perhaps the last event to take place in the Great Consolidation came during the last days of Mors V reign when he announced that the Kaiser would no longer take as active a role in the day to day operations of the nation, and would delegate these responsibilities to the [[Steward of Shireroth]] who was hence forth to be elected by the Landsraad whenever there was a change in Kaiser or the Steward resigned, or in the rare event, removed from power. This plan however met with much disfavor and the Kaiser decided that he would not officially implement it, though he would encourage the election of the next Steward.<br /> <br /> ----<br /> ''See Also: '' [[Mors V]], [[Shirerithian Revival Attempts]], [[Oustfest]]<br /> [[category:Events]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Sword_of_Vengeance&diff=8596 2009-11-08T23:51:15Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>[[Image:Vengeance.png]]<br /> <br /> ''The Sword of Vengeance, by Scott Alexander, 2008'' &lt;br&gt;<br /> The mighty Sword of Vengeance, sword of the Kaisers, symbol of the Throne and dealer of death, was used to vanquish the [[Dæmon]] [[Rrakanychan]] in the time of [[Raynor I]].<br /> <br /> It is said that the Sword was forged for Raynor from a fallen meteorite, blessed by the gods and granted with certain divine properties. <br /> [[Category:religion]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Mogbeth&diff=7636 2009-04-15T15:59:49Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>==Mogbeth==<br /> by [[Scott Alexander]]<br /> “After all, all he did was string a lot of old, well-known quotations<br /> together” – H.L. Mencken on Shakespeare<br /> ==The Cast==<br /> <br /> (in nothing even resembling order of appearance)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> These are the talented actors and actresses who have been training for months to bring you the finest in Shakespearean tragedy mixed with native Shirerithian history:&lt;br&gt;<br /> DIRECTOR, creator and producer of the play, played by SCOTT&lt;br&gt;<br /> ISA, the first of three witches, played by MELISSA&lt;br&gt;<br /> ICA, the second of three witches, played by ERICA&lt;br&gt;<br /> JADIE, the third of three witches, played by JESSICA&lt;br&gt;<br /> JENN, the second second of three witches, played by JENN&lt;br&gt;<br /> ARCHETYPE, the second third of three witches, played by X &lt;br&gt;<br /> MOGBETH, the Duke of Kildare and future Kaiser, played by JAMES&lt;br&gt;<br /> HERALD, a medieval version of the BOOMCAST, played by JOSEPH&lt;br&gt;<br /> LADY MOGBETH, the wife of Mogbeth, played by ERIN&lt;br&gt;<br /> QELATHOS, the companion of Mogbeth, played by STEVE&lt;br&gt;<br /> MORS II, the Kaiser of Shireroth, played by ERIK&lt;br&gt;<br /> NICHOLAS, the Anarch of Yardistan, played by NICK AMBASSADOR STEFFKE, a Menelmacari diplomat, played by HARVEY&lt;br&gt;<br /> BRRAPA LU ERARO, the venerable Cedrist prophet, played by ERIK&lt;br&gt;<br /> ROBERT GRESHAM, an evil busybody, played by ROBERT EVIL LINE-STEALING DOLPHIN, an evil line-stealing dolphin, played by ARI&lt;br&gt;<br /> SIR JACKABAR, Letifer’s Captain-In-Arms, played by MIKE&lt;br&gt;<br /> HERALD, a medieval version of the BOOMCAST, played by JOSEPH&lt;br&gt;<br /> LETIFER, the heir to the Kaiserial throne, played by ERIK&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Director: Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, and assorted others to the Shirekeep Theater, and to the opening night of the tragedy “Mogbeth”. Before we begin, I’ve got a couple of changes to the playbill and cast list to announce. First, it mentions on the top of your playbill that the actors and actresses “trained for months”. Well, we really intended to, but everyone was busy, and no one could agree on a time, so we kind of didn’t have rehearsals. But everyone told me they’ve memorized their part, so things will certainly turn out all right. And it also calls them “talented”…well…I’m sure they’re talented at something, but that something….er…might not necessarily be acting. The guy who was supposed to do auditions quit on us at the last moment, so we had to choose people kinda blindly. What else…oh…the guy who plays Archetype refuses to tell us his name, so he’s on your cast list as “Mr. X” And although it lists Robert Gresham as playing himself, unfortunately just a few<br /> hours after we printed the lists off Mr. Gresham was carried bodily to Hell by a legion of vengeful demons to suffer his well-deserved eternal punishment. A victory for Cosmic Justice, but a major setback for our play – at least, it would have been, had we not managed to fly in Vlad the Impaler all the way from Transylvania at enormous expense. I’m sure you’ll agree he’s every bit as evil as the original. But enough talk. I’m sure you’re anxious to see the tragedy you’ve heard so much about, so, without any further ado, I give you – Mogbeth!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ==Act One==<br /> ===Scene One===<br /> (a swamp, near the convergence of the Elwynn river, near Shirekeep. It is dusk, and the twisted trees make eerie shadows on the murk and the water. An early moon, silhouetted against the reddish sky, makes strange forms through the contours of the branches. All is still.<br /> ICA, ISA, and JADIE enter, dressed in pointy hats and black robes. They set up a cauldron on a piece of dry land, and start pouring various powders and liquids into it, murmuring among themselves. ICA starts cackling.)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ISA: When shall we three meet again? &lt;br&gt;<br /> In thunder, lightning, or in rain?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: When the hurly-burly’s done&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> When the battle’s lost and won…&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling) <br /> <br /> AAAAKAKAAAKAKAKAKAAHAHAAKA&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: When the hurly-burly’s done&lt;br&gt;<br /> When the battle’s lost and won…&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling) <br /> <br /> KAAAKAHACAKAAKKAKAKAAAAA&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: (now pretty much yelling in ICA’s ear) <br /> <br /> I SAID ‘when the<br /> hurly-burly’s done&lt;br&gt;<br /> When the battle’s lost and won…’&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling) <br /> <br /> CAKAKAKAACHHAAHCAAHAHAAAAA&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: (exasperated) <br /> <br /> That was her cue! I remember that was her cue!&lt;br&gt;<br /> What’s wrong with her?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ISA: I think she’s having too much fun cackling.&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling, now also sort of prancing around) <br /> <br /> KAAKACHCAKAKAAKACH<br /> <br /> JADIE: I think I’m going to cry…<br /> <br /> ISA: We can do the scene without her. Here, I’ll be First and Third Witch, and you can keep being Second Witch<br /> <br /> JADIE: I thought I was Third Witch!<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling) <br /> <br /> HAHAHACKCKCKAKAACHCAAKAKCHAHA<br /> <br /> ISA: …that shall be ‘ere the set of sun<br /> <br /> JADIE: Where to meet?<br /> <br /> ISA: Upon the heath<br /> <br /> JADIE AND ISA: (at exactly the same time) <br /> <br /> There we go to meet Mogbeth!<br /> <br /> JADIE: Wait! I thought that was my line! I’m Third Witch, aren’t I?<br /> <br /> ISA: No, I thought we agreed you would be Second Witch!<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: (entering, with his companion Qelathos) &lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> So foul and fair a day I have not seen&lt;br&gt;<br /> It has to be the California smog&lt;br&gt;<br /> Which, like a fetid blanket of despair&lt;br&gt;<br /> Covereth all the woods and swamps and dells&lt;br&gt;<br /> Making them hazy, giving tints of brown&lt;br&gt;<br /> To trees that once were green and…what the heck?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ISA: Gah! Look! While we’ve been arguing Mogbeth has come out and said his lines! And we didn’t even finish our part?<br /> <br /> JADIE: I am SO going to cry!<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: But hark! I hear a voice disturbs the calm &lt;br&gt;<br /> And who are these, who through the dusky light&lt;br&gt;<br /> Take on the forms of women? Three I see&lt;br&gt;<br /> But why, from out their number, doth but one&lt;br&gt;<br /> Prance through the marsh, like to a prancing deer&lt;br&gt;<br /> Insanely cackling?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: Don’t mind her, that’s Ica.<br /> <br /> ISA: She sort of has a problem with her head.<br /> <br /> (points to head)<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: They speak with tongues of humans, but their voice&lt;br&gt;<br /> Betrays a quality from other lands&lt;br&gt;<br /> It calls to mind an ashen sulfurous smell&lt;br&gt;<br /> That grates upon the senses – what is this?&lt;br&gt;<br /> They wear black pointy hats upon their heads&lt;br&gt;<br /> And cloaks as black, and shoes as black as they&lt;br&gt;<br /> And skin as green as of a leprous corpse&lt;br&gt;<br /> Almost like they were…witches!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ISA: Nice one, Einstein<br /> <br /> JADIE: The script, Isa, the script!<br /> <br /> ISA: That was the script!<br /> <br /> JADIE: What an odd script!<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: See how they sow dispute among themselves?&lt;br&gt;<br /> How now, you witches, what black purpose calls&lt;br&gt;<br /> You to this secret and unhallowed spot&lt;br&gt;<br /> At such an hour?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: Let me answer this one! I know this one!<br /> <br /> ISA: You go, girl!<br /> <br /> ICA: KAAAKAKCKCKAHAAHACKAKAKAACHAHA<br /> <br /> JADIE: All hail Mogbeth, Duke of Kildare!<br /> <br /> ISA: All hail Mogbeth, Duke of Goldshire!<br /> <br /> JADIE: All hail Mogbeth; thou shalt be Kaiser hereafter!<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: How strange a greeting do these witches give&lt;br&gt;<br /> O witches, surely knowst thou what thou sayest&lt;br&gt;<br /> Is false – the Duke of Kildare I may be&lt;br&gt;<br /> But Goldshire I am not – and Kaiser? Me?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ha ha ha ha ha…*COUGH*! That’s silly&lt;br&gt;<br /> The mighty Mors is Kaiser, and shall be&lt;br&gt;<br /> For many years hereafter. Say, Qelathos&lt;br&gt;<br /> Isn’t that silly?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> QELATHOS: Yes, indeed it is.<br /> <br /> JADIE: Hail, Qelathos!<br /> <br /> ISA: Hail, Qelathos!<br /> <br /> ICA: KAKAKAACHCHCAAKAKAHCHAKACHA<br /> <br /> JADIE: Lesser than Mogbeth, but greater!<br /> <br /> ISA: Not so happy, but much happier!<br /> <br /> JADIE: (aside) <br /> <br /> Wait, are you sure that’s how it goes? It doesn’t sound right.<br /> <br /> ISA: Yeah, kind of self-contradictory.<br /> <br /> QELATHOS: That was right. It’s creating a poetic effect through paradox.<br /> <br /> (MOGBETH glares at QELATHOS)<br /> <br /> JADIE: Thank you, Steve<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: Anyway, now that that has been cleared up&lt;br&gt;<br /> I do desire that you explain to me&lt;br&gt;<br /> What did you mean before, when in your greeting&lt;br&gt;<br /> You called me Duke of Goldshire&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> HERALD: (running in with copy of newspaper)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Duke of Goldshire was just found dead!&lt;br&gt;<br /> The victim of assassins’ knives, they say&lt;br&gt;<br /> And Kaiser Mors has named to take his place&lt;br&gt;<br /> Mogbeth of Kildare!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: Hey, you guys, that’s me!<br /> <br /> ISA: Did I call that one, or what?<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: Indeed, the witch has called that one aright&lt;br&gt;<br /> Kildare I was, and Goldshire I am made&lt;br&gt;<br /> Witch? Do you have the gift to see through Time?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Quick! Tell me next week’s winning lott’ry number!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or, failing that, explain your last remark&lt;br&gt;<br /> You said, after you said I would get Goldshire&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I could hope to Kaiser be, hereafter&lt;br&gt;<br /> Pray tell, what did you mean?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ISA: This was my line, wasn’t it?<br /> <br /> JADIE: Yours, all the way.<br /> <br /> ISA: GAH! IT’S RIGHT ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE!<br /> <br /> JADIE: Dear friends, I am afraid we have to go.&lt;br&gt;<br /> We have been called to a…a witches’ council&lt;br&gt;<br /> At….Hogwarts’! Yeah! At Hogwarts’!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (both witches exit as fast as they can, leaving Mogbeth and Qelathos)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: Such prophecies and madness do inflame&lt;br&gt;<br /> My heart with thoughts of glory; to believe&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I might one day soon the Kaiser be&lt;br&gt;<br /> Exceeds my wildest dreams – and yet they said&lt;br&gt;<br /> “All hail Mogbeth, who shall be Kais’r hereafter”&lt;br&gt;<br /> And proved their words hit truth – my mind grows numb&lt;br&gt;<br /> To dream upon such things – Qelathos, come&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> QELATHOS:<br /> Goldshire you are indeed, and yet, I sensed&lt;br&gt;<br /> Some evil in this doing; their intent&lt;br&gt;<br /> Cannot but be malicious, though their words&lt;br&gt;<br /> Present an outward truth – Mogbeth, beware&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ambition devours those who take no care&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (the two depart)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling) <br /> <br /> KAAAKACLCLAAAKCKAKAKCKAKAKCLA&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ===Scene Two===<br /> (a castle in Kildare. Lady Mogbeth’s room, an opulently furnished<br /> chamber. The Lady is reading over a letter from her husband)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (reading letter aloud in exaggerated voice) <br /> <br /> “Thus fares it well with me; but one event&lt;br&gt;<br /> Consumes my mind and makes me ill at ease&lt;br&gt;<br /> Last evening, I was ling’ring in the swamp&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (there was for this a very normal reason&lt;br&gt;<br /> which I regret I have not space to say)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> And came there on a band of witches three&lt;br&gt;<br /> They hailed me as Mogbeth, the Duke of Kildare&lt;br&gt;<br /> And then as Duke of Goldshire, then they said&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I should soon be Kaiser; well I knew&lt;br&gt;<br /> And heeded even then, the words you told&lt;br&gt;<br /> About not trusting speeches from strange women&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who dwell in swamps – yet, marvelous to tell&lt;br&gt;<br /> There then came from afar a speedy herald&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (what he was doing in the swamp beats me)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Who told me, that at Kaiser Mors’ decree&lt;br&gt;<br /> I was made Duke of Goldshire; can it be&lt;br&gt;<br /> That crown and scepter too are fated me?”&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (Lady Mogbeth puts down the letter)<br /> <br /> A chilling and an eldritch tale, but one&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I am pleased to hear; if he is Kaiser&lt;br&gt;<br /> It follows rather logically that I&lt;br&gt;<br /> Would then be Kais’ress, ruler of the land&lt;br&gt;<br /> And yet, my wretched husband is too weak&lt;br&gt;<br /> Too brimming with the milk of moogle kindness&lt;br&gt;<br /> To seize the crown, and take his given due&lt;br&gt;<br /> Unless…unless I give a little push&lt;br&gt;<br /> Compensate for the weakness of his nature&lt;br&gt;<br /> By evil so beyond the name of evil&lt;br&gt;<br /> That he becomes corrupt: POWERS OF DARKNESS&lt;br&gt;<br /> LEND ME YOUR STRENGTH!!!!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (ROBERT GRESHAM comes in, holding an expensive looking little box. He<br /> hands it to LADY MOGBETH, who signs for delivery, opens it, takes out a<br /> small pill, pops it in her mouth, and hands it back to GRESHAM, who<br /> leaves)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Now deepest darkness fills my heart and soul&lt;br&gt;<br /> And I am filled to brim with evil power&lt;br&gt;<br /> With which to tempt my lord&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (entering the chamber) <br /> <br /> Honey, I’m home! I brought you flowers!&lt;br&gt;<br /> See, aren’t they nice?&lt;br&gt;<br /> And how are you today?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Flowers indeed!&lt;br&gt;<br /> You think to buy my feelings back with flowers&lt;br&gt;<br /> When by your own admission, all last night&lt;br&gt;<br /> You spent cavorting ‘round with three strange women&lt;br&gt;<br /> In moonlit swamps?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: It wasn’t what you think!&lt;br&gt;<br /> I swear that all they did was tell my future&lt;br&gt;<br /> It was a normal, innocent occult rite&lt;br&gt;<br /> Like happens all the time in moonlit marshes!&lt;br&gt;<br /> I never touched them! Really! Never touched them!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (LADY MOGBETH looks doubtful and angry)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: O, most beloved flower of my heart?&lt;br&gt;<br /> How can I prove I love you?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: There’s a way.&lt;br&gt;<br /> But no; why did I say that? You’re too weak&lt;br&gt;<br /> Too cowardly, too pusillanimous&lt;br&gt;<br /> For me to ask for such a manly deed<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: No! I can do it! Sooth! I swear I can!&lt;br&gt;<br /> What would you have me do?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Kill Kaiser Mors!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: No, really, love, what would you have me do?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: In sooth, I’d have you kill the noble Kaiser<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: But I can’t kill the Kaiser! I’m a Duke!&lt;br&gt;<br /> His vassal – sworn to guard him to the end!&lt;br&gt;<br /> In battle, or in peace, or in the midst&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of all the fish of murky Balgurd! Zounds!&lt;br&gt;<br /> You do not know the weight of what you say!&lt;br&gt;<br /> I swore to him an oath of feudal loyalty&lt;br&gt;<br /> Which clearly said I can’t go killing royalty.<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: All right, so you don’t love me after all&lt;br&gt;<br /> A pity that we’ve wasted all these years&lt;br&gt;<br /> Together – I’ll go find some other man&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who’s got a backbone<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Wait! My love, don’t go!&lt;br&gt;<br /> If I, to prove my love to you must slay&lt;br&gt;<br /> My noble Kaiser, he’s as good as dead&lt;br&gt;<br /> To prove my love to thee, I fain would climb&lt;br&gt;<br /> Unto the ends of Micras, and would fight&lt;br&gt;<br /> Great Gahg himself, and seek, through many years,&lt;br&gt;<br /> The treasure of…<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: No need to wax poetic.&lt;br&gt;<br /> And fear ye not, my love – the witches said&lt;br&gt;<br /> That you should soon be Kaiser – this must be&lt;br&gt;<br /> Lest prophecy be prov’d a liar, and so&lt;br&gt;<br /> ‘Tis preordained the act should be successful&lt;br&gt;<br /> And thou remain uncaught – O, brave Mogbeth<br /> <br /> (she kisses him passionately. Mogbeth kisses her back even more<br /> passionately. The embrace drags on)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (in a whisper) <br /> <br /> Okay, James, not so long, the audience is beginning to wonder about us.<br /> <br /> (they break the embrace, and the HERALD enters)<br /> <br /> Herald: EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Kaiser comes to Kildare Keep anon!&lt;br&gt;<br /> To survey his dominions and to dine&lt;br&gt;<br /> And gain sweet slumber safe within its walls&lt;br&gt;<br /> He comes tonight<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: My husband, here’s our chance!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Tonight, while he is sound and fast asleep,&lt;br&gt;<br /> We stab the Kaiser!<br /> <br /> (the HERALD gapes at her, wide-eyed)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: …roll…the Kaiser roll&lt;br&gt;<br /> So that, upon his waking in the morning&lt;br&gt;<br /> He can be furnished with a tasty breakfast<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Forsooth, that’s what I meant!<br /> <br /> (the HERALD leaves)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Gahg has delivered him into our hands&lt;br&gt;<br /> Tonight, we strike – tomorrow to be royals&lt;br&gt;<br /> Get ye a Boomist Assault Grenade all ready&lt;br&gt;<br /> And I shall fix the feast; O, Mors, dine well&lt;br&gt;<br /> Tomorrow ye shall dine in Heav’n – or Hell<br /> <br /> ===Scene Three===<br /> (A dining hall. MOGBETH and LADY MOGBETH sit next to one another, and<br /> at the head of the table sits KAISER MORS II. Various other<br /> well-dressed people and servants fill the rest of the table, and the<br /> top is covered with plates steaming with all sorts of delicacies. MORS<br /> II is laughing and apparently a bit drunk, while LADY MOGBETH is<br /> looking at him and fingering the knives. MOGBETH looks kind of worried<br /> and keeps shifting his eyes)<br /> <br /> Mors II: (drunkenly, illustrating his story with hand motions)<br /> <br /> The Menelmacari rushed me from my flank&lt;br&gt;<br /> But raising high my meteor-crafted sword&lt;br&gt;<br /> I swung it round, and struck him in the chest&lt;br&gt;<br /> Piercing his heart, and yelling all the while&lt;br&gt;<br /> “Elf-snuggle that, ye diseased bovine’s son”<br /> <br /> (everyone laughs politely and pretends to be interested)<br /> <br /> Mors II: That’s it. I’m stuffed. I fear I couldn’t eat&lt;br&gt;<br /> Another bite and still depart my chair&lt;br&gt;<br /> Sluggish and weak I feel, so that I surely&lt;br&gt;<br /> Could ne’er escape the foul assassin’s knife&lt;br&gt;<br /> Well, now I’m off to bed – you know, I sleep&lt;br&gt;<br /> Sound as a rock – I surely couldn’t hear&lt;br&gt;<br /> If one of you at midnight were to come&lt;br&gt;<br /> With foul intent into my room at night&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ha ha! Well, Somnis keep!<br /> <br /> (the other guests gradually depart and go off to bed, so that MOGBETH<br /> and LADY MOGBETH are in the room alone)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Now is the time, my love, that you must strike!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Seize destiny by the wrist, and drag her onwards&lt;br&gt;<br /> And other similar metaphors – ‘tis time!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Perhaps a little longer to consider&lt;br&gt;<br /> Killing your boss is quite a major step&lt;br&gt;<br /> In one’s career – not something to be taken&lt;br&gt;<br /> So lightly on a whim<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Fool! Coward! Go!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: O, coward conscience, how doth thou afflict me!<br /> <br /> Robert Gresham: (rising up from the audience) <br /> <br /> You idiot! Zhat’s not a quote vrom Macbeth! Zhat’s vrom King Richard III! Don’t you even know<br /> your own play you’re trying to parody? Vhat idiots you all are! Vhy, I<br /> remember the day vhen only mature, intelligent people vould write plays<br /> or try to parody Shakesp…(Gresham is dragged out of the audience by<br /> uniformed guards. Throughout his speech, Mogbeth is shaking, looking<br /> back, and generally seeming nervous)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth (in soliloquy):<br /> <br /> Is this a BO0O/\/\ist Assault Grenade I see before me?&lt;br&gt;<br /> The pin turned to my hand? Come, let me clutch thee&lt;br&gt;<br /> I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Art thou not fatal vision, sensible&lt;br&gt;<br /> To feeling as to sight? or art thou&lt;br&gt;<br /> but a BO0O/\/\ist Assault Grenade of the mind, a false creation,&lt;br&gt;<br /> Proceeding from the orange-beer-oppressed brain?&lt;br&gt;<br /> I see thee yet, in form as palpable&lt;br&gt;<br /> As this which now I draw. Thou marshall’st me <br /> The way that I was going;&lt;br&gt;<br /> And such an instrument I was to use.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Mine eyes are made the fool o’ the other senses&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or else worth all the rest; I see thee still,&lt;br&gt;<br /> And on thy detonator gouts of blood,&lt;br&gt;<br /> Which was not so before. There's no such thing&lt;br&gt;<br /> It is the bloody business which informs&lt;br&gt;<br /> Thus to my eyes…<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (in soliloquy) <br /> <br /> Gah, my crazy husband&lt;br&gt;<br /> What is he doing now – dreaming up weapons?&lt;br&gt;<br /> I see that if I want the job done right&lt;br&gt;<br /> I must proceed myself – well, very well&lt;br&gt;<br /> Leave him here prating on hallucinations&lt;br&gt;<br /> Now, where’d I put my icepick…right, the shed<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (still muttering to self) <br /> <br /> Hear it not, Mors, for ‘tis a knell&lt;br&gt;<br /> That summons thee to Heaven or to the PRH.<br /> <br /> (LADY MOGBETH goes off stage for a few seconds while MOGBETH is still<br /> soliloquizing. She returns with an icepick and proceeds to the other<br /> side of the stage, leaving view. A cry is heard in the voice of KAISER<br /> MORS II, and then a smashing noise. LADY MOGBETH crosses the stage<br /> again, with a smug look on her face, and drags MOGBETH behind her. The<br /> curtain closes.)<br /> <br /> ==Act Two==<br /> ===Scene One===<br /> (the next morning. The dining hall of Kildare Keep. MOGBETH and LADY<br /> MOGBETH are both there, eating cereal, which is revealed to be<br /> “Breakfast Squids” from “Invader Zim”. MOGBETH has a nervous twitch,<br /> and every time he twitches, LADY MOGBETH pokes him under the table.<br /> Slowly some of the other guests enter the hall, including LETIFER, a<br /> distant relative of the Kaiser, QELATHOS, the Baron of Kitanus Fields<br /> and MOGBETH’s friend and companion, and SIR JACKABAR, LETIFER’s<br /> captain-at-arms.)<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Our noble Kaiser sleepeth late this morning<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: I’m certain it was all the orange beer&lt;br&gt;<br /> He drank last night – a horse could not have stood it<br /> <br /> Qelathos: ‘Tis truth, my lady, but I do remember&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Kaiser never missed food in the past<br /> <br /> Letifer: I never saw the meal nor saw the table&lt;br&gt;<br /> Where Mors was not the first one to arrive&lt;br&gt;<br /> And last to leave<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: I’m…urp…sure he’s merely tired<br /> <br /> Sir Jackabar: You seem unwell, my lord<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (breaking out of pentameter) <br /> <br /> Nope. Never been better. Happy<br /> Mog, yup, I’m feeling just great. <br /> <br /> (whistles nervously to self) <br /> <br /> Oh what<br /> a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I’ve got a beautiful<br /> feeling, no one’s going to find out I killed the K…er….kupo!<br /> <br /> Herald: (running in) <br /> <br /> Alas! Alack! Ah, rue the day! Oh, shucks!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Our fearless Kaiser, mighty Mors, is dead!&lt;br&gt;<br /> They found him with a bloody icepick in him&lt;br&gt;<br /> Wedged deep into his heart! Oh, bloody hell!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Oh woe, oh blast, oh perkele, oh bah!&lt;br&gt;<br /> His sword shall never slay another foe<br /> His…<br /> <br /> Letifer: (turning white) <br /> <br /> You say the Kaiser’s dead?<br /> <br /> Qelathos: This cannot be!<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Oh Mors, thou light to all the Shirerithians!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who could regret your death more than do I?&lt;br&gt;<br /> I loved my Kaiser as myself *disclaimer*&lt;br&gt;<br /> Oh, this is terrible, blah blah blah blah&lt;br&gt;<br /> Since I’m so sad, I surely didn’t do it<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Right, me neither<br /> <br /> Letifer: We must launch an inquiry right away!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Right! An inquiry! I’ll do everything I can to hunt down the<br /> REAL killer, Judge Ito…er…Letifer.<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Good Letifer, I fear you are in danger&lt;br&gt;<br /> Being the rightful heir, the frightful fiend&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who killed your distant cousin may intend&lt;br&gt;<br /> That you be next<br /> <br /> Letifer: What? Would you have me flee?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (composing himself) <br /> <br /> It would be for the best, my dear<br /> companion.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Why don’t you go to Yardistan to stay&lt;br&gt;<br /> With Anarch Nick; there, surely, you are safe&lt;br&gt;<br /> For none will enter that strange Duchy lest&lt;br&gt;<br /> They be annexed<br /> <br /> Qelathos: The Duke speaks wisely here&lt;br&gt;<br /> We’ll call you back to come to Shirekeep when&lt;br&gt;<br /> Your cousin has been mourned his proper span&lt;br&gt;<br /> To have your coronation<br /> <br /> Letifer: But wouldn’t that provide a perfect window&lt;br&gt;<br /> For someone to usurp the throne himself?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Maybe…<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Maybe, and be careful with those gender-specific pronouns<br /> <br /> Mogbeth and Lady Mogbeth: (in unison) <br /> <br /> But who would do a nasty thing<br /> like that?<br /> <br /> Letifer: Then ‘tis decided; to the Isle I go<br /> <br /> Sir Jackabar: My master, I shall follow and protect&lt;br&gt;<br /> Your ride from harm, your person from assault<br /> <br /> Letifer: So let it be&lt;br&gt;<br /> Last night’s events, if nothing else, must prove&lt;br&gt;<br /> That there are those who hold the Kaiser’s crown&lt;br&gt;<br /> In precious little honor – hey, Mogbeth&lt;br&gt;<br /> Could you watch o’er the throne, and keep it safe?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Make sure that no pretender steals my crown&lt;br&gt;<br /> While I’m away?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (smiling) <br /> <br /> I think that he could do that.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Yeeeeesss….yes I coulllddd….<br /> <br /> Letifer: I am in your debt <br /> <br /> (stands and addresses those present)<br /> <br /> Friends, Shirerithians, countrymen, lend me your…<br /> <br /> (ROBERT GRESHAM walks back in, slamming the theater doors behind him)<br /> <br /> Gresham: And zhat line’s vrom Julius Caesar, or I’m Peter Hickey. Vhy<br /> don’t you immature idiots get a life and stop getting your plays mixed<br /> up and try for vonce in your hopevully short lives to…<br /> <br /> (once again,<br /> Gresham is dragged away)<br /> <br /> Letifer: …ears&lt;br&gt;<br /> An awful tragedy has run its course&lt;br&gt;<br /> My noble cousin Kaiser Mors is dead&lt;br&gt;<br /> And part of Shireroth has also died&lt;br&gt;<br /> But I maintain that, staying firm and strong&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Empire shall rise up, and, in its wrath&lt;br&gt;<br /> Shall punish those who struck it – thou, Mogbeth&lt;br&gt;<br /> Thou most humane and honorable moogle&lt;br&gt;<br /> Keep for me this in trust while I am gone<br /> <br /> (Letifer hands Mogbeth the crown)<br /> <br /> And hold for me the empire – that is all&lt;br&gt;<br /> And thou, my nobles, Barons, Dukes, and friends&lt;br&gt;<br /> Pay heed to him, like his word was my own&lt;br&gt;<br /> And now, we ride – Jackabar, to your horse!&lt;br&gt;<br /> We must be off ‘ere day has run its course!<br /> <br /> ===Scene Two===<br /> (Castle Ni!, the capital of Yardistan. Four to six weeks later. ANARCH<br /> NICHOLAS is sitting in his audience hall, chatting with LETIFER. SIR<br /> JACKABAR is polishing a sword on a chair nearby)<br /> <br /> Letifer: My Anarch, let my voice the praises sing&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of this your balmy and pleasurable isle&lt;br&gt;<br /> Four to six weeks have passed, and every day&lt;br&gt;<br /> I marvel at the fruits, the towns, the men&lt;br&gt;<br /> The women; but each day, my worry grows&lt;br&gt;<br /> Why does no page from Shirekeep appear&lt;br&gt;<br /> To call me to my kingdom; surely now&lt;br&gt;<br /> The culprits have been caught, the realm is safe&lt;br&gt;<br /> What ruse or purpose doth delay Mogbeth?<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Perhaps some spate of trouble took his mind&lt;br&gt;<br /> Off his inquiry, noble lord – but hark!&lt;br&gt;<br /> A herald comes, in liveries of Shirekeep!<br /> <br /> Herald: EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Wicked Mogbeth has seized himself the throne!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Declared himself the Kaiser, grabbed the crown&lt;br&gt;<br /> And exil’d Letifer; o, rue the day!&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Dukes have not the backbone to protest&lt;br&gt;<br /> And all of Shireroth is in his hands&lt;br&gt;<br /> Save Yardistan alone<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Grim tidings indeed <br /> <br /> (dismisses HERALD)<br /> <br /> <br /> Fond Letifer, my Duchy and my men&lt;br&gt;<br /> Are at your service; yea – the false Mogbeth&lt;br&gt;<br /> Must gain his just dessert for his rank deeds<br /> <br /> Jackabar:<br /> Yea, Letifer, I too take up your flag&lt;br&gt;<br /> And vow to lead your regiment of men&lt;br&gt;<br /> ‘gainst the usurper<br /> <br /> Letifer: Friends, tonight we march&lt;br&gt;<br /> I thank you for your friendship and support&lt;br&gt;<br /> The black pretender shall not last the month!&lt;br&gt;<br /> To Shirekeep!<br /> <br /> All: To Shirekeep!<br /> <br /> (everyone gets their weaponry ready and starts getting into armor and<br /> marching off the stage. Finally, only LETIFER remains)<br /> <br /> Letifer: (in soliloquy) <br /> <br /> My crown, my throne, my very kingdom rent&lt;br&gt;<br /> Out of my hands; who does he think he is?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Sirithil or someone? Mighty Gahg in heav’n&lt;br&gt;<br /> Give me the strength to rectify this wrong&lt;br&gt;<br /> To slay the traitor who was once my friend&lt;br&gt;<br /> So his repression, and this play, can end<br /> <br /> (he departs)<br /> <br /> ===Scene Three===<br /> (Castle Shirekeep. MOGBETH sits on the throne, with LADY MOGBETH beside<br /> him. The heavy wooden door opens, and QELATHOS enters)<br /> <br /> Qelathos: How now, Mogbeth, Lady Mogbeth?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: If it is not our most dear friend Qelathos&lt;br&gt;<br /> Come from Kitanus Fields; good sir, sit down&lt;br&gt;<br /> Servant, pull up a chair, and let us hear&lt;br&gt;<br /> What purpose calls our friend so far from home<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Dispensing with all tact, I shall be blunt&lt;br&gt;<br /> Why sitteth thou upon that noble seat&lt;br&gt;<br /> In place of Letifer?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth:<br /> Why, my good man!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Hadn’t you heard that Letifer was the culprit?<br /> <br /> Qelathos: The culprit?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: The culprit?<br /> <br /> (LADY MOGBETH pokes him)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Oh! Right! The CULPRIT! Silly me, I thought you said carpet!<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth:<br /> Indeed, my dear Qelathos, it is true.&lt;br&gt;<br /> I too could not believe it, ‘till I saw&lt;br&gt;<br /> With mine own eyes his dagger, with his seal&lt;br&gt;<br /> Stuck in the breast of Mors<br /> <br /> Qelathos:<br /> But that can’t be!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Distinctly I remember that I heard&lt;br&gt;<br /> The good Sir Jackabar inform us all&lt;br&gt;<br /> That Mors, the lord of Shireroth was killed&lt;br&gt;<br /> By a most wicked icepick<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: There was a second stabber!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Yes! From the grassy knoll!<br /> <br /> Qelathos: What the PRH are you two talking about?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Oh, don’t mind us&lt;br&gt;<br /> Suffice it to remember that our friend&lt;br&gt;<br /> Our once friend, Letifer, stands clearly guilty&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of a most awful crime, of course you see&lt;br&gt;<br /> He can’t be Kaiser, so the Kaiser’s me<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Thank you for such an update – I depart&lt;br&gt;<br /> With fewer troubles, and a lighter heart<br /> <br /> (Qelathos leaves)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Nice chap, isn’t he?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: He must die.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: What?!?!?!?!!?!?!<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: My lord, he hath betrayed he hath suspicion&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of us, and our ambitions; he doth doubt&lt;br&gt;<br /> The truth of our account, and in his mind&lt;br&gt;<br /> Debates the issue; though relieved for now&lt;br&gt;<br /> Soon he may question matters once again&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or voice his cautions; such accounts, in telling&lt;br&gt;<br /> Can start the peasants or the lords rebelling<br /> <br /> Mogbeth:He was a friend, faithful and just to me&lt;br&gt;<br /> But my wife says Qelathos has suspicion&lt;br&gt;<br /> And sure, she is an honorable…<br /> <br /> (ROBERT GRESHAM runs in, shouting incoherently, but is restrained by<br /> ushers and escorted out of the theater once again)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Gah. If I do this, will you kiss me again?<br /> <br /> (LADY MOGBETH checks the script)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Apparently yes.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Okay, okay, I’ll hire some assassins tomorrow.<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Tonight<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Fine, tonight.<br /> <br /> (they embrace)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (after a minute or so, in a whisper) <br /> <br /> James, the audience<br /> is getting disturbed again <br /> <br /> (the two depart)<br /> <br /> ==Act Three==<br /> ===Scene One===<br /> (Castle Shirekeep, in the reception room. One to three weeks later.<br /> MOGBETH and LADY MOGBETH sit on their thrones. A number of guards,<br /> servants, and others are all around them, listening intently for<br /> orders. MOGBETH is soliloquizing to himself)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Now is the autumn of our mild irritation&lt;br&gt;<br /> And fears and problems fall from Heav’n like leaves&lt;br&gt;<br /> All my ambitions have turned out aright&lt;br&gt;<br /> My goals achievements – I am got the throne!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Yet dread buzzes around me like a gnat&lt;br&gt;<br /> I cannot slap away – O, wretched friend&lt;br&gt;<br /> O poor Qelathos! Your death haunts me yet!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Death at the hands of hired thugs, who I&lt;br&gt;<br /> I, who fought with you in so many battles&lt;br&gt;<br /> Hired and paid – and now, I fear that still&lt;br&gt;<br /> Stern Gahg shall throw on me another ill<br /> <br /> Herald: EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Queen Sirithil of Menelmacar hath sent&lt;br&gt;<br /> To Shirekeep a worthy personage&lt;br&gt;<br /> To talk to Mog the Kaiser, and discuss&lt;br&gt;<br /> Varied arrangements touching land and aid<br /> <br /> Mogbeth:<br /> At last – the man I sent for has arrived&lt;br&gt;<br /> If all goes well, Menelmacar can send&lt;br&gt;<br /> Men to my aid, lest Letifer, the heir&lt;br&gt;<br /> Try to dethrone me – their support would bring&lt;br&gt;<br /> Such power, that ev’n Nick must call me king<br /> <br /> Herald: Your highness, presenting the Prefect of State for the Eternal<br /> Imperium of Menelmacar, His Excellency Jason Steffke<br /> <br /> Ambassador: Harvey. Harvey Steffke.<br /> <br /> Herald: The script distinctly says Jason<br /> <br /> Ambassador: It’s Harvey. Trust me on this one.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Welcome, good sir, to Shireroth&lt;br&gt;<br /> I trust your journey went with you aright?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Here, have some orange beer, and let us talk&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of military aid<br /> <br /> Ambassador: It can’t be done.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: What?<br /> <br /> Ambassador: Menelmacar’s, at present, a bit stretched&lt;br&gt;<br /> What with the threat of terrorist attacks&lt;br&gt;<br /> And fearsome Baracao, which still looms&lt;br&gt;<br /> Like to a scorpion, threatening to strike&lt;br&gt;<br /> At any moment – no, it can’t be done&lt;br&gt;<br /> We lack a single company to send&lt;br&gt;<br /> To Shireroth’s defense<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: But sir, you must!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Word comes from Yardistan that ten thousand men&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or more, approach my castle! Day by day&lt;br&gt;<br /> They closer come, and though my faithful guards&lt;br&gt;<br /> Are valiant, they are few, and cannot hold&lt;br&gt;<br /> The keep forever; anything you ask&lt;br&gt;<br /> That Shireroth has to offer, can be yours&lt;br&gt;<br /> If you but aide us<br /> <br /> Ambassador: A well-phrased request.&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Baracaoan presence grows near Tapfer&lt;br&gt;<br /> While we lack bases there to hold them off&lt;br&gt;<br /> Shireroth there holds Mirioth and Amity&lt;br&gt;<br /> That is our price<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Well, take your price and shove it!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Those islands have been holy to the gods&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of Shireroth for…for a whole darned lot of years&lt;br&gt;<br /> Should we give up their temples, then the powers&lt;br&gt;<br /> Divine would turn against us, and our land&lt;br&gt;<br /> Crumble to ruin! We have not an agreement.<br /> <br /> Ambassador: Suit yourself (turns to leave)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (to the AMBASSADOR) <br /> <br /> Wait a second, would you? (to<br /> MOGBETH) <br /> <br /> Dear husband, worry not of silly tales&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of wrath divine, written on musty scrolls&lt;br&gt;<br /> Surely the gods support you; had they not&lt;br&gt;<br /> You shouldn’t have been Kaiser, and the witches&lt;br&gt;<br /> Gave you Fate’s blessing; thus, dismiss your fears&lt;br&gt;<br /> Menelmacari men-at-arms can help&lt;br&gt;<br /> To fend off Yardistan, and keep us safe&lt;br&gt;<br /> While fables about gods and ancient curses&lt;br&gt;<br /> Are nothing more than dead and empty verses<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Very well, Mr. Steffke<br /> <br /> Ambassador: Harvey!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: But…but…I used your last name!<br /> <br /> Ambassador: Sorry, I guess I’m getting oversensitive<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: You shall have Mirioth as you requested&lt;br&gt;<br /> And Amity beside, if you send aid&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ten companies of worthy, hardened soldiers&lt;br&gt;<br /> To fend off Letifer, and keep my throne&lt;br&gt;<br /> Is it a deal?<br /> <br /> Ambassador: It is.<br /> <br /> (the two shake hands. AMBASSADOR STEFFKE presents him with a treaty,<br /> which MOGBETH signs. The AMBASSADOR then departs)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: My nervousness is out of all control&lt;br&gt;<br /> I felt as if I signed away my soul!<br /> <br /> ==Scene Two==<br /> (A beach in Brookshire. A fleet of ships is anchored in a natural<br /> harbor. On the beach, drinking wine and playing cards, are ANARCH<br /> NICHOLAS and LETIFER. In the background, soldiers and retainers can be<br /> seen setting up camp)<br /> <br /> Nicholas:<br /> Dry land! The two most perfect, pleasing words&lt;br&gt;<br /> In all the English phrases I have heard&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or, in the Yardistani dialect,&lt;br&gt;<br /> “y drjye lindhe”, which also sounds quite cool&lt;br&gt;<br /> After a week of travel on the seas&lt;br&gt;<br /> From Castle Ni! our band of men have reached&lt;br&gt;<br /> The shores of Brookshire, poised for the attack&lt;br&gt;<br /> On Shirekeep, and evil Kaiser Mog&lt;br&gt;<br /> And, unafraid of dangers we may meet&lt;br&gt;<br /> I’m just glad to have earth beneath my feet<br /> <br /> Letifer: Well said, my noble Anarch. To dry land! <br /> <br /> (they toast dry land,<br /> and SIR JACKABAR enters)<br /> <br /> Letifer: What news, Sir Jackabar, bear’st ye of the war?<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Most bad, my liege.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Mogbeth has somehow gotten to his side&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ten companies of Menelmacari men&lt;br&gt;<br /> That swell his ranks to twice the size of ours&lt;br&gt;<br /> And make a daunting enemy indeed<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Menelmacar?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who should have thought the elves would lend them aid?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Embroiled as they are with Baracao&lt;br&gt;<br /> I wonder what the traitor gave for that?<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Wonder no more, milord&lt;br&gt;<br /> The rumor that my spies have snatched at goes&lt;br&gt;<br /> That Kaiser Mog has won his elvish friends&lt;br&gt;<br /> By ceding Amity<br /> <br /> Letifer: It cannot be!<br /> <br /> Not even Mog the traitor is so base!<br /> <br /> Jackabar: And yet, I fear it is.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Amity he gave, and Mirioth too.<br /> <br /> Nicholas: This doth present a dire case indeed&lt;br&gt;<br /> And spurs me on to fight him double-hard&lt;br&gt;<br /> Sir Stone, what of our armies?<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Gahg willing, while proceeding to the Keep&lt;br&gt;<br /> The peasants to our standard shall arrive&lt;br&gt;<br /> To fight the tyrant, swelling up our ranks<br /> <br /> Letifer: Yes, keep me updated on that.<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Will do, my liege.<br /> <br /> (Jackabar departs, and the other two resume their card-playing)<br /> <br /> ===Scene Three===<br /> (The reception hall in Castle Shirekeep. MOGBETH and LADY MOGBETH are<br /> still on their respective thrones. Retainers and guards still fill the<br /> remainder of the room. If anything has changed since Scene One, it is<br /> in the wrinkles of worry on MOGBETH’s face)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (to his queen)<br /> <br /> This morning, when I went to break the fast&lt;br&gt;<br /> I thought I saw the face of good Qelathos&lt;br&gt;<br /> Appearing in the jam – and then at dinner&lt;br&gt;<br /> I took a succulent cucumber to sup&lt;br&gt;<br /> And then shrunk back in horror, for to me&lt;br&gt;<br /> It seemed the perfect likeness of Qelathos&lt;br&gt;<br /> I swear, my love, his ghost is stalking me!<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Thinkest thee thou hast issues? I’ve got issues.&lt;br&gt;<br /> This morning, when I went to wash my hands&lt;br&gt;<br /> I saw a spot of blood upon my palm&lt;br&gt;<br /> I washed and washed, yet, to my sight it seemed&lt;br&gt;<br /> The bloodstain only grew<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Are you sure you weren’t just washing your hands so hard they<br /> started to bleed?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Shut up.<br /> <br /> Herald: EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Brrapa Lu Eraro, the famous prophet&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who hears the voice of Gahg with hallowed ears&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who roams the land, preaching his path to men&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who heals the sick, and drives the healthy mad&lt;br&gt;<br /> Four hundred eighty two in mortal years&lt;br&gt;<br /> Whom none may spurn and live, he now arrives!&lt;br&gt;<br /> E’en now he enters Shirekeep!<br /> <br /> (MOGBETH is showing several signs of a nervous breakdown)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Mog, stay calm.&lt;br&gt;<br /> This ancient senile man could never harm us&lt;br&gt;<br /> He is a bother, to be heard politely&lt;br&gt;<br /> And then be shown the door; this talk of prophets&lt;br&gt;<br /> Madmen, and gods, does no one any harm&lt;br&gt;<br /> The man’s so old that he’s become demented&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ignore the fool, and then he’ll go aw…<br /> <br /> (BRRAPA LU ERARO bursts unannounced into the reception room. He has an<br /> absurdly long beard that reaches all the way to the floor, and is<br /> carrying a staff with a dragon’s head in one hand and a sword in the<br /> other. He wears long red and orange robes that reach to the floor, and<br /> is munching on a mango)<br /> <br /> Brrapa Lu Eraro:<br /> MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!!!!!!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Welcome to Shirekeep, O noble prophet&lt;br&gt;<br /> Well know I of your repute in these parts&lt;br&gt;<br /> And closeness to the gods. I do invite&lt;br&gt;<br /> Thee to be…<br /> <br /> Brrapa: (singing in an Argentine accent)<br /> <br /> RRRRRRROOOOXXXXXAAAAANNNNEEEE!!!!!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (growing exasperated)<br /> <br /> Speak, ye old man, and tell us of your woes&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or else begone, ‘ere I add to them!<br /> <br /> Brrapa: Woes? You want woes? Woah, this is a big reception room! Woah,<br /> that’s one expensive crown you’re wearing. Woah, that’s one<br /> good-looking queen yo…<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: I don’t have time for games!<br /> <br /> Brrapa: You don’t have time for games? No time for games?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Then, my dear man, you don’t have time for life!&lt;br&gt; <br /> And ought to do yourself a fav’r and die.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: I can’t get a straight sentence out of this man!<br /> <br /> Brrapa: From me? Straight sentence? Sir, I am a prophet!&lt;br&gt;<br /> You doth insult my noblest of professions?!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Prophet is a profession?<br /> <br /> Brrapa: Or a prophession. Spelling! Take your choice.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Were I to profit from my job as prophet&lt;br&gt;<br /> Then prophecy would be profession, but&lt;br&gt;<br /> Seeing as I am a non-profit prophet&lt;br&gt;<br /> I must profess to have no such profession&lt;br&gt;<br /> Save in professing what the gods prophess&lt;br&gt;<br /> For profit of mankind. Do you kapish?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Your words do go in circles round my head<br /> <br /> Brrapa: ‘Tis an improvement<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: An improvement?<br /> <br /> Brrapa: Myself, I always thought you were a blockhead.&lt;br&gt; <br /> So circles are a definite improvement<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: That is your godly wisdom? Jokes and insults?<br /> <br /> Brrapa: That is my human wisdom, which I reckon&lt;br&gt;<br /> You’d recognize, if you had something like it&lt;br&gt;<br /> Regarding godly matters though, I fear&lt;br&gt;<br /> I have not yet begun<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Well, get thee to it!<br /> <br /> Brrapa: I forgot.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: You forgot your prophecy?<br /> <br /> Brrapa: I dare say I had so much fun with words&lt;br&gt;<br /> It right escaped my head&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ah well, ‘twas nice to speak to you, Mogbeth&lt;br&gt;<br /> Hail and farewell!<br /> <br /> (he walks out of the chamber. Right on the threshold of the door, he<br /> hits his head gives a grunt of satisfaction. Then he wheels around to<br /> stand before MOGBETH and LADY MOGBETH again, and begins to speak, in a<br /> low, serious voice)<br /> <br /> Brrapa: Hear now the voice of Gahg, the king of men&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of angels, demons, spirits, and of gods&lt;br&gt;<br /> And sloths, and fruit bats, and all sorts of birds,&lt;br&gt;<br /> And garden pests and household pets and squids&lt;br&gt;<br /> Cetaceans, mollusks, arthropods, and krill&lt;br&gt;<br /> Bacteria, prions, and et cetera!&lt;br&gt;<br /> “Why giveth thou fair Mirioth away?&lt;br&gt;<br /> I liked that place a lot! Here in the world&lt;br&gt;<br /> It was a prime location – not too hot&lt;br&gt;<br /> But not too cold, and none of that awful humidity stuff you get further<br /> south&lt;br&gt;<br /> But now, it lies within the greedy hands&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of the Soloralists. I WANT IT BACK!&lt;br&gt;<br /> And being King of Gods and Men and all&lt;br&gt;<br /> I plan to call on you an awful vengeance&lt;br&gt;<br /> Fear me, Mogbeth! Fear me, almighty Gahg!&lt;br&gt;<br /> BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH!”<br /> <br /> (Brrapa bows and walks calmly out of the room)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Alas! Now Gahg Himself seeketh revenge&lt;br&gt;<br /> And news from the Brookshirerithian coast&lt;br&gt;<br /> Rumors that Nick has landed with his men&lt;br&gt;<br /> And I must go to meet them. Wretched me!<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Fear not, fond husband; thou shalt still prevail&lt;br&gt;<br /> Visit again those witches, who before&lt;br&gt;<br /> Gave such wise council; they shall comfort thee&lt;br&gt;<br /> And tell thee what to do; show thee thy path&lt;br&gt;<br /> And piercing through the distance of the years&lt;br&gt;<br /> Remove thy worries, and allay thy fears<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Wise words, wife, yea, as always; I depart&lt;br&gt;<br /> To learn my future, and to soothe my heart<br /> <br /> (Mogbeth leaves)<br /> <br /> ==Act Four==<br /> ===Scene One===<br /> (The swamp. In the center of the clearing are JADIE, ICA, and ISA. They<br /> are dancing around a massive black cauldron. Next to them on the ground<br /> is a sports bag reading ACME SPELL COMPONENTS – YOUR SOURCE FOR ALL<br /> REPTILIAN BODY PARTS. They each hold a magic wand with an inverted<br /> pentacle on it)<br /> <br /> Isa: Thrice the brinded cat hath mewed!<br /> <br /> Jadie: Thrice and once the hedge-pig whined.<br /> <br /> Ica: KACHAAKLELCAKACLECKAACLEKACALE<br /> <br /> Isa: (to JADIE) <br /> <br /> I thought you were going to make her see reason while<br /> everyone else was doing Acts Two and Three!<br /> <br /> Jadie: I tried! I tried! Watch! (to ICA) <br /> <br /> Erica! Snap out of it! Now!<br /> <br /> Ica: KAHACCALELAHCAALELKCAHACAALKELE<br /> <br /> Isa: Oh, that is it! I am SICK of her ruining our part all the time!<br /> <br /> (fingering magic wand) Do these things work? <br /> <br /> (waves wand at ICA)<br /> <br /> Ica: KAAACHAAHAAKAKAALACHAKC….urp! <br /> <br /> (ICA disappears in a puff of pink<br /> smoke. The entire cast suddenly assembles on the stage and starts<br /> singing)<br /> <br /> All: Ding dong, the witch is dead!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Which old witch?&lt;br&gt;<br /> The crazy witch!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ding dong, the crazy witch is dead!&lt;br&gt;<br /> She’s gone where the goblins go&lt;br&gt;<br /> Below, below, below&lt;br&gt;<br /> Hi-ho, let’s open up and sing!<br /> <br /> (Everyone slowly files off the stage except ROBERT GRESHAM, who<br /> addresses the two remaining WITCHES and the audience)<br /> <br /> Gresham: First it vas Richard III. Then it vas two…count zem….two<br /> references vrom Julius Caesar. Now it’s the bloody Vizard of bloody Oz!<br /> Vhat’s next, Romeo and Juliet?<br /> <br /> Jadie: (running wildly about the stage) <br /> <br /> O Harvey, Harvey, wherefore art<br /> thou, Harvey?<br /> <br /> Gresham: (disgusted) <br /> <br /> Oh, I give up. <br /> <br /> (departs)<br /> <br /> (ISA looks around, and realizes that, JADIE having run off through a<br /> stage door, she is now alone.)<br /> <br /> Isa: Jadie? Ica? HELLO? I can’t do this scene by myself! I really<br /> can’t! <br /> <br /> (ISA’s eyes fall on her magic wand) <br /> <br /> Ahaa! <br /> <br /> (she waves the wand in<br /> the air. There is a puff of pink smoke, and JENN materializes.)<br /> <br /> Jenn: Well, this was unexpected…where am I? Oooh! Witchcraft! What are<br /> we doing?<br /> <br /> Isa: (pulling out script and glancing at it) <br /> <br /> We’re summoning the Devil.<br /> <br /> Jenn: (horrified) <br /> <br /> But witches don’t summon the devil! That’s just a<br /> popular prejudice! They really continue ancient traditions and get in<br /> touch with Nature!<br /> <br /> Isa: Sorry, Jenn, but it’s in the script.<br /> <br /> Jenn: Oh, fine. If you really must know, I’ve kinda always wanted to<br /> summon the devil. Just don’t tell any of the other Wiccans in my coven<br /> or I’d be in massive trouble. Which reminds me…coven…we still need a<br /> third person.<br /> <br /> Isa: No problem. (ISA waves her wand again. There is another cloud of<br /> pink smoke, and ARCHETYPE materializes.)<br /> <br /> Isa: Archetype? But you’re not even female!<br /> <br /> (ARCHETYPE uses biokinesis to turn ISA into a toad.)<br /> <br /> Isa: Ribbit. Ribbit. RIBBIT?!?!?!?!?!<br /> <br /> Jenn: Fine! You can be a witch too! Change her back!<br /> <br /> (ARCHETYPE changes ISA back into a human)<br /> <br /> Isa: That was unpleasant. Fine, you can stay here, as long as you<br /> pretend to be a woman.<br /> <br /> Archetype: Sorry, but you’ve got someone from the wrong Menelmacar for<br /> that.<br /> <br /> Isa: Fine, fine, just as long as you do your part for the spell.<br /> <br /> Archetype: What are we doing?<br /> <br /> Isa: We’re summoning the Devil.<br /> <br /> Archetype: The Devil? That’s SO passé. Summon Yog-Sothoth!<br /> <br /> Isa: (hands script to ARCHETYPE) <br /> <br /> We’ll summon who they’re paying us to<br /> summon, okay.<br /> <br /> Archetype: Very well.<br /> <br /> (The three link arms and start dancing around the cauldron.)<br /> <br /> Isa: (chanting) <br /> <br /> Three weird sisters, hand in hand<br /> <br /> Archetype: A-HEM!<br /> <br /> Isa: (chanting) <br /> <br /> Two weird sisters, and one weird brother, hand in hand<br /> <br /> Archetype: A-HEM!<br /> <br /> Isa: (chanting) <br /> <br /> Two weird sisters, and one REALLY weird brother, hand<br /> in hand<br /> <br /> Archetype: (smiling smugly) <br /> <br /> Posters of the sea and land<br /> <br /> Isa: Thrice to mine…<br /> <br /> Jenn: And thrice to thine<br /> <br /> Archetype: And thrice again To make up twenty-three<br /> <br /> Jenn and Isa: (in unison) <br /> <br /> NINE!<br /> <br /> Archetype: Nine. Right, that’s what I said.<br /> <br /> (the three continue dancing and chanting)<br /> <br /> Isa: (reaching into the Acme Spell Components bag, placing each<br /> component into the cauldron<br /> as she names it)<br /> <br /> Camel fur, from Babkha brought&lt;br&gt;<br /> MagiGARP, at midnight caught&lt;br&gt;<br /> Newt’s eye, tongue of talking dog&lt;br&gt;<br /> Demon’s blood, accursed by Gahg&lt;br&gt;<br /> Blue moose antler, kiwi feather&lt;br&gt;<br /> In the cauldron boil together!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> All: Double, double, toil and trouble&lt;br&gt;<br /> Fire burn and cauldron bubble<br /> <br /> Jenn: Bundes stag and zlatni rat&lt;br&gt;<br /> Whisker from half-elf-half-cat,&lt;br&gt;<br /> Micron hair and dragon scale&lt;br&gt;<br /> Monkey wing and wombat tail&lt;br&gt;<br /> Wool of sheep and dolphin fin&lt;br&gt;<br /> Banana peel and mango skin&lt;br&gt;<br /> To the cauldron get thee in!<br /> <br /> All: Double, double, toil and trouble&lt;br&gt;<br /> Fire burn and cauldron bubble<br /> <br /> Archetype: Cool the stuff with squid-wrung ink&lt;br&gt;<br /> Now the charm is done, I think<br /> <br /> (The three look into the cauldron. An evil-looking, greasy black smoke<br /> is emanating from it. All raise their wands.)<br /> <br /> Isa: (swinging wand) Abracadabra! Hocus-pocus! Presto-chango!<br /> <br /> Jenn: (swinging wand) <br /> <br /> Arirahikkala! Tatuahponnen! Paavolipponen!<br /> <br /> Archetype: (swinging wand) <br /> <br /> Skidoo! Ewigeblumenkraft! FNORD!!!!!!!!<br /> <br /> (there is a clap of thunder, a flash of lightning, and a puff of fetid<br /> green smoke. ROBERT GRESHAM appears)<br /> <br /> Gresham: You call THAT a devil-summoning? That was the most pathetic<br /> and unoriginal excuse for an occult ceremony that I have ever seen!<br /> <br /> (sarcastically) <br /> <br /> Oooh…upside-down pentacles on the wands. THERE’s an<br /> innovation. Eye of newt…that’s been used since Cornelius Agrippa. Nice<br /> cauldron…pity it’s three centuries out of style. I swear, the only<br /> reason I even respond to summonses any more is to laugh at how awful<br /> these people who call themselves “witches” these days are.<br /> <br /> Archetype: (ears perking up)<br /> <br /> By the pickings of my thumbs…&lt;br&gt;<br /> Something wicked this way comes…<br /> <br /> Jenn: (to GRESHAM) <br /> <br /> Quick, hide behind a tree or something!<br /> <br /> (GRESHAM hides behind a tree .MOGBETH enters the scene. He looks weary<br /> and worn, yet determined. The THREE WITCHES curtsy to him.)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: How now, you secret black and midnight hags?<br /> <br /> Jenn: Hey! Who are you calling a hag?!<br /> <br /> Archetype: I’M not even a woman. Shows how much you know.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: My salutation did not mean offense&lt;br&gt;<br /> Indeed, I have arrived to beg a favor&lt;br&gt;<br /> So many months ago, you did perceive&lt;br&gt;<br /> Correctly, I would be Duke of Goldshire&lt;br&gt;<br /> And then the Kaiser – truly do your gifts&lt;br&gt;<br /> In scrying and in all the occult arts&lt;br&gt;<br /> Appear without compare – I beg predictions&lt;br&gt;<br /> My future fate, the outcome of the play&lt;br&gt;<br /> Tell me, I beg!<br /> <br /> Isa: Would you hear it from us?<br /> Or from our masters?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Call ‘em.<br /> Let me see ‘em.<br /> <br /> Jenn: (putting in more spell components)<br /> <br /> Toss in salt and Finnish soil!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Let a lizard’s liver boil!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Blood from the Rod of Ming we throw&lt;br&gt;<br /> Into the mix – come high or low&lt;br&gt;<br /> Thyself and office deftly show!<br /> <br /> (A clap of thunder. A flash of lightning. A puff of gray smoke that<br /> slowly resolves itself into the figure of a man with silly glasses,<br /> dressed in drag)<br /> <br /> First Apparition: Mogbeth! Mogbeth! Mogbeth!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Hi! I’m Crazy Eddie. I put babies on spikes. Do you want a rack of<br /> babies? We’ve got babies on racks. Hmmm, they…taste of chicken!” They<br /> do! Babies taste of chicken! Cannibals say that human flesh tastes of<br /> chicken! So babies must taste of chicken. And chicken tastes of humans.<br /> Good, I’m glad you’re coming with me on that. Yes, so, um, uh, this is<br /> all true. And, um, so, Mogbeth, beware Stone Jackabar! That’s it, bye<br /> folks, you’ve been a great audience!<br /> <br /> (the apparition dissolves)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: For thy good caution, thanks, but one word more!<br /> <br /> Jenn: They shall not be commanded&lt;br&gt;<br /> Here’s another, more potent than the first<br /> <br /> (A clap of thunder. A flash of lightning. A puff of gray smoke that<br /> slowly resolves itself into the figure of a tiny man with green skin<br /> wearing a gigantic silly looking helmet, with a robot thinly disguised<br /> as a dog at his side)<br /> <br /> Second Apparition: Mogbeth! Mogbeth! Mogbeth! Mo…<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Had I pi ears, I’d hear thee!<br /> <br /> Second Apparition: I am ZIM!!!!! Be afraid, PUNY EARTHLING!!! But also,<br /> BE GLAD!!! For you will never be conquered until Mt. Medivh MOVES TO<br /> YARDISTAN! <br /> <br /> (the robot/dog shouts “YAY!”, and the apparition dissolves)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Then live, Sir Stone – what need I fear of thee!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Truly this news is all that I had hoped&lt;br&gt;<br /> Forsooth, it seems this alien hath declared&lt;br&gt;<br /> I am invincible…<br /> <br /> (A clap of thunder. A flash of lightning. A puff of gray smoke that<br /> slowly resolves itself into the figure of a penguin)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: But what is this that rises from the Earth&lt;br&gt;<br /> With such an awful visage – it doth seem&lt;br&gt;<br /> The image of a penguin, pixellated&lt;br&gt;<br /> And granular, and badly drawn indeed&lt;br&gt;<br /> Speak to me, o apparition!<br /> <br /> Third Apparition: MOGBETH!!! MOGBETH!!! MOGBETH!!!<br /> IT IS POKEY THE PENGUIN!!! I LIVE WITH MY FRIENDS IN THE ARCTIC<br /> CIRCLE!!! I AM HERE TO SAY THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED BY ANY MAN<br /> BORN OF WOMAN!!! INDEED!!! LO, I HAVE SPOKEN, AND THUSLY DO I DEPART!!!<br /> <br /> (the apparition dissolves)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: By no man born of woman! That precludes&lt;br&gt;<br /> My conquest, by the wretched Yardistanis&lt;br&gt;<br /> O thank you, witches, for your skill and aid&lt;br&gt;<br /> And yet, I feel within my heart of hearts&lt;br&gt;<br /> You yet hold something back<br /> <br /> Isa, Jenn, and Archetype: (in unison) <br /> <br /> Seek to know no more!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Deny me this&lt;br&gt;<br /> And may an eternal curse fall ‘pon your heads!<br /> <br /> Isa: Show!<br /> <br /> Jenn: Show!<br /> <br /> Archetype: Show!!!<br /> <br /> Isa, Jenn, and Archetype: (in unison) <br /> <br /> Show his eyes and grieve his heart!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Come like shadows, so depart! <br /> <br /> (they wave their magic wands. A clap of<br /> thunder. A flash of lightning. A puff of gray smoke that slowly<br /> resolves itself into a gray, shrouded figure. It seems to be a man, but<br /> where his feet should be, the body dwindles off into a wisp, and it has<br /> a wretched appearance beyond that of any man living – its clothes are<br /> tattered and torn, and its arms and face are covered with scars.<br /> Although hooded, it is recognizable)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Q….Q….Qelathos! No!<br /> <br /> Qelathos: (slowly, wailingly, the way ghosts always talk in this sort<br /> of situation) <br /> <br /> Moggggbeeettthhhhh……<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: I’m sorry! It was my wife! She made me do it! I am not a<br /> murderer! You were my friend! I loved you! (disclaimer)<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Moggggbeeettthhhhh…… Moggggbeeettthhhhh……<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (panicked) No! Don’t come any closer! Stay away! Stay away!<br /> <br /> (frantically swats the image of the ghost, but his blows pass right<br /> through it)<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Moggggbeeettthhhhh…… Mogbeth <br /> <br /> (tries to run, but finds he is<br /> frozen in place with fear.)<br /> <br /> Qelathos: (coming so close to Mogbeth he is nearly touching him)<br /> Moggggbeeettthhhhh……SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE!!!!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: NOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /> <br /> (there is a clap of thunder, a flash of lightning, and a puff of deep<br /> purple smoke. When it fades, QELATHOS, the WITCHES, the cauldron, and<br /> the spell bag have mysteriously disappeared. MOGBETH is still wailing<br /> piteously, clawing his skull as if infested by mind worms or something.<br /> Finally, he is able to speak)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Where are they? Gone?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Let this pernicious hour&lt;br&gt;<br /> Stand accursed in the calendar!<br /> <br /> (hanging his head in horror, he departs. When he is gone, GRESHAM comes<br /> from behind his tree, bearing a little notepad and a pen.)<br /> <br /> Gresham: Let’s see. I’d give zhe acting zero out of a hundred, zhe<br /> writing…oh…say…maybe zero out of a hundred, zhe jokes, zero out of a<br /> hundred, give or take a point or two, and I think zhe scenery and<br /> technical vork definitely deserves at least a zero out of one hundred.<br /> Overall rating for zhat scene…zero out of one hundred. <br /> <br /> (he, too,<br /> departs)<br /> <br /> ===Scene Two===<br /> (The base of Mt. Medivh. ANARCH NICHOLAS and LETIFER are sitting atop<br /> one of the foothills, watching a battle take shape beneath them. SIR<br /> JACKABAR arrives near them, panting with exertion)<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Stone! How goes the battle?<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Not well, m’lord.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Our forces are outnumbered two to one&lt;br&gt;<br /> The elven regiments, when they arrived&lt;br&gt;<br /> Did flank our column; some could not retreat&lt;br&gt;<br /> And now are dead, or prisoners of war&lt;br&gt;<br /> I fear, m’lord, the worst is yet to come.<br /> <br /> Herald: Sir Jackabar, have you yet heard the news?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Another army from the Keep arrives&lt;br&gt;<br /> To join with our attackers!<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Yay! We’re doomed!<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Perhaps the time for “them” is near at hand.<br /> <br /> Letifer: You can’t mean…<br /> <br /> Nicholas: But I do.<br /> <br /> Letifer: The Scheheradze Convention and the laws&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of warfare all the world around forbid it&lt;br&gt;<br /> You can’t be serious<br /> <br /> Nicholas: (smiling) <br /> <br /> But, m’lord, I am.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Sir Jackabar, prepare for me the Corps<br /> <br /> Jackabar: (saluting) <br /> <br /> Aye aye, sir!<br /> <br /> Nicholas: The Yardistani Annexation Corps&lt;br&gt;<br /> The army that has made our Duchy’s name&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ruthless berserkers, madmen, mad with wrath&lt;br&gt;<br /> And skilled beyond all skill with sword and shield&lt;br&gt;<br /> Now enters battle. Good luck to ‘ya, Stone&lt;br&gt;<br /> And Gahg have mercy, because we sure won’t<br /> <br /> (SIR JACKABAR returns, followed by three men in suits. One of them<br /> bears a sheet of little stickers. Another bears a briefcase and some<br /> legal forms. The third bears a little device with a flashing red light<br /> known only as “Mr. Thingy”.)<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Stone! You and your men distract the Menelmacari and Mog’s<br /> army! YAC! Follow me!<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Aye aye, sir! <br /> <br /> (to his regiment) <br /> <br /> TAKE UP YOUR SPORKS, MEN, AND<br /> FOLLOW ME TO BATTLE!!!!!<br /> <br /> (they yell their battle cries)<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Onward, Annexation Corps! We’ve got what it takes to take<br /> what they’ve got! <br /> <br /> (the Annexation Corps joins the battle)<br /> <br /> Letifer: No more Mr. Nice Kaiser….<br /> <br /> ==Scene Three==<br /> (Castle Shirekeep reception room. MOGBETH still sits on his throne,<br /> although he looks like he is feeling absolutely awful and ought to be<br /> in bed or something. LADY MOGBETH’s throne is conspicuously empty, and<br /> there are fewer soldiers and retainers lurking around)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Alas! My lovely wife has fallen ill.&lt;br&gt;<br /> And I, myself, grown ill with grief for her&lt;br&gt;<br /> And grief about my empire – all around&lt;br&gt;<br /> Land falls into decay, and serfs rebel&lt;br&gt;<br /> And yet, I have the prophecies to prove&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I shall weather out the storm aright&lt;br&gt;<br /> “Mogbeth shall never vanquished be until&lt;br&gt;<br /> Mt. Medivh is in Yardistan” they said.&lt;br&gt;<br /> And – “NO MAN BORN OF WOMAN SHALL HARM MOGBETH!!!”<br /> <br /> Herald: My lord? It’s urgent.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Yes? Yes?<br /> <br /> Herald: The queen, my lord, is dead.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (sighs pitifully)<br /> <br /> She should have died hereafter.&lt;br&gt;<br /> There would have been a time for such a word&lt;br&gt;<br /> Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow&lt;br&gt;<br /> Creep at their petty pace from day to day&lt;br&gt;<br /> To the last syllable of recorded time&lt;br&gt;<br /> And STILL we can’t quit micronationalism&lt;br&gt;<br /> Out, out, brief candle!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Life is but a moving shadow, a poor player&lt;br&gt;<br /> That struts and frets for a moment upon the stage&lt;br&gt;<br /> And then is heard no more – it is a tale&lt;br&gt;<br /> Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury…<br /> <br /> Evil Line Stealing Dolphin: (swims in) <br /> <br /> Signifying nothing<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: HEY! THAT WAS MY LINE!<br /> <br /> (EVIL LINE STEALING DOLPHIN makes evil clicking dolphin laughter and<br /> swims off. MOGBETH chases after him and almost runs into the HERALD,<br /> who has returned with more news.)<br /> <br /> Herald: Your highness! It’s horrible! Reports have just come in from<br /> our forces at Mt. Medivh! We were massacred! Scarcely a man remains<br /> alive! The Yardistanis have a free route to our capital!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: But…but…how could this be?<br /> <br /> Herald: Your highness, they…they…called in the Yardistani Annexation<br /> Corps! The carnage…my gods…you’ve never seen anything like it! They<br /> annexed everything! Our army…their own army…my hat <br /> <br /> (he holds up his<br /> hat, which has a sticker on it saying “Property of the Yardistani<br /> Annexation Corps – If it’s not nailed down, it’s ours. If we can pry it<br /> loose, it wasn’t really nailed down”)<br /> <br /> …our weaponry, the<br /> battlefield…heck, they even annexed Mt. Medivh.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Did you say they annexed Mt. Medivh??!<br /> <br /> Herald: I did, m’lord.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: And would that make it…part of Yardistan?<br /> <br /> Herald: It would, m’lord.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Gahg in a file cabinet! I’ve been conned! By a group of evil<br /> witches! Who would expect someone like that to do something so low?!<br /> <br /> Herald: What should we do now, lord?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Gather up all the armies and the guards&lt;br&gt;<br /> Every man left to us – even the old&lt;br&gt;<br /> We’ll make a stand before the castle gates&lt;br&gt;<br /> For it was said that “NO MAN BORN OF WOMAN&lt;br&gt;<br /> CAN HARM MOGBETH!!!” I still myself am safe.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ring the alarum bell! Blow wind! Come rack!&lt;br&gt;<br /> At least we’ll die with harness on our back!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ===Scene Four===<br /> (Outside Castle Shirekeep. ANARCH NICHOLAS, STONE JACKABAR, and LETIFER<br /> are riding their horses through a battlefield. There are dead bodies<br /> strewn everywhere. MOGBETH is sitting on the far end of the stage,<br /> metaphorically far away from them in a different part of the scene,<br /> before the castle gate)<br /> <br /> Letifer: Praise be to Gahg, for in this final battle&lt;br&gt;<br /> The forces of the traitor ran away&lt;br&gt;<br /> Without a fight – now I need only find him&lt;br&gt;<br /> To give to him the thrashing he deserves&lt;br&gt;<br /> For his most hateful crimes<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Letifer, calm.&lt;br&gt;<br /> You are too valuable to risk in swordplay.&lt;br&gt;<br /> And once Mogbeth was a most skillful warrior.&lt;br&gt;<br /> I will not let you risk your life against him&lt;br&gt;<br /> Nor Anarch Nick’s – this battle is for me.&lt;br&gt;<br /> And me alone.<br /> <br /> Nicholas: He’s right, you know.&lt;br&gt;<br /> What is the point of having yourself a captain&lt;br&gt;<br /> If he can’t fight to save you?<br /> <br /> Letifer: Very well.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Though I burn for revenge, I still can bear&lt;br&gt;<br /> To see it done vicariously – hark!&lt;br&gt;<br /> The fiend himself!<br /> <br /> (they have arrived in the part of the scene where MOGBETH sits. SIR<br /> JACKABAR dismounts and draws his sword. MOGBETH, upon seeing him, draws<br /> his sword as well.)<br /> <br /> Jackabar: There you are, you villain!&lt;br&gt;<br /> This endeth here! You foul usurper! Die!<br /> <br /> (they swordfight for a few seconds, and then stand warily apart from<br /> one another)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Give up, Sir Stone.&lt;br&gt;<br /> I lead a charméd life, which must not yield&lt;br&gt;<br /> To one of woman born<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Despair thy charm!&lt;br&gt;<br /> And tell the angel who thou still hath served&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I, Stone, was born not from mortal woman&lt;br&gt;<br /> But rather, was created by the Drow&lt;br&gt;<br /> As told in rambling and fantastic stories&lt;br&gt;<br /> That no one’s really read<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Accursed be the tongue that tells me so!&lt;br&gt;<br /> For thou hath cowed the better part of man!&lt;br&gt;<br /> I’ll not fight thee!<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Then live! To be annexéd by the Y. A. C.&lt;br&gt;<br /> We’ll put you on display upon our page&lt;br&gt;<br /> And put a little sticker on your head&lt;br&gt;<br /> And add you to the list…<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: No!<br /> <br /> Though Mt. Medivh be come to Yardistan&lt;br&gt;<br /> And thou oppose, being of no woman born&lt;br&gt;<br /> Still I shall try the last – before my body&lt;br&gt;<br /> I throw my warlike shield – lay on, Sir Stone…<br /> <br /> Evil Line Stealing Dolphin: (swimming in) <br /> <br /> And damned be he who first<br /> cries “Hold, you’ve won!”<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: THAT - WAS – MY – LINE!!!!!! <br /> <br /> (The EVIL LINE STEALING DOLPHIN,<br /> who swims away with clicking laughter. MOGBETH, pursuing, trips over<br /> one of the corpses and falls on a mace, killing himself instantly. SIR<br /> JACKABAR shrugs, cuts off the head, and holds it up to ANARCH NICHOLAS<br /> and LETIFER)<br /> <br /> Letifer: Thus does there pass out of the world a tyrant&lt;br&gt;<br /> A seed of war, of chaos, and of hate&lt;br&gt;<br /> But I, at last, inspired by his fate&lt;br&gt;<br /> To wisely rule and well, at last am Kaiser&lt;br&gt;<br /> Now I am got the throne! May fate and Gahg&lt;br&gt;<br /> Protect me and preserve me from such ends&lt;br&gt;<br /> And you, my loyal vassals, and my friends&lt;br&gt;<br /> Help me to guide you, and guide me as well&lt;br&gt;<br /> To Amity and Mirioth first I must&lt;br&gt;<br /> Turn my attention – and from there, who knows&lt;br&gt;<br /> Out of the desert of our deepest woes&lt;br&gt;<br /> Fresh flow’rs may someday grow, and I, and thou&lt;br&gt;<br /> My noble comrades, shall not lightly work&lt;br&gt;<br /> To heal the lands that have been rent by Mog&lt;br&gt;<br /> For Shireroth, for Kaiser, and for Gahg!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> All: For Shireroth, for Kaiser, and for Gahg!<br /> <br /> ==Act Five==<br /> ===Scene One===<br /> (The theater. Everybody has gone home, except for a few janitors who<br /> are picking up programs and throwing them away, some stage crew trying<br /> to repair scenery damaged by Stone’s overenthusiastic sword-swinging in<br /> Act Four, and the DIRECTOR, who is sitting in the front row and<br /> pondering how Opening Night went GRESHAM approaches the director.)<br /> <br /> Gresham: Honestly, vhat kind of Shakespearean tragedy has only four<br /> acts?<br /> <br /> Director: (looking up) <br /> <br /> What do you mean?<br /> <br /> Gresham: All Shakespearean tragedies have five acts. Everyone knows<br /> zhat. You must be an idiot to be trying to parody Shakespeare in a<br /> tragedy vith only four acts.<br /> <br /> Director: Did you ever stop to consider we’re in the fifth act right<br /> now?<br /> <br /> Gresham: Vhat? But zhe curtain’s down! The play is over! I saw it end!<br /> Surely you’re not trying to say that this is part of the play??!!!<br /> <br /> Director: Isn’t it? Isn’t it?<br /> (exeunt)<br /> <br /> [[category:fiction]]<br /> [[category:culture]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Mogbeth&diff=7635 2009-04-15T15:31:26Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>==Mogbeth==<br /> by [[Scott Alexander]]<br /> “After all, all he did was string a lot of old, well-known quotations<br /> together” – H.L. Mencken on Shakespeare<br /> ==The Cast==<br /> <br /> (in nothing even resembling order of appearance)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> These are the talented actors and actresses who have been training for months to bring you the finest in Shakespearean tragedy mixed with native Shirerithian history:&lt;br&gt;<br /> DIRECTOR, creator and producer of the play, played by SCOTT&lt;br&gt;<br /> ISA, the first of three witches, played by MELISSA&lt;br&gt;<br /> ICA, the second of three witches, played by ERICA&lt;br&gt;<br /> JADIE, the third of three witches, played by JESSICA&lt;br&gt;<br /> JENN, the second second of three witches, played by JENN&lt;br&gt;<br /> ARCHETYPE, the second third of three witches, played by X &lt;br&gt;<br /> MOGBETH, the Duke of Kildare and future Kaiser, played by JAMES&lt;br&gt;<br /> HERALD, a medieval version of the BOOMCAST, played by JOSEPH&lt;br&gt;<br /> LADY MOGBETH, the wife of Mogbeth, played by ERIN&lt;br&gt;<br /> QELATHOS, the companion of Mogbeth, played by STEVE&lt;br&gt;<br /> MORS II, the Kaiser of Shireroth, played by ERIK&lt;br&gt;<br /> NICHOLAS, the Anarch of Yardistan, played by NICK AMBASSADOR STEFFKE, a Menelmacari diplomat, played by HARVEY&lt;br&gt;<br /> BRRAPA LU ERARO, the venerable Cedrist prophet, played by ERIK&lt;br&gt;<br /> ROBERT GRESHAM, an evil busybody, played by ROBERT EVIL LINE-STEALING DOLPHIN, an evil line-stealing dolphin, played by ARI&lt;br&gt;<br /> SIR JACKABAR, Letifer’s Captain-In-Arms, played by MIKE&lt;br&gt;<br /> HERALD, a medieval version of the BOOMCAST, played by JOSEPH&lt;br&gt;<br /> LETIFER, the heir to the Kaiserial throne, played by ERIK&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Director: Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, and assorted others to the Shirekeep Theater, and to the opening night of the tragedy “Mogbeth”. Before we begin, I’ve got a couple of changes to the playbill and cast list to announce. First, it mentions on the top of your playbill that the actors and actresses “trained for months”. Well, we really intended to, but everyone was busy, and no one could agree on a time, so we kind of didn’t have rehearsals. But everyone told me they’ve memorized their part, so things will certainly turn out all right. And it also calls them “talented”…well…I’m sure they’re talented at something, but that something….er…might not necessarily be acting. The guy who was supposed to do auditions quit on us at the last moment, so we had to choose people kinda blindly. What else…oh…the guy who plays Archetype refuses to tell us his name, so he’s on your cast list as “Mr. X” And although it lists Robert Gresham as playing himself, unfortunately just a few<br /> hours after we printed the lists off Mr. Gresham was carried bodily to Hell by a legion of vengeful demons to suffer his well-deserved eternal punishment. A victory for Cosmic Justice, but a major setback for our play – at least, it would have been, had we not managed to fly in Vlad the Impaler all the way from Transylvania at enormous expense. I’m sure you’ll agree he’s every bit as evil as the original. But enough talk. I’m sure you’re anxious to see the tragedy you’ve heard so much about, so, without any further ado, I give you – Mogbeth!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ==Act One==<br /> ===Scene One===<br /> (a swamp, near the convergence of the Elwynn river, near Shirekeep. It is dusk, and the twisted trees make eerie shadows on the murk and the water. An early moon, silhouetted against the reddish sky, makes strange forms through the contours of the branches. All is still.<br /> ICA, ISA, and JADIE enter, dressed in pointy hats and black robes. They set up a cauldron on a piece of dry land, and start pouring various powders and liquids into it, murmuring among themselves. ICA starts cackling.)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ISA: When shall we three meet again? &lt;br&gt;<br /> In thunder, lightning, or in rain?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: When the hurly-burly’s done&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> When the battle’s lost and won…&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling) <br /> <br /> AAAAKAKAAAKAKAKAKAAHAHAAKA&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: When the hurly-burly’s done&lt;br&gt;<br /> When the battle’s lost and won…&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling) <br /> <br /> KAAAKAHACAKAAKKAKAKAAAAA&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: (now pretty much yelling in ICA’s ear) <br /> <br /> I SAID ‘when the<br /> hurly-burly’s done&lt;br&gt;<br /> When the battle’s lost and won…’&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling) <br /> <br /> CAKAKAKAACHHAAHCAAHAHAAAAA&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: (exasperated) <br /> <br /> That was her cue! I remember that was her cue!&lt;br&gt;<br /> What’s wrong with her?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ISA: I think she’s having too much fun cackling.&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling, now also sort of prancing around) <br /> <br /> KAAKACHCAKAKAAKACH<br /> <br /> JADIE: I think I’m going to cry…<br /> <br /> ISA: We can do the scene without her. Here, I’ll be First and Third Witch, and you can keep being Second Witch<br /> <br /> JADIE: I thought I was Third Witch!<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling) <br /> <br /> HAHAHACKCKCKAKAACHCAAKAKCHAHA<br /> <br /> ISA: …that shall be ‘ere the set of sun<br /> <br /> JADIE: Where to meet?<br /> <br /> ISA: Upon the heath<br /> <br /> JADIE AND ISA: (at exactly the same time) <br /> <br /> There we go to meet Mogbeth!<br /> <br /> JADIE: Wait! I thought that was my line! I’m Third Witch, aren’t I?<br /> <br /> ISA: No, I thought we agreed you would be Second Witch!<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: (entering, with his companion Qelathos) &lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> So foul and fair a day I have not seen&lt;br&gt;<br /> It has to be the California smog&lt;br&gt;<br /> Which, like a fetid blanket of despair&lt;br&gt;<br /> Covereth all the woods and swamps and dells&lt;br&gt;<br /> Making them hazy, giving tints of brown&lt;br&gt;<br /> To trees that once were green and…what the heck?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ISA: Gah! Look! While we’ve been arguing Mogbeth has come out and said his lines! And we didn’t even finish our part?<br /> <br /> JADIE: I am SO going to cry!<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: But hark! I hear a voice disturbs the calm &lt;br&gt;<br /> And who are these, who through the dusky light&lt;br&gt;<br /> Take on the forms of women? Three I see&lt;br&gt;<br /> But why, from out their number, doth but one&lt;br&gt;<br /> Prance through the marsh, like to a prancing deer&lt;br&gt;<br /> Insanely cackling?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: Don’t mind her, that’s Ica.<br /> <br /> ISA: She sort of has a problem with her head.<br /> <br /> (points to head)<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: They speak with tongues of humans, but their voice&lt;br&gt;<br /> Betrays a quality from other lands&lt;br&gt;<br /> It calls to mind an ashen sulfurous smell&lt;br&gt;<br /> That grates upon the senses – what is this?&lt;br&gt;<br /> They wear black pointy hats upon their heads&lt;br&gt;<br /> And cloaks as black, and shoes as black as they&lt;br&gt;<br /> And skin as green as of a leprous corpse&lt;br&gt;<br /> Almost like they were…witches!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ISA: Nice one, Einstein<br /> <br /> JADIE: The script, Isa, the script!<br /> <br /> ISA: That was the script!<br /> <br /> JADIE: What an odd script!<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: See how they sow dispute among themselves?&lt;br&gt;<br /> How now, you witches, what black purpose calls&lt;br&gt;<br /> You to this secret and unhallowed spot&lt;br&gt;<br /> At such an hour?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> JADIE: Let me answer this one! I know this one!<br /> <br /> ISA: You go, girl!<br /> <br /> ICA: KAAAKAKCKCKAHAAHACKAKAKAACHAHA<br /> <br /> JADIE: All hail Mogbeth, Duke of Kildare!<br /> <br /> ISA: All hail Mogbeth, Duke of Goldshire!<br /> <br /> JADIE: All hail Mogbeth; thou shalt be Kaiser hereafter!<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: How strange a greeting do these witches give&lt;br&gt;<br /> O witches, surely knowst thou what thou sayest&lt;br&gt;<br /> Is false – the Duke of Kildare I may be&lt;br&gt;<br /> But Goldshire I am not – and Kaiser? Me?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ha ha ha ha ha…*COUGH*! That’s silly&lt;br&gt;<br /> The mighty Mors is Kaiser, and shall be&lt;br&gt;<br /> For many years hereafter. Say, Qelathos&lt;br&gt;<br /> Isn’t that silly?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> QELATHOS: Yes, indeed it is.<br /> <br /> JADIE: Hail, Qelathos!<br /> <br /> ISA: Hail, Qelathos!<br /> <br /> ICA: KAKAKAACHCHCAAKAKAHCHAKACHA<br /> <br /> JADIE: Lesser than Mogbeth, but greater!<br /> <br /> ISA: Not so happy, but much happier!<br /> <br /> JADIE: (aside) <br /> <br /> Wait, are you sure that’s how it goes? It doesn’t sound right.<br /> <br /> ISA: Yeah, kind of self-contradictory.<br /> <br /> QELATHOS: That was right. It’s creating a poetic effect through paradox.<br /> <br /> (MOGBETH glares at QELATHOS)<br /> <br /> JADIE: Thank you, Steve<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: Anyway, now that that has been cleared up&lt;br&gt;<br /> I do desire that you explain to me&lt;br&gt;<br /> What did you mean before, when in your greeting&lt;br&gt;<br /> You called me Duke of Goldshire&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> HERALD: (running in with copy of newspaper)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Duke of Goldshire was just found dead!&lt;br&gt;<br /> The victim of assassins’ knives, they say&lt;br&gt;<br /> And Kaiser Mors has named to take his place&lt;br&gt;<br /> Mogbeth of Kildare!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: Hey, you guys, that’s me!<br /> <br /> ISA: Did I call that one, or what?<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: Indeed, the witch has called that one aright&lt;br&gt;<br /> Kildare I was, and Goldshire I am made&lt;br&gt;<br /> Witch? Do you have the gift to see through Time?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Quick! Tell me next week’s winning lott’ry number!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or, failing that, explain your last remark&lt;br&gt;<br /> You said, after you said I would get Goldshire&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I could hope to Kaiser be, hereafter&lt;br&gt;<br /> Pray tell, what did you mean?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ISA: This was my line, wasn’t it?<br /> <br /> JADIE: Yours, all the way.<br /> <br /> ISA: GAH! IT’S RIGHT ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE!<br /> <br /> JADIE: Dear friends, I am afraid we have to go.&lt;br&gt;<br /> We have been called to a…a witches’ council&lt;br&gt;<br /> At….Hogwarts’! Yeah! At Hogwarts’!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (both witches exit as fast as they can, leaving Mogbeth and Qelathos)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> MOGBETH: Such prophecies and madness do inflame&lt;br&gt;<br /> My heart with thoughts of glory; to believe&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I might one day soon the Kaiser be&lt;br&gt;<br /> Exceeds my wildest dreams – and yet they said&lt;br&gt;<br /> “All hail Mogbeth, who shall be Kais’r hereafter”&lt;br&gt;<br /> And proved their words hit truth – my mind grows numb&lt;br&gt;<br /> To dream upon such things – Qelathos, come&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> QELATHOS:<br /> Goldshire you are indeed, and yet, I sensed&lt;br&gt;<br /> Some evil in this doing; their intent&lt;br&gt;<br /> Cannot but be malicious, though their words&lt;br&gt;<br /> Present an outward truth – Mogbeth, beware&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ambition devours those who take no care&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (the two depart)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ICA: (still cackling) <br /> <br /> KAAAKACLCLAAAKCKAKAKCKAKAKCLA&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ===Scene Two===<br /> (a castle in Kildare. Lady Mogbeth’s room, an opulently furnished<br /> chamber. The Lady is reading over a letter from her husband)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (reading letter aloud in exaggerated voice) <br /> <br /> “Thus fares it well with me; but one event&lt;br&gt;<br /> Consumes my mind and makes me ill at ease&lt;br&gt;<br /> Last evening, I was ling’ring in the swamp&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (there was for this a very normal reason&lt;br&gt;<br /> which I regret I have not space to say)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> And came there on a band of witches three&lt;br&gt;<br /> They hailed me as Mogbeth, the Duke of Kildare&lt;br&gt;<br /> And then as Duke of Goldshire, then they said&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I should soon be Kaiser; well I knew&lt;br&gt;<br /> And heeded even then, the words you told&lt;br&gt;<br /> About not trusting speeches from strange women&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who dwell in swamps – yet, marvelous to tell&lt;br&gt;<br /> There then came from afar a speedy herald&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (what he was doing in the swamp beats me)&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Who told me, that at Kaiser Mors’ decree&lt;br&gt;<br /> I was made Duke of Goldshire; can it be&lt;br&gt;<br /> That crown and scepter too are fated me?”&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (Lady Mogbeth puts down the letter)<br /> <br /> A chilling and an eldritch tale, but one&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I am pleased to hear; if he is Kaiser&lt;br&gt;<br /> It follows rather logically that I&lt;br&gt;<br /> Would then be Kais’ress, ruler of the land&lt;br&gt;<br /> And yet, my wretched husband is too weak&lt;br&gt;<br /> Too brimming with the milk of moogle kindness&lt;br&gt;<br /> To seize the crown, and take his given due&lt;br&gt;<br /> Unless…unless I give a little push&lt;br&gt;<br /> Compensate for the weakness of his nature&lt;br&gt;<br /> By evil so beyond the name of evil&lt;br&gt;<br /> That he becomes corrupt: POWERS OF DARKNESS&lt;br&gt;<br /> LEND ME YOUR STRENGTH!!!!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (ROBERT GRESHAM comes in, holding an expensive looking little box. He<br /> hands it to LADY MOGBETH, who signs for delivery, opens it, takes out a<br /> small pill, pops it in her mouth, and hands it back to GRESHAM, who<br /> leaves)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Now deepest darkness fills my heart and soul&lt;br&gt;<br /> And I am filled to brim with evil power&lt;br&gt;<br /> With which to tempt my lord&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (entering the chamber) <br /> <br /> Honey, I’m home! I brought you flowers!&lt;br&gt;<br /> See, aren’t they nice?&lt;br&gt;<br /> And how are you today?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Flowers indeed!&lt;br&gt;<br /> You think to buy my feelings back with flowers&lt;br&gt;<br /> When by your own admission, all last night&lt;br&gt;<br /> You spent cavorting ‘round with three strange women&lt;br&gt;<br /> In moonlit swamps?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: It wasn’t what you think!&lt;br&gt;<br /> I swear that all they did was tell my future&lt;br&gt;<br /> It was a normal, innocent occult rite&lt;br&gt;<br /> Like happens all the time in moonlit marshes!&lt;br&gt;<br /> I never touched them! Really! Never touched them!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> (LADY MOGBETH looks doubtful and angry)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: O, most beloved flower of my heart?&lt;br&gt;<br /> How can I prove I love you?&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: There’s a way.&lt;br&gt;<br /> But no; why did I say that? You’re too weak&lt;br&gt;<br /> Too cowardly, too pusillanimous&lt;br&gt;<br /> For me to ask for such a manly deed<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: No! I can do it! Sooth! I swear I can!&lt;br&gt;<br /> What would you have me do?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Kill Kaiser Mors!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: No, really, love, what would you have me do?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: In sooth, I’d have you kill the noble Kaiser<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: But I can’t kill the Kaiser! I’m a Duke!&lt;br&gt;<br /> His vassal – sworn to guard him to the end!&lt;br&gt;<br /> In battle, or in peace, or in the midst&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of all the fish of murky Balgurd! Zounds!&lt;br&gt;<br /> You do not know the weight of what you say!&lt;br&gt;<br /> I swore to him an oath of feudal loyalty&lt;br&gt;<br /> Which clearly said I can’t go killing royalty.<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: All right, so you don’t love me after all&lt;br&gt;<br /> A pity that we’ve wasted all these years&lt;br&gt;<br /> Together – I’ll go find some other man&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who’s got a backbone<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Wait! My love, don’t go!&lt;br&gt;<br /> If I, to prove my love to you must slay&lt;br&gt;<br /> My noble Kaiser, he’s as good as dead&lt;br&gt;<br /> To prove my love to thee, I fain would climb&lt;br&gt;<br /> Unto the ends of Micras, and would fight&lt;br&gt;<br /> Great Gahg himself, and seek, through many years,&lt;br&gt;<br /> The treasure of…<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: No need to wax poetic.&lt;br&gt;<br /> And fear ye not, my love – the witches said&lt;br&gt;<br /> That you should soon be Kaiser – this must be&lt;br&gt;<br /> Lest prophecy be prov’d a liar, and so&lt;br&gt;<br /> ‘Tis preordained the act should be successful&lt;br&gt;<br /> And thou remain uncaught – O, brave Mogbeth<br /> <br /> (she kisses him passionately. Mogbeth kisses her back even more<br /> passionately. The embrace drags on)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (in a whisper) <br /> <br /> Okay, James, not so long, the audience is beginning to wonder about us.<br /> <br /> (they break the embrace, and the HERALD enters)<br /> <br /> Herald: EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Kaiser comes to Kildare Keep anon!&lt;br&gt;<br /> To survey his dominions and to dine&lt;br&gt;<br /> And gain sweet slumber safe within its walls&lt;br&gt;<br /> He comes tonight<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: My husband, here’s our chance!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Tonight, while he is sound and fast asleep,&lt;br&gt;<br /> We stab the Kaiser!<br /> <br /> (the HERALD gapes at her, wide-eyed)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: …roll…the Kaiser roll&lt;br&gt;<br /> So that, upon his waking in the morning&lt;br&gt;<br /> He can be furnished with a tasty breakfast<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Forsooth, that’s what I meant!<br /> <br /> (the HERALD leaves)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Gahg has delivered him into our hands&lt;br&gt;<br /> Tonight, we strike – tomorrow to be royals&lt;br&gt;<br /> Get ye a Boomist Assault Grenade all ready&lt;br&gt;<br /> And I shall fix the feast; O, Mors, dine well&lt;br&gt;<br /> Tomorrow ye shall dine in Heav’n – or Hell<br /> <br /> ===Scene Three===<br /> (A dining hall. MOGBETH and LADY MOGBETH sit next to one another, and<br /> at the head of the table sits KAISER MORS II. Various other<br /> well-dressed people and servants fill the rest of the table, and the<br /> top is covered with plates steaming with all sorts of delicacies. MORS<br /> II is laughing and apparently a bit drunk, while LADY MOGBETH is<br /> looking at him and fingering the knives. MOGBETH looks kind of worried<br /> and keeps shifting his eyes)<br /> <br /> Mors II: (drunkenly, illustrating his story with hand motions)<br /> <br /> The Menelmacari rushed me from my flank&lt;br&gt;<br /> But raising high my meteor-crafted sword&lt;br&gt;<br /> I swung it round, and struck him in the chest&lt;br&gt;<br /> Piercing his heart, and yelling all the while&lt;br&gt;<br /> “Elf-snuggle that, ye diseased bovine’s son”<br /> <br /> (everyone laughs politely and pretends to be interested)<br /> <br /> Mors II: That’s it. I’m stuffed. I fear I couldn’t eat&lt;br&gt;<br /> Another bite and still depart my chair&lt;br&gt;<br /> Sluggish and weak I feel, so that I surely&lt;br&gt;<br /> Could ne’er escape the foul assassin’s knife&lt;br&gt;<br /> Well, now I’m off to bed – you know, I sleep&lt;br&gt;<br /> Sound as a rock – I surely couldn’t hear&lt;br&gt;<br /> If one of you at midnight were to come&lt;br&gt;<br /> With foul intent into my room at night&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ha ha! Well, Somnis keep!<br /> <br /> (the other guests gradually depart and go off to bed, so that MOGBETH<br /> and LADY MOGBETH are in the room alone)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Now is the time, my love, that you must strike!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Seize destiny by the wrist, and drag her onwards&lt;br&gt;<br /> And other similar metaphors – ‘tis time!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Perhaps a little longer to consider&lt;br&gt;<br /> Killing your boss is quite a major step&lt;br&gt;<br /> In one’s career – not something to be taken&lt;br&gt;<br /> So lightly on a whim<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Fool! Coward! Go!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: O, coward conscience, how doth thou afflict me!<br /> <br /> Robert Gresham: (rising up from the audience) <br /> <br /> You idiot! Zhat’s not a quote vrom Macbeth! Zhat’s vrom King Richard III! Don’t you even know<br /> your own play you’re trying to parody? Vhat idiots you all are! Vhy, I<br /> remember the day vhen only mature, intelligent people vould write plays<br /> or try to parody Shakesp…(Gresham is dragged out of the audience by<br /> uniformed guards. Throughout his speech, Mogbeth is shaking, looking<br /> back, and generally seeming nervous)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (in soliloquy) <br /> <br /> Is this a BO0O/\/\ist Assault Grenade I see<br /> before me?&lt;br&gt;<br /> The pin turned to my hand? Come, let me clutch thee&lt;br&gt;<br /> I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Art thou not fatal vision, sensible&lt;br&gt;<br /> To feeling as to sight? or art thou&lt;br&gt;<br /> but a BO0O/\/\ist Assault Grenade of the mind, a false creation,&lt;br&gt;<br /> Proceeding from the orange-beer-oppressed brain?&lt;br&gt;<br /> I see thee yet, in form as palpable&lt;br&gt;<br /> As this which now I draw. Thou marshall’st me the way that I was going;&lt;br&gt;<br /> And such an instrument I was to use.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Mine eyes are made the fool o’ the other senses&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or else worth all the rest; I see thee still,&lt;br&gt;<br /> And on thy detonator gouts of blood,&lt;br&gt;<br /> Which was not so before. There's no such thing&lt;br&gt;<br /> It is the bloody business which informs&lt;br&gt;<br /> Thus to my eyes…<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (in soliloquy) <br /> <br /> Gah, my crazy husband&lt;br&gt;<br /> What is he doing now – dreaming up weapons?&lt;br&gt;<br /> I see that if I want the job done right&lt;br&gt;<br /> I must proceed myself – well, very well&lt;br&gt;<br /> Leave him here prating on hallucinations&lt;br&gt;<br /> Now, where’d I put my icepick…right, the shed<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (still muttering to self) <br /> <br /> Hear it not, Mors, for ‘tis a knell&lt;br&gt;<br /> That summons thee to Heaven or to the PRH.<br /> <br /> (LADY MOGBETH goes off stage for a few seconds while MOGBETH is still<br /> soliloquizing. She returns with an icepick and proceeds to the other<br /> side of the stage, leaving view. A cry is heard in the voice of KAISER<br /> MORS II, and then a smashing noise. LADY MOGBETH crosses the stage<br /> again, with a smug look on her face, and drags MOGBETH behind her. The<br /> curtain closes.)<br /> <br /> ==Act Two==<br /> ===Scene One===<br /> (the next morning. The dining hall of Kildare Keep. MOGBETH and LADY<br /> MOGBETH are both there, eating cereal, which is revealed to be<br /> “Breakfast Squids” from “Invader Zim”. MOGBETH has a nervous twitch,<br /> and every time he twitches, LADY MOGBETH pokes him under the table.<br /> Slowly some of the other guests enter the hall, including LETIFER, a<br /> distant relative of the Kaiser, QELATHOS, the Baron of Kitanus Fields<br /> and MOGBETH’s friend and companion, and SIR JACKABAR, LETIFER’s<br /> captain-at-arms.)<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Our noble Kaiser sleepeth late this morning<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: I’m certain it was all the orange beer&lt;br&gt;<br /> He drank last night – a horse could not have stood it<br /> <br /> Qelathos: ‘Tis truth, my lady, but I do remember&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Kaiser never missed food in the past<br /> <br /> Letifer: I never saw the meal nor saw the table&lt;br&gt;<br /> Where Mors was not the first one to arrive&lt;br&gt;<br /> And last to leave<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: I’m…urp…sure he’s merely tired<br /> <br /> Sir Jackabar: You seem unwell, my lord<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (breaking out of pentameter) <br /> <br /> Nope. Never been better. Happy<br /> Mog, yup, I’m feeling just great. <br /> <br /> (whistles nervously to self) <br /> <br /> Oh what<br /> a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I’ve got a beautiful<br /> feeling, no one’s going to find out I killed the K…er….kupo!<br /> <br /> Herald: (running in) <br /> <br /> Alas! Alack! Ah, rue the day! Oh, shucks!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Our fearless Kaiser, mighty Mors, is dead!&lt;br&gt;<br /> They found him with a bloody icepick in him&lt;br&gt;<br /> Wedged deep into his heart! Oh, bloody hell!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Oh woe, oh blast, oh perkele, oh bah!&lt;br&gt;<br /> His sword shall never slay another foe<br /> His…<br /> <br /> Letifer: (turning white) <br /> <br /> You say the Kaiser’s dead?<br /> <br /> Qelathos: This cannot be!<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Oh Mors, thou light to all the Shirerithians!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who could regret your death more than do I?&lt;br&gt;<br /> I loved my Kaiser as myself *disclaimer*&lt;br&gt;<br /> Oh, this is terrible, blah blah blah blah&lt;br&gt;<br /> Since I’m so sad, I surely didn’t do it<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Right, me neither<br /> <br /> Letifer: We must launch an inquiry right away!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Right! An inquiry! I’ll do everything I can to hunt down the<br /> REAL killer, Judge Ito…er…Letifer.<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Good Letifer, I fear you are in danger&lt;br&gt;<br /> Being the rightful heir, the frightful fiend&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who killed your distant cousin may intend&lt;br&gt;<br /> That you be next<br /> <br /> Letifer: What? Would you have me flee?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (composing himself) <br /> <br /> It would be for the best, my dear<br /> companion.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Why don’t you go to Yardistan to stay&lt;br&gt;<br /> With Anarch Nick; there, surely, you are safe&lt;br&gt;<br /> For none will enter that strange Duchy lest&lt;br&gt;<br /> They be annexed<br /> <br /> Qelathos: The Duke speaks wisely here&lt;br&gt;<br /> We’ll call you back to come to Shirekeep when&lt;br&gt;<br /> Your cousin has been mourned his proper span&lt;br&gt;<br /> To have your coronation<br /> <br /> Letifer: But wouldn’t that provide a perfect window&lt;br&gt;<br /> For someone to usurp the throne himself?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Maybe…<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Maybe, and be careful with those gender-specific pronouns<br /> <br /> Mogbeth and Lady Mogbeth: (in unison) <br /> <br /> But who would do a nasty thing<br /> like that?<br /> <br /> Letifer: Then ‘tis decided; to the Isle I go<br /> <br /> Sir Jackabar: My master, I shall follow and protect&lt;br&gt;<br /> Your ride from harm, your person from assault<br /> <br /> Letifer: So let it be&lt;br&gt;<br /> Last night’s events, if nothing else, must prove&lt;br&gt;<br /> That there are those who hold the Kaiser’s crown&lt;br&gt;<br /> In precious little honor – hey, Mogbeth&lt;br&gt;<br /> Could you watch o’er the throne, and keep it safe?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Make sure that no pretender steals my crown&lt;br&gt;<br /> While I’m away?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (smiling) <br /> <br /> I think that he could do that.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Yeeeeesss….yes I coulllddd….<br /> <br /> Letifer: I am in your debt <br /> <br /> (stands and addresses those present)<br /> <br /> Friends, Shirerithians, countrymen, lend me your…<br /> <br /> (ROBERT GRESHAM walks back in, slamming the theater doors behind him)<br /> <br /> Gresham: And zhat line’s vrom Julius Caesar, or I’m Peter Hickey. Vhy<br /> don’t you immature idiots get a life and stop getting your plays mixed<br /> up and try for vonce in your hopevully short lives to…<br /> <br /> (once again,<br /> Gresham is dragged away)<br /> <br /> Letifer: …ears&lt;br&gt;<br /> An awful tragedy has run its course&lt;br&gt;<br /> My noble cousin Kaiser Mors is dead&lt;br&gt;<br /> And part of Shireroth has also died&lt;br&gt;<br /> But I maintain that, staying firm and strong&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Empire shall rise up, and, in its wrath&lt;br&gt;<br /> Shall punish those who struck it – thou, Mogbeth&lt;br&gt;<br /> Thou most humane and honorable moogle&lt;br&gt;<br /> Keep for me this in trust while I am gone<br /> <br /> (Letifer hands Mogbeth the crown)<br /> <br /> And hold for me the empire – that is all&lt;br&gt;<br /> And thou, my nobles, Barons, Dukes, and friends&lt;br&gt;<br /> Pay heed to him, like his word was my own&lt;br&gt;<br /> And now, we ride – Jackabar, to your horse!&lt;br&gt;<br /> We must be off ‘ere day has run its course!<br /> <br /> ===Scene Two===<br /> (Castle Ni!, the capital of Yardistan. Four to six weeks later. ANARCH<br /> NICHOLAS is sitting in his audience hall, chatting with LETIFER. SIR<br /> JACKABAR is polishing a sword on a chair nearby)<br /> <br /> Letifer: My Anarch, let my voice the praises sing&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of this your balmy and pleasurable isle&lt;br&gt;<br /> Four to six weeks have passed, and every day&lt;br&gt;<br /> I marvel at the fruits, the towns, the men&lt;br&gt;<br /> The women; but each day, my worry grows&lt;br&gt;<br /> Why does no page from Shirekeep appear&lt;br&gt;<br /> To call me to my kingdom; surely now&lt;br&gt;<br /> The culprits have been caught, the realm is safe&lt;br&gt;<br /> What ruse or purpose doth delay Mogbeth?<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Perhaps some spate of trouble took his mind&lt;br&gt;<br /> Off his inquiry, noble lord – but hark!&lt;br&gt;<br /> A herald comes, in liveries of Shirekeep!<br /> <br /> Herald: EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Wicked Mogbeth has seized himself the throne!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Declared himself the Kaiser, grabbed the crown&lt;br&gt;<br /> And exil’d Letifer; o, rue the day!&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Dukes have not the backbone to protest&lt;br&gt;<br /> And all of Shireroth is in his hands&lt;br&gt;<br /> Save Yardistan alone<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Grim tidings indeed <br /> <br /> (dismisses HERALD)<br /> <br /> <br /> Fond Letifer, my Duchy and my men&lt;br&gt;<br /> Are at your service; yea – the false Mogbeth&lt;br&gt;<br /> Must gain his just dessert for his rank deeds<br /> <br /> Jackabar:<br /> Yea, Letifer, I too take up your flag&lt;br&gt;<br /> And vow to lead your regiment of men&lt;br&gt;<br /> ‘gainst the usurper<br /> <br /> Letifer: Friends, tonight we march&lt;br&gt;<br /> I thank you for your friendship and support&lt;br&gt;<br /> The black pretender shall not last the month!&lt;br&gt;<br /> To Shirekeep!<br /> <br /> All: To Shirekeep!<br /> <br /> (everyone gets their weaponry ready and starts getting into armor and<br /> marching off the stage. Finally, only LETIFER remains)<br /> <br /> Letifer: (in soliloquy) <br /> <br /> My crown, my throne, my very kingdom rent&lt;br&gt;<br /> Out of my hands; who does he think he is?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Sirithil or someone? Mighty Gahg in heav’n&lt;br&gt;<br /> Give me the strength to rectify this wrong&lt;br&gt;<br /> To slay the traitor who was once my friend&lt;br&gt;<br /> So his repression, and this play, can end<br /> <br /> (he departs)<br /> <br /> ===Scene Three===<br /> (Castle Shirekeep. MOGBETH sits on the throne, with LADY MOGBETH beside<br /> him. The heavy wooden door opens, and QELATHOS enters)<br /> <br /> Qelathos: How now, Mogbeth, Lady Mogbeth?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: If it is not our most dear friend Qelathos&lt;br&gt;<br /> Come from Kitanus Fields; good sir, sit down&lt;br&gt;<br /> Servant, pull up a chair, and let us hear&lt;br&gt;<br /> What purpose calls our friend so far from home<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Dispensing with all tact, I shall be blunt&lt;br&gt;<br /> Why sitteth thou upon that noble seat&lt;br&gt;<br /> In place of Letifer?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth:<br /> Why, my good man!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Hadn’t you heard that Letifer was the culprit?<br /> <br /> Qelathos: The culprit?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: The culprit?<br /> <br /> (LADY MOGBETH pokes him)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Oh! Right! The CULPRIT! Silly me, I thought you said carpet!<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth:<br /> Indeed, my dear Qelathos, it is true.&lt;br&gt;<br /> I too could not believe it, ‘till I saw&lt;br&gt;<br /> With mine own eyes his dagger, with his seal&lt;br&gt;<br /> Stuck in the breast of Mors<br /> <br /> Qelathos:<br /> But that can’t be!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Distinctly I remember that I heard&lt;br&gt;<br /> The good Sir Jackabar inform us all&lt;br&gt;<br /> That Mors, the lord of Shireroth was killed&lt;br&gt;<br /> By a most wicked icepick<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: There was a second stabber!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Yes! From the grassy knoll!<br /> <br /> Qelathos: What the PRH are you two talking about?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Oh, don’t mind us&lt;br&gt;<br /> Suffice it to remember that our friend&lt;br&gt;<br /> Our once friend, Letifer, stands clearly guilty&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of a most awful crime, of course you see&lt;br&gt;<br /> He can’t be Kaiser, so the Kaiser’s me<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Thank you for such an update – I depart&lt;br&gt;<br /> With fewer troubles, and a lighter heart<br /> <br /> (Qelathos leaves)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Nice chap, isn’t he?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: He must die.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: What?!?!?!?!!?!?!<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: My lord, he hath betrayed he hath suspicion&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of us, and our ambitions; he doth doubt&lt;br&gt;<br /> The truth of our account, and in his mind&lt;br&gt;<br /> Debates the issue; though relieved for now&lt;br&gt;<br /> Soon he may question matters once again&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or voice his cautions; such accounts, in telling&lt;br&gt;<br /> Can start the peasants or the lords rebelling<br /> <br /> Mogbeth:He was a friend, faithful and just to me&lt;br&gt;<br /> But my wife says Qelathos has suspicion&lt;br&gt;<br /> And sure, she is an honorable…<br /> <br /> (ROBERT GRESHAM runs in, shouting incoherently, but is restrained by<br /> ushers and escorted out of the theater once again)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Gah. If I do this, will you kiss me again?<br /> <br /> (LADY MOGBETH checks the script)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Apparently yes.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Okay, okay, I’ll hire some assassins tomorrow.<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Tonight<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Fine, tonight.<br /> <br /> (they embrace)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (after a minute or so, in a whisper) <br /> <br /> James, the audience<br /> is getting disturbed again <br /> <br /> (the two depart)<br /> <br /> ==Act Three==<br /> ===Scene One===<br /> (Castle Shirekeep, in the reception room. One to three weeks later.<br /> MOGBETH and LADY MOGBETH sit on their thrones. A number of guards,<br /> servants, and others are all around them, listening intently for<br /> orders. MOGBETH is soliloquizing to himself)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: This is the autumn of our mild irritation<br /> And fears and problems fall from Heav’n like leaves&lt;br&gt;<br /> All my ambitions have turned out aright&lt;br&gt;<br /> My goals achievements – I am got the throne!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Yet dread buzzes around me like a gnat&lt;br&gt;<br /> I cannot slap away – O, wretched friend&lt;br&gt;<br /> O poor Qelathos! Your death haunts me yet!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Death at the hands of hired thugs, who I&lt;br&gt;<br /> I, who fought with you in so many battles&lt;br&gt;<br /> Hired and paid – and now, I fear that still&lt;br&gt;<br /> Stern Gahg shall throw on me another ill<br /> <br /> Herald: EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Queen Sirithil of Menelmacar hath sent&lt;br&gt;<br /> To Shirekeep a worthy personage&lt;br&gt;<br /> To talk to Mog the Kaiser, and discuss&lt;br&gt;<br /> Varied arrangements touching land and aid<br /> <br /> Mogbeth:<br /> At last – the man I sent for has arrived&lt;br&gt;<br /> If all goes well, Menelmacar can send&lt;br&gt;<br /> Men to my aid, lest Letifer, the heir&lt;br&gt;<br /> Try to dethrone me – their support would bring&lt;br&gt;<br /> Such power, that ev’n Nick must call me king<br /> <br /> Herald: Your highness, presenting the Prefect of State for the Eternal<br /> Imperium of Menelmacar, His Excellency Jason Steffke<br /> <br /> Ambassador: Harvey. Harvey Steffke.<br /> <br /> Herald: The script distinctly says Jason<br /> <br /> Ambassador: It’s Harvey. Trust me on this one.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Welcome, good sir, to Shireroth&lt;br&gt;<br /> I trust your journey went with you aright?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Here, have some orange beer, and let us talk&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of military aid<br /> <br /> Ambassador: It can’t be done.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: What?<br /> <br /> Ambassador: Menelmacar’s, at present, a bit stretched&lt;br&gt;<br /> What with the threat of terrorist attacks&lt;br&gt;<br /> And fearsome Baracao, which still looms&lt;br&gt;<br /> Like to a scorpion, threatening to strike&lt;br&gt;<br /> At any moment – no, it can’t be done&lt;br&gt;<br /> We lack a single company to send&lt;br&gt;<br /> To Shireroth’s defense<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: But sir, you must!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Word comes from Yardistan that ten thousand men&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or more, approach my castle! Day by day&lt;br&gt;<br /> They closer come, and though my faithful guards&lt;br&gt;<br /> Are valiant, they are few, and cannot hold&lt;br&gt;<br /> The keep forever; anything you ask&lt;br&gt;<br /> That Shireroth has to offer, can be yours&lt;br&gt;<br /> If you but aide us<br /> <br /> Ambassador: A well-phrased request.&lt;br&gt;<br /> The Baracaoan presence grows near Tapfer&lt;br&gt;<br /> While we lack bases there to hold them off&lt;br&gt;<br /> Shireroth there holds Mirioth and Amity&lt;br&gt;<br /> That is our price<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Well, take your price and shove it!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Those islands have been holy to the gods&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of Shireroth for…for a whole darned lot of years&lt;br&gt;<br /> Should we give up their temples, then the powers&lt;br&gt;<br /> Divine would turn against us, and our land&lt;br&gt;<br /> Crumble to ruin! We have not an agreement.<br /> <br /> Ambassador: Suit yourself (turns to leave)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: (to the AMBASSADOR) <br /> <br /> Wait a second, would you? (to<br /> MOGBETH) <br /> <br /> Dear husband, worry not of silly tales&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of wrath divine, written on musty scrolls&lt;br&gt;<br /> Surely the gods support you; had they not&lt;br&gt;<br /> You shouldn’t have been Kaiser, and the witches&lt;br&gt;<br /> Gave you Fate’s blessing; thus, dismiss your fears&lt;br&gt;<br /> Menelmacari men-at-arms can help&lt;br&gt;<br /> To fend off Yardistan, and keep us safe&lt;br&gt;<br /> While fables about gods and ancient curses&lt;br&gt;<br /> Are nothing more than dead and empty verses<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Very well, Mr. Steffke<br /> <br /> Ambassador: Harvey!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: But…but…I used your last name!<br /> <br /> Ambassador: Sorry, I guess I’m getting oversensitive<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: You shall have Mirioth as you requested&lt;br&gt;<br /> And Amity beside, if you send aid&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ten companies of worthy, hardened soldiers&lt;br&gt;<br /> To fend off Letifer, and keep my throne&lt;br&gt;<br /> Is it a deal?<br /> <br /> Ambassador: It is.<br /> <br /> (the two shake hands. AMBASSADOR STEFFKE presents him with a treaty,<br /> which MOGBETH signs. The AMBASSADOR then departs)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: My nervousness is out of all control&lt;br&gt;<br /> I felt as if I signed away my soul!<br /> <br /> ==Scene Two==<br /> (A beach in Brookshire. A fleet of ships is anchored in a natural<br /> harbor. On the beach, drinking wine and playing cards, are ANARCH<br /> NICHOLAS and LETIFER. In the background, soldiers and retainers can be<br /> seen setting up camp)<br /> <br /> Nicholas:<br /> Dry land! The two most perfect, pleasing words&lt;br&gt;<br /> In all the English phrases I have heard&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or, in the Yardistani dialect,&lt;br&gt;<br /> “y drjye lindhe”, which also sounds quite cool&lt;br&gt;<br /> After a week of travel on the seas&lt;br&gt;<br /> From Castle Ni! our band of men have reached&lt;br&gt;<br /> The shores of Brookshire, poised for the attack&lt;br&gt;<br /> On Shirekeep, and evil Kaiser Mog&lt;br&gt;<br /> And, unafraid of dangers we may meet&lt;br&gt;<br /> I’m just glad to have earth beneath my feet<br /> <br /> Letifer: Well said, my noble Anarch. To dry land! <br /> <br /> (they toast dry land,<br /> and SIR JACKABAR enters)<br /> <br /> Letifer: What news, Sir Jackabar, bear’st ye of the war?<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Most bad, my liege.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Mogbeth has somehow gotten to his side&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ten companies of Menelmacari men&lt;br&gt;<br /> That swell his ranks to twice the size of ours&lt;br&gt;<br /> And make a daunting enemy indeed<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Menelmacar?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who should have thought the elves would lend them aid?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Embroiled as they are with Baracao&lt;br&gt;<br /> I wonder what the traitor gave for that?<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Wonder no more, milord&lt;br&gt;<br /> The rumor that my spies have snatched at goes&lt;br&gt;<br /> That Kaiser Mog has won his elvish friends&lt;br&gt;<br /> By ceding Amity<br /> <br /> Letifer: It cannot be!<br /> <br /> Not even Mog the traitor is so base!<br /> <br /> Jackabar: And yet, I fear it is.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Amity he gave, and Mirioth too.<br /> <br /> Nicholas: This doth present a dire case indeed&lt;br&gt;<br /> And spurs me on to fight him double-hard&lt;br&gt;<br /> Sir Stone, what of our armies?<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Gahg willing, while proceeding to the Keep&lt;br&gt;<br /> The peasants to our standard shall arrive&lt;br&gt;<br /> To fight the tyrant, swelling up our ranks<br /> <br /> Letifer: Yes, keep me updated on that.<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Will do, my liege.<br /> <br /> (Jackabar departs, and the other two resume their card-playing)<br /> <br /> ===Scene Three===<br /> (The reception hall in Castle Shirekeep. MOGBETH and LADY MOGBETH are<br /> still on their respective thrones. Retainers and guards still fill the<br /> remainder of the room. If anything has changed since Scene One, it is<br /> in the wrinkles of worry on MOGBETH’s face)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (to his queen)<br /> <br /> This morning, when I went to break the fast&lt;br&gt;<br /> I thought I saw the face of good Qelathos&lt;br&gt;<br /> Appearing in the jam – and then at dinner&lt;br&gt;<br /> I took a succulent cucumber to sup&lt;br&gt;<br /> And then shrunk back in horror, for to me&lt;br&gt;<br /> It seemed the perfect likeness of Qelathos&lt;br&gt;<br /> I swear, my love, his ghost is stalking me!<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Thinkest thee thou hast issues? I’ve got issues.&lt;br&gt;<br /> This morning, when I went to wash my hands&lt;br&gt;<br /> I saw a spot of blood upon my palm&lt;br&gt;<br /> I washed and washed, yet, to my sight it seemed&lt;br&gt;<br /> The bloodstain only grew<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Are you sure you weren’t just washing your hands so hard they<br /> started to bleed?<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Shut up.<br /> <br /> Herald: EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Brrapa Lu Eraro, the famous prophet&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who hears the voice of Gahg with hallowed ears&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who roams the land, preaching his path to men&lt;br&gt;<br /> Who heals the sick, and drives the healthy mad&lt;br&gt;<br /> Four hundred eighty two in mortal years&lt;br&gt;<br /> Whom none may spurn and live, he now arrives!&lt;br&gt;<br /> E’en now he enters Shirekeep!<br /> <br /> (MOGBETH is showing several signs of a nervous breakdown)<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Mog, stay calm.&lt;br&gt;<br /> This ancient senile man could never harm us&lt;br&gt;<br /> He is a bother, to be heard politely&lt;br&gt;<br /> And then be shown the door; this talk of prophets&lt;br&gt;<br /> Madmen, and gods, does no one any harm&lt;br&gt;<br /> The man’s so old that he’s become demented&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ignore the fool, and then he’ll go aw…<br /> <br /> (BRRAPA LU ERARO bursts unannounced into the reception room. He has an<br /> absurdly long beard that reaches all the way to the floor, and is<br /> carrying a staff with a dragon’s head in one hand and a sword in the<br /> other. He wears long red and orange robes that reach to the floor, and<br /> is munching on a mango)<br /> <br /> Brrapa Lu Eraro:<br /> MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!!!!!!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Welcome to Shirekeep, O noble prophet&lt;br&gt;<br /> Well know I of your repute in these parts&lt;br&gt;<br /> And closeness to the gods. I do invite&lt;br&gt;<br /> Thee to be…<br /> <br /> Brrapa: (singing in an Argentine accent)<br /> <br /> RRRRRRROOOOXXXXXAAAAANNNNEEEE!!!!!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (growing exasperated)<br /> <br /> Speak, ye old man, and tell us of your woes&lt;br&gt;<br /> Or else begone, ‘ere I add to them!<br /> <br /> Brrapa: Woes? You want woes? Woah, this is a big reception room! Woah,<br /> that’s one expensive crown you’re wearing. Woah, that’s one<br /> good-looking queen yo…<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: I don’t have time for games!<br /> <br /> Brrapa: You don’t have time for games? No time for games?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Then, my dear man, you don’t have time for life!&lt;br&gt; <br /> And ought to do yourself a fav’r and die.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: I can’t get a straight sentence out of this man!<br /> <br /> Brrapa: From me? Straight sentence? Sir, I am a prophet!&lt;br&gt;<br /> You doth insult my noblest of professions?!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Prophet is a profession?<br /> <br /> Brrapa: Or a prophession. Spelling! Take your choice.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Were I to profit from my job as prophet&lt;br&gt;<br /> Then prophecy would be profession, but&lt;br&gt;<br /> Seeing as I am a non-profit prophet&lt;br&gt;<br /> I must profess to have no such profession&lt;br&gt;<br /> Save in professing what the gods prophess&lt;br&gt;<br /> For profit of mankind. Do you kapish?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Your words do go in circles round my head<br /> <br /> Brrapa: ‘Tis an improvement<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: An improvement?<br /> <br /> Brrapa: Myself, I always thought you were a blockhead.&lt;br&gt; <br /> So circles are a definite improvement<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: That is your godly wisdom? Jokes and insults?<br /> <br /> Brrapa: That is my human wisdom, which I reckon&lt;br&gt;<br /> You’d recognize, if you had something like it&lt;br&gt;<br /> Regarding godly matters though, I fear&lt;br&gt;<br /> I have not yet begun<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Well, get thee to it!<br /> <br /> Brrapa: I forgot.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: You forgot your prophecy?<br /> <br /> Brrapa: I dare say I had so much fun with words&lt;br&gt;<br /> It right escaped my head&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ah well, ‘twas nice to speak to you, Mogbeth&lt;br&gt;<br /> Hail and farewell!<br /> <br /> (he walks out of the chamber. Right on the threshold of the door, he<br /> hits his head gives a grunt of satisfaction. Then he wheels around to<br /> stand before MOGBETH and LADY MOGBETH again, and begins to speak, in a<br /> low, serious voice)<br /> <br /> Brrapa: Hear now the voice of Gahg, the king of men&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of angels, demons, spirits, and of gods&lt;br&gt;<br /> And sloths, and fruit bats, and all sorts of birds,&lt;br&gt;<br /> And garden pests and household pets and squids&lt;br&gt;<br /> Cetaceans, mollusks, arthropods, and krill&lt;br&gt;<br /> Bacteria, prions, and et cetera!&lt;br&gt;<br /> “Why giveth thou fair Mirioth away?&lt;br&gt;<br /> I liked that place a lot! Here in the world&lt;br&gt;<br /> It was a prime location – not too hot&lt;br&gt;<br /> But not too cold, and none of that awful humidity stuff you get further<br /> south&lt;br&gt;<br /> But now, it lies within the greedy hands&lt;br&gt;<br /> Of the Soloralists. I WANT IT BACK!&lt;br&gt;<br /> And being King of Gods and Men and all&lt;br&gt;<br /> I plan to call on you an awful vengeance&lt;br&gt;<br /> Fear me, Mogbeth! Fear me, almighty Gahg!&lt;br&gt;<br /> BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH!”<br /> <br /> (Brrapa bows and walks calmly out of the room)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Alas! Now Gahg Himself seeketh revenge&lt;br&gt;<br /> And news from the Brookshirerithian coast&lt;br&gt;<br /> Rumors that Nick has landed with his men&lt;br&gt;<br /> And I must go to meet them. Wretched me!<br /> <br /> Lady Mogbeth: Fear not, fond husband; thou shalt still prevail&lt;br&gt;<br /> Visit again those witches, who before&lt;br&gt;<br /> Gave such wise council; they shall comfort thee&lt;br&gt;<br /> And tell thee what to do; show thee thy path&lt;br&gt;<br /> And piercing through the distance of the years&lt;br&gt;<br /> Remove thy worries, and allay thy fears<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Wise words, wife, yea, as always; I depart&lt;br&gt;<br /> To learn my future, and to soothe my heart<br /> <br /> (Mogbeth leaves)<br /> <br /> ==Act Four==<br /> ===Scene One===<br /> (The swamp. In the center of the clearing are JADIE, ICA, and ISA. They<br /> are dancing around a massive black cauldron. Next to them on the ground<br /> is a sports bag reading ACME SPELL COMPONENTS – YOUR SOURCE FOR ALL<br /> REPTILIAN BODY PARTS. They each hold a magic wand with an inverted<br /> pentacle on it)<br /> <br /> Isa: Thrice the brinded cat hath mewed!<br /> <br /> Jadie: Thrice and once the hedge-pig whined.<br /> <br /> Ica: KACHAAKLELCAKACLECKAACLEKACALE<br /> <br /> Isa: (to JADIE) <br /> <br /> I thought you were going to make her see reason while<br /> everyone else was doing Acts Two and Three!<br /> <br /> Jadie: I tried! I tried! Watch! (to ICA) <br /> <br /> Erica! Snap out of it! Now!<br /> <br /> Ica: KAHACCALELAHCAALELKCAHACAALKELE<br /> <br /> Isa: Oh, that is it! I am SICK of her ruining our part all the time!<br /> <br /> (fingering magic wand) Do these things work? <br /> <br /> (waves wand at ICA)<br /> <br /> Ica: KAAACHAAHAAKAKAALACHAKC….urp! <br /> <br /> (ICA disappears in a puff of pink<br /> smoke. The entire cast suddenly assembles on the stage and starts<br /> singing)<br /> <br /> All: Ding dong, the witch is dead!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Which old witch?&lt;br&gt;<br /> The crazy witch!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ding dong, the crazy witch is dead!&lt;br&gt;<br /> She’s gone where the goblins go&lt;br&gt;<br /> Below, below, below&lt;br&gt;<br /> Hi-ho, let’s open up and sing!<br /> <br /> (Everyone slowly files off the stage except ROBERT GRESHAM, who<br /> addresses the two remaining WITCHES and the audience)<br /> <br /> Gresham: First it vas Richard III. Then it vas two…count zem….two<br /> references vrom Julius Caesar. Now it’s the bloody Vizard of bloody Oz!<br /> Vhat’s next, Romeo and Juliet?<br /> <br /> Jadie: (running wildly about the stage) <br /> <br /> O Harvey, Harvey, wherefore art<br /> thou, Harvey?<br /> <br /> Gresham: (disgusted) <br /> <br /> Oh, I give up. <br /> <br /> (departs)<br /> <br /> (ISA looks around, and realizes that, JADIE having run off through a<br /> stage door, she is now alone.)<br /> <br /> Isa: Jadie? Ica? HELLO? I can’t do this scene by myself! I really<br /> can’t! <br /> <br /> (ISA’s eyes fall on her magic wand) <br /> <br /> Ahaa! <br /> <br /> (she waves the wand in<br /> the air. There is a puff of pink smoke, and JENN materializes.)<br /> <br /> Jenn: Well, this was unexpected…where am I? Oooh! Witchcraft! What are<br /> we doing?<br /> <br /> Isa: (pulling out script and glancing at it) <br /> <br /> We’re summoning the Devil.<br /> <br /> Jenn: (horrified) <br /> <br /> But witches don’t summon the devil! That’s just a<br /> popular prejudice! They really continue ancient traditions and get in<br /> touch with Nature!<br /> <br /> Isa: Sorry, Jenn, but it’s in the script.<br /> <br /> Jenn: Oh, fine. If you really must know, I’ve kinda always wanted to<br /> summon the devil. Just don’t tell any of the other Wiccans in my coven<br /> or I’d be in massive trouble. Which reminds me…coven…we still need a<br /> third person.<br /> <br /> Isa: No problem. (ISA waves her wand again. There is another cloud of<br /> pink smoke, and ARCHETYPE materializes.)<br /> <br /> Isa: Archetype? But you’re not even female!<br /> <br /> (ARCHETYPE uses biokinesis to turn ISA into a toad.)<br /> <br /> Isa: Ribbit. Ribbit. RIBBIT?!?!?!?!?!<br /> <br /> Jenn: Fine! You can be a witch too! Change her back!<br /> <br /> (ARCHETYPE changes ISA back into a human)<br /> <br /> Isa: That was unpleasant. Fine, you can stay here, as long as you<br /> pretend to be a woman.<br /> <br /> Archetype: Sorry, but you’ve got someone from the wrong Menelmacar for<br /> that.<br /> <br /> Isa: Fine, fine, just as long as you do your part for the spell.<br /> <br /> Archetype: What are we doing?<br /> <br /> Isa: We’re summoning the Devil.<br /> <br /> Archetype: The Devil? That’s SO passé. Summon Yog-Sothoth!<br /> <br /> Isa: (hands script to ARCHETYPE) <br /> <br /> We’ll summon who they’re paying us to<br /> summon, okay.<br /> <br /> Archetype: Very well.<br /> <br /> (The three link arms and start dancing around the cauldron.)<br /> <br /> Isa: (chanting) <br /> <br /> Three weird sisters, hand in hand<br /> <br /> Archetype: A-HEM!<br /> <br /> Isa: (chanting) <br /> <br /> Two weird sisters, and one weird brother, hand in hand<br /> <br /> Archetype: A-HEM!<br /> <br /> Isa: (chanting) <br /> <br /> Two weird sisters, and one REALLY weird brother, hand<br /> in hand<br /> <br /> Archetype: (smiling smugly) <br /> <br /> Posters of the sea and land<br /> <br /> Isa: Thrice to mine…<br /> <br /> Jenn: And thrice to thine<br /> <br /> Archetype: And thrice again To make up twenty-three<br /> <br /> Jenn and Isa: (in unison) <br /> <br /> NINE!<br /> <br /> Archetype: Nine. Right, that’s what I said.<br /> <br /> (the three continue dancing and chanting)<br /> <br /> Isa: (reaching into the Acme Spell Components bag, placing each<br /> component into the cauldron<br /> as she names it)<br /> <br /> Camel fur, from Babkha brought&lt;br&gt;<br /> MagiGARP, at midnight caught&lt;br&gt;<br /> Newt’s eye, tongue of talking dog&lt;br&gt;<br /> Demon’s blood, accursed by Gahg&lt;br&gt;<br /> Blue moose antler, kiwi feather&lt;br&gt;<br /> In the cauldron boil together!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> All: Double, double, toil and trouble&lt;br&gt;<br /> Fire burn and cauldron bubble<br /> <br /> Jenn: Bundes stag and zlatni rat&lt;br&gt;<br /> Whisker from half-elf-half-cat,&lt;br&gt;<br /> Micron hair and dragon scale&lt;br&gt;<br /> Monkey wing and wombat tail&lt;br&gt;<br /> Wool of sheep and dolphin fin&lt;br&gt;<br /> Banana peel and mango skin&lt;br&gt;<br /> To the cauldron get thee in!<br /> <br /> All: Double, double, toil and trouble&lt;br&gt;<br /> Fire burn and cauldron bubble<br /> <br /> Archetype: Cool the stuff with squid-wrung ink&lt;br&gt;<br /> Now the charm is done, I think<br /> <br /> (The three look into the cauldron. An evil-looking, greasy black smoke<br /> is emanating from it. All raise their wands.)<br /> <br /> Isa: (swinging wand) Abracadabra! Hocus-pocus! Presto-chango!<br /> <br /> Jenn: (swinging wand) <br /> <br /> Arirahikkala! Tatuahponnen! Paavolipponen!<br /> <br /> Archetype: (swinging wand) <br /> <br /> Skidoo! Ewigeblumenkraft! FNORD!!!!!!!!<br /> <br /> (there is a clap of thunder, a flash of lightning, and a puff of fetid<br /> green smoke. ROBERT GRESHAM appears)<br /> <br /> Gresham: You call THAT a devil-summoning? That was the most pathetic<br /> and unoriginal excuse for an occult ceremony that I have ever seen!<br /> <br /> (sarcastically) <br /> <br /> Oooh…upside-down pentacles on the wands. THERE’s an<br /> innovation. Eye of newt…that’s been used since Cornelius Agrippa. Nice<br /> cauldron…pity it’s three centuries out of style. I swear, the only<br /> reason I even respond to summonses any more is to laugh at how awful<br /> these people who call themselves “witches” these days are.<br /> <br /> Archetype: (ears perking up)<br /> <br /> By the pickings of my thumbs…&lt;br&gt;<br /> Something wicked this way comes…<br /> <br /> Jenn: (to GRESHAM) <br /> <br /> Quick, hide behind a tree or something!<br /> <br /> (GRESHAM hides behind a tree .MOGBETH enters the scene. He looks weary<br /> and worn, yet determined. The THREE WITCHES curtsy to him.)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: How now, you secret black and midnight hags?<br /> <br /> Jenn: Hey! Who are you calling a hag?!<br /> <br /> Archetype: I’M not even a woman. Shows how much you know.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: My salutation did not mean offense&lt;br&gt;<br /> Indeed, I have arrived to beg a favor&lt;br&gt;<br /> So many months ago, you did perceive&lt;br&gt;<br /> Correctly, I would be Duke of Goldshire&lt;br&gt;<br /> And then the Kaiser – truly do your gifts&lt;br&gt;<br /> In scrying and in all the occult arts&lt;br&gt;<br /> Appear without compare – I beg predictions&lt;br&gt;<br /> My future fate, the outcome of the play&lt;br&gt;<br /> Tell me, I beg!<br /> <br /> Isa: Would you hear it from us?<br /> Or from our masters?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Call ‘em.<br /> Let me see ‘em.<br /> <br /> Jenn: (putting in more spell components)<br /> <br /> Toss in salt and Finnish soil!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Let a lizard’s liver boil!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Blood from the Rod of Ming we throw&lt;br&gt;<br /> Into the mix – come high or low&lt;br&gt;<br /> Thyself and office deftly show!<br /> <br /> (A clap of thunder. A flash of lightning. A puff of gray smoke that<br /> slowly resolves itself into the figure of a man with silly glasses,<br /> dressed in drag)<br /> <br /> First Apparition: Mogbeth! Mogbeth! Mogbeth!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Hi! I’m Crazy Eddie. I put babies on spikes. Do you want a rack of<br /> babies? We’ve got babies on racks. Hmmm, they…taste of chicken!” They<br /> do! Babies taste of chicken! Cannibals say that human flesh tastes of<br /> chicken! So babies must taste of chicken. And chicken tastes of humans.<br /> Good, I’m glad you’re coming with me on that. Yes, so, um, uh, this is<br /> all true. And, um, so, Mogbeth, beware Stone Jackabar! That’s it, bye<br /> folks, you’ve been a great audience!<br /> <br /> (the apparition dissolves)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: For thy good caution, thanks, but one word more!<br /> <br /> Jenn: They shall not be commanded&lt;br&gt;<br /> Here’s another, more potent than the first<br /> <br /> (A clap of thunder. A flash of lightning. A puff of gray smoke that<br /> slowly resolves itself into the figure of a tiny man with green skin<br /> wearing a gigantic silly looking helmet, with a robot thinly disguised<br /> as a dog at his side)<br /> <br /> Second Apparition: Mogbeth! Mogbeth! Mogbeth! Mo…<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Had I pi ears, I’d hear thee!<br /> <br /> Second Apparition: I am ZIM!!!!! Be afraid, PUNY EARTHLING!!! But also,<br /> BE GLAD!!! For you will never be conquered until Mt. Medivh MOVES TO<br /> YARDISTAN! <br /> <br /> (the robot/dog shouts “YAY!”, and the apparition dissolves)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Then live, Sir Stone – what need I fear of thee!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Truly this news is all that I had hoped&lt;br&gt;<br /> Forsooth, it seems this alien hath declared&lt;br&gt;<br /> I am invincible…<br /> <br /> (A clap of thunder. A flash of lightning. A puff of gray smoke that<br /> slowly resolves itself into the figure of a penguin)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: But what is this that rises from the Earth&lt;br&gt;<br /> With such an awful visage – it doth seem&lt;br&gt;<br /> The image of a penguin, pixellated&lt;br&gt;<br /> And granular, and badly drawn indeed&lt;br&gt;<br /> Speak to me, o apparition!<br /> <br /> Third Apparition: MOGBETH!!! MOGBETH!!! MOGBETH!!!<br /> IT IS POKEY THE PENGUIN!!! I LIVE WITH MY FRIENDS IN THE ARCTIC<br /> CIRCLE!!! I AM HERE TO SAY THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED BY ANY MAN<br /> BORN OF WOMAN!!! INDEED!!! LO, I HAVE SPOKEN, AND THUSLY DO I DEPART!!!<br /> <br /> (the apparition dissolves)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: By no man born of woman! That precludes&lt;br&gt;<br /> My conquest, by the wretched Yardistanis&lt;br&gt;<br /> O thank you, witches, for your skill and aid&lt;br&gt;<br /> And yet, I feel within my heart of hearts&lt;br&gt;<br /> You yet hold something back<br /> <br /> Isa, Jenn, and Archetype: (in unison) <br /> <br /> Seek to know no more!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Deny me this&lt;br&gt;<br /> And may an eternal curse fall ‘pon your heads!<br /> <br /> Isa: Show!<br /> <br /> Jenn: Show!<br /> <br /> Archetype: Show!!!<br /> <br /> Isa, Jenn, and Archetype: (in unison) <br /> <br /> Show his eyes and grieve his heart!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Come like shadows, so depart! <br /> <br /> (they wave their magic wands. A clap of<br /> thunder. A flash of lightning. A puff of gray smoke that slowly<br /> resolves itself into a gray, shrouded figure. It seems to be a man, but<br /> where his feet should be, the body dwindles off into a wisp, and it has<br /> a wretched appearance beyond that of any man living – its clothes are<br /> tattered and torn, and its arms and face are covered with scars.<br /> Although hooded, it is recognizable)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Q….Q….Qelathos! No!<br /> <br /> Qelathos: (slowly, wailingly, the way ghosts always talk in this sort<br /> of situation) <br /> <br /> Moggggbeeettthhhhh……<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: I’m sorry! It was my wife! She made me do it! I am not a<br /> murderer! You were my friend! I loved you! (disclaimer)<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Moggggbeeettthhhhh…… Moggggbeeettthhhhh……<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (panicked) No! Don’t come any closer! Stay away! Stay away!<br /> <br /> (frantically swats the image of the ghost, but his blows pass right<br /> through it)<br /> <br /> Qelathos: Moggggbeeettthhhhh…… Mogbeth <br /> <br /> (tries to run, but finds he is<br /> frozen in place with fear.)<br /> <br /> Qelathos: (coming so close to Mogbeth he is nearly touching him)<br /> Moggggbeeettthhhhh……SOYLENT GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE!!!!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: NOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /> <br /> (there is a clap of thunder, a flash of lightning, and a puff of deep<br /> purple smoke. When it fades, QELATHOS, the WITCHES, the cauldron, and<br /> the spell bag have mysteriously disappeared. MOGBETH is still wailing<br /> piteously, clawing his skull as if infested by mind worms or something.<br /> Finally, he is able to speak)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Where are they? Gone?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Let this pernicious hour&lt;br&gt;<br /> Stand accursed in the calendar!<br /> <br /> (hanging his head in horror, he departs. When he is gone, GRESHAM comes<br /> from behind his tree, bearing a little notepad and a pen.)<br /> <br /> Gresham: Let’s see. I’d give zhe acting zero out of a hundred, zhe<br /> writing…oh…say…maybe zero out of a hundred, zhe jokes, zero out of a<br /> hundred, give or take a point or two, and I think zhe scenery and<br /> technical vork definitely deserves at least a zero out of one hundred.<br /> Overall rating for zhat scene…zero out of one hundred. <br /> <br /> (he, too,<br /> departs)<br /> <br /> ===Scene Two===<br /> (The base of Mt. Medivh. ANARCH NICHOLAS and LETIFER are sitting atop<br /> one of the foothills, watching a battle take shape beneath them. SIR<br /> JACKABAR arrives near them, panting with exertion)<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Stone! How goes the battle?<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Not well, m’lord.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Our forces are outnumbered two to one&lt;br&gt;<br /> The elven regiments, when they arrived&lt;br&gt;<br /> Did flank our column; some could not retreat&lt;br&gt;<br /> And now are dead, or prisoners of war&lt;br&gt;<br /> I fear, m’lord, the worst is yet to come.<br /> <br /> Herald: Sir Jackabar, have you yet heard the news?&lt;br&gt;<br /> Another army from the Keep arrives&lt;br&gt;<br /> To join with our attackers!<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Yay! We’re doomed!<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Perhaps the time for “them” is near at hand.<br /> <br /> Letifer: You can’t mean…<br /> <br /> Nicholas: But I do.<br /> <br /> Letifer: The Scheheradze Convention and the laws<br /> Of warfare all the world around forbid it<br /> You can’t be serious<br /> <br /> Nicholas: (smiling) <br /> <br /> But, m’lord, I am.<br /> Sir Jackabar, prepare for me the Corps<br /> <br /> Jackabar: (saluting) <br /> <br /> Aye aye, sir!<br /> <br /> Nicholas: The Yardistani Annexation Corps&lt;br&gt;<br /> The army that has made our Duchy’s name&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ruthless berserkers, madmen, mad with wrath&lt;br&gt;<br /> And skilled beyond all skill with sword and shield&lt;br&gt;<br /> Now enters battle. Good luck to ‘ya, Stone&lt;br&gt;<br /> And Gahg have mercy, because we sure won’t<br /> <br /> (SIR JACKABAR returns, followed by three men in suits. One of them<br /> bears a sheet of little stickers. Another bears a briefcase and some<br /> legal forms. The third bears a little device with a flashing red light<br /> known only as “Mr. Thingy”.)<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Stone! You and your men distract the Menelmacari and Mog’s<br /> army! YAC! Follow me!<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Aye aye, sir! <br /> <br /> (to his regiment) <br /> <br /> TAKE UP YOUR SPORKS, MEN, AND<br /> FOLLOW ME TO BATTLE!!!!!<br /> <br /> (they yell their battle cries)<br /> <br /> Nicholas: Onward, Annexation Corps! We’ve got what it takes to take<br /> what they’ve got! <br /> <br /> (the Annexation Corps joins the battle)<br /> <br /> Letifer: No more Mr. Nice Kaiser….<br /> <br /> ==Scene Three==<br /> (Castle Shirekeep reception room. MOGBETH still sits on his throne,<br /> although he looks like he is feeling absolutely awful and ought to be<br /> in bed or something. LADY MOGBETH’s throne is conspicuously empty, and<br /> there are fewer soldiers and retainers lurking around)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Alas! My lovely wife has fallen ill.&lt;br&gt;<br /> And I, myself, grown ill with grief for her&lt;br&gt;<br /> And grief about my empire – all around&lt;br&gt;<br /> Land falls into decay, and serfs rebel&lt;br&gt;<br /> And yet, I have the prophecies to prove&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I shall weather out the storm aright&lt;br&gt;<br /> “Mogbeth shall never vanquished be until&lt;br&gt;<br /> Mt. Medivh is in Yardistan” they said.&lt;br&gt;<br /> And – “NO MAN BORN OF WOMAN SHALL HARM MOGBETH!!!”<br /> <br /> Herald: My lord? It’s urgent.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Yes? Yes?<br /> <br /> Herald: The queen, my lord, is dead.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: (sighs pitifully)<br /> <br /> She should have died hereafter.&lt;br&gt;<br /> There would have been a time for such a word&lt;br&gt;<br /> Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow&lt;br&gt;<br /> Creep at their petty pace from day to day&lt;br&gt;<br /> To the last syllable of recorded time&lt;br&gt;<br /> And STILL we can’t quit micronationalism&lt;br&gt;<br /> Out, out, brief candle!&lt;br&gt;<br /> Life is but a moving shadow, a poor player&lt;br&gt;<br /> That struts and frets for a moment upon the stage&lt;br&gt;<br /> And then is heard no more – it is a tale&lt;br&gt;<br /> Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury…<br /> <br /> Evil Line Stealing Dolphin: (swims in) <br /> <br /> Signifying nothing<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: HEY! THAT WAS MY LINE!<br /> <br /> (EVIL LINE STEALING DOLPHIN makes evil clicking dolphin laughter and<br /> swims off. MOGBETH chases after him and almost runs into the HERALD,<br /> who has returned with more news.)<br /> <br /> Herald: Your highness! It’s horrible! Reports have just come in from<br /> our forces at Mt. Medivh! We were massacred! Scarcely a man remains<br /> alive! The Yardistanis have a free route to our capital!<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: But…but…how could this be?<br /> <br /> Herald: Your highness, they…they…called in the Yardistani Annexation<br /> Corps! The carnage…my gods…you’ve never seen anything like it! They<br /> annexed everything! Our army…their own army…my hat <br /> <br /> (he holds up his<br /> hat, which has a sticker on it saying “Property of the Yardistani<br /> Annexation Corps – If it’s not nailed down, it’s ours. If we can pry it<br /> loose, it wasn’t really nailed down”)<br /> <br /> …our weaponry, the<br /> battlefield…heck, they even annexed Mt. Medivh.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Did you say they annexed Mt. Medivh??!<br /> <br /> Herald: I did, m’lord.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: And would that make it…part of Yardistan?<br /> <br /> Herald: It would, m’lord.<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Gahg in a file cabinet! I’ve been conned! By a group of evil<br /> witches! Who would expect someone like that to do something so low?!<br /> <br /> Herald: What should we do now, lord?<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Gather up all the armies and the guards&lt;br&gt;<br /> Every man left to us – even the old&lt;br&gt;<br /> We’ll make a stand before the castle gates&lt;br&gt;<br /> For it was said that “NO MAN BORN OF WOMAN&lt;br&gt;<br /> CAN HARM MOGBETH!!!” I still myself am safe.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Ring the alarum bell! Blow wind! Come rack!&lt;br&gt;<br /> At least we’ll die with harness on our back!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> ===Scene Four===<br /> (Outside Castle Shirekeep. ANARCH NICHOLAS, STONE JACKABAR, and LETIFER<br /> are riding their horses through a battlefield. There are dead bodies<br /> strewn everywhere. MOGBETH is sitting on the far end of the stage,<br /> metaphorically far away from them in a different part of the scene,<br /> before the castle gate)<br /> <br /> Letifer: Praise be to Gahg, for in this final battle&lt;br&gt;<br /> The forces of the traitor ran away&lt;br&gt;<br /> Without a fight – now I need only find him&lt;br&gt;<br /> To give to him the thrashing he deserves&lt;br&gt;<br /> For his most hateful crimes<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Letifer, calm.&lt;br&gt;<br /> You are too valuable to risk in swordplay.&lt;br&gt;<br /> And once Mogbeth was a most skillful warrior.&lt;br&gt;<br /> I will not let you risk your life against him&lt;br&gt;<br /> Nor Anarch Nick’s – this battle is for me.&lt;br&gt;<br /> And me alone.<br /> <br /> Nicholas: He’s right, you know.&lt;br&gt;<br /> What is the point of having yourself a captain&lt;br&gt;<br /> If he can’t fight to save you?<br /> <br /> Letifer: Very well.&lt;br&gt;<br /> Though I burn for revenge, I still can bear&lt;br&gt;<br /> To see it done vicariously – hark!&lt;br&gt;<br /> The fiend himself!<br /> <br /> (they have arrived in the part of the scene where MOGBETH sits. SIR<br /> JACKABAR dismounts and draws his sword. MOGBETH, upon seeing him, draws<br /> his sword as well.)<br /> <br /> Jackabar: There you are, you villain!&lt;br&gt;<br /> This endeth here! You foul usurper! Die!<br /> <br /> (they swordfight for a few seconds, and then stand warily apart from<br /> one another)<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Give up, Sir Stone.&lt;br&gt;<br /> I lead a charméd life, which must not yield&lt;br&gt;<br /> To one of woman born<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Despair thy charm!&lt;br&gt;<br /> And tell the angel who thou still hath served&lt;br&gt;<br /> That I, Stone, was born not from mortal woman&lt;br&gt;<br /> But rather, was created by the Drow&lt;br&gt;<br /> As told in rambling and fantastic stories&lt;br&gt;<br /> That no one’s really read<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: Accursed be the tongue that tells me so!&lt;br&gt;<br /> For thou hath cowed the better part of man!&lt;br&gt;<br /> I’ll not fight thee!<br /> <br /> Jackabar: Then live! To be annexéd by the Y. A. C.&lt;br&gt;<br /> We’ll put you on display upon our page&lt;br&gt;<br /> And put a little sticker on your head&lt;br&gt;<br /> And add you to the list…<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: No!<br /> <br /> Though Mt. Medivh be come to Yardistan&lt;br&gt;<br /> And thou oppose, being of no woman born&lt;br&gt;<br /> Still I shall try the last – before my body&lt;br&gt;<br /> I throw my warlike shield – lay on, Sir Stone…<br /> <br /> Evil Line Stealing Dolphin: (swimming in) <br /> <br /> And damned be he who first<br /> cries “Hold, you’ve won!”<br /> <br /> Mogbeth: THAT - WAS – MY – LINE!!!!!! <br /> <br /> (The EVIL LINE STEALING DOLPHIN,<br /> who swims away with clicking laughter. MOGBETH, pursuing, trips over<br /> one of the corpses and falls on a mace, killing himself instantly. SIR<br /> JACKABAR shrugs, cuts off the head, and holds it up to ANARCH NICHOLAS<br /> and LETIFER)<br /> <br /> Letifer: Thus does there pass out of the world a tyrant&lt;br&gt;<br /> A seed of war, of chaos, and of hate&lt;br&gt;<br /> But I, at last, inspired by his fate&lt;br&gt;<br /> To wisely rule and well, at last am Kaiser&lt;br&gt;<br /> Now I am got the throne! May fate and Gahg&lt;br&gt;<br /> Protect me and preserve me from such ends&lt;br&gt;<br /> And you, my loyal vassals, and my friends&lt;br&gt;<br /> Help me to guide you, and guide me as well&lt;br&gt;<br /> To Amity and Mirioth first I must&lt;br&gt;<br /> Turn my attention – and from there, who knows&lt;br&gt;<br /> Out of the desert of our deepest woes&lt;br&gt;<br /> Fresh flow’rs may someday grow, and I, and thou&lt;br&gt;<br /> My noble comrades, shall not lightly work&lt;br&gt;<br /> To heal the lands that have been rent by Mog&lt;br&gt;<br /> For Shireroth, for Kaiser, and for Gahg!&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> All: For Shireroth, for Kaiser, and for Gahg!<br /> <br /> ==Act Five==<br /> ===Scene One===<br /> (The theater. Everybody has gone home, except for a few janitors who<br /> are picking up programs and throwing them away, some stage crew trying<br /> to repair scenery damaged by Stone’s overenthusiastic sword-swinging in<br /> Act Four, and the DIRECTOR, who is sitting in the front row and<br /> pondering how Opening Night went GRESHAM approaches the director.)<br /> Gresham: Honestly, vhat kind of Shakespearean tragedy has only four<br /> acts?<br /> <br /> Director: (looking up) <br /> <br /> What do you mean?<br /> <br /> Gresham: All Shakespearean tragedies have five acts. Everyone knows<br /> zhat. You must be an idiot to be trying to parody Shakespeare in a<br /> tragedy vith only four acts.<br /> <br /> Director: Did you ever stop to consider we’re in the fifth act right<br /> now?<br /> <br /> Gresham: Vhat? But zhe curtain’s down! The play is over! I saw it end!<br /> Surely you’re not trying to say that this is part of the play??!!!<br /> <br /> Director: Isn’t it? Isn’t it?<br /> (exeunt)<br /> <br /> [[category:fiction]]<br /> [[category:culture]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Kaiser_Raynor_II&diff=6958 2008-12-10T21:43:52Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>{{Raynor}}<br /> <br /> Kaiser Raynor II was one of the earliest Shirerithian Kaisers.<br /> <br /> Although [[Kaiser Raynor I]] is generally accepted as a historical personage, many of his immediate successors are known only through the wildest mythology. Such a figure was Raynor II, legendary founder of [[Northshire]]. According to the story, after a long reign, Raynor, grown mad with power, decided he deserved to become a God. Rather than stumble through the usual cycle of incarnations before reaching Transcendence, he chose a more direct route, and called the world's most skilled engineers to his capital to build a catapult that could fling him into Heaven.<br /> <br /> Thousands of workers were hired for the project, and the stories say that famous Treesian polymath Werilos Quaz was summoned to Shirekeep to direct the construction. While once the [[Great Forest of Elwynn]] stretched all the way to the gates of the Walled City, the trees to the north of the Keep were felled in order to provide lumber for the machine, and the catapult took shape in the resulting meadows. A small town sprung up a mile or so north of the walls to house the laborers.<br /> <br /> After five years of work, the catapult was ready. According to legend, it stretched further than the eye could see, and was taller far than the highest spire of Raynor's Keep. Rather than rope, its mechanism used the dried and salted body of the great Sea Serpent Kalhamoraes, who took half the Shirerithian fleet with him to his doom. Kaiser Raynor II entered the projectile chamber, the device was activated, and the mad monarch flew off into the sky, never to be seen or heard from again.<br /> <br /> According to one legend, he received a fool's doom, soaring all the way to the modern [[Duchy of Kildare]] before he plummeted to his death, the impact forming the crater that would later become [[Lake Christoph]]. According to another, he slammed into [[Tarsica]], and the impression made by his form in its soft grey soils is what we now call the Man in the Moon. But the most popular legend among the people of Shirekeep themselves is that the gods favored his undertaking, snatched him from the sky, and invited him to join them. He is now worshipped by many as [[Raynertoo]], God Of Ideas That Sounded Good At The Time.<br /> <br /> After the Kaiser's flight, his successor, [[Kaiser Brrapa II]], kept the Great Catapult intact in the hopes that he could use it as a superweapon in the [[Lesser Yardistani Wars]], allowing him to strike at the island nation without ever leaving his capital. But when it was found that the catapult could not be sufficiently well controlled for this purpose, he left it to be scavenged by the peasants, who used its wood to expand the small town at its base into a larger town. Brrapa II eventually made the larger town capital of his Duchy of Northshire, seeing as it was the only area north of Shirekeep actually pacified or explored by Shirerithians. After a few centuries in this capacity, the Duchy of Northshire became the [[Duchy of Elwynn]], and the town of Northshire became a seamless part of Shirekeep.<br /> <br /> [http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=80962#p80962 External link: The Legend of Raynor II]<br /> <br /> <br /> {{start box}}<br /> {{succession box|title=[[Kaiser|Succession of the Shirithian Kaisership]]|before=[[Erik I]]|after=[[Brrapa II]]|years=b2248&amp;ndash;b2208}}<br /> {{end box}}<br /> <br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:people]]<br /> <br /> [[category:Kaisers]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Kaiser_Raynor_II&diff=6957 2008-12-10T21:41:56Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>{{Raynor}}<br /> <br /> Kaiser Raynor II was one of the earliest Shirerithian Kaisers.<br /> <br /> Although Raynor I is generally accepted as a historical personage, many of his immediate successors are known only through the wildest mythology. Such a figure was Raynor II, legendary founder of Northshire. According to the story, after a long reign, Raynor, grown mad with power, decided he deserved to become a God. Rather than stumble through the usual cycle of incarnations before reaching Transcendence, he chose a more direct route, and called the world's most skilled engineers to his capital to build a catapult that could fling him into Heaven.<br /> <br /> Thousands of workers were hired for the project, and the stories say that famous Treesian polymath Werilos Quaz was summoned to Shirekeep to direct the construction. While once the Great Forest of Elwynn stretched all the way to the gates of the Walled City, the trees to the north of the Keep were felled in order to provide lumber for the machine, and the catapult took shape in the resulting meadows. A small town sprung up a mile or so north of the walls to house the laborers.<br /> <br /> After five years of work, the catapult was ready. According to legend, it stretched further than the eye could see, and was taller far than the highest spire of Raynor's Keep. Rather than rope, its mechanism used the dried and salted body of the great Sea Serpent Kalhamoraes, who took half the Shirerithian fleet with him to his doom. Kaiser Raynor II entered the projectile chamber, the device was activated, and the mad monarch flew off into the sky, never to be seen or heard from again.<br /> <br /> According to one legend, he received a fool's doom, soaring all the way to Kildare before he plummeted to his death, the impact forming the crater that would later become Lake Christoph. According to another, he slammed into Tarsica, and the impression made by his form in its soft grey soils is what we now call the Man in the Moon. But the most popular legend among the people of Shirekeep themselves is that the gods favored his undertaking, snatched him from the sky, and invited him to join them. He is now worshipped by many as Raynertoo, God Of Ideas That Sounded Good At The Time.<br /> <br /> After the Kaiser's flight, his successor, Brrapa II, kept the Great Catapult intact in the hopes that he could use it as a superweapon in the Lesser Yardistani Wars, allowing him to strike at the island nation without ever leaving his capital. But when it was found that the catapult could not be sufficiently well controlled for this purpose, he left it to be scavenged by the peasants, who used its wood to expand the small town at its base into a larger town. Brrapa II eventually made the larger town capital of his Duchy of Northshire, seeing as it was the only area north of Shirekeep actually pacified or explored by Shirerithians. After a few centuries in this capacity, the Duchy of Northshire became the Duchy of Elwynn, and the town of Northshire became a seamless part of Shirekeep.<br /> <br /> <br /> According to legend, he grew mad with power and felt himself worthy to become a god. He hired the greatest craftsmen of [[Micras]] to construct a mighty catapult to fling him into Heaven. The catapult was completed, and Raynor II was flung off into the sky and never heard from again. Differing legends claim that he became the Man in the Moon, that he formed [[Lake Christoph]], and that he succeeded in his attempt and became the God of Ideas That Sounded Good At The Time.<br /> <br /> [http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=80962#p80962 External link: The Legend of Raynor II]<br /> <br /> <br /> {{start box}}<br /> {{succession box|title=[[Kaiser|Succession of the Shirithian Kaisership]]|before=[[Erik I]]|after=[[Brrapa II]]|years=b2248&amp;ndash;b2208}}<br /> {{end box}}<br /> <br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:people]]<br /> <br /> [[category:Kaisers]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Kaiser_Raynor_II&diff=6956 2008-12-10T21:39:14Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>{{Raynor}}<br /> <br /> Kaiser Raynor II was one of the earliest Shirerithian Kaisers.<br /> <br /> According to legend, he grew mad with power and felt himself worthy to become a god. He hired the greatest craftsmen of [[Micras]] to construct a mighty catapult to fling him into Heaven. The catapult was completed, and Raynor II was flung off into the sky and never heard from again. Differing legends claim that he became the Man in the Moon, that he formed [[Lake Christoph]], and that he succeeded in his attempt and became the God of Ideas That Sounded Good At The Time.<br /> <br /> [http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=80962#p80962 External link: The Legend of Raynor II]<br /> <br /> <br /> {{start box}}<br /> {{succession box|title=[[Kaiser|Succession of the Shirithian Kaisership]]|before=[[Erik I]]|after=[[Brrapa II]]|years=b2248&amp;ndash;b2208}}<br /> {{end box}}<br /> <br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:people]]<br /> <br /> [[category:Kaisers]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Template:Current_events&diff=5847 2008-09-05T17:15:00Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>&lt;h2 style=&quot;margin:0;background-color:#990000;font-size:120%;font-weight:bold;border:1px solid #B82C20;text-align:left;color:#fff;padding:0.2em 0.4em;&quot;&gt;Current Events&lt;/h2&gt;<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ==Lesser Zjandaria &amp; Yardistan Take The War to the Enemy==<br /> May 15, 2008 C.E.<br /> <br /> The first blow against the enemy homeland came when Lesser Zjandaria launched a short-range ballistic missle attack, causing widespread devistation and panic among the enemy.<br /> <br /> The YMS &quot;Kaiser Mors V&quot;, having providentially put into port in Corrigible several days previous, had been on patrol when hostilites broke out.<br /> <br /> On the news of the enemy attack on the Brookshire Navy, the huge &quot;Iowa&quot;-class battleship commenced a punishing bombardment of the enemy with guns and cruise missles.<br /> <br /> MORE NEWS AS IT BECOMES AVAILABLE</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Commoners&diff=5532 2008-07-14T09:03:25Z

<p>Scott: New page: A commoner is a person who is not a noble. Because the definition of noble is complex, the definition of commoner is equally complex. From about 2002-2006, Dukes, Barons, and the ...</p> <hr /> <div>A commoner is a person who is not a noble.<br /> <br /> Because the definition of noble is complex, the definition of commoner is equally complex. From about 2002-2006, [[Dukes]], [[Barons]], and the [[Kaiser]] were permitted a say in the [[Landsraad]], and were officially nobles. &quot;Count&quot;, despite being a noble title, did not make its holder a noble, as ze had no position in the Landsraad.<br /> <br /> Currently, Barons are forbidden to speak or vote in the Landsraad, and therefore it is questionable whether they are officially nobility or not. Therefore, under a wider interpretation, Barons, Counts, and people without noble titles might be considered commoners.<br /> <br /> Under a narrower interpretation, only those without a Ducal, Baronial, or County title are commoners.</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Philip_Locke&diff=5531 2008-07-14T09:00:08Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>A [[Hyperborean]] active in [[Shireroth]] approximately from 2002 to 2004, famous for his strong commitment to [[democracy]] in the [[summer of '04]].<br /> <br /> Locke first gained intermicronational notoriety when he and his friend [[William Jesmer]] launched a terrorist attack against their home nation at the time, [[Tymaria]], and deleted its forum. At the time, Shireroth was a Tymarian state, and it banned [[William Jesmer]] from holding citizenship in the country ever again but gave Locke the lesser punishment of a three month suspension of citizenship.<br /> <br /> At the end of three months, Locke returned to Shireroth, now an independent country, settling in the [[Duchy of Hyperborea]]. Although he got along well with most of the other Hyperboreans, he quickly made several enemies, most significantly [[Erik Metzler]] and [[Gryphon Avocatio]]. Although they originally were upset with his part in the Tymarian attacks, they continued to be incensed by his loud and vocal support for a more democratic system of government. He was told to leave the country several times and dropped out due to inactivity on other occasions, but always ended up returning.<br /> <br /> In July 2004, [[Kaiser Los II]] promoted him to [[Duke]] of [[Hyperborea]] in gratitude for his support during the [[War of the Wylthean Succession]]. Locke used his position in the [[Landsraad]] to propose a number of bills, many of which directly related to his support for more [[freedom]] and [[democracy]] among the [[commoners]]. Most of these bills were voted down, despite the presence of a strong ally for his cause in [[Duke]] [[Rakesh]] of [[Brookshire]]. Also around this time, Locke founded the [[political interest group]] [[PAST]] to promote his ideals.<br /> <br /> Opinion on Locke's actions were mixed. While few [[Shirerithian]]s agreed with him, many noted how he raised activity, got Shirerithians to take a good look at their government, and encouraged a flourishing political culture at a time when many nations were sliding into inactivity. Others thought his ideas were un-Shirerithian, and that he himself was an annoyance at best and a traitor at worst.<br /> <br /> When [[Kaiser Raynor XI]] took the throne, he banned [[political interest groups]] and dismissed Locke's chief ally, [[Rakesh]], from his position as [[Duke]] of [[Brookshire]]. Unable to continue his reformist plans, Locke faded into inactivity, despite Raynor's conciliatory gesture of making him an [[Imperial Advisor]]. He has not been seen in Shireroth for nearly a year, although he still talks to [[Scott Alexander]] about poetry on rare occasions. <br /> <br /> In real life, Locke was known to be seventeen years old and to attend a Catholic high school in Rhode Island at the time this article was originally written.<br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[Category:people]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Guide_for_the_Perplexed&diff=5522 2008-07-13T20:47:16Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>[EDIT: This is about a year out of date, and will be edited when someone gets around to it. It is still about 90% accurate]<br /> <br /> Welcome to [[Shireroth]] and to [[micronationalism]]! Whether you're someone who has stumbled upon our site and wants to know more about us or a new immigrant trying to figure out what you've gotten yourself into, the following pamphlet should tell you enough about us to allow you to jump right in and feel that you understand most of what is going on.<br /> <br /> ===Warning===<br /> <br /> According to the DEA, micronationalism is one of the most addictive things on Earth. If you are the kind of person who easily gets addicted to things and doesn't have very much time, you should probably stop reading now.<br /> <br /> ==What is micronationalism?==<br /> <br /> As the name implies, micronationalism is the game/hobby/way-of-life based on creating and living in small nations. It has many levels, from people who treat it as a role-playing game to people who are dead serious about seceding from the United States or elsewhere as soon as they get enough military might to back themselves up. Shireroth falls in between. We have no real secessionist aspirations and follow all United States laws, but we do try and maintain at least a tenuous grip on reality most of the time. All micronations are looking for new immigrants who are interested in contributing something to the community, and Shireroth is no exception. If what you see in this guide seems interesting to you, please consider joining us.<br /> <br /> ==Is this a role-playing game?==<br /> <br /> [EDIT: This section is dated. Shireroth kind of IS an RPG these days. It'll be edited in due time - SAS]<br /> <br /> The most common misconception about micronations held by those new to them is the belief that they are an RPG, or somehow separate from the real world. This is not the case. Do not make yourself a character or expect someone to care if you claim to have built something, achieved something, or, God forbid, killed someone.<br /> <br /> If it is helpful, consider Shireroth not to be a simulation of a country but rather a real country that happens to be conducting many of its affairs on the Internet. It has a legislature, a university, a square for general discussion, et cetera. This way of looking at things should prevent you from falling into the role-playing trap.<br /> <br /> ==So what do you do?==<br /> <br /> Whatever we want, basically. People are always coming up with more ideas to make Shireroth a more interesting place. However, most stuff that happens here generally falls into a few areas:<br /> <br /> * We pass laws. Laws can concern everything from what holidays we celebrate to our foreign policy to who gets noble titles. This is really the backbone of the whole system. As a new immigrant, you will not be directly involved in the legislative process. However, you can watch the proceedings of the Landsraad and are encouraged to tell your Duke your opinion on issues.<br /> <br /> * We conduct foreign relations. There are many other micronations around, and some of them, like Babkha, are very close to Shireroth, often working with us or conspiring against us on various plans. The Ministry of the Exterior works on writing treaties, negotiating solutions to problems, keeping informed on what our friends and enemies are doing, and trying to convince foreign countries to act in ways that benefit us. Sometimes we just visit and say hi.<br /> <br /> * We have a military and an intelligence agency. The military chiefly participates in &quot;recwars&quot;, a uniquely micronational sport similar to RPGs in many ways. Intelligence often consists of having foreign contacts who are willing to sell Shireroth information on their nations and of infiltrating enemy countries with spies before they can do the same to us.<br /> <br /> * We create fiction. We have developed a rich fictional culture, a couple of stories, and some history for our lands and institutions. Usually this is done as a side or an embellishment to the government work, but there are some people who prefer just to write stuff or role-play without any official government jobs.<br /> <br /> * We make stuff. From launching model rockets under the guise of a space program to broadcasting KIRS, Shireroth's own radio station, people with hobbies tend to find that associating them with Shireroth makes them more fun and gets people interested in them.<br /> <br /> ==Where do I go to do stuff?==<br /> The majority of Shirithian affairs are conducted on '''[http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/viewforum.php?f=1 the forum]'''. Go ahead and post boldly - while a Yardistani or two might bite you if you're not careful, they don't have any infectious diseases. We think.<br /> <br /> ==How does the government work?==<br /> Our government works on the feudal system. It consists of three levels, each of which is sworn to obey the level above them and each of which commands the levels below them in their turn. On top is the Kaiser, who you can think of as a sort of king. His word is law, although to hold official sway it must be formalized in an Imperial Decree. Directly below the Kaiser are the Dukes, of which there are currently five. The Dukes each rule over a Duchy, and each have the privilege of voting in the Landsraad, the legislature that decides most important issues.<br /> <br /> The third rung on the feudal ladder, and the one you're probably going to be on for a while, is everyone else. This includes titles that previously had significance in the government, such as Baron, Count and Thane, and the commoner. Non-dukes cannot directly vote or debate in the Landsraad, although they can petition their nobles to bring up acts or change their votes, or post and wait for the [[Praetor]] to approve their participation in the discussion. <br /> <br /> What commoners can do is hold high positions in the Ministries. For sometime the Minister of Military Affairs was a commoner, and there is no reason why an intelligent commoner cannot rise to the top in any of the Ministries, except perhaps that they would be likely to be promoted to the nobility before they got there.<br /> <br /> ==How can I become a noble?==<br /> <br /> # (the normal way) Be an active, intelligent, and loyal citizen. When a noble title opens up, someone may remember you and recommend you for it.<br /> #(the easy way) Marry into it. The significant others of Shirerithian nobles are granted their own noble titles, although they are not ruling nobles, a small but significant legal distinction.<br /> #(the really helpful way) Recruit some friends to Shireroth. If you get a couple of people to join together, and they prove to be active and willing to found a new Duchy together, the Landsraad or the Kaiser is likely to grant you one.<br /> <br /> A great way to prove yourself an intelligent, active, and loyal citizen is to get yourself a job in one of the Ministries. As of the time of this writing, the Ministry of the Exterior needs ambassadors, and the rest of the ministries are unoccupied. In general, people who just do good work and make a lot of friends in the community are more likely to become nobles than people who are obviously hell-bent on a title.<br /> <br /> ==What fiefdom should I live in?==<br /> <br /> Most citizens of Shireroth reside in a fiefdom. If you choose to immigrate, you will be expected either to choose a fiefdom or give the Minister of Immigration and Naturalization permission to choose one for you. The current fiefdoms are as follows:<br /> <br /> ===Brookshire===<br /> The Duchy of [[Brookshire]], merger of previous Brookshire and [[Goldshire]], is Shireroth's oldest Duchy and the former home of the nation's founder, [[Erik Metzler]]. It is currently ruled by the same person. Brookshire's culture is somewhat conservative, and the citizens tend to be both isolationist and traditionalist. General themes include history and archaeology (especially Shireroth's own fictional history), [[religion]], economy and industry, Monty Python references, and leadership.<br /> <br /> ===Elwynn===<br /> Merger of two of Shireroth's perhaps best-cultured duchies, [[Hyperborea]] and [[Elwynn]], the Elwynnese duchy is a place of quiet contemplation in the cold northlands, philosophical insight, and the occasional horrible bloody massacre. It is currently ruled over by one of Shireroth's stabler and more reliable citizens, [[Harald]]. General themes in Hyperborea include the Pursuit of Truth and Beauty, language, community, learning, art, and living off the land. Themes in Elwynn include natural beauty, elves, Nordic culture, Babkhan culture, forests and rivers, and ice cream.<br /> <br /> ===Kildare===<br /> The Duchy of [[Kildare]] has a long and somewhat troubled history. Traditionally most military leaders have come from this area. It is ruled by the somewhat new Duke [[Jonas]], and its culture is an unstable mix of old [[Apollo]]nian traditions that predate Shireroth and a bit of Ireland that has hung on through the region's many incarnations. General themes include both war and love, union and bickering, and also multiculturalism, Apollonian history and Apollonian religion. Kildare is home to some of Shireroth's better developed minor subdivisions, the old and well-liked [[Schlangen]] and [[Kitanus Fields]], the more unique [[Hallucination]], and the more controversial [[Antya]].<br /> <br /> ===Yardistan===<br /> The Duchy of [[Yardistan]] is certainly Shireroth's most unique Duchy, and quite possibly the most unique thing of any sort anywhere. It is home to several of Shireroth's oldest and most questionable traditions, such as the [[Yardistani Annexation Corps|Annexation Corps]] and the Small Animal and Molotov Cocktail Delivery Company. Its Duke is [[Jacobus]], arguably an excellent choice for an anarchistic duchy such as this. General themes include war, anarchy, partying, whimsy, passion, tropical heat, and in [[Naudia'Diva]], hunting, beasts, and naturalistic religion.<br /> <br /> ===Straylight===<br /> Vying for the title of most unique with Yardistan is its cultural offshoot, the naval duchy of [[Straylight]]. While Straylight is almost as old in name as the rest of the duchies, it has only recently been promoted back to actually being a duchy. It is ruled over by [[Ari Rahikkala]], as it has been for most of its existence. General themes include technology, the sea, constructive anarchy, the dark side of society, and if you dig into the history a little, a lot of dolphins and the occasional dragon.<br /> <br /> ==How do I immigrate?==<br /> <br /> If this sounds like something you might be interested in, register on our public forum, go to the [http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/viewforum.php?f=8 Ministry of Immigration and Naturalization (MiniImNat)], and fill out the form on the top. For more information on immigration, talk to the Minister of Immigration, whose contact details are below.<br /> <br /> ==Who can I talk to?==<br /> <br /> If you have some questions about Shireroth or just want to chat, here's a few possibilities.<br /> <br /> * The best bet is the [http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/viewforum.php?f=1 forum].<br /> * Or you can contact people on AIM:<br /> ** Rrakanychan: [[Erik Metzler]], current [[Kaiser]].<br /> ** Ari Rahikkala: [[Ari Rahikkala]], current [[Minister of the Exterior]]<br /> ** GSquid314: Scott, respected Shirithian (currently without a position due to being busy with life)<br /> * Or you can try the #micronations IRC channel on irc.psigenix.net (or [http://www.lemuria-nation.net/chat/ on the web])<br /> <br /> ==Any other advice?==<br /> <br /> * Just participate. The more you do stuff, the more it will all become clear to you.<br /> * Don't worry if you are kind of confused your first few days, eventually everything will become clear. Except the Yardistanis, but don't worry too much about that; we don't get them either.<br /> * If you don't know whether or not to do something, do it. If it was stupid, we'll tell you so and not worry about it, and it will be a good way for you to learn.<br /> * Ask questions. Questions are good.<br /> * Talk to people. About anything. The more people you know, and know well, the more enjoyable things will be.<br /> <br /> ==Where can I get more information?==<br /> <br /> The wiki you're currently reading can give you definitions of most of terms related to Shireroth, histories of our institutions, and descriptions (occasionally warnings) of different people or positions. You should be able to just click on the &quot;Random page&quot; link in the sidebar and learn about a random Shirithian subject, or just read through the wiki and the forum. The easiest way to find out things, however, is to ask about them.</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Guide_for_the_Perplexed&diff=5521 2008-07-13T20:43:56Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>Welcome to [[Shireroth]] and to [[micronationalism]]! Whether you're someone who has stumbled upon our site and wants to know more about us or a new immigrant trying to figure out what you've gotten yourself into, the following pamphlet should tell you enough about us to allow you to jump right in and feel that you understand most of what is going on.<br /> <br /> ===Warning===<br /> <br /> According to the DEA, micronationalism is one of the most addictive things on Earth. If you are the kind of person who easily gets addicted to things and doesn't have very much time, you should probably stop reading now.<br /> <br /> ==What is micronationalism?==<br /> <br /> As the name implies, micronationalism is the game/hobby/way-of-life based on creating and living in small nations. It has many levels, from people who treat it as a role-playing game to people who are dead serious about seceding from the United States or elsewhere as soon as they get enough military might to back themselves up. Shireroth falls in between. We have no real secessionist aspirations and follow all United States laws, but we do try and maintain at least a tenuous grip on reality most of the time. All micronations are looking for new immigrants who are interested in contributing something to the community, and Shireroth is no exception. If what you see in this guide seems interesting to you, please consider joining us.<br /> <br /> ==Is this a role-playing game?==<br /> <br /> [EDIT: This section is dated. Shireroth kind of IS an RPG these days. It'll be edited in due time - SAS]<br /> <br /> The most common misconception about micronations held by those new to them is the belief that they are an RPG, or somehow separate from the real world. This is not the case. Do not make yourself a character or expect someone to care if you claim to have built something, achieved something, or, God forbid, killed someone.<br /> <br /> If it is helpful, consider Shireroth not to be a simulation of a country but rather a real country that happens to be conducting many of its affairs on the Internet. It has a legislature, a university, a square for general discussion, et cetera. This way of looking at things should prevent you from falling into the role-playing trap.<br /> <br /> ==So what do you do?==<br /> <br /> Whatever we want, basically. People are always coming up with more ideas to make Shireroth a more interesting place. However, most stuff that happens here generally falls into a few areas:<br /> <br /> * We pass laws. Laws can concern everything from what holidays we celebrate to our foreign policy to who gets noble titles. This is really the backbone of the whole system. As a new immigrant, you will not be directly involved in the legislative process. However, you can watch the proceedings of the Landsraad and are encouraged to tell your Duke your opinion on issues.<br /> <br /> * We conduct foreign relations. There are many other micronations around, and some of them, like Babkha, are very close to Shireroth, often working with us or conspiring against us on various plans. The Ministry of the Exterior works on writing treaties, negotiating solutions to problems, keeping informed on what our friends and enemies are doing, and trying to convince foreign countries to act in ways that benefit us. Sometimes we just visit and say hi.<br /> <br /> * We have a military and an intelligence agency. The military chiefly participates in &quot;recwars&quot;, a uniquely micronational sport similar to RPGs in many ways. Intelligence often consists of having foreign contacts who are willing to sell Shireroth information on their nations and of infiltrating enemy countries with spies before they can do the same to us.<br /> <br /> * We create fiction. We have developed a rich fictional culture, a couple of stories, and some history for our lands and institutions. Usually this is done as a side or an embellishment to the government work, but there are some people who prefer just to write stuff or role-play without any official government jobs.<br /> <br /> * We make stuff. From launching model rockets under the guise of a space program to broadcasting KIRS, Shireroth's own radio station, people with hobbies tend to find that associating them with Shireroth makes them more fun and gets people interested in them.<br /> <br /> ==Where do I go to do stuff?==<br /> The majority of Shirithian affairs are conducted on '''[http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/viewforum.php?f=1 the forum]'''. Go ahead and post boldly - while a Yardistani or two might bite you if you're not careful, they don't have any infectious diseases. We think.<br /> <br /> ==How does the government work?==<br /> Our government works on the feudal system. It consists of three levels, each of which is sworn to obey the level above them and each of which commands the levels below them in their turn. On top is the Kaiser, who you can think of as a sort of king. His word is law, although to hold official sway it must be formalized in an Imperial Decree. Directly below the Kaiser are the Dukes, of which there are currently five. The Dukes each rule over a Duchy, and each have the privilege of voting in the Landsraad, the legislature that decides most important issues.<br /> <br /> The third rung on the feudal ladder, and the one you're probably going to be on for a while, is everyone else. This includes titles that previously had significance in the government, such as Baron, Count and Thane, and the commoner. Non-dukes cannot directly vote or debate in the Landsraad, although they can petition their nobles to bring up acts or change their votes, or post and wait for the [[Praetor]] to approve their participation in the discussion. <br /> <br /> What commoners can do is hold high positions in the Ministries. For sometime the Minister of Military Affairs was a commoner, and there is no reason why an intelligent commoner cannot rise to the top in any of the Ministries, except perhaps that they would be likely to be promoted to the nobility before they got there.<br /> <br /> ==How can I become a noble?==<br /> <br /> # (the normal way) Be an active, intelligent, and loyal citizen. When a noble title opens up, someone may remember you and recommend you for it.<br /> #(the easy way) Marry into it. The significant others of Shirerithian nobles are granted their own noble titles, although they are not ruling nobles, a small but significant legal distinction.<br /> #(the really helpful way) Recruit some friends to Shireroth. If you get a couple of people to join together, and they prove to be active and willing to found a new Duchy together, the Landsraad or the Kaiser is likely to grant you one.<br /> <br /> A great way to prove yourself an intelligent, active, and loyal citizen is to get yourself a job in one of the Ministries. As of the time of this writing, the Ministry of the Exterior needs ambassadors, and the rest of the ministries are unoccupied. In general, people who just do good work and make a lot of friends in the community are more likely to become nobles than people who are obviously hell-bent on a title.<br /> <br /> ==What fiefdom should I live in?==<br /> <br /> Most citizens of Shireroth reside in a fiefdom. If you choose to immigrate, you will be expected either to choose a fiefdom or give the Minister of Immigration and Naturalization permission to choose one for you. The current fiefdoms are as follows:<br /> <br /> ===Brookshire===<br /> The Duchy of [[Brookshire]], merger of previous Brookshire and [[Goldshire]], is Shireroth's oldest Duchy and the former home of the nation's founder, [[Erik Metzler]]. It is currently ruled by the same person. Brookshire's culture is somewhat conservative, and the citizens tend to be both isolationist and traditionalist. General themes include history and archaeology (especially Shireroth's own fictional history), [[religion]], economy and industry, Monty Python references, and leadership.<br /> <br /> ===Elwynn===<br /> Merger of two of Shireroth's perhaps best-cultured duchies, [[Hyperborea]] and [[Elwynn]], the Elwynnese duchy is a place of quiet contemplation in the cold northlands, philosophical insight, and the occasional horrible bloody massacre. It is currently ruled over by one of Shireroth's stabler and more reliable citizens, [[Harald]]. General themes in Hyperborea include the Pursuit of Truth and Beauty, language, community, learning, art, and living off the land. Themes in Elwynn include natural beauty, elves, Nordic culture, Babkhan culture, forests and rivers, and ice cream.<br /> <br /> ===Kildare===<br /> The Duchy of [[Kildare]] has a long and somewhat troubled history. Traditionally most military leaders have come from this area. It is ruled by the somewhat new Duke [[Jonas]], and its culture is an unstable mix of old [[Apollo]]nian traditions that predate Shireroth and a bit of Ireland that has hung on through the region's many incarnations. General themes include both war and love, union and bickering, and also multiculturalism, Apollonian history and Apollonian religion. Kildare is home to some of Shireroth's better developed minor subdivisions, the old and well-liked [[Schlangen]] and [[Kitanus Fields]], the more unique [[Hallucination]], and the more controversial [[Antya]].<br /> <br /> ===Yardistan===<br /> The Duchy of [[Yardistan]] is certainly Shireroth's most unique Duchy, and quite possibly the most unique thing of any sort anywhere. It is home to several of Shireroth's oldest and most questionable traditions, such as the [[Yardistani Annexation Corps|Annexation Corps]] and the Small Animal and Molotov Cocktail Delivery Company. Its Duke is [[Jacobus]], arguably an excellent choice for an anarchistic duchy such as this. General themes include war, anarchy, partying, whimsy, passion, tropical heat, and in [[Naudia'Diva]], hunting, beasts, and naturalistic religion.<br /> <br /> ===Straylight===<br /> Vying for the title of most unique with Yardistan is its cultural offshoot, the naval duchy of [[Straylight]]. While Straylight is almost as old in name as the rest of the duchies, it has only recently been promoted back to actually being a duchy. It is ruled over by [[Ari Rahikkala]], as it has been for most of its existence. General themes include technology, the sea, constructive anarchy, the dark side of society, and if you dig into the history a little, a lot of dolphins and the occasional dragon.<br /> <br /> ==How do I immigrate?==<br /> <br /> If this sounds like something you might be interested in, register on our public forum, go to the [http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/viewforum.php?f=8 Ministry of Immigration and Naturalization (MiniImNat)], and fill out the form on the top. For more information on immigration, talk to the Minister of Immigration, whose contact details are below.<br /> <br /> ==Who can I talk to?==<br /> <br /> If you have some questions about Shireroth or just want to chat, here's a few possibilities.<br /> <br /> * The best bet is the [http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/viewforum.php?f=1 forum].<br /> * Or you can contact people on AIM:<br /> ** Rrakanychan: [[Erik Metzler]], current [[Kaiser]].<br /> ** Ari Rahikkala: [[Ari Rahikkala]], current [[Minister of the Exterior]]<br /> ** GSquid314: Scott, respected Shirithian (currently without a position due to being busy with life)<br /> * Or you can try the #micronations IRC channel on irc.psigenix.net (or [http://www.lemuria-nation.net/chat/ on the web])<br /> <br /> ==Any other advice?==<br /> <br /> * Just participate. The more you do stuff, the more it will all become clear to you.<br /> * Don't worry if you are kind of confused your first few days, eventually everything will become clear. Except the Yardistanis, but don't worry too much about that; we don't get them either.<br /> * If you don't know whether or not to do something, do it. If it was stupid, we'll tell you so and not worry about it, and it will be a good way for you to learn.<br /> * Ask questions. Questions are good.<br /> * Talk to people. About anything. The more people you know, and know well, the more enjoyable things will be.<br /> <br /> ==Where can I get more information?==<br /> <br /> The wiki you're currently reading can give you definitions of most of terms related to Shireroth, histories of our institutions, and descriptions (occasionally warnings) of different people or positions. You should be able to just click on the &quot;Random page&quot; link in the sidebar and learn about a random Shirithian subject, or just read through the wiki and the forum. The easiest way to find out things, however, is to ask about them.</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Greg_Dean&diff=5489 2008-07-12T20:54:10Z

<p>Scott: New page: Greg Dean is the author of webcomic &quot;Real Life Adventures&quot;. He briefly joined Shireroth during the reign of Kaiseress Semisa I. He became aware of Shireroth&#039;s existence through his fr...</p> <hr /> <div>Greg Dean is the author of webcomic &quot;Real Life Adventures&quot;. He briefly joined Shireroth during the reign of [[Kaiseress Semisa I]].<br /> <br /> He became aware of Shireroth's existence through his friendship with [[James Raine]]. James asked him to host ads for Shireroth on his comic; although these were not very successful, Dean himself was sufficiently intrigued to join.<br /> <br /> Although he was only an active citizen for a few weeks, his contributions were quite lasting. First, he designed the Shireroth title graphic that still tops the forum today, at a time when no other Shirerithian had the graphic skills to do so. He offered to make a much higher quality map with Illustrator for the MCS; though he never got around to doing it, it might be considered the ancestor of today's special map proposals. Most importantly, he offered space on kuroshiro.net for the Shireroth forum when EZBoard began to be problematic, bringing the country to the webspace it still occupies today.<br /> <br /> His webcomic continues to be popular, and he is probably the closest thing to a macronationally &quot;famous&quot; citizen Shireroth has ever had.</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Istvanistan&diff=5488 2008-07-12T20:49:55Z

<p>Scott: New page: Istvanistan (formerly Chaocracy of Istvanistan, Republic of Istvanistan) was a Slavic themed nation operating from about 2000 to 2004. It survived longer as a strange &quot;off-topic&quot; where a f...</p> <hr /> <div>Istvanistan (formerly Chaocracy of Istvanistan, Republic of Istvanistan) was a Slavic themed nation operating from about 2000 to 2004. It survived longer as a strange &quot;off-topic&quot; where a few of its old citizens continued to converse.<br /> <br /> ==The Republic==<br /> <br /> The Republic of Istvanistan was formed by Stjepan Aracic (aka Tomislav Trpmirovic) in 2000. Stjepan, formerly a citizen of [[Apolyton Independent Nation]], founded his own micronation instead of participating in the general resurrection of Audentior a few months later. He gathered about ten or twenty friends to help him construct Istvanistan, which was a parliamentary democracy. Notable Istvanistani single citizens included Glissando and bnham; notable double citizens included [[dStryker]] and [[Glissando]].<br /> <br /> The Republic first came onto the intermicronational scene by opening relations with [[the Flying Islands of Jasonia]] in April 2000. The Apollo Sector considered it a sort of long-lost brother, but Istvanistan, like Shireroth, was wary of calling itself Apollonian.<br /> <br /> The Republic died due to lack of activity on November 7, 2000. November 7 is still the official Shirerithian holiday of Istvanistan Day.<br /> <br /> ==The Chaocracy and Beyond==<br /> <br /> Years later, Stjepan, who remained in micronationalism through the Tymarian years, refounded Istvanistan as a chaocracy, based sort of on a combination of the works of Aleister Crowley and heavy metal bands such as Fields of the Nephilim. This incarnation of Istvanistan never got much of a government, but was known for its active and anything-goes Off-Topic. Among its most famous creations were the &quot;[[What is the capital of Turkey?]]&quot; thread and the &quot;ducks, glue, and sandpaper&quot; meme. There were also a number of other, more obscure in-jokes, especially references to nanites.<br /> <br /> [[Ari Rahikkala]], [[Stjepan Aracic]], [[Hesam Jahandar]], [[Drogean]] of Babkha, and [[Erik Metzler]] were among the most active participants in this incarnation of Istvanistan.<br /> <br /> ==Istvanistan Today==<br /> <br /> Istvanistan never officially declared itself dead, and still receives the stray off-topic post. It is most notaby as an island on the MCS Map, which is still officially called the Istvanistan Island despite long since having new occupants.</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=SPEAR&diff=5355 2008-06-29T17:48:14Z

<p>Scott: New page: The Skiron Pact for Economic and Armed Reinforcement, or SPEAR, was an attempt planned in around 2005 to create an alliance to counteract the newly-formed and aggressive Grand Commonwealth...</p> <hr /> <div>The Skiron Pact for Economic and Armed Reinforcement, or SPEAR, was an attempt planned in around 2005 to create an alliance to counteract the newly-formed and aggressive Grand Commonwealth.<br /> <br /> [[Scott Alexander]], Shireroth's Minister of the Exterior at the time, organized a meeting with Antica, Natopia and Attera, the three other powers most interested in stopping Commonwealth expansion. He got [[Kaiser Alejian I]]'s general agreement on the concept of the meeting, but did not keep the Kaiser up to date on the progress of the negotiations.<br /> <br /> When the negotiations were finished, Antica prematurely announced that the Pact was finalized and Shireroth was a member. This was false, as Shireroth's Kaiser and Landsraad had not yet even heard the details of the Pact. The Kaiser and Landsraad grew angry and believed Scott had signed them up for something without their consent.<br /> <br /> The issue was eventually settled; however, many Shirerithians remained upset and the Kaiser decided not to join SPEAR, instead promoting the Alejian Doctrine of neutrality.<br /> <br /> SPEAR took effect as a pact between Attera, Antica, and Natopia, but was never very active or successful, partly because the threat from the Grand Commonwealth declined shortly after it was started and partly because of the MCS/GSO split.</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Cimmeria&diff=5354 2008-06-29T17:30:11Z

<p>Scott: New page: Cimmeria is a group of islands in the strait between Hyperborea and Elwynn. It is currently a County in the Barony of Fórntida Kærleikalanden in the Duchy of Froyalan Cimmeria h...</p> <hr /> <div>Cimmeria is a group of islands in the strait between Hyperborea and Elwynn. It is currently a County in the [[Barony of Fórntida Kærleikalanden]] in the [[Duchy of Froyalan]]<br /> <br /> Cimmeria has a long and convoluted history. It was originally created as an independent micronation by [[Ryan Caruso]] around 2001, later joined the [[Hegemony of Alexandros]], and eventually ended up in Shireroth. Its early history in Shireroth is unclear, although both [[Ardashir Khan]] and [[Aurefiction Auraumbre]] were residents at one point.<br /> <br /> Most of its cultural development comes from [[Unaimed Arrow]], where it was cast in an unsympathetic light as a frozen swampland full of unfriendly people. It has also been mentioned that the island has a large Hyperborean minority population, although this theme has never been developed.<br /> <br /> The [[Battle of Cimmeria]], a fictionalized account of a real battle between Shireroth and foreign &quot;hackers&quot;, took place there. The fictional [[Battle of Wolfraven]], in which forces loyal to [[Kaiser Los II]] sunk the Yardistani battleship [[Inevitably Destructive In All Circumstances]] also took occurred in the island's capital.<br /> <br /> More recently, the Khan of Vijayanagara has used Cimmeria to test weapons.</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Blackrock&diff=3241 2007-11-24T02:39:31Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>A militaristic micronation from the ancient past of the Apollo Sector.<br /> <br /> ==History==<br /> <br /> The Republic of Blackrock was founded in early 2000. Originally called Ceres, it was at first an entirely offline micronation, based in the town of Blackrock south of Dublin, Ireland. Eventually it expanded and got a website and EZBoard; around the same time it changed its name to Blackrock to commemorate its town of origin.<br /> <br /> Blackrock was a military republic under the rule of Secretary-General Sean T Mac an Ogham, ([[stodlum]]). Despite its somewhat formidable military government, it also had a Seanad (senate) for which elections were held every few months. Technically a one-party state under the National Party, in reality other parties, such as the Political Do-Gooders Party and the Spartan Party, were allowed to proliferate.<br /> <br /> Blackrock's foreign relations were few but fruitful. Its chief ally was the Federated States of Bellatoria, a micronation from the American South. It also participated extensively in the old [[Apollo Sector]], and stodlum was one of the leaders of a provisional government of [[Audentior]] at one point.<br /> <br /> The country was most famous, however, for its military. stodlum was an accomplished programmer, and created the first [[spam cannon]], a program capable of filling any forum with spam (and destroying all of its real content in the process) in just a few minutes. He continued to improve the basic design, increasing its speed and circumventing the latest spam blocks. Although Blackrock never shared the most powerful version of the cannon with foreign countries, an intermediate model ended up, with stodlum's blessing, in the hands of [[Shireroth]], who leveraged it into a premier military position during later eras. Stodlum also created several flash games for &quot;training&quot;, in which the player took the role of a Blackrock soldier and attacked the country's various enemies.<br /> <br /> The country's longest-running struggle was with the oddly-named [[Purple Bunny Federation]]; originally brought in as peacekeepers in a dispute with [[Automatica]], Blackrock believed the PBF to have violated the terms of the peacekeeping treaty, and this ballooned into a rivalry that lasted almost a year. Mindful of international opinion, Blackrock never used the spam cannon against them, but attacked mostly through propaganda and frequent spying.<br /> <br /> Blackrock's other arch-enemy was [[Thomas Hubert]], the former dictator of Treesia, who tried to annex Blackrock territory when he was too inexperienced to know it was a bad idea. Although he eventually backed down, Blackrock continued to hold a grudge against him, and along with discontented Treesians and [[Jasonia]]'s intelligence service, effected a coup while Thomas was away on vacation. Treesia became a Blackrock protectorate under [[Eoin Dornan]].<br /> <br /> The culture of Blackrock was a series of odd, disconnected elements that were considered some of the most original in the sector. Religion focused on Triangulon, a triangular deity with the motto &quot;Three sides, three angles, one God&quot; and &quot;Foldar, god of folders (formerly binders)&quot;. The Blackrockers often did offline activities together, including, on one occasion, hanging the Republic's flag from the top of the Blackrock post office.<br /> <br /> On October 14th 2000, stodlum, having grown bored, disbanded the country at the height of its power. The end of Blackrock was completely unexpected and sort of traumatic for some, leading to the institution of Blackrock Day, celebrated every October 14th. The observance of Blackrock Day has since been mostly forgotten.<br /> <br /> Some Blackrockers and friends of Blackrock attempted to restart Blackrock without stodlum, calling the attempt Blackrock Nua (New Blackrock in Irish). This never really got off the ground, and eventually joined the [[Union of Apollo States]]. It was Blackrock Nua that later joined Shireroth along with the rest of the Union, leading to Shireroth's current claim of Blackrock; however, it should be made clear that despite the similarity in names, the actual political entity of Blackrock was ceded to the Republic of Ireland and has no official micronational heir.<br /> <br /> ==In Later Culture==<br /> <br /> Micronationalism's most prestigious prize, the [[Shane Odlum Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence]], was named for stodlum, who was remembered very fondly by most of his former colleagues.<br /> <br /> With the destruction of Blackrock, [[Treesia]] became an independent country under Eoin Dornan. It donned a fantasy theme, and thrived as a medieval Barony until around 2005, when Eoin left and tried to close the nation. His Chancellor, [[Iain de Vembria]], then reopened it against Eoin's wishes under an arrangement of questionable legality and, after a series of mishaps, merged it with Aerlig to form [[the United Baronies]], where it still exists today.<br /> <br /> ==Important Figures==<br /> <br /> --Shane Odlum or Sean T Mac an Ogham, (stodlum), the Secretary-General.<br /> <br /> --Alan Waldock (awaldock), Odlum's number two, who become immortalized as the character [[awaldock]] in [[Control of Destinty]]<br /> <br /> --Eoin Dornan (Funky Wombat), who later became Baron of Treesia and [[Kaiser Yarad I]] of Shireroth.<br /> <br /> ==In Shireroth==<br /> <br /> Currently Blackrock (technically the Blackrock-themed state of Blackrock Nua) is a county of [[Kildare]]. Its capital [[Blackrock Nua]] is, from November 23 2007, also the capital of the Duchy of Kildare.<br /> <br /> [http://homepage.eircom.net/~stodlum/ceres/ Republic of Blackrock site]<br /> <br /> [[category: Nations]]<br /> [[category: Kildare]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Blackrock&diff=3240 2007-11-24T02:32:37Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>A militaristic micronation from the ancient past of the Apollo Sector.<br /> <br /> ==History==<br /> <br /> The Republic of Blackrock was founded in early 2000. Originally called Ceres, it was at first an entirely offline micronation, based in the town of Blackrock south of Dublin, Ireland. Eventually it expanded and got a website and EZBoard; around the same time it changed its name to Blackrock to commemorate its town of origin.<br /> <br /> Blackrock was a military republic under the rule of Secretary-General Sean T Mac an Ogham, ([[stodlum]]). Despite its somewhat formidable military government, it also had a Seanad (senate) for which elections were held every few months. Technically a one-party state under the National Party, in reality other parties, such as the Political Do-Gooders Party and the Spartan Party, were allowed to proliferate.<br /> <br /> Blackrock's foreign relations were few but fruitful. Its chief ally was the Federated States of Bellatoria, a micronation from the American South. It also participated extensively in the old [[Apollo Sector]], and stodlum was one of the leaders of a provisional government of [[Audentior]] at one point.<br /> <br /> The country was most famous, however, for its military. stodlum was an accomplished programmer, and created the first [[spam cannon]], a program capable of filling any forum with spam (and destroying all of its real content in the process) in just a few minutes. He continued to improve the basic design, increasing its speed and circumventing the latest spam blocks. Although Blackrock never shared the most powerful version of the cannon with foreign countries, an intermediate model ended up, with stodlum's blessing, in the hands of [[Shireroth]], who leveraged it into a premier military position during later eras. Stodlum also created several flash games for &quot;training&quot;, in which the player took the role of a Blackrock soldier and attacked the country's various enemies.<br /> <br /> The country's longest-running struggle was with the oddly-named [[Purple Bunny Federation]]; originally brought in as peacekeepers in a dispute with [[Automatica]], Blackrock believed the PBF to have violated the terms of the peacekeeping treaty, and this ballooned into a rivalry that lasted almost a year. Mindful of international opinion, Blackrock never used the spam cannon against them, but attacked mostly through propaganda and frequent spying.<br /> <br /> Blackrock's other arch-enemy was [[Thomas Hubert]], the former dictator of Treesia, who tried to annex Blackrock territory when he was too inexperienced to know it was a bad idea. Although he eventually backed down, Blackrock continued to hold a grudge against him, and along with discontented Treesians and [[Jasonia]]'s intelligence service, effected a coup while Thomas was away on vacation. Treesia became a Blackrock protectorate under [[Eoin Dornan]].<br /> <br /> The culture of Blackrock was a series of odd, disconnected elements that were considered some of the most original in the sector. Religion focused on Triangulon, a triangular deity with the motto &quot;Three sides, three angles, one God&quot; and &quot;Foldar, god of folders (formerly binders)&quot;. The Blackrockers often did offline activities together, including, on one occasion, hanging the Republic's flag from the top of the Blackrock post office.<br /> <br /> On October 14th 2000, stodlum, having grown bored, disbanded the country at the height of its power. The end of Blackrock was completely unexpected and sort of traumatic for some, leading to the institution of Blackrock Day, celebrated every October 14th. The observance of Blackrock Day has since been mostly forgotten.<br /> <br /> Some Blackrockers and friends of Blackrock attempted to restart Blackrock without stodlum, calling the attempt Blackrock Nua (New Blackrock in Irish). This never really got off the ground, and eventually joined the [[Union of Apollo States]]. It was Blackrock Nua that later joined Shireroth along with the rest of the Union, leading to Shireroth's current claim of Blackrock; however, it should be made clear that despite the similarity in names, the actual political entity of Blackrock was ceded to the Republic of Ireland and has no official micronational heir.<br /> <br /> ==In Later Culture==<br /> <br /> Micronationalism's most prestigious prize, the [[Shane Odlum Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence]], was named for stodlum, who was remembered very fondly by most of his former colleagues.<br /> <br /> With the destruction of Blackrock, [[Treesia]] became an independent country under Eoin Dornan. It donned a fantasy theme, and thrived as a medieval Barony until around 2005, when Eoin left and tried to close the nation. His Chancellor, [[Iain de Vembria]], then reopened it against Eoin's wishes under an arrangement of technical legality and, after a series of mishaps, merged it with Aerlig to form [[the United Baronies]], where it still exists today.<br /> <br /> ==Important Figures==<br /> <br /> --Shane Odlum or Sean T Mac an Ogham, (stodlum), the Secretary-General.<br /> <br /> --Alan Waldock (awaldock), Odlum's number two, who become immortalized as the character [[awaldock]] in [[Control of Destinty]]<br /> <br /> --Eoin Dornan (Funky Wombat), who later became Baron of Treesia and [[Kaiser Yarad I]] of Shireroth.<br /> <br /> ==In Shireroth==<br /> <br /> Currently Blackrock (technically the Blackrock-themed state of Blackrock Nua) is a county of [[Kildare]]. Its capital [[Blackrock Nua]] is, from November 23 2007, also the capital of the Duchy of Kildare.<br /> <br /> [http://homepage.eircom.net/~stodlum/ceres/ Republic of Blackrock site]<br /> <br /> [[category: Nations]]<br /> [[category: Kildare]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Blackrock&diff=3239 2007-11-24T02:30:34Z

<p>Scott: Military republic, not military dictatorship. My bad.</p> <hr /> <div>A militaristic micronation from the ancient past of the Apollo Sector.<br /> <br /> ==History==<br /> <br /> The Republic of Blackrock was founded in early 2000. Originally called Ceres, it was at first an entirely offline micronation, based in the town of Blackrock south of Dublin, Ireland. Eventually it expanded and got a website and EZBoard; around the same time it changed its name to Blackrock to commemorate its town of origin.<br /> <br /> Blackrock was a military republic under the rule of Secretary-General Sean T Mac an Ogham, ([[stodlum]]). Despite its somewhat formidable military government, it also had a Seanad (senate) for which elections were held every few months. Technically a one-party state under the National Party, in reality other parties, such as the Political Do-Gooders Party and the Spartan Party, were allowed to proliferate.<br /> <br /> Blackrock's foreign relations were few but fruitful. Its chief ally was the Federated States of Bellatoria, a micronation from the American South. It also participated extensively in the old [[Apollo Sector]], and stodlum was one of the leaders of a provisional government of [[Audentior]] at one point.<br /> <br /> The country was most famous, however, for its military. stodlum was an accomplished programmer, and created the first [[spam cannon]], a program capable of filling any forum with spam (and destroying all of its real content in the process) in just a few minutes. He continued to improve the basic design, increasing its speed and circumventing the latest spam blocks. Although Blackrock never shared the most powerful version of the cannon with foreign countries, an intermediate model ended up, with stodlum's blessing, in the hands of [[Shireroth]], who leveraged it into a premier military position during later eras. Stodlum also created several flash games for &quot;training&quot;, in which the player took the role of a Blackrock soldier and attacked the country's various enemies.<br /> <br /> The country's longest-running struggle was with the oddly-named [[Purple Bunny Federation]]; originally brought in as peacekeepers in a dispute with [[Automatica]], Blackrock believed the PBF to have violated the terms of the peacekeeping treaty, and this ballooned into a rivalry that lasted almost a year. Mindful of international opinion, Blackrock never used the spam cannon against them, but attacked mostly through propaganda and frequent spying.<br /> <br /> Blackrock's other arch-enemy was [[Thomas Hubert]], the former dictator of Treesia, who tried to annex Blackrock territory when he was too inexperienced to know it was a bad idea. Although he eventually backed down, Blackrock continued to hold a grudge against him, and along with discontented Treesians and [[Jasonia]]'s intelligence service, effected a coup while Thomas was away on vacation. Treesia became a Blackrock protectorate under [[Eoin Dornan]].<br /> <br /> The culture of Blackrock was a series of odd, disconnected elements that were considered some of the most original in the sector. Religion focused on Triangulon, a triangular deity with the motto &quot;Three sides, three angles, one God&quot; and &quot;Foldar, god of folders (formerly binders)&quot;. The Blackrockers often did offline activities together, including, on one occasion, hanging the Republic's flag from the top of the Blackrock post office.<br /> <br /> On October 14th 2000, stodlum, having grown bored, disbanded the country at the height of its power. The end of Blackrock was completely unexpected and sort of traumatic for some, leading to the institution of Blackrock Day, celebrated every October 14th. The observance of Blackrock Day has since been mostly forgotten.<br /> <br /> Some Blackrockers and friends of Blackrock attempted to restart Blackrock without stodlum, calling the attempt Blackrock Nua (New Blackrock in Irish). This never really got off the ground, and eventually joined the [[Union of Apollo States]]. It was Blackrock Nua that later joined Shireroth along with the rest of the Union, leading to Shireroth's current claim of Blackrock; however, it should be made clear that despite the similarity in names, the actual political entity of Blackrock was ceded to the Republic of Ireland and has no official micronational heir.<br /> <br /> ==In Later Culture==<br /> <br /> Micronationalism's most prestigious prize, the [[Shane Odlum Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence]], was named for stodlum, who was remembered very fondly by most of his former colleagues.<br /> <br /> With the destruction of Blackrock, [[Treesia]] became an independent country under Eoin Dornan. It donned a fantasy theme, and thrived as a medieval Barony until around 2005, when Eoin left and tried to close the nation. His Chancellor, [[Iain de Vembria]], then reopened it against Eoin's wishes under an arrangement of technical legality and, after a series of mishaps, merged it with Aerlig to form [[the United Baronies]], where it still exists today.<br /> <br /> ==Important Figures==<br /> <br /> --Shane Odlum or Sean T Mac an Ogham, (stodlum), the Secretary-General.<br /> <br /> --Alan Waldock (awaldock), Odlum's number two, who become immortalized as the character [[awaldock]] in [[Control of Destinty]]<br /> <br /> --Eoin Dornan (Funky Wombat), who later became Baron of Treesia and [[Kaiser Yarad I]] of Shireroth.<br /> <br /> ==In Shireroth==<br /> <br /> Currently Blackrock (technically the Blackrock-themed state of Blackrock Nua) is a county of [[Kildare]]. Its capital [[Blackrock Nua]] is, from November 23 2007, also the capital of the Duchy of Kildare.<br /> <br /> [[category: Nations]]<br /> [[category: Kildare]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Diga_Makonnen&diff=3238 2007-11-24T02:26:37Z

<p>Scott: (changed Mog to Mog I so it links properly)</p> <hr /> <div>Diga Makonnen was the founder and long-time leader of [[Attera]], also known as [[The Rasinate of Q'attera Macusia'a]]<br /> <br /> ==Early Days==<br /> <br /> Diga claims to be the descendant of Ethiopian nobility. As a very young child in Belgium (?) in the late 70s, Diga, along with his friends, helped start a primitive micronation called the Ogaden, which Diga later took over and renamed to Attera. Attera did not last long, but twenty years later, he maried [[Rasana Marie]], a political science student. The two thought it would be interesting to resurrect Diga's old micronation. The new incarnation, called the Rasinate of Q'attera Macusia'a, was founded by Diga and his army buddies on a US base in Germany. It was technically led by Diga and Marie's 5 year old daughter, Jihan; in fact, Diga, as the regent, held the lion's share of the power.<br /> <br /> ==Micronational Career==<br /> <br /> Diga quickly gained a reputation as belligerent and tough-talking; this made him many enemies but also many friends. He quickly crushed a coup attempt against him in Q'attera, resigned due to questions about the legality of his actions, and then was back in power a few days later. He became a leading voice in the [[League of Secessionist States]] and eventually attained its highest position, Secretary-General, but later grew disillusioned with the organization and used his considerable resources as Ras of Q'attera to work for change. His best-remembered step in this direction was the [[Bold New Era Plan]], which proposed a system of older micronations helping newer ones get adjusted to the hobby; this raised a lot of controversy and was never fully adopted, though parts of it later became the de facto standard.<br /> <br /> Diga's later years were mostly consumed by his blood feud with [[Babkha]]. His relationship with [[Shah Babak]] and [[Ardashir Khan]] quickly moved beyond political differences into intense hatred. He was influential both in creating [[Tymaria]] (according to legend, its name derived from a nickname of his) and in rending it apart by insisting on a strongly anti-Babkhan foreign policy that some other Tymarians were unable to stomach. When it became clear that his policies did not have the support of much of the country, he seceded from Tymaria, renaming Q'attera to Attera in the process.<br /> <br /> In the new Attera, he gradually seized more and more power, going from Ras to Imperial Ras to Emperor and taking the royal name Mi'kel Tzion I. These moves were popular at first because of the respect all Atterans held for him. However, in 2006 (or so) he became embroiled in a conflict with most of his citizens over the proper role of the Atteran Commonwealth, Attera's network of satellite states. When it became clear that his view was unpopular, Diga tried declaring martial law to prevent the populace from overruling him. This provoked most of Attera's leading citizens, such as [[Liam Sinclair]] and [[Benjamin Gray]] to leave in disgust. Although Diga later backpedaled and relinquished control of the government, he seized power again in a coup that drove most of Attera's remaining citizens away. Attera is now considered officially dead, and Diga has not been seen in micronationalism since its collapse.<br /> <br /> ==Effects on Shireroth==<br /> <br /> Diga is remembered respectfully in Shireroth as a worthy adversary. Most Shirerithians fought against him during the internal struggles that racked Tymaria and retained a healthy fear of him and his minions, but during the anti-Babkhan periods of Shireroth's history, such as the reigns of [[Kaiser Mog I]] and [[Kaiser Letifer I]], he was a powerful and useful ally.<br /> <br /> During the [[Union of Apollo States]], Diga and several other Atterans colonized southwest Kildare in the area now called [[Lesser Attera]]. The colony was a failure, but the name remained and passed into Shirerithian hands with the annexation of UAS, making Shireroth, ironically, the only country that retains territory with the Atteran name. Attera also featured, in a somewhat roundabout way, in the naming of the [[Barony of Atterrock]]. [[Ari Rahikkala]] remarked, about the Barony, that &quot;it makes me think of Diga &amp; co. on stage playing a heavy metal version of the Ride of the Valkyries...&quot;</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Diga_Makonnen&diff=3237 2007-11-24T02:26:02Z

<p>Scott: Biography of Diga. Effects on Shireroth. Relation to the Barony of Atterock.</p> <hr /> <div>Diga Makonnen was the founder and long-time leader of [[Attera]], also known as [[The Rasinate of Q'attera Macusia'a]]<br /> <br /> ==Early Days==<br /> <br /> Diga claims to be the descendant of Ethiopian nobility. As a very young child in Belgium (?) in the late 70s, Diga, along with his friends, helped start a primitive micronation called the Ogaden, which Diga later took over and renamed to Attera. Attera did not last long, but twenty years later, he maried [[Rasana Marie]], a political science student. The two thought it would be interesting to resurrect Diga's old micronation. The new incarnation, called the Rasinate of Q'attera Macusia'a, was founded by Diga and his army buddies on a US base in Germany. It was technically led by Diga and Marie's 5 year old daughter, Jihan; in fact, Diga, as the regent, held the lion's share of the power.<br /> <br /> ==Micronational Career==<br /> <br /> Diga quickly gained a reputation as belligerent and tough-talking; this made him many enemies but also many friends. He quickly crushed a coup attempt against him in Q'attera, resigned due to questions about the legality of his actions, and then was back in power a few days later. He became a leading voice in the [[League of Secessionist States]] and eventually attained its highest position, Secretary-General, but later grew disillusioned with the organization and used his considerable resources as Ras of Q'attera to work for change. His best-remembered step in this direction was the [[Bold New Era Plan]], which proposed a system of older micronations helping newer ones get adjusted to the hobby; this raised a lot of controversy and was never fully adopted, though parts of it later became the de facto standard.<br /> <br /> Diga's later years were mostly consumed by his blood feud with [[Babkha]]. His relationship with [[Shah Babak]] and [[Ardashir Khan]] quickly moved beyond political differences into intense hatred. He was influential both in creating [[Tymaria]] (according to legend, its name derived from a nickname of his) and in rending it apart by insisting on a strongly anti-Babkhan foreign policy that some other Tymarians were unable to stomach. When it became clear that his policies did not have the support of much of the country, he seceded from Tymaria, renaming Q'attera to Attera in the process.<br /> <br /> In the new Attera, he gradually seized more and more power, going from Ras to Imperial Ras to Emperor and taking the royal name Mi'kel Tzion I. These moves were popular at first because of the respect all Atterans held for him. However, in 2006 (or so) he became embroiled in a conflict with most of his citizens over the proper role of the Atteran Commonwealth, Attera's network of satellite states. When it became clear that his view was unpopular, Diga tried declaring martial law to prevent the populace from overruling him. This provoked most of Attera's leading citizens, such as [[Liam Sinclair]] and [[Benjamin Gray]] to leave in disgust. Although Diga later backpedaled and relinquished control of the government, he seized power again in a coup that drove most of Attera's remaining citizens away. Attera is now considered officially dead, and Diga has not been seen in micronationalism since its collapse.<br /> <br /> ==Effects on Shireroth==<br /> <br /> Diga is remembered respectfully in Shireroth as a worthy adversary. Most Shirerithians fought against him during the internal struggles that racked Tymaria and retained a healthy fear of him and his minions, but during the anti-Babkhan periods of Shireroth's history, such as the reigns of [[Kaiser Mog]] and [[Kaiser Letifer I]], he was a powerful and useful ally.<br /> <br /> During the [[Union of Apollo States]], Diga and several other Atterans colonized southwest Kildare in the area now called [[Lesser Attera]]. The colony was a failure, but the name remained and passed into Shirerithian hands with the annexation of UAS, making Shireroth, ironically, the only country that retains territory with the Atteran name. Attera also featured, in a somewhat roundabout way, in the naming of the [[Barony of Atterrock]]. [[Ari Rahikkala]] remarked, about the Barony, that &quot;it makes me think of Diga &amp; co. on stage playing a heavy metal version of the Ride of the Valkyries...&quot;</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Blackrock&diff=3236 2007-11-24T02:03:30Z

<p>Scott: Expanded the history of Blackrock</p> <hr /> <div>A militaristic micronation from the ancient past of the Apollo Sector.<br /> <br /> ==History==<br /> <br /> The Republic of Blackrock was founded in early 2000. Originally called Ceres, it was at first an entirely offline micronation, based in the town of Blackrock south of Dublin, Ireland. Eventually it expanded and got a website and EZBoard; around the same time it changed its name to Blackrock to commemorate its town of origin.<br /> <br /> Blackrock was a military dictatorship under the rule of Secretary-General Sean T Mac an Ogham, ([[stodlum]]). Despite its somewhat formidable military government, it also had a Seanad (senate) for which elections were held every few months. Technically a one-party state under the National Party, in reality other parties, such as the Political Do-Gooders Party and the Spartan Party, were allowed to proliferate.<br /> <br /> Blackrock's foreign relations were few but fruitful. Its chief ally was the Federated States of Bellatoria, a micronation from the American South. It also participated extensively in the old [[Apollo Sector]], and stodlum was one of the leaders of a provisional government of [[Audentior]] at one point.<br /> <br /> The country was most famous, however, for its military. stodlum was an accomplished programmer, and created the first [[spam cannon]], a program capable of filling any forum with spam (and destroying all of its real content in the process) in just a few minutes. He continued to improve the basic design, increasing its speed and circumventing the latest spam blocks. Although Blackrock never shared the most powerful version of the cannon with foreign countries, an intermediate model ended up, with stodlum's blessing, in the hands of [[Shireroth]], who leveraged it into a premier military position during later eras. Stodlum also created several flash games for &quot;training&quot;, in which the player took the role of a Blackrock soldier and attacked the country's various enemies.<br /> <br /> The country's longest-running struggle was with the oddly-named [[Purple Bunny Federation]]; originally brought in as peacekeepers in a dispute with [[Automatica]], Blackrock believed the PBF to have violated the terms of the peacekeeping treaty, and this ballooned into a rivalry that lasted almost a year. Mindful of international opinion, Blackrock never used the spam cannon against them, but attacked mostly through propaganda and frequent spying.<br /> <br /> Blackrock's other arch-enemy was [[Thomas Hubert]], the former dictator of Treesia, who tried to annex Blackrock territory when he was too inexperienced to know it was a bad idea. Although he eventually backed down, Blackrock continued to hold a grudge against him, and along with discontented Treesians and [[Jasonia]]'s intelligence service, effected a coup while Thomas was away on vacation. Treesia became a Blackrock protectorate under [[Eoin Dornan]].<br /> <br /> The culture of Blackrock was a series of odd, disconnected elements that were considered some of the most original in the sector. Religion focused on Triangulon, a triangular deity with the motto &quot;Three sides, three angles, one God&quot; and &quot;Foldar, god of folders (formerly binders)&quot;. The Blackrockers often did offline activities together, including, on one occasion, hanging the Republic's flag from the top of the Blackrock post office.<br /> <br /> On October 14th 2000, stodlum, having grown bored, disbanded the country at the height of its power. The end of Blackrock was completely unexpected and sort of traumatic for some, leading to the institution of Blackrock Day, celebrated every October 14th. The observance of Blackrock Day has since been mostly forgotten.<br /> <br /> Some Blackrockers and friends of Blackrock attempted to restart Blackrock without stodlum, calling the attempt Blackrock Nua (New Blackrock in Irish). This never really got off the ground, and eventually joined the [[Union of Apollo States]]. It was Blackrock Nua that later joined Shireroth along with the rest of the Union, leading to Shireroth's current claim of Blackrock; however, it should be made clear that despite the similarity in names, the actual political entity of Blackrock was ceded to the Republic of Ireland and has no official micronational heir.<br /> <br /> ==In Later Culture==<br /> <br /> Micronationalism's most prestigious prize, the [[Shane Odlum Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence]], was named for stodlum, who was remembered very fondly by most of his former colleagues.<br /> <br /> With the destruction of Blackrock, [[Treesia]] became an independent country under Eoin Dornan. It donned a fantasy theme, and thrived as a medieval Barony until around 2005, when Eoin left and tried to close the nation. His Chancellor, [[Iain de Vembria]], then reopened it against Eoin's wishes under an arrangement of technical legality and, after a series of mishaps, merged it with Aerlig to form [[the United Baronies]], where it still exists today.<br /> <br /> ==Important Figures==<br /> <br /> --Shane Odlum or Sean T Mac an Ogham, (stodlum), the Secretary-General.<br /> <br /> --Alan Waldock (awaldock), Odlum's number two, who become immortalized as the character [[awaldock]] in [[Control of Destinty]]<br /> <br /> --Eoin Dornan (Funky Wombat), who later became Baron of Treesia and [[Kaiser Yarad I]] of Shireroth.<br /> <br /> ==In Shireroth==<br /> <br /> Currently Blackrock (technically the Blackrock-themed state of Blackrock Nua) is a county of [[Kildare]]. Its capital [[Blackrock Nua]] is, from November 23 2007, also the capital of the Duchy of Kildare.<br /> <br /> [[category: Nations]]<br /> [[category: Kildare]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Talk:Imperial_Cypher&diff=3194 2007-11-22T11:03:01Z

<p>Scott: New page: &quot;The &#039;i&quot; stands for &#039;imperatrix&#039;&quot;. Imperatrix is Latin for &quot;Empress&quot;. If the Kaiser&#039;s a male, you&#039;d want &quot;Imperator&quot;.</p> <hr /> <div>&quot;The 'i&quot; stands for 'imperatrix'&quot;.<br /> Imperatrix is Latin for &quot;Empress&quot;. If the Kaiser's a male, you'd want &quot;Imperator&quot;.</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Kaiseress_Carol_I&diff=3179 2007-11-20T13:06:17Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>{{Doran}}<br /> <br /> The Kaiserial name of [[Hypatia's Mom]]. Appointed Kaiseress in the middle of the Great Slump by [[Meskan II]], partly because she was one of the few remaining citizens and partly because having Hypatia's Mom as a Kaiseress was considered so unlikely as to be awesome. The Kaiseress' reign was mostly uneventful, but an interesting historical footnote is that her abdication in favor of her daughter forms what may be micronationalism's sole example of an actual transfer of royal power to a biological child.<br /> <br /> <br /> '''Imperial Decrees Made By This Kaiser:''' [[Imperial Decree 247]]<br /> {{start box}}<br /> {{succession box|title=[[Kaiser|Succession of the Shirithian Kaisership]]|before=[[Meskan II]]|after=[[ Hypatia I]]|years=2561&amp;ndash;2712}}<br /> {{end box}}<br /> <br /> [[category:Kaisers]]<br /> [[category:History]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Kaiseress_Carol_I&diff=3178 2007-11-20T13:06:04Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>{{Doran}}<br /> <br /> The Kaiserial name of [[Hypatia's Mom]]. Appointed Kaiseress in the middle of the Great Slump by [[Meskan II]], partly because she was one of the few remaining citizens and partly because having Hypatia's Mom as a Kaiseress was considered so unlikely as to be awesome. The Kaiseress' reign was mostly uneventful, but an interesting historical footnote is that her abdication in favor of her daughter forms what may be micronationalism's sole example of an actual transfer of royal power to a biological child.<br /> <br /> '''Imperial Decrees Made By This Kaiser:''' [[Imperial Decree 247]]<br /> {{start box}}<br /> {{succession box|title=[[Kaiser|Succession of the Shirithian Kaisership]]|before=[[Meskan II]]|after=[[ Hypatia I]]|years=2561&amp;ndash;2712}}<br /> {{end box}}<br /> <br /> [[category:Kaisers]]<br /> [[category:History]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=New_Feudalism&diff=3177 2007-11-20T12:59:33Z

<p>Scott: Made it past tense; discussed the end of New Feudalism</p> <hr /> <div>On 2285 [[ASC]] (Morsday 14, Vanchauslurk [[ShiC]]; November 7, 2005 [[Gregorian]]), [[Kaiser Yarad I]] [[Imperial Decrees|decreed]] that a new [[feudalism|feudal]] structure be instituted in [[Shireroth]]. It quickly became known as the '''New Feudalism'''.<br /> <br /> Prior to that date, all subdivisions of Shireroth--whether they be [[Duchy]], [[Barony]], or [[County]]--were brought into being by the [[Kaiser]]. The New Feudalism changed that, placing the fate of the subdivisions of Shireroth directly into the hands of the people. Each current citizen was granted a parcel of land--a County--to do with as they pleased. In most cases, like those of [[Naudia'Diva]], [[Monty Crisco]], [[Antya]], or [[Hyperborea]], the parcel of land had much to do with the accomplishments of the citizen, though by no means were all Counties granted in such a faction: [[Byzantia]] and [[Woodshire]] are prime examples of the second type.<br /> <br /> The New Feudalism created a [[Noble Commons]] for nobles to intermingle and make [[:Category:Feudal Contracts|contracts]] with each other to form new subdivisons. Two Counties could ally together under contract and become a Barony; five allying together make a Duchy. In a slight bend of the rules (or perhaps rewarding preexisting contracts), two Baronies--regardless of size--were allowed to ally together and can create a Duchy in that fashion.<br /> <br /> The New Feudalism, by accident or otherwise, also handed the [[Landsraad]]--and its voting powers--directly into the hands of the people...in a sense. The citizens of Shireroth were able to choose who speaks in the Landsraad, through something of a [[meritocracy|meritocratic]] process. Leaders of the subdivisions were usually chosen within the contracts laid down at the creation of a subdivision. As such, good leaders were given the support of like-minded followers--and, because of that support, gained the ability to speak in the Landsraad.<br /> <br /> New Feudalism eventually proved unpopular. It was difficult to keep track of the various groupings, some of Shireroth's most traditional territories like Yardistan became marginalized, and as the nation began to decline there were not enough people to keep it interesting. During the slump of 2006, New Feudalism was nominally repealed, although the forum administration were too weak to enact any major changes. During the revival of November 2007, [[Kaiser Mors V]] swept away New Feudalism's last few remnants and returned to a variant of the old system.<br /> <br /> [[category:Shireroth]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Kaiser_Raynor_II&diff=3176 2007-11-20T12:54:58Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div><br /> {{Raynor}}<br /> <br /> Kaiser Raynor II was one of the earliest Shirerithian Kaisers.<br /> <br /> According to legend, he grew mad with power and felt himself worthy to become a god. He hired the greatest craftsmen of [[Micras]] to construct a mighty catapult to fling him into Heaven. The catapult was completed, and Raynor II was flung off into the sky and never heard from again. Differing legends claim that he became the Man in the Moon, that he formed [[Lake Christoph]], and that he succeeded in his attempt and became the God of Ideas That Sounded Good At The Time.<br /> <br /> [http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/mcp.php?i=main&amp;mode=post_details&amp;f=117&amp;p=80962&amp;sid=26a31fe34824fa340108c76526086325 The legend of Raynor II]<br /> <br /> <br /> {{start box}}<br /> {{succession box|title=[[Kaiser|Succession of the Shirithian Kaisership]]|before=[[Erik I]]|after=[[Brrapa II]]|years=b2248&amp;ndash;b2208}}<br /> {{end box}}<br /> <br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:people]]<br /> <br /> [[category:Kaisers]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Kaiser_Raynor_II&diff=3175 2007-11-20T12:54:24Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>Kaiser Raynor II was one of the earliest Shirerithian Kaisers.<br /> <br /> According to legend, he grew mad with power and felt himself worthy to become a god. He hired the greatest craftsmen of [[Micras]] to construct a mighty catapult to fling him into Heaven. The catapult was completed, and Raynor II was flung off into the sky and never heard from again. Differing legends claim that he became the Man in the Moon, that he formed [[Lake Christoph]], and that he succeeded in his attempt and became the God of Ideas That Sounded Good At The Time.<br /> <br /> [http://shireroth.kuroshiro.net/forum/mcp.php?i=main&amp;mode=post_details&amp;f=117&amp;p=80962&amp;sid=26a31fe34824fa340108c76526086325 The legend of Raynor II]<br /> <br /> {{Raynor}}<br /> <br /> {{start box}}<br /> {{succession box|title=[[Kaiser|Succession of the Shirithian Kaisership]]|before=[[Erik I]]|after=[[Brrapa II]]|years=b2248&amp;ndash;b2208}}<br /> {{end box}}<br /> <br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:people]]<br /> <br /> [[category:Kaisers]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Ministry_Of_Trade&diff=3174 2007-11-20T12:46:57Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>Probably the least important and least successful of Shirerithian ministries, the Ministry of Trade is under [[some sort of curse]] preventing it from ever developing a successful economy.<br /> <br /> The first Shirerithian to serve in a Minister of Trade-like capacity was [[Tony Au]], although it is not certain that he actually held the modern-day title. He worked with a straightforward supply-side economic system in which he paid officials' salaries and expected the money to create an economy. Although there were some attempts by people to create companies and buy stocks, the money did not change hands often enough to create a functioning system, and certain loopholes in the plan's design allowed some individuals to accumulate massive hoards of money with little effort. The crown of Au's economic effort was the [[Intermicronational Currency Exchange Organization]], which allowed Shireroth's currency, the [[erb]], to be easily exchanged with that of other nations, but the [[ICEO]] collapsed when Au left the country.<br /> <br /> [[Erik Metzler]] was the next person to make a significant contribution to the Ministry when he created the [[Bank of Shireroth]], a [[PERL]] program allowing for easy automated money transfers. While this made the economy more efficient, it did not change the lack of a functioning system. [[Kaiser Los II]], under the recommendation of [[Patrick Wong]], introduced a [[gift economy]] in which citizens were encouraged to give monetary gifts as rewards to citizens who helped the country. This functioned for about a month, developing so far as to get a system of fines for legal offenses. However, citizens soon lost interest, despite the encouragement of new [[Minister of Trade]] [[Ozarka Monto]].&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> [[Austi Scot]] succeeded Monto as Minister, and returned to an economy similar to Au's, which he called a [[mercantilist]] system. It returned to the old methods of salary, taxation, and calculation, and suffered from the same flaw the old methods had revealed in the old days: it was<br /> <br /> hard to understand and too dependent on the work of one person. When Austi left Shireroth for personal reasons, the entire system fell apart.&lt;br&gt;<br /> [[Scott Alexander]] and a few political allies later suggested a system in which money is linked to political influence. Under the proposal, which would have been based on the gift economy, money would allow commoners to wield a low number of [[Landsraad]] votes. The proposal engendered fierce debate which was not fully resolved before the summer slump killed the matter.&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Another development in the Ministry of Trade was [[Gryphon Avocatio]]'s attempts to print [[paper erb]]. Although the distances separating Shirerithian citizens make it unlikely that paper money could be useful in actual trades, if it is created it will make an interesting collector's item and help raise Shirerithians' awareness of attempts at economic progress.<br /> [[category:government]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Ministry_Of_Trade&diff=3173 2007-11-20T12:46:34Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>Probably the least important and least successful of Shirerithian ministries, the Ministry of Trade is under [[some sort of curse]] preventing it from ever developing a successful economy.<br /> <br /> The first Shirerithian to serve in a Minister of Trade-like capacity was [[Tony Au]], although it is not certain that he actually held the modern-day title. He worked with a straightforward supply-side economic system in which he paid officials' salaries and expected the money to create an economy. Although there were some attempts by people to create companies and buy stocks, the money did not change hands often enough to create a functioning system, and certain loopholes in the plan's design allowed some individuals to accumulate massive hoards of money with little effort. The crown of Au's economic effort was the [[Intermicronational Currency Exchange Organization]], which allowed Shireroth's currency, the [[erb]], to be easily exchanged with that of other nations, but the [[ICEO]] collapsed when Au left the country.<br /> <br /> [[Erik Metzler]] was the next person to make a significant contribution to the Ministry when he created the [[Bank of Shireroth]], a [[PERL]] program allowing for easy automated money transfers. While this made the economy more efficient, it did not change the lack of a functioning system. [[Kaiser Los II]], under the recommendation of [[Patrick Wong]], introduced a [[gift economy]] in which citizens were encouraged to give monetary gifts as rewards to citizens who helped the country. This functioned for about a month, developing so far as to get a system of fines for legal offenses. However, citizens soon lost interest, despite the encouragement of new [[Minister of Trade]] [[Ozarka<br /> Monto]].&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> [[Austi Scot]] succeeded Monto as Minister, and returned to an economy similar to Au's, which he called a [[mercantilist]] system. It returned to the old methods of salary, taxation, and calculation, and suffered from the same flaw the old methods had revealed in the old days: it was<br /> <br /> hard to understand and too dependent on the work of one person. When Austi left Shireroth for personal reasons, the entire system fell apart.&lt;br&gt;<br /> [[Scott Alexander]] and a few political allies later suggested a system in which money is linked to political influence. Under the proposal, which would have been based on the gift economy, money would allow commoners to wield a low number of [[Landsraad]] votes. The proposal engendered fierce debate which was not fully resolved before the summer slump killed the matter.&lt;br&gt;<br /> <br /> Another development in the Ministry of Trade was [[Gryphon Avocatio]]'s attempts to print [[paper erb]]. Although the distances separating Shirerithian citizens make it unlikely that paper money could be useful in actual trades, if it is created it will make an interesting collector's item and help raise Shirerithians' awareness of attempts at economic progress.<br /> [[category:government]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Arminy&diff=3132 2007-11-16T13:07:57Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>Arminy was a Germanic superstate created by merging the German-themed micronations of Cranda, Northworthy, Slobovia, and Hurmu. For most of its life it remained unstable due to personality conflicts, especially between Troy Thompson and [[Johann fonn Klosso]].<br /> <br /> In January 2005, Arminy joined Shireroth as a Duchy. At the time, it was considered a major foreign relations coup, as Arminy had many active citizens and a good international reputation. However, its people soon proved to be less than enthusiastic Shirerithians, conflicts between pro-annexation and anti-annexation factions lingered, and the Duchy had a hard time keeping the four active citizens the [[Feudal Holdings Act]] of the time demanded of it. After only a few months in Shireroth Duke fonn Klosso exercised a right in the annexation treaty to restore Arminian independence. Soon afterwards, the country died of inactivity, proving once again that leaving Shireroth leads only to ruin and sorrow.<br /> <br /> Old Arminy EzBoard : http://p203.ezboard.com/farminyfrm13<br /> <br /> [[category: Subdivisions of Shireroth]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Lukedu&diff=3131 2007-11-16T12:56:50Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>A real life friend of [[Erik Metzler]] and one of Imperial Shireroth's original citizens, Lukedu is also known by the online names '''VH Fenrir''' and '''DanK'''. Lukedu, along with [[Patrick Foley]], was one of the great heroes of [[The Seventh Republic]]. He was the founder of the original [[Secret Evil Plans]],and several other [[Shirerithian]] institutions. He was also the first [[Duke]] of [[Brookshire]].<br /> He is remembered as one of the few people to consistently stay loyal to Shireroth during the turbulent times of 2000 and 2001, and as one of the principle members of the original [[BOOMist]] Party, but drifted out of micronations around the spring of 2001. <br /> <br /> Lukedu is also the [[Cedrist]] God of Explosions, and the [[Lukedu Center for the Exploding Arts]] and [[Novi Dalmacija]]n city of [[Lukedugrad]] are named in his honor. <br /> [[category:people]]<br /> [[Category:religion]]<br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Lukedu&diff=3130 2007-11-16T12:56:31Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>A real life friend of [[Erik Metzler]] and one of Imperial Shireroth's original citizens, Lukedu is also known by the online names '''VH Fenrir''' and '''DanK'''. '''Lukedu''', along with [[Patrick Foley]], was one of the great heroes of [[The Seventh Republic]]. He was the founder of the original [[Secret Evil Plans]],and several other [[Shirerithian]] institutions. He was also the first [[Duke]] of [[Brookshire]].<br /> He is remembered as one of the few people to consistently stay loyal to Shireroth during the turbulent times of 2000 and 2001, and as one of the principle members of the original [[BOOMist]] Party, but drifted out of micronations around the spring of 2001. <br /> <br /> Lukedu is also the [[Cedrist]] God of Explosions, and the [[Lukedu Center for the Exploding Arts]] and [[Novi Dalmacija]]n city of [[Lukedugrad]] are named in his honor. <br /> [[category:people]]<br /> [[Category:religion]]<br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Lukedu&diff=3129 2007-11-16T12:56:12Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>A real life friend of [[Erik Metzler]] and one of Imperial Shireroth's original citizens, Lukedu is also known by the online names '''VH Fenrir and '''DanK. Lukedu''', along with [[Patrick Foley]], was one of the great heroes of [[The Seventh Republic]]. He was the founder of the original [[Secret Evil Plans]],and several other [[Shirerithian]] institutions. He was also the first [[Duke]] of [[Brookshire]].<br /> He is remembered as one of the few people to consistently stay loyal to Shireroth during the turbulent times of 2000 and 2001, and as one of the principle members of the original [[BOOMist]] Party, but drifted out of micronations around the spring of 2001. <br /> <br /> Lukedu is also the [[Cedrist]] God of Explosions, and the [[Lukedu Center for the Exploding Arts]] and [[Novi Dalmacija]]n city of [[Lukedugrad]] are named in his honor. <br /> [[category:people]]<br /> [[Category:religion]]<br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Lukedu&diff=3128 2007-11-16T12:55:32Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>A real life friend of [[Erik Metzler]] and one of Imperial Shireroth's original citizens, Lukedu is also known by the online names '''VH Fenrir and ''DanK''. Lukedu''', along with [[Patrick Foley]], was one of the great heroes of [[The Seventh Republic]]. He was the founder of the original [[Secret Evil Plans]],and several other [[Shirerithian]] institutions. He was also the first [[Duke]] of [[Brookshire]].<br /> He is remembered as one of the few people to consistently stay loyal to Shireroth during the turbulent times of 2000 and 2001, and as one of the principle members of the original [[BOOMist]] Party, but drifted out of micronations around the spring of 2001. <br /> <br /> Lukedu is also the [[Cedrist]] God of Explosions, and the [[Lukedu Center for the Exploding Arts]] and [[Novi Dalmacija]]n city of [[Lukedugrad]] are named in his honor. <br /> [[category:people]]<br /> [[Category:religion]]<br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Lukedu&diff=3127 2007-11-16T12:53:37Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>Also known by the online names '''VH Fenrir and ''DanK''. Lukedu''', along with [[Patrick Foley]], was one of the great heroes of [[The Seventh Republic]]. He was the founder of the original [[Secret Evil Plans]],and several other [[Shirerithian]] institutions. He was also the first [[Duke]] of [[Brookshire]].<br /> He is remembered as one of the few people to consistently stay loyal to Shireroth during the turbulent times of 2000 and 2001, and as one of the principle members of the original [[BOOMist]] Party. <br /> <br /> Lukedu is also the [[Cedrist]] God of Explosions, and the [[Lukedu Center for the Exploding Arts]] is named in his honor. <br /> [[category:people]]<br /> [[Category:religion]]<br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Lukedu&diff=3126 2007-11-16T12:51:48Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>Also<br /> known to go by the online names '''VH Fenrir and ''DanK''. Lukedu''', along with [[Patrick Foley]], was one of the great heroes of [[The Seventh Republic]]. He was the founder of the original [[Secret Evil Plans]],<br /> and several other [[Shirerithian]] institutions. He was also the first [[Duke]] of [[Brookshire]].<br /> Also the [[Cedrist]] god of Explosions.<br /> [[category:people]]<br /> [[Category:religion]]<br /> [[category:history]]<br /> [[category:Expand]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Capital_of_Turkey&diff=3125 2007-11-16T12:50:35Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>The '''Capital of Turkey''' is a thread that is probably the longest thread in Micronational history. It started in [[Istvanistan]] years ago by [[Erik Metzler]], and can still be found today. 'What is the capital of Turkey?&quot; is a joke amongst many of the eldest micronationalists to this day.<br /> <br /> The orginal thread was [[Erik Metzler]] asking forum-goers to guess what he put down as the [[Capital of Turkey]] on his geography quiz freshman year of high school. Copy threads have popped up in many places, including [[Yardistan]]. <br /> <br /> The original question (&quot;What did I put on my geography quiz for the capital of Turkey?&quot;) remains unanswered to this date. However, several years after the thread first began, Erik's ex-girlfriend, Isa, confided to [[Scott Alexander]] that the answer was &quot;gravy&quot;. Erik has hotly denied this rumor ever since it began.<br /> <br /> The [http://p217.ezboard.com/frepublicofistvanistanfrm5.showMessage?topicID=179.topic current Capital of Turkey thread] in [[Istvanistan]]. [http://p211.ezboard.com/fshirerothfrm38.showMessageRange?topicID=153.topic And the one in] [[Yardistan]].<br /> [[category:culture]][[category:quote]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Malarbor&diff=560 2005-08-25T15:13:34Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>==Origins==<br /> Though the original background of the Republic of Shireroth was a slate<br /> blue, when the country became a Kaisership in December 2000 it was<br /> changed to an image of a monster from [[Warcraft]]. Although the<br /> monster was supposedly associated in the game with elves in some way,<br /> it definitely looked like it was just an evil tree. Seeking a name to<br /> call it by, [[Scott Alexander]] translated &quot;evil tree&quot; into<br /> [[bastardized Latin]] and came up with the name &quot;Malarbor&quot;.<br /> Originally, Malarbor's size was not adjusted to the size of the<br /> Shireroth board, and so his image tiled three or four times<br /> horizontally and repeated vertically when a user scrolled. This was<br /> compounded by the fact that in those days, his presence graced every<br /> forum on the Shireroth board instead of the main screen. Malarbor thus<br /> became a symbol of the ugliness of Shireroth's forum design and was<br /> used that way by foreigners, especially Babkha. Shirerithians, on the<br /> other hand, grew more attached to him than ever and deified him into<br /> the as-yet-poorly-arranged Boomist religion, making him the God of<br /> Forum Colors.<br /> [[Kaiseress Aure I]] tried to replace Malarbor with a more neutral<br /> Warcraft picture during her reign, a standard dark forest scene.<br /> Partisans of Malarbor, particularly [[Erik Metzler]] and [[Gryphon<br /> Avocatio]], protested in a debate so violent it was a major contributor<br /> to Aure giving up the throne, proving what horrible things await those<br /> who mess with the Tree Demon. Nevertheless, shortly after, a forum<br /> reorganization by [[Scott Alexander]] and [[Joseph Strong]] did succeed<br /> both in stopping Malarbor from tiling and in exorcising him away from<br /> most topical forums, leaving him on the main page only. The exception<br /> was [[Yardistan]], always the most conservative Duchy, which insisted<br /> on keeping, and still has, the original tiling Malarbor.<br /> The forum reorg attempted to placate the tree demon by adding a new<br /> feature, Malarbor Says, to the top, in which a smaller, cartoony<br /> version of the now-famous tree gave the day's news. This feature<br /> established Malarbor's personality - arrogant, evil, and threatening -<br /> and brought into use the common phrase &quot;MALARBOR DEMANDS IT!&quot;. Rumors<br /> that the feature is actually updated by [[Scott Alexander]] rather than<br /> Malarbor himself are pernicious lies.<br /> ==Religion==<br /> In the Cedrist religion, Malarbor is the son of [[Lumina]], Goddess of<br /> Light. His father is currently unknown, although this author speculates<br /> it may have been [[H'Graa]], God of Wrath. He is the God of Forum<br /> Colors, and has recently been given the added portfolio of God of<br /> Smackdowns.<br /> A myth, now lost, tells of a battle between [[Kaiser Raynor I]] and<br /> Malarbor. Malarbor was terrorizing the world by replacing its colors<br /> with different, more tasteless and garish shades. [[Kaiser Raynor I]]<br /> boldly set out and defeated the tree demon in single combat with the<br /> [[Sword of Vengeance]], and, as a price for letting the god go,<br /> demanded that Malarbor stand guard over the public places of Shireroth,<br /> which the god has reluctantly done ever since.<br /> ==Malarbor in Popular Culture==<br /> Malarbor is now one of Shireroth's most easily recognizable symbols.<br /> The Pacarians exploited this during a period seemingly leading up to a<br /> Shireroth/[[Pacary]] war, when graphics designer [[Sander Dieleman]]<br /> made a big scary propaganda picture of Malarbor with a caption reading<br /> something like &quot;Do you want him as your micronational neighbor?&quot; More<br /> patriotic uses include his presence on several of [[Joseph Strong]]'s<br /> advertising banners and his use as an image for the Cedrist Temple<br /> forum.<br /> [[category: religion]]<br /> [[category: fiction]]</div>

Scott https://shireroth.org/wiki/index.php?title=Human_(Geldica)&diff=366 2005-08-25T15:08:33Z

<p>Scott: </p> <hr /> <div>In<br /> Soloralist lore, the humans of [[Geldica]] (Geldicans for short) are<br /> quite similar to the humans of Micras, with a few notable differences.<br /> (This article will also use Humans for the shorthand of Micrasian<br /> Humans.)<br /> - The hair of geldicans vary much more than the humans of Micras - it<br /> is uncommon, although not nonexistant, for there to be blue-haired or<br /> pink-haired geldicans.<br /> - Magic comes innately to the geldicans, unlike humans, who have to<br /> unlock the power of the Wind Song in Micras in order to use magic. This<br /> relates to the fact that Geldica is more quintessentially rich and<br /> balanced than Micras.<br /> - Geldicans, unlike humans, are predesposed to the quintessences of<br /> Good and Intellect. Humans are not predisposed to any quintessence.<br /> [[Clistiro]] gave the gift of quintessential balance as well as with<br /> their natural curioisity to Micrasian Humanity, while Geldicans were a<br /> dual-creation between Clistiro and [[Mithaniel]].<br /> - Geldicans cannot breed with [[Elf|elves]], although they can breed<br /> with [[Zealian|Zealians]], due to the dual-quintessential nature of the<br /> Geldicans.<br /> Some famous Geldican humans include [[Quillan Fatebane]], Hydrey Gupta,<br /> [[Terrya|Terrya Hypos]] , and Silencin Shaderiser. There are quite a<br /> few Geldican human nations on Geldica, including Cecil, Gupta, Thule,<br /> and Balan.<br /> [[category:Soloralism]]<br /> [[category:Fiction]]</div>

Scott
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