Shireroth

The Temple will be open to public tours until it is officially sanctified when the County government re-opens after Carnival on Novaber 1 (January 2).



The Temple of the Butter Cow is based on the Temple at Uppsala in Sweden. A silver idol of the Butter Cow adorns the center section of the temple. Idols may be constructed of the Butter Cow out of any material except butter or any type of spread, especially margarine.

Just a few quick questions on the butter cow: 1) Is s/he female, male or does s/he transcend sexuality? 2) Has anyone ever tried to melt him/her?

Has anyone ever attempted intercourse with the Butter Cow?

1) The male pronoun is used to refer to the Butter Cow in sacred texts, yet the fact that he is a cow leads scholars to suggest he is a transvestite. The second question you asked helps explain this.

2) The physical form of the Butter Cow is melted every year at the end of the Illinois State Fair. But the spirit of the Butter Cow lives on and is reincarnated next year, into a new buttery form, which is always a different breed of cow from the previous year. Therefore, since the Butter Spirit uses the male pronoun to reference himself, yet he inhabits the bodies modeled after the female bovine, leads Bovinist scholars to their conclusion of his transvestitism.

Khan) In the Story of the Vices on Mount Vice the Butter Cow gives his teachings on how one should approach acts traditionally seen as vices. The Butter Cow witnesses acts of sodomy and gluttony and accepts these acts as "just fine." The story ends with the Butter Cow engaging in an all you can eat lobster bar (he has his own butter to dress it) and this has lead scholars to think he may have also participated in the sodomy as well... and later scribes merely left this out in the interest of taste.

So Butter Cow is a homosexual transvestite and exists in Dinity of Spirit and Cow.

Thank your for your illuminating answer. Do we know if the Butter Cow was the active or passive partner in the act?

I'm just speculating on this, but I would say he was the passive participant due to his soft physical form he could... erm... "provide" ... for many men at once.

It seems that the demand for fleshlights (google it - seriously fucked up) must dip significantly at the time of Illinois State Fair each year.

Hahaha... you're probably right.

I wonder... which is more fucked up, a fleshlight or a real doll?

I'd say the doll since the other one is merely a wanking-tool while the doll being an inadequate representation of the human form is a poor substitute for companionship.

Of course both are pretty pointless while you still have use of your hands...

Agreed, on both points.

Unless the real doll was some type of android and could respond to stimuli (no pun intended) but then that will open a whole 'nother can of worms.... no pun intended there either.

If I were still Matbaic Orthodox, I would so be able to declare Holy War on this cult. But since I'm now a B'Caw-worshipping Shirereithan, anything goes. Enjoy!

Oh, and I have a question of the butter cow. Surely leaving his divine dairyness to churn changes him into Yoghurt Cow, Cream Cow, or even Cheese Cow?

Nathan of Natopia wrote:Agreed, on both points.

Unless the real doll was some type of android and could respond to stimuli (no pun intended) but then that will open a whole 'nother can of worms.... no pun intended there either.

People who use real dolls are the creepiest of the creepy. They actually scare me more than furries.

See: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 8964917848

I... I can't stop watching that video. It's like a train wreck


And Max, when the Butter Spirit leaves the physical form of the Cow it becomes plain, unholy butter again. Sort of a reverse-transubstantiation. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to keep track of all the holy form of the butter cow... also the butter is donated to charity or something after the fair so we can't have people just eating the body of a god and then crapping it out again can we? *glares at Catholicism*

Ingenious. So the butter of His Dairyness the Butter Cow is recyclable then. What about real butter and dairy products? Can they be blessed?
Good old Butterbovinism.

I suppose they could be blessed, yes.

do you have a need for quantities of holy butter?

Yeah, there are some Butterbovinists among my troops and some of them wanted to take Holy Com-moo-nion before they went off to fight

The term is just Bovinist.

And "Com-moo-nion?" Honestly... no need to make a mockery of my faith!!

Let's burn this heathen at the stake!

Or better yet... melt some butter and drown him in it! Bwa ha ha ha ha! Death by warm liquid butter!

I like your religion Nate...

Thank you Will. And I like your methods of execution. We could always use a High Inquisitor in the church... If you're interested in converting.

Nobody expects the Bovinist Inquistion!

NOBODY expects the Bovinist Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise!
...Surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to our Dairy.... Our four...no... wait, I'll come in again.

heeheheh

As pentheros of the Dozan Bovic Church and prophet of the reverent Butter Cow I consecrate this Temple as the seat of the Bosarchy of Glenfiddich. May His Calves find what their hearts seek here.

As Bosarch of Glenfiddich I welcome all Dozan Bovics and those interested in our religion to this magnificent temple.