Shireroth

It had been a long day for the Militia of Barony Vorpmadal. As the mint-tower leaders conspired and discussed and negotiated, many versions of plans were drafted, varying in the number of troops to be assembled, their objective, and even the side they were supporting. Eventually the decision was made.

Lieutenant-Hatter Jack Armitage surveyed the finalised orders sheet he had been sent from the Office of Baronial Militias and subsequently cried to the assembled troops before him, "Onta the big nanny, lads! We're off fer some Roy! An' don't one single one of yer think about doin' the Harry 'cause we've got your names signed up for a bit of currant bun already!" There were cheers and many Polos were thrown on the stage in delight.

In total 1,000 members of the Vorpal Conscript Regiment boarded the SS Hitcher, along with Baron Benkern and his personal bodyguard of the Order of the Vorpal Blade. The ship began to sail northwards from the Baronial capital of Mar Sara at the furthest reach of the Imperial Republic up, passing by the Yardistani Chain, going across the Shire Sea and up the River Elwynn straight to the heart of Shireroth - Shirekeep. And would it ever be a long trip for the Baron with those bloody cockney accents.

hmmm

Sends a dispatch to the incoming ships asking their intentions

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Goooood morning sir!
The SS Hitcher is following its current course in order that we, the forces of the Barony of Vorpmadal, may ensure the total and full security of Shirekeep.
From whom, we're still not sure.
Rest assured if you don't shoot at us there's a good chance we won't shoot at you.
Yours i'faith,
Lieutenant-Hatter Armitage
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The Hitcher is still trawling northwards... I would make a gif of the course with little dashed lines showing how far its gone and how far it will go, I'd show everyone, but its not that important.

*reads dispatch*
*Send out another*

******
Lieutenant-Hatter Armitage,
If it pleases you and your men, you are welcome to stop off in the County of Monte Crisco, and have a free meal and pint on me, for you and all your men. I've already sent order to have it prepared. How many exactly could I expect? And some of the local brothels have offered a reduced rate for your fighting men. Further, I have ordered the establishment of a camp, so your men me rest the evening, on solid ground, before continuing their voyage if it so pleases you.
-Mors V.
******

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I think we'll take you up on that offer. There's just over 1,000 of us, prepare your largest banquet halls and taverns. When Max has sorted out the teams/rules/whatever we'll re-evaluate the situation. But for now, thank you for your gracious hospitality!
Yours,
Lieutenant-Hatter Armitage
---

*wonders whether this should just be the official war thread*

Personally I prefer the chaos of multiple threads, each one in the sub forum which corresponds to the scene of the action - the War of the Orchids, the best of all wars, was much better for that.

I agree.

With Ardy that is.

Lieutenant-Hatter sat back and burped. "So where is this Count anyway? I come to Monte Crisco to negotiate a lil' something-something for Vorpmadal and the guy doesn't even turn up." A Sergeant tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Er, ahem, sah, were yoo really finkin' he'd pay yoo a lil' rubba like 'Tha Tap 'n' Wrap'?" Lieutenant-Hatter looked back at the cockney, worried, scared and confused and stammered out, "Y-y-yeah, I agree. He's... umm, a, a right Bobby Dylan!" The Sergeant sighed and walked back to a group of men sitting down, singing raucously and waving around tankards.

A messenger wearing a spanking-clean uniform hurried into the bar, bringing his head up to look around the room through his glasses which had slid down his sweaty nose. He spotted Armitage and rushed up to him. "Sir," he said, carrying out a sharp salute, "I've a message from HQ on Mar Sara." Armitage sat up and stifled a burp. "Yes?" "Some students in Hyperborea, studying at Boreal University, have worked out that Mar Sara is actually much larger than we had previously suspected." Armitage, confused despite the lack of accents, said, "Sorry? What relevance does this have? And what do you mean 'larger'?" "Maybe this will explain it sir... follow me to the balcony." They went up to the second floor balcony, overlooking the sea. "Have a look out there, sir..." Armitage did so, and was amazed.

There were at least 20 ships gleaming in the sunset sunburst, each packed with men. "How... how many men?" The messenger replied, "20,000 conscripts. All eager to fight. And new orders come with these troops from the Baron Benkern - your troops are to be the pathfinders up the River Elwynn. We're supporting the Anticans who may or may not have just had their brains blown out." Armitage scratched his head and said, "Trust the Anticans eh... well we're off then." He turned to look down the stairs and called to the barmaid, "Cheers for the drinks, Maria! You messenger, your name?" "Private Jenkins, sir. Son of the First-Hatter of the same name." First-Hatter, though Armitage, you don't see one of those every day. "Tell the men they are 'ta get back on ta the nanny', and brief my Master-Rehatter on the situation. They'll understand." Jenkins hurried off, and Armitage headed for the docks.

++Laqi Command Communique

Baron, by your h4t, this is commander Abdullyollarakhmanaltaysultangaliev of the Laqi troops currently headed towards Crestfall Downs for rendezvous with other K'Tzuni armed forces.
What are your intentions? If they are to restore our Kaiser on the throne against the rebels, we will relay co-ordinates of our stores of grain, petrol, ammunition, and anything else you desire. If not, prepare for a 'deep water swim'

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