Tellia and an island

[Hesam Jayatar]

Hey Andreas, don't you dare try to say it's Ardashir and I perpetrating this. Someone does this every single time there is a complaint about Shireroth. No one has the balls to outright blame us, but every time there is a complaint, our names come up indirectly.

[b3n|<3r|\|]

Hesam, stop stirring up shit. Ardy can stop and all.

[Hesam Jayatar]

You're right. I'm actually Chris of Tellia. I'm here to steal Shireroth's land for Babkha by proxy. You should also know that Ardashir is secretly Ric. We've both been tasked by Abbas Namvari (who is secretly Diga) to disrupt Shireroth according to a set of protocols:

1. Rename things
2. Create massive amounts of activity to lure Shireroth into a sense of arrogant isolationism.
3. Get inactive ministries working and then follow with protocol 1.
4. Add to culture until they drown in it
5. Cunningly state your opinions but only until people start pissing themselves in anger
6. Be active and productive leaders
7. Petition new and old micronationalists to join Shireroth until activity is so great the country prospers itself to death!
8. Be better than anyone at what you do.

You've found us out! Now we have to return to the protection of Jacobus (who is secretly Tamahseb)

[Oroigawa Koreyasu]

Your Highness,

I apologize if you find anything within this thread insulting. We're more than willing to work with Tellia on this matter (and once again, I find this a good time to apologize for that treaty. I'll get it up tonight for your approval.).

Do not mind the heckles. Really, we mean no harm.

[Andreas the Wise]

Hey Andreas, don't you dare try to say it's Ardashir and I perpetrating this. Someone does this every single time there is a complaint about Shireroth. No one has the balls to outright blame us, but every time there is a complaint, our names come up indirectly.

I didn't say you were ... I just mentioned you in relation to Bosworth ... (and hey, I didn't approve of everything that happened there) ... but I also added it was with your mate Jeremy in your defence.

If I also hold the belief that Babkha does push nations around sometimes, that's entirely unrelated to this discussion or your Shirithian citizenship

[Hesam Jayatar]

I'll have to start bringing up Gralus in casual conversation more often.

[Oroigawa Koreyasu]

Too bad Gralus is crumbling...

[Hesam Jayatar]

Exactly,

[hypatias mom]

Your Majesty--

I am saddened by any mean-spirited comments made by citizens of Shireroth. You need to understand, though, that Kaisers have been thrown out of office by giving away land in the past, and wars fought over every pixel. Because Shireroth was essentially bullied a couple of years ago to relinquish land because our activity was down and our land area was great, now that she has regained a huge population, Shireroth's land is seen as inviolable.

I personally see nothing wrong with giving or even leasing a couple of islands that are uninhabited, and have nothing culturally important connected with them, but it seems even that small item is unthinkable. I am sorry you were spoken to in a disrespectful manner. I assure you, most citizens of Shireroth do not commonly express opinions in that manner, even if against a particular proposal.

*edited for spelling

[Andreas the Wise]

I'll have to start bringing up Gralus in casual conversation more often.

If it were actually for ideological differences of opinion on policy, that might be interesting.

"I don't like how Gralus was nice to that little nation, you should have threatened to bomb them into the dust."

[Disclaimer: I don't really think anybody would say such a thing]

[Jess]

Carol-

Very Good Explanation.

[Ari Rahikkala]

By Murphy, I'm really becoming the grumpiest guy in micronationalism

So, Chris, well... you're right about the one with Vanderveer. I wasn't there at the time, and whatever mistakes you made, they can't have been any worse than our early experiments with participating in Audentior and Tymaria and places like that. I'm sorry.

I stand by my cultural objection, though. Benacia's so closely linked with so many places of our fictional history and so many more places of our simulated history, that the only way we'd give it away to a foreign country *would* be if they joined as a duchy. How could we possibly let up the ritual of hunting the swift-feeted callamenni by running them down with sheer endurance? Where would the Knights go? The half-dragons? Why, I don't think you could even *taste* the sacred spiciness of B'Caw!

So, seriously, let's not talk about Benacia anymore. That wasn't even your idea in the first place AFAICT. Instead... yeah. How about we start talking about names for those islands that many of us *are* willing to let you try your hand with because we actually believe you could do a better job with them than us? Then, once we have a name, we can start discussing terms

[Oroigawa Koreyasu]

many of us

Read: Everyone but Jess, because it's gonna end up being Naudia'divan islands or something else in the United Isles.

Although, how correct it is to be giving away the holy lands is beyond me...

[Ari Rahikkala]

The islands between Benacia and Naudia'Diva aren't holy land by law, they only happen to be in a subdivision that used to be named The Holy Lands because said subdivision does incorporate the holy lands. I rather appreciate Jess's renaming of the place

[Ari Rahikkala]

Oh, and one more thing... Chris, did you know we used to call the Grand Commonwealth by the name Great Satan? Would you like us to count the current Shirithian citizens who were involved in the GC? (don't you think Santayana sounds like the name of a rock musician or something?)

(not that we believe vinegar is the only way to attract flies, mind you, it's just that if you want land from us you're going to have to play with us, and some of us play kinda rough... hey, wait, I know! We're so impolite because we learned to act that way from the Babkhans! I knew I could blame Hesam for this somehow )

[Scott of Hyperborea]

I was about to say the King of Tellia is overreacting and imagining offense where none existed, but then I reread the first couple of posts on this thread and tried to imagine what a non-Shirerithian would think of them. And yeah, they sound pretty darned offensive. So, King Christopher, as a Shirerithian, I apologize to you.

Suffice it to say that Shirerithians are very prickly about requests for land for historical reasons, and in our mind Shirerithian politics dwarf international politics so overwhelmingly that most of the people on this thread didn't even consider that a Tellian might read it.

Benacia used to be the domain of Duke Shyriath Bukolos, who had a hyperactive imagination and spent four years or so lavishing attention on it and writing libraries worth of con-langs and mythology and whatnot. When Kaiser Ayreon made it sound like he was considering giving it away, those of us who knew Duke Shyriath overreacted and Tellia kind of got the wrong end of our anger.

Also, a few years ago this communist Russian nation demanded Benacia from us for some reason. We said no, and I think that was linked to the United Secular States attempting to hack us in retaliation (those of you who don't know about this - it was Operation Vermillion Haddock in SHINE, and I think I forgot to declassify it). Not many of us remember this, but it does leave a bad taste in our mouths relating to people who think we should give them Benacia.

Obviously none of this was intended to reflect poorly on Tellia; most of us are isolationist and don't even know where Tellia is. I've only visited it a few times, but I find it to be a lovely nation.

King Christopher, if I were you I'd just wait for the Shirerithian internal politics to sort themselves out and see if we're willing to give you some land in exchange for something. If you want to understand what we're talking about and why we're so emotional, tell me and I'll give an impromptu lecture on the Mog Crisis of 2003 and Its Impacts On Shirerithian Decolonialism or something. In the meantime, please accept our apologies.

[Hesam Jayatar]

Ari, you are a grumpy old bastard. And if you can somehow blame me for it, I will accept it as a compliment.

[Maksym Hadjimehmetov]

Kaisers have been thrown out of office by giving away land in the past, and wars fought over every pixel

Ah, the infamous Kaiser Mog I! Shame I wasn't around to see those days. Should have joined earlier really.

Though I don't know much about the matter in hand, I can say that it's a little odd to be considering giving land away only a few months after we issued a map of all the territory we'd like to reclaim...

[Malliki]

*The Baron of Lakhesis, tardy and mentally slow as always, comes running in*

Hey! Hands off Benacia...

[Krasniy Yastreb]

*The Duke of Brookshire, tardy and mentally slow as always, comes running in*

Benacia's in Lakhesis?? Wow, I learn something new every day.

[Malliki]

*The Baron of Lakhesis, slower than even the Duke of Brookshire, turns and faces him*

Hey, that's my line...

[Erik Mortis]

Mog... I remember overthrowing him. It was fun! Letifer I came up from Yardistan with an Army... Mog gave the Sword of Vengance to Hyperborea or such to safe guard while he used the Halberd of Retribution.. There was a war.. Letifer won.. then in a duel between Mog and Stone; Mog got beheaded, and Letifer Kaiser.

All this because Mog tried/succeeded in giving land to Melanmecar to make them our friends. I forget what exact land he tried to give. I think it might have been Amity and Mirioth or something.. which alone was blasphemy against the Gods.

You need to understand. Losing land is a thought anathema to Shireroth culture. but talking about making everything under the sun part of the Empire is a national sport. Just look at the Yardistani Annexation Corp, a famous/Infamous paramilitary organization in Yardistan that is tasked with Annexing anything not nailed down, from chairs in Jasonia, to the left half of the forehead of the first Prime-Executive of Tymaria... then they annexed the other side separately and had a border war between the two halfs for fun.

So, I doubt anyone meant to insult you, and if they did they speak for themselves and will be whipped with wet noodle as punishment...wet noodle dipped in acid... and by noodle I mean piano wire.... anyhoo, I doubt anyone meant to insult you. We just protect our land, even from our own Kaiser. We get kinda rabid about it.

[b3n|<3r|\|]

*annexes Erik's wet piano wire dipped in acid

[Erik Mortis]

Damn you! *annexes the 'a' key on your keyboard*

[b3n|<3r|\|]

You'll p_y Erik! I SH_LL REVENGE!!

[Erik Mortis]

Victory is mine!

I SH_LL REVENGE!!

Ahhhh.. well remembered I see.

[b3n|<3r|\|]

Indeed. I _m got the memory.

[Malliki]

I HAVE AN A KEY, AND YOU DON'T, Nah nah nah nah nah nah...

[Erik Mortis]

And this ladies and gentlemen.. is Shireroth.

[Malliki]

Ah brroooouuuuwww..... *blows bubbles through nose*