People of Yardistan, hear and submit!

[Shyriath]

A small cavalry force, merely the advance party of a larger, slower army behind it, rides to the borders of Yardistan proper... which is no mean feat, if you consider that it's island.Riding their horses ashore after this demonstration of extreme improbability, the cavalrymen come to a stop; several of them blow loud trumpets as if to announce their arrival, and another removes a long scroll from his satchel and reads it aloud, for all to hear."O people of Yardistan, hear and submit! Rebellious islanders, hearken to the word of the Steward!"For he, by the authority of the great and incomparable Kaiser Alejian I, has declared WAR upon you. For he, in his researches, has come upon a Great and Flimsy Pretext, which serves him well as a Stupid Excuse to grind your civilization down beyond all capacity for resistance."And thus he has called up the armies of Shireroth, armed with mighty foodstuffs, to bust you in your collective nose."Peace shall end this coming war only when either you or we are destroyed and/or humiliated, or when the Kaiser comes back and tells the Steward how silly he is for starting a war."Let these tokens be a foretaste of the horror that is to ensue!"With this, the cavalrymen take out some sort of sling-like weapons, and use them to hurl small, compact objects at nearby houses... upon close inspection, they would appear to be pastry, cheese danish to be exact.Laughing, the horsemen turn about and ride back to rejoin the main army, who is still (by unexplained means) riding across the sea toward Yardistan.

[Draco the Tainted]

A menacing voice is heard across the eastern coast of Yardistan as if from many loudspeakers.May you SUFFER the fate of ten THOUSAND CATTLE!!! Heil Loki!!!
Heil H'Graa!!!

[Ari Rahikkala]

OK, we submit. Jag har glömt hur pjäserna stod!

[Hypatia Agnesi]

No good! We demand a war first!*sets up an ammunitio factory in the shape of a bakery--making cheese danishes* *throws grenade for the hell of it*BO0O0O0O0/\/\!!!!!!

[osmose1000]

The Finn submits only because your damned horses are riding on his county.A loud sound is heard across the sea and shores of Brookshire, as if sounded through a loudspeaker. It is the sound of... a fart. Immedietely after this, the Brookshirithian countryside begins to reek of brocolli and old man stink.Back at the island, Moose gathers up his generals."I've contacted all the leaders around the island, and they have agreed to fight. Because we're all anarchy, the only way to identify each other will be the YAC signs we will wear on the back of our armor. Forces are amassing on the coast where Shyriath's troops first appeared, but locals everywhere are getting pissed, as they like no government.""Will we be deploying the Gargantuan?""Not yet. Normal ground maneuveurs for now. The Rock Crawlers are being fueled now. We are also calling for help from our ally, but so far he hasn't been able to get a reply out whilest keeping his cover." Hypatia's Mom: Yay! I'm legal now.Moose: WE(Shireroth) HAVE NON-NOBLES?![21:11] Bill7D0: It's 9:11 PM. Do you know where your plane is?

[Shyriath]

From across the sea, a slow-moving wave of horses trotting on the water makes its way toward Yardistan. Local fishes seem bewildered by this behavior, but the army seems unpreturbed."General!" calls out the leader of one of the scout groups. "Yardistan is in sight! Their forces are massing on the beach, and they MIGHT be building a bakery!""Damn!" growls Shyriath. "They, too, must have cheese-danish capability. We'll have to bring out the heavy guns for this. Lieutenant, go inform artillery to prepare the pound cake.""Very good, sir!""Excuse me," interrupts Shyriath's aide as the lieutenant goes riding off, "but my lord, how are we riding on the water?""Don't be ridiculous," replies Shyriath, as the army nears the shore, now riding over the shallower water. "It's frozen solid, that's why. What do you expect, when we're this far north?""North, sir?""Yes, north! Just look at the map."The aide glances at the parchment that the navigator is consulting."Sir, the map is tunred upside down. We're going SOUTH, into the tropics.""So there's no ice to ride on?""None, sir."Hearing this, the army suddenly drops, falling into the warm summer waters just off the Yardistani coast. Fortunately, some of the artillery is in shallow enough water that the pound cake is left intact, although much of the danish and most of the delicious cinnamon rolls have been turned irretrievably flimsy by their time in the water.Suddenly in desperation, the army begins slogging its way toward shore, hurling cheese danish. Engineers begin loading the surviving pound cake into the catapults...

[Hypatia Agnesi]

*runs out of her factory with a white flag*Forces of the Steward, I am on your side!It would seem that you will have need of the ammunition I have been preparing. Being anarchistic, the Yardistani forces have thus far left me along, but I now request some aid in the form of protection in order to continue producing ammunition.I have overseen the production of several thousand rounds of cheese danishes, blackberry danishes, cinnamon rolls, and, of course, pound cake. *throws grenade for the hell of it*BO0O0O0O0/\/\!!!!!!

[osmose1000]

Back in the planning room..."What? We allow her in our lands," Moose shouted, "And she gives food/ammunition to the ENEMY?! Sieze her immedietly! I am officially annexing Kildare in the sudden absence of it's Duchess!"Back at the beaches, a squad of Engineers drops into the factories run by the Duchess, kidnap her, and take her away back to Duke Moose's lair. [00:03] Bill3000: roll d20 to eat Moose's penis[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 rolls a d20 to eat Moose's penis and gets 5."[00:03] Bill3000: ROLL HIGHER DAMMIT[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 Dice Error: Invalid arguments in the attempted roll"

[hypatias mom]

We, the citizens of Kildare, demand that you unhand our Dutchess! Return her unharmed, you brute!

[Hypatia Agnesi]

Hypatia Agnesi beats her fists against the walls of her prison.Let me out! I demand to be set free! At least let me call my lawyer!In the mean time, Hypatia begins to stockpile her ration of bread and water... *throws grenade for the hell of it*BO0O0O0O0/\/\!!!!!!

[Hypatia Agnesi]

And if you're going to capture my lands, at least get my title right! That's DUTCHESS to you, Moose! *throws grenade for the hell of it*BO0O0O0O0/\/\!!!!!!

[osmose1000]

But my dear Duchess, we annexed the T when we annexed your duchy. >=D [00:03] Bill3000: roll d20 to eat Moose's penis[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 rolls a d20 to eat Moose's penis and gets 5."[00:03] Bill3000: ROLL HIGHER DAMMIT[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 Dice Error: Invalid arguments in the attempted roll"

[Hypatia Agnesi]

*screams*NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!*ahem*KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!Give it back, or there will be hell (and dryads with whips) to pay! *throws grenade for the hell of it*BO0O0O0O0/\/\!!!!!!

[osmose1000]

1.That's kinky.2.No. [00:03] Bill3000: roll d20 to eat Moose's penis[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 rolls a d20 to eat Moose's penis and gets 5."[00:03] Bill3000: ROLL HIGHER DAMMIT[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 Dice Error: Invalid arguments in the attempted roll"

[Shyriath]

As pound cake bombards the shoreline and soggy, tired Brookshirian warriors heave themselves up onto land to be slaughtered by the raging Yardistani hordes, Shyriath and a few trusted operatives manage to slink onto a beach further from the battle and plan in relative safety."All right," he says, "so we're losing badly and are now stuck on the island. But we do know the Dutchess of Kildare is on our side, and has access to ammunition; so we might as well save her while we're here."Turning to the man on his right, he demands, "Binky, what have we got in the way of explosives?""A full keg of powdered sugar, sir... and maybe if we mixed up some flour with water, we'd be able to use that, too.""Excellent. Gruddly, do we have any small, easily concealed weapons?""Miniature crossbows and a goodly supply of fried dough balls, sir, as long as we don't get into a big firefight.""That'll have to do. Jimbo, do you have the Mission: Impossible theme song ready?""Locked and loaded!""All right then!" Shyriath starts handing out the loaded crossbows. "Let's do this."Stealthily, they start creeping toward the entrance to Duke Moose's lair, intent on reaching the prison level and freeing the Dutchess.

[osmose1000]

Back at the lair..."Sir, we have a group of contacts on the radar."Moose turned. "So? Send someone after them! The beach is nothing but a slaughter.""Well, sir, they seem to be creeping towards our layer.""Creeping? The beach is a hundred miles away! We're on top of a mountain far inland!""I don't know how they're doing it, but they're doing it! They're nearing our perimeter and have passed out of long range sensor range! Close range scanners are less sensitive and have lost them.""Grah! Set the wall guards on high alert. And triple-guard the duchess. If things get too hot, I want her either moved or, as a last resort, killed. We cannot allow her land to be lost. We MUST hold her. We NEED her land! I WANT KILDARE!" [00:03] Bill3000: roll d20 to eat Moose's penis[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 rolls a d20 to eat Moose's penis and gets 5."[00:03] Bill3000: ROLL HIGHER DAMMIT[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 Dice Error: Invalid arguments in the attempted roll"Edited by: osmose1000 at: 6/29/05 22:20

[Gryphon Avocatio]

Wait, wait, wait...RPing? in Yardistan? Isn't that what I made BAM for? 3e knowe ek that in fourme of speche is chaunge / With-inne a thousand 3eer, and wordes tho / That hadden pris now wonder nyce and straunge / Us thenketh hem, and 3et thei spake hem so, / And spedde as wel in loue as men now do...

[osmose1000]

Anarchists don't follow rules. :P [00:03] Bill3000: roll d20 to eat Moose's penis[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 rolls a d20 to eat Moose's penis and gets 5."[00:03] Bill3000: ROLL HIGHER DAMMIT[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 Dice Error: Invalid arguments in the attempted roll"

[Gryphon the Pure]

Yeah, I've wondered, since nobody has taken down the Constitution up there... *shrugs* Gryphon the Pure- Shirithian Elder - Dutch of Kildare - Minister of the Interior - High Priest of Apostrophe aka Grammar Fuhrer - Director of the Shirithian Census - Imperial Advisor -q=parseInt(Math.random()*gryphSig.length);q=(isNaN(q))?0:q;document.write(gryphSig[q]);q=parseInt(Math.random()*gryphSig.length);q=(isNaN(q))?0:q;document.write(gryphSig[q]);q=parseInt(Math.random()*gryphSig.length);q=(isNaN(q))?0:q;document.write(gryphSig[q]);

[osmose1000]

We're packrats. Er, threadrats. [00:03] Bill3000: roll d20 to eat Moose's penis[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 rolls a d20 to eat Moose's penis and gets 5."[00:03] Bill3000: ROLL HIGHER DAMMIT[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 Dice Error: Invalid arguments in the attempted roll"

[Shyriath]

"Y'know," whispers Shyriath as the little group of would-be rescuers come within sight of the walls, "we got here in much less time that I thought we would. The physics engine for this game is totally unrealistic."Dodging searchlight beams that play over the ground around them, Shyriath and his band cross the empty space toward the base of the wall. From there they'll be able to try to climb up, if only...If only the guards hadn't heard the Mission: Impossible theme music, which is (and has been) playing loudly on the walkman that Jimbo is carrying. Utterly given away by the sound, Shyriath finds at least five different spotlights shining on his crew."Dammit," Shyriath comments.

[osmose1000]

As the alert raised through the base, guards scrambled to their posts. Deep within the compound, the Duchess of Kildare was moved from her original cell to one closer to the center of the base, to make her capture more difficult.She was escorted down a long, dark, and narrow hallway, with two normal guards and one guard captain in the front, and three normal guards in the back. As they moved forward, the Duchess was pushed forward by one of the guards. "Move, wench!" he growled."Stop rushing! You act as if we're running from a monster. Are you so afraid of some petty intruders with food?"The guard slapped Hypatia and pushed her onward. As the progressed, they turned corners and went down flights of stairs, deeper into the base. As they passed a particularly dark passage leading off to another room, they heard a distinct *clink*. All the guards turned their weapons towards the room, sans one who moved in to cover Hypatia."Redfield, Grit, go check the room out." barked the Captain. The soldiers, one a Yardistani and one from the Gargantuan's compliment, advanced slowly into the room, creeping as slowly as they could.As the two entered the room, the Duchess looked around, frightened. She could hear nothing but her own ragged breathing, as the guards were trained on how to breath silently. She looked down both ways of the corridor, into the room, around the floor, at the ceiling, down the corridor again...The ceiling? She looked up again and saw a shadow of a shadow move - faster than anything she had seen in this realm. She suddenly heard a gasp, and the guard right next to her dropped to the floor, minus his head.The other guards spun around, saw the headless comrade, and were immedietly at arms, trying to find the threat. The Captain attempted to pull out his communicator, a piece of technology that he was unfamiliar with, provided to him by the Duke of Yardistan himself. Before he could switch the device on, however, his hand fell to the floor, followed by his body and severed legs.When they heard their Captain scream, all the soldiers turned towards the enemy, now out in the open, standing over the writhing body of their dying leader. He was not a particularly large person, dressed in all black, and with glowing red eyes. He carried a long sword of an unknown origin, which looked unfamiliar to them. That was all they could take in before he launched himself at them.Grit and Redfield were just running out of the room. One Yardistani was standing behind the Duchess, and running to cover her. The other stood in front of her, and had already started running at the unkown assailant.The "Shadow", the best word to describe the person, extended his leg into the first guard's face as he landed from his jump. He snapped his foot around and pulled it around, knocking the guard to his left. He spun around clockwise and sliced the guard in his stomach, twirled the blade back and cut him again in the side. As the guard hit the floor, he stomped on him and leaped towards the three other guards, now standing in front of the Duchess.Grit, in the lead, stabbed his spear at the Shadow, who kicked the wall and twirled around to dodge the stab. The engineer swung the spear and struck the Shadow in the stomach as he spun around, knocking him against the wall with the shaft of the spear.The Yardistani closest to the Shadow jumped and attempted to slash down, but was tripped by the Shadow as he spun to get up. He rolled, regained his balance, and turned to slash at the Shadow, but before he could fully turn, he felt a burning sensation in his side. He looked down to see the Shadow's sword being pulled out and thrust at his face. He tried to move but it was too late.Grit, now without a fellow guard in the way of his thrust, attacked the Shadow, who ducked under his spear, hopped backward to it's side, and cut it in half with his sword. Grit, not missing a beat, pulled back his halved spear-shaft and charged at the Shadow, swinging his now-wooden-sword and making contact with the Shadow's face. The Shadow was knocked against the wall, and held it's cheek, now swolen.The Shadow, seeing the last Yardistani, Redfield, running down the hallway, ignored him and dove at the Duchess, scooped her up, hung her over his shoulder, and sprinted in the opposite direction.Grit couldn't run that fast, and didn't persue the Shadow. Instead, he pulled out his own personal communicator and tried to call Duke Moose, but instead got Howie, one of his closest friends and the navigator for the Gargantuan."Grit? Moose is out heading towards the intruders. What's the problem?""We have another intruder. Some dark creature, very fast, very dangerous. Redfield should be reporting to one of his commanders soon. We've lost all the Duchess' Guard sans me and Redfield.""What? Where is the Duchess?""He got her and is heading for the maximum security cell. It's a one way, so he's trapped. I'll need backup at my location ASAP.""You'll get it. Stay there until we get some people down there.""Thanks." He closed the connection and sat down against the wall. A million questions clouded his head. What WAS that thing? Why did it take the Duchess? How did it move so fast? But one question dominated above all the others. The Shadow could have easily caught Redfield and killed him. The only reason he had even hit the Shadow was seizing oppourtunity, and both times had cost the life of one of his comrades. Regardless, why were they both spared? [00:03] Bill3000: roll d20 to eat Moose's penis[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 rolls a d20 to eat Moose's penis and gets 5."[00:03] Bill3000: ROLL HIGHER DAMMIT[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 Dice Error: Invalid arguments in the attempted roll"Edited by: osmose1000 at: 7/3/05 23:25

[Hypatia Agnesi]

((Ironically, my cat's name is Shadow. She's a scary hunter if you're a bird.))The Dutchess screams as she is surrounded by so many dying men, as if she wasn't scared enough as it was. As she is carried down the corridor by an unidentified and deadly rescuer (or so she hopes), all she can think of is how she is ever going to escape this, and whether she still has the pieces of bread stashed inside her dress...just in case.((BTW, Moose, why are you "rescuing" my character from your own guards? *is confused*)) *throws grenade for the hell of it*BO0O0O0O0/\/\!!!!!!Edited by: Hypatia Agnesi at: 7/3/05 16:04

[osmose1000]

((You'll see. Waiting for Shyriath right now.)) [00:03] Bill3000: roll d20 to eat Moose's penis[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 rolls a d20 to eat Moose's penis and gets 5."[00:03] Bill3000: ROLL HIGHER DAMMIT[00:03] * dicebubba --- "Bill3000 Dice Error: Invalid arguments in the attempted roll"

[King Oz I]

Ozarka growled with fury... the duchess.. in THEIR hands? Thi swoul dnot go unchecked. ....Later the next day over Yardistan, an armada of dragon archers was seen, Ozarka in the lead, he l anded next to Shyriath."So we fight alongside each other again, eh old friend?" His Royal Majesty King Sjer I of the StorjoneStorjone WebsiteStorjone Forums

[osmose1000]

((...I repeat, WAITING FOR SHYRIATH, ESPECIALLY SINCE THE WHOLE THING WILL BE DONE BY THE END OF THE FICTIONAL DAY)) [22:19] Bill7D0: hahaha. Another broken worthless family. You really are worthless.[22:20] Bill7D0: Really, it figures. Parents were piss poor and thus you are piss poor.[22:28] Bill7D0: So, I'm emmigrating Shireroth, and this time, something's not my fault. It's your fault. And you can blame yourself for being a constant ***.

[Hypatia Agnesi]

((Moose, what did you edit in your post above?)) *throws grenade for the hell of it*BO0O0O0O0/\/\!!!!!!

[osmose1000]

((Forgot to add the "ed" to spared.)) [22:19] Bill7D0: hahaha. Another broken worthless family. You really are worthless.[22:20] Bill7D0: Really, it figures. Parents were piss poor and thus you are piss poor.[22:28] Bill7D0: So, I'm emmigrating Shireroth, and this time, something's not my fault. It's your fault. And you can blame yourself for being a constant ***.

[Shyriath]

(OOC: Sorry, been wrestling with computer problems and 4th of July events.)Shyriath and his small band, who up until this point had been reduced to casting up a smokescreen of powdered sugar in an attempt to evade capture, look on Ozarka's force with relief."Well met! We'd thought we were doomed. We need to finish off these guards and then find out where the lair's prison level is. Any chance you have something that could blast a hole into the ground?"

[King Oz I]

Ozarka let out an evil cackle before he snapped his hands, as the dragon riders pulled out their famous explosives... lightning bolts....with his e yes glowing blue, and with a grin on his face, oz said "Oh.. I think we can manage, don't you?"With that, the group soared to the skies as Shyriath stepped back, and lightning bolts began to HURTLE towards the ground in loud crashes and sparks. His Royal Majesty King Sjer I of the StorjoneStorjone WebsiteStorjone Forums