As darkness settles...

[Gryphon Avocatio]

mmm...yay...depression is kicking in...i'm all alone...christmas eve...i should be happy...everybody else is it seems...i was happy...not that long ago...just yesterday....i wsa happy...now i want to curl up into a little ball and cry...Kinda for no reason too...it just comes and goes at will...i've got some things to be sad about...i always do...that;s life...i can't stnad these mood swings...i'm going to go fucking insane...I'm completely content one momemnt and the next I feel absolutely terrible...for no good reason...though sometimes trivial things will set me off too...like i'll be talking to somebody online and they'll leave...and it makes me sad and depressed...and then I can't pull myself up...and it only gets worse...i have nobody to share these feelings with...i feel so disconnected from everybdoy around me...so here I am posting on a message board as a plea! Ah! I'm so pathetic! Look, now I'm angry and depressed! Ah wonderful fun!Well...that's great...maybe I should go to bed...when Isleep I can't feel...though it may be a sleepless night like the last...damn it all...Yeah, normally I don't have a problem with not being understood...i revel in it...i like being a oddity...but usually there is at least one person who gets me...who knows me...who understands...I've been so incredibly lonely since I broke up with my girlfriend...i just realised that...i could tell her anything...she went out of her way to make me happy...at least, she used to...nobody ever really did that for me before her...and I liked it...and i miss it...but things got fucked up...they always do, don't they? No hope for a happy ending...then again, i didn't have any in teh last month or so...I'm not a hopeful person...people are evil and self-centred...that includes you...and that includes me."Hail Satan!" Ah, I love dimmu borgir!"Gentlemen-- destroy!"sorry...that was just playing on a cd I was listening to...heh..ah...well...where was I...oh who cares...so i'm alone...I fear that i'll be left that way...i enjoy it to a certain extent...physically beingalone...but not mentally...mentally is the worst...I have so much to say and nobody to say it to...not that I'm good at saying what I want...i fear people's reactions...and so I don't tell them what I think...I can't tell somebody I think they might be wrong.I can't tell some one that I disagree with their unfounded opinion.I can't tell a girl they look nice today.I can't explain to somebody that i'm truly thankful.I can't tell somebody to leave me alone when i need it.I can't tell somebody i enjoy their company.I don't know how to ask for what I want.I have such trouble standing up for myself.But at the same time, i shun other people. I dress and act differently from the masses--it's no wonder they don't want to listen! I don't want to listen to them, so often...but then again, that's the masses...not the people I care about...but like I said...I have such great difficulty telling people that I do care...i try so hard not to be apathetic...but I am, aren't I? I'm terribly apathetic...my emotions, itseems..aren't affected the way most people's are...they whirl around...my moods change with the wind...like the weather...a butterfly in japan could mean a tropical storm in me...but when something big happens...significant...important...i am left cold...apathetic...no effect on me...i don't feel...i am numb...fifteen minutes...and christmas will come...fifteen minutes until the holiday that is supposed to bring everybody together...and I feel alone...I am a true introvert...fuck the presents...fuck the carols...fuck everything! What superficial bull shit!i'm going to bed...good evening and good fucking night...erik: call me tomorrow...in the evening... -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar.

[Kaiser Mors III]

I'll do better than that.. Expect to be harrased... for a while...You're starting to sound like me.. I'm not sure that is good... Maybe we need to get you and Ben Amtgard weapons so you can beat the shit out of each other.. and vent and stuff.. you need venting... yes... Toit.. very toit... like a tiger... Dont' worry Nick.. we love you.. well.. I do at least... In that non-physical non-romantic non-sexual way... welll... not sure about.... ahem!.. yes.. like a brother! We should get together with James and have a guys night out... go cause havak in the mall... play some pool... hit on woman... for you... Dump chease on Ben's head.. good fun!WE SHALL RIDE!... Before I leave for school again.. WE SHALL RIDE! Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Gryphon Avocatio]

I'm somewhat better today...i crashed last night...as you might have noticed...yeah...I do kinda sound like you....but my emotions have been out of control...I don't know what to do anymore... -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar.

[Kaiser Mors III]

See someone.. but we spoke on this ....last night.. morning.. whatever.. Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Gryphon Avocatio]

I have no idea how to bring up the topic to my parents...knowing them, they'll just tell me i have nothing to be unhappy about...and that I should stop acting up...that's the general reaction I get when I'm pissed off... -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar.

[Kaiser Mors III]

Talk to your mom.. not your dad about it.. and if they use that you have no reason to be unhappy bit.. say.. "Exactly..." Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Gryphon Avocatio]

they might also pull the break-up bit on me...but Ica and I are talking again....making amends...and you're right...definitely not my dad...he started to yell at me about something tonight...i closed a door and he took that as offensive and didn't give me a chance to defend myself....it was a bad day emotionally and I was waiting for something to set me off...i knew it was coming...anyway, i lost control and I blew up at him and ran out of the house...i wandered the streets for about an hour...took different routes then normal...my old bike routes rather than my foot paths...because they were after me...they were gonna come get me...and I didn't want to go back...i swear I thought people in random cars were going to stop and try to take me home...after almost an hour I turned around and took my usual way back...if they weren't looking for me yet, well...I knew they were...besides...there was nothing to do at the pruneyard with only 5 bucks :P...my mom caught me as I was going back through downtown campbell...which kinda made me mad...there was a concert at the gaslighter and I wanted to see what was going on...maybe get some coffee at the roasting company...anyway...she was a crying mess...we drove back home-ish...we stayed in a parking lot...and she tried to get me to talk...which took about fifteen minutes...i didn't really have much to say...I just smiled...chuckled on occaision...because the situation was so incredibly funny...i don't know why...i guess cuz it kinda seemed like a dream...my mom thought I was on drugs until i started talking...anyway...we finally went home...and everything was calm...so I went to bed..slept for a couple of hours...and i woke up...completely goddamn awake! Insomnia so strong it can wake me from my hard-won sleep...and well...here I am...so...I'm a depressed schizoid wreck with violent mood swings...yay! -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar.

[Kaiser Mors III]

Would you like Alex and I to stop by? Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Eriana Moon]

*huge huggles*(huggles mind you, they are alreddy bigger than normal hugs) Baroness of Lunaris in The Republic of ShirerothBaroness-Councilor of Tallandor-New Barbary in Treesia

[Gryphon Avocatio]

It get's weirder...My ex and I are back together...and by all logic...i be extermely displeased with some of the things she did...and yet I'm not...I don't care...to a certain extent...cause we both realised we were being stupid...i don't know...I can't explain my own actions! What do you want from me? Sometimes it's just better not to ask...I don't know...we just started hanging out again...and...we talked things over...and she finally just told me everything...and...it was obvious we weren't going to stay apart long...and I know Erik proly thinks I'm crazy...but I never doubted that...anyway...depression's stronger than ever...ahh...fun... -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar.

[Kaiser Mors III]

We will speak in private about this.. you can be sure of that...I have my doubts about your choice to get back with her... Though if you are happy with this choice.. I pleased, and hope things work better this time.. though as odd as this sounds.. it may make things complex for me... but that is for a private conversation aswell...In other words.. We need to talk boy! Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Gryphon Avocatio]

I figured you would want to...and I did give this good thought...though I guess we're sort of rushing back into things...but...well...we decided we would be happier mad and together than being separated...and pretending to be mad at each other....and I'm not mad at her anymore...and she's not mad at me anymore...and if this causes problems for you erik...well...i'm sorry...I'm not trying to wreak havoc... -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar.

[Kaiser Mors III]

Don't worry.. I'm just paranoid... Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Gryphon Avocatio]

So am I...that's the problem...i don't know...it just sort of...happened...but I guess that's more or less how the relationship's always been...things just sort of happened...and we went along with it...we're happy...at least, as much as we can be...i'm not great...im still imensely depressed...and she's going insane...trying to quit smoking...putting her life back into order...i want this to work out...but neither of us are thinking in the long-term yet...we know the odds...Like i said, I've given this thought... -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar.

[Kaiseress Alexia Mors III]

*Hug* We love you Nick *disclaimer (modified...whatever that may be)* I do hope things work out for you... just be cautious.... The Through-Marriage-Noble-Of- Brookshire

[Kaiser Mors III]

At least she's trying to clean herself up... Perhaps I'll swing by today... Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth

[Gryphon Avocatio]

My christmas present to her is to be black hair dye....mwahahah!!! -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar. - SCOTT: You know, I always joke about how nothing will ever be able to get me out of micronations...but...I think if my mother got into micronations that would get me out in a hurry. - GUILDENSTERN:We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.

[Zirandorthel]

Why not just give her a wig, nothing says "I secretly love your mother, and your father's not too bad either" like a really good wig. Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus TinenetuwarLet the fates burn!

[Gryphon Avocatio]

Because...Goths are hot :P...and since she's willing to do it...why the hell not :P :P :P -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar. - SCOTT: You know, I always joke about how nothing will ever be able to get me out of micronations...but...I think if my mother got into micronations that would get me out in a hurry. - GUILDENSTERN:We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.

[Ari Rahikkala]

... as I learned today:Life sucks, in a way that rocks. I got it! The Necronomicon must obviously be a Mornington Crescent rulebook!

[Gryphon Avocatio]

oh...and how is that? -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar. - SCOTT: You know, I always joke about how nothing will ever be able to get me out of micronations...but...I think if my mother got into micronations that would get me out in a hurry. - GUILDENSTERN:We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.

[Zirandorthel]

Ari got a blowjob! Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Gryphon Avocatio]

well...that is something that sucks yet rocks...but it could have been a vacuum cleaner in a large boat... -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar. - SCOTT: You know, I always joke about how nothing will ever be able to get me out of micronations...but...I think if my mother got into micronations that would get me out in a hurry. - GUILDENSTERN:We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.

[Eriana Moon]

*blushes and lmao as quietly as posible* Baroness of Lunaris in The Republic of ShirerothBaroness-Councilor of Tallandor-New Barbary in Treesia

[Gryphon Avocatio]

Caution!: Masculine Discussion -Gryphon Avocatio- Lord Governor and Duke of all Yardistan - Minister of Research and Education, Shireroth - Shirerothian Elder - SAVE THE KIWI!! - Lover of Llamas Give me your child, and by the age of five, I can make him a priest or a thief or a scholar. - SCOTT: You know, I always joke about how nothing will ever be able to get me out of micronations...but...I think if my mother got into micronations that would get me out in a hurry. - GUILDENSTERN:We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.

[Zirandorthel]

Sorry, but that was the first thing that popped into my head. The next was a fish trying to mount a cow, but then I'm a guy, and these are natural thoughts for the average bag of raging hormones/adolescent. Sun Bless, Earth KeepZirandorthel I of TreesiaThe Golden DarknessNiirus Tinenetuwar, Tivitha e'Taras

[Eriana Moon]

I was amused, It's a good thing.Cary on, Don't mind me. Baroness of Lunaris in The Republic of ShirerothBaroness-Councilor of Tallandor-New Barbary in Treesia

[Nick the Yardistani]

Oh, we weren't going to stop...And let's just say...Eriana, you are always on our minds, babe *runs from any well deserved smacking*and eoin, speaking ouf raging adolecsent nonsense: Your Mom! oh wait...Your Mum!...no...uh...Do mháthair!

[Jadie of Goldshire]

Nah..it is just her avatar that is always on your minds boys... Jadie of GoldshireCarry on with your lives people...nothing to see here.

[Kaiser Mors III]

*dutch accent* What's wrong with porn? Everyone likes porn... everything is good in moderation.... Mortis BrookshireKaiser of Shireroth