Benacian Countial Anthem

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Syr William
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Benacian Countial Anthem

Post by Syr William »

As the Ocean flows us by, Benacia she shall rise!
Followed by the deepest love for the land
Where the God's set their eyes, Benacia she shall rise!
In the sea of harmony.

Perfect in every way, we shall stand up and say
Benacia, my home I make of thee
Where the homeless are the kings, and the loved ones sing
Benacia, my home I make of thee

The birds and trees, the mountains and the bees sing praises! (sing praises!)
Rivers of deepest blue, forests so green for you,
Benacia, I'm in love with you
Benacia, I'm in love with you!

Perfect in ever way, we shall stand up and say
Benacia, my home I make of thee
Where the homeless are the kings, and the loved ones sing
Benacia, my home I make of thee!!!!
Benacia, my home I make of thee!!!!!
Just a rough draft, so tell me what you think I should change or add! :)
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Syr William
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Location: Flotilla, Benacia
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Re: Benacian Countial Anthem

Post by Syr William »

Well what does everyone think? Any suggestions and constructive criticism is welcome.
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Gman Russell
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Re: Benacian Countial Anthem

Post by Gman Russell »

I think it's well written, honestly. Except for this part:
The birds and trees, the mountains and the bees sing praises! (sing praises!)

Ever heard of 'the Birds and the Bees' talk? It'll have some of the more immature of your american audience giggling alittle. I know I did. :D
What follows has lead me to this place where I belong, with all erased.

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Syr William
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Re: Benacian Countial Anthem

Post by Syr William »

When I was writing it I noticed that, but decided to keep it for laughs. :)
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Jacobus Loki
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Re: Benacian Countial Anthem

Post by Jacobus Loki »

It's very good.

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Syr William
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Re: Benacian Countial Anthem

Post by Syr William »

Thanks! :)
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