The Oracle of Yaanek

[Isabitch Alot]

Oh great oracle,

Since I have managed to overhaul every single ministry in Shireroth, I feel as if my purpose in life has vanished. What must i do to make people love me?

[Kaiser Amitymurdererzeb]

Hey douchebag,

Who the FUCK do I have to plagiarize around here to get you fuckers to participate in my PLOTS?!

Have you tried Pratchett? Alot seems quite taken with him ...

[Isabitch Alot]

What was that? Arrange and my death and then my reincarnation as a failed wizard who knows only one spell? My god! Its brilliant! And original!

[Aurangzeb Khan]

Great Oracle,

Is now an auspicious moment to declare a holy war against Leng? Or at the very least call in the pest controllers to deal with the Leng Spiders?

I donate this roasted Musk Ox from the fabled Far Reaches to your acolytes out of kindness for their consideration.

[Voice of Yaanek]

Is now an auspicious moment to declare a holy war against Leng? Or at the very least call in the pest controllers to deal with the Leng Spiders?

s/Amalek/Leng/g
>Deuteronomy 25:19

Oh Powerful and Mighty Oracle, what things does my future behold as a citizen of Shireroth? Will I ever be a great leader?

Stay long enough, and no height of power will be unreachable. Leave early, and all you have worked for will collapse like a castle of sand.

[Kaiser Leto III]

A man who wished to stay unrecognised entered the mysterious cave of which was told to be the home of the Oracle of Yaanek. The man cried:

"Oh Great Oracle, I come before You with an important question!"

The shouting wasn't answered and the words echoed through the cave. Eventually, the man putted down his cape, so his face became visible. It was the Kaiser of Shireroth himself, fully vulnerable for a possible attack in this deserted cave.

"I know You are here, and if it isn't asked too much: I would like an answer to my question."

Still nothing was said, and once more his words echoed through the cave. Leto III sighed and knelt for the One who he expected to find here, but didn't answer his calls.

"Shall I be a good Kaiser?"

And now, he could only wait...

[Kaiser Leto III]

And he waited...

[Aurangzeb Khan]

Sometimes ominous silences speak volumes. Other times it means the priests have popped out to the shops, however far away the shops happen to be in this frigid hell hole.

[Voice of Yaanek]

By coming here for revelation
You prove well your dedication
Who but one who loved his nation
Would seek out such information?

Hear this, and leave my mountain lair
Not strength nor smarts give Kaisers flair
When the people need, be there
All you need to do is care.

[Allot]

Said Dr. Zeus.

[Kaiser Leto III]

Can I make the oracle my special advisor?

[Bill3000]

Isn't that cheating a little?

[Harvey Steffke]

Oh, I don't know. That's about the most useful advice I've ever seen the Oracle give. Most of the time its perfectly safe rubbish layered in enough symbolism and metaphor to make it seem plausible.