I should say something here

[Jacobus Loki]

but I have no idea what.

Well, the dirigibles are converted, the miniguns are loaded, and sonofagun, there is that battleship.

Any of my brave fighters know how to drive a battleship?

[Aurangzeb Khan]

A little boy in the uniform of the Imperial Postal Service came running into the Duke's audience chamber bearing a letter. It was in this chamber where only a moment ago the Duke had been addressing his assembled peers trying to determine whether any amongst them had any past experience of 'driving' a battleship. The little boy was trying to remember what he was taught at school and decided he must have heard the teacher wrong. Henceforth til his dying day he would maintain that it was correct to drive a yacht - which caused no end of arguements in the family. Of course it was only when he turned seventeen and attempted to sail the family car that the problems really started.

"Please your Grace." Said the earnest and now forever confused little boy. The Duke said nothing but merely patted the boy on the head before taking the envelope and giving him a gold coin in return. The boy looked at the coin. It was unfamiliar, seemingly from a strange land called 'Cyberia' - the coin was stamped Jacobus Rex Imperator. Suddenly the boy was overwhelmed by a sense of bewilderment and ran from the room crying.

The Duke unsheaved his Sword and preceded to open the envelope. He was not sure that opening a letter with a sword was a particularly appropriate act to undertake but he had seen the Kaiser do something similar in the Multi-Faith Temple and if the Steward had but one duty it was to slavishly imitate the Kaiser in his absence. So that is what the Duke did - needless to say he cut one of his fingers. The middle one, the one with which he had in former times made himself understood to delegations without number from the Virtual Republic of Cyberia, and which for that reason he was quite fond of. But it was only a very slight nick and soon patched up.

Finally he got round to reading the contents of the envelope. It was a telegram... Kingsgate in Brookshire and it was from... Ardashir Khan. The Khan of Vijayanagara, in Brookshire... this had to bode ill. Nonetheless he proceeded to read the message.

JACOBUS OLD CHUM. EXCELLENT HUNTING HERE. INVITE YOURSELF OVER ONCE THIS WAR IS ENDED. PHEASANTS AND PEASANTS IN ABUNDANCE. BOTH MAKE FOR GOOD SHOOTING.

MY BEST REGARDS TO YOU AND YOURS

ARDY

P.S. MUSICA. ONE OF YOUR CITIES ISN'T IT. CHECKED THE MAPS. SEEMS TO INDICATE SO. MUST UNDERSTAND. SOMETHING OF A TRADITION. TO BURN MUSICA DURING ANY SORT OF CONFLICT. MUST ADHERE TO TRADITION. MUSICA MAY BE GETTING SLIGHTLY TOASTY SHORTLY.

Whatever could it all mean?

[Prodigy Almighty]

... cool. Happy f**kin' New Year Ardy.

I have a late Christmas present for you: it looks something like this:

Oh! And another one... This one's from my generals, Kale and Korstokk:

Cheers!

[Aurangzeb Khan]

I look forward to receiving it and promise to repay you in kind my dear chap.

[Gman Russell]

*sneers* Such a devil should not be allowed here.

[Jacobus Loki]

*sneers* Such a devil should not be allowed here.

Oh, we have devils enough that one more is of little consequence.

Find the boy and the owner's manual for the battleship. We need to collect the Expeditionary Force to sail to Ergo Sum posthaste.
stat .
soon.
Right away.

WHY IS EVERYBODY STANDING AROUND?

[Gman Russell]

Because if they were kneeling, i'd be riding them like a cowboy in a rodeo.

[Jacobus Loki]

That's why we need a standing army, to save money on chairs........

[Gman Russell]

Cheers! We can then use the money to buy cowboy chaps!

[Aurangzeb Khan]

Awfully sorry about blowing up Musica. Tell you what. Any Laqi types who become subject to county justice will instead of being thrown in the Elwynn to see if they float (if they do the Goddess has rejected them and they are burnt as adherents of Lest) they will be deported to Yardistan to resettle Musica.

[Jacobus Loki]

Oh, the people are well enough, for the most part. They're sitting around the smouldering ruins, eating Smores.

[Aurangzeb Khan]

I'll change that.

[Jacobus Loki]

No ray-gun for you!

[Gman Russell]

Um...