Going home

[Jacobus Loki]

Elwynn is in good hands, vibrant and active.

As a rebel at heart, I believe it is in the best interest of Elwynn, Tardistan and Shireroth as a whole if I return home to Yardistan where I can be rebellious with Impunity.

(As a matter of fact, I think I'll petiton for a town named that.)

I'm going to be mostly inactive for a few weeks, anyway.

Thanks for everything!

[Leo Fenrir]

May the great sheep go with you Jacobus.
It was a pleasure and an honor.

And good luck with your town.

[Aurangzeb Khan]

*Tots up Elwynnbrigaden manpower returns in light of that statement*

"Hmm"

*Tots them up again*

"No, no, that really won't do at all."

*Picks up the telephone receiver*

"Operator, put me through to the Duke's Office, reverse charge please..."

*On hold. "Thank you for calling the Direct Duke service; your one stop shop for all low to medium level priority ducal administrative functions. Calls are charged at 40 a minute. All calls are recorded and may be referred to SHINE for training and quality assurance purposes. Please note that an extra charge may be levied for decisions requiring the ducal seal or a facsimile of the Duke's signature. Your call is important to us and we will try to connect you as soon as possible. If the Duke is unavailable to take your call you may be put through to one of our highly qualified operatives to advise you on the correct procedure for petitioning for an audience. If you wish to speak to the Steward please press the hash key at the sound of the bleating sheep *baa* other wise please hold and we will continue to try to connect you.

I'm sorry but His Grace is currently unavailable and all of our administrative operatives are currently busy. We may be experiencing a high volume of calls right now or a fresh consignment of doughnuts may have been delivered. In any event we thank you for your patience. Please note that today's sponsored musak is Greensleeves*


One hour (and 2,400 ) later.

"Hello there my name is Gerald and I am your Ducal Administrative Proxy for today. How can I help."

"Err. Yes. I am the Khan and I am seeking authorisation to pursue a fugitive."

"Certainly Mr Khan and what fugitive would that be?"

"No - not Mr Khan - I am The Khan."

"Certainly Mr T'Khan, and do you have a reference number?"

"T'Khan? No I said my name was... eh? No. What was that? What did you say?"

"A reference number Mr Khan?"

"Now you jolly well look here. I don't know who you think you are talking to but I am Ardashir pîroz Moqtada al-Osmani, Khan of Vijayanagara, Baron of Eliria, Brigadier-General of the Elwynnbrigaden, my ancestors purged the Elfinshi, made a desert out of Gascony and called it eace and were in no way implicated in the unfortunate demise of Kaiser Hasan. I do not need a sodding reference number to speak to the sodding call-centre operator covering for the sodding Duke just because he doesn't want to answer his sodding phone..."

"Sir. I just need to put you on hold while I talk to my supervisor..."

*Greensleeves*

"Sorry your Excellency, my name is Associate Kate..."

"Kate?"

"Short for Bob"

"Bob?"

"My apologies for Gerald, he's new and will be sent for a customer services refresher course"

"To Hyperborea maybe?"

"I'm sorry Sir we don't have a call-centre in Raikoth - the cold affects the telecoms..."

"Yes, I'm sure its fascinating... but you were going to transfer my call?"

"Oh yes my apologies Dread Lord... putting you through now."

Dread Lord - now they're just taking the piss...



*"Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Andrew Allot. I'm like really sorry but I'm not available to take your call right now. So if you like leave me your message after the tone I'll get back to you soon-as."*

BEEP

[muttered under-breath]"For fuck's sake..."[/muttering][cloying sycophantic voice]"Ah your Grace - Zurvan grant you favours and may glories and praise be your name. I am sorry to disturb your Grace at this untimely hour but I've just noticed that the Count of Illumination has err... gone somewhat AWOL. If your Grace has no objection I am going to assemble a team of Kopfjaeger to go and fetch him back. Shall I leave it with you to get someone in your office to draw up the necessary permits? Again, a thousand pardons for the disturbance - I hope you enjoy the rest of your day and have a wonderful evening. Bye."[/cloying sycophantic voice]

Hmm, that took longer than expected. Time for a drink and then a quick kip before breakfast...

[Gman Russell]

[Allot]

Allot stumbled through the doors of the castle, his hair tousled and his robes torn. Albert rushed up to him.
"My lord! Where have you been! The calls, the people...they need you!"
"Internet....Hobgoblins....." gasped the Duke, and he collapsed on the floor.

After several cold baths and a therapy session, the Duke was ready to resume his duties. The first name that appeared on his desk, of course, was Jacobus Loki.

"What has he done now...he's gone? Hmmm... Well, he's not really a fugitive... Oh! That's a shame. I guess my hand just slipped and I signed the document ordering his retrieval. I guess the Khan will just have to carry it out. Shame."


OOC: I have been away for a few days due to the Internet Hobgoblins (read: Bell Canada) and their evil plans to destroy me. Luckily thanks to my cunning and to the Magic Box of Light (read: Apple Canada) I triumphed and internetness has been restored. Yay me.

[Aurangzeb Khan]

(Should have used the clacks - twice the speed of conventional broadband with only 40% of instances of preventable mortality on a conventional fixed term installation contract...)