The Duke has been kidnapped!

[Leo Fenrir]

The Sheep Throne-Room in Echo Manor,

"My Lord Baron. We have successfully captured the Duke as requested."
"Good. Where is he now?"
"Having tea in the foyer my Lord."
"What!? I though I told you to tie him up and give him to the Sheep!"
"Well sir he said he wanted to speak with you personally first and he didn't look none to happy."
"My god I am surrounded by incompetence... Send him in I may as well get this over with"

--------

Sorry if I jumped the gun but the opportunity was too good to give up.

[Allot]

Allot strode into the Sheep Throne Room, fortified by the strong black tea he had just consumed. He stopped in his tracks when he saw who sat upon the giant woolen throne.

"You? You're commanding the Hobgoblins? I might have known..."
"Myesss, well, you see-" said Leo.
"It's a bit contradictory, you know? Why throw me into a sack, then I get here for tea? A simple letter would have sufficed. I know my phone service isn't the best, but a little piece of paper with a little gold RSVP on it would've been perfectly fine, you could make it out of wool, I know how much you like that, and-"

"Be QUIET!" shouted Leo.
There was quiet.

"Good." said Leo. "Now..."

[Leo Fenrir]

There was a long silence and it soon became apparent that Leo had fallen asleep on his overly comfortable throne of Sheep. Near, Leo's informant, shuffled his feet a bit and then addressed the Duke.
"Well this is a bit embarrassing, its way past his bed time you see and he had this big speech prepared and everything... Umm so I guess I'll give you a room till he wakes up... Uh... Your Grace."
With that Near lead Allot to a luxury room where he was left with a confused look on his face.
"I guess the Lord Baron will speak to you tomorrow. Good night"
The door closed with a soft click. The Duke immediately went to test the knob but it was locked tight.
"What in the name of the Goddess is going on...."

[Aurangzeb Khan]

The Ducal Palace, Eliria

Gerhart Menderville, Assistant to the Assistant Manager of the Office of the Duke - no less - was distraught.

"You have no business entering the Duke´s personal chambers - this is contrary to all established protocols!"

The Khan, who was at this time sitting in the Duke´s chair, in front of the Duke´s desk, reading the Duke´s official papers and finding it to be a most comfortable and indeed natural condition that he was rapidly becoming loathe to give up, fleetingly glanced in Gerhart´s direction.

"My apologies, I thought you noticed the men with guns and clubs standing outside when you came in. The protocols have been..." a slight pause ensued for added emphasis, as if it were actually need "revised."

The Assistant to the Assistant Manager shifted uneasily pondering how best to proceed and what to say next - especially since two cudgellers had come into the room and were standing beside him in a manner that gifted itself to the expression with menaces.

"Uhm, that seems, err, apparent now, your Excellency. But, err, you still haven´t explained the reason for your unexpected, but of course entirely welcome, visit."

"Oh? Have I not indeed?" replied the Khan in an airily distracted manner.

"Not that I heard" Gerhart twitched a little as he spoke. This Khan was reputed to be somewhat less homicidal than his ancestors but he was far from willing to test the validity of the supposition.

"Well you see I left a message with the Office of the Duke on Ughday and if you haven't noticed today is Arisday. Being somewhuteko6]on-hold[/i] for four days I thought I fancied a leisurely drive through the countryside, perhaps tour the old estates up at Vijanagara, issue a few decrees concerning this and that while in Eliria - I seem to recollect this is my Barony afterall - and to cap it all I thought I would drop by and pay my respects to the Duke in person, maybe even have a nice cup of tea, with a little drop of milk and a slice of lemon, it would have made an adequate end to a not entirely unpleasant day. Then of course I arrive and I am told various contradictory stories all of which seem to boil down to the Duke not being here. Words cannot describe how unhappy I am to have found that not only are my calls being ignored but my Lord is not even here to receive my respects."

"Should I fetch my supervisor?"

"That could be difficult; I´ve already spoken to him, and his. They are cooperating with the Elwynnbrigaden in its enquiries elsewhere, or at least they will be shortly."

"The Duke, my Lord is... out of the office..."

"Evidently, but you see, I am starting to wonder - did he go out of the office via that broken window over there?"

"I err..."

"And moreover, I happened to have a forensic pathologist on my staff, its curious isn´t it how regularly somebody in my position needs to know what happened to a corpse, and he has found hemp fibres caught on the jagged shards of glass. Fibres that might well prove to be consistent with garments, rope, or indeed one might say consistent with a sack."

"Err..."

"So what I am asking is, did the Duke happen to pop out of the office, out of the window... in a sack."

"Err..."

"Anything else you could add to that summary of events would be greatly appreciated."

"Hobgoblins, Sir!"

"Hobgoblins?"

"Yes Sir, goblins what go hob and the like."

"I see - and what is their involvement in this?"

"Well Sir, he - the Duke that is - waen these hobgoblins came charging in from out of nowhere, gathered him up into a sack, trussed him up like a Mondesian Turkey, and then jumped out of the window and were off and away."

"Hobgoblins - fascinating."

The Khan picked a sheaf of paper out from the Duke´s in-tray - some internal memorandum or another which he crossed out before turning over the page to write on the blank paper on the reverse. Moments passed, the Assistant to the Assistant Manager the whole while growing ever more concerned that the draft might be a writ for extraordinary rendition to Ardashrishahr, and then he was at last finished.

"Adjutant! Here, take this note and put it out on the Veritas Teleprinter. Distribution as indicated."

The Adjutant, an Elwynnbrigaden Major, saluted smartly and hurried away to find the comms officer.

Out of interest the reader may wish to note that the message that was being disseminated with such urgent haste was as follows:

From: Elwynnbrigaden, Office of the Brigadengeneral
To: Livgardet; R1 Eliriaregemente; R2 Iserdiaregemente; R3 Raikothtrupperna; R4 Nordlandregemente; Director, Office C [Counter-Intelligence] County Security Division (Alalehzamin); Gentlemen-at-Cudgels (Eliria)
CC: Office of the Duke; Office of the Stewart; Council of Eliria

SUBJECT: Anomalous Phenomena (Abduction of the Duke)

1.0. The Duke of Elwynn has been abducted by implausible creatures at the behest of parties as yet unknown.
2.0. All Commands are to disseminate the following advisory notice in print and over the electromagnetic spectrum so as to bring it to the attention of the alleged abductees.

An advisory notice for all Goblins, Hobgoblins, Bogarts and all other creatures of the aes sídhe whose existence otherwise constitutes an affront to nature, reason and the conception of a purely material universe:

1.0. The Location & Condition of the Duke & the Return of the Same:
1.1. It hattention that an unfortunate incident has occurred at the Ducal Palace in Eliria. To wit, that the Duke has by some unfortunate misunderstanding been taken in a sack by Hobgoblins away to parts presently unknown;
1.2. We are sure that this is some well intentioned jolly jape by the part of friendly and not at all malevolent sprites;
1.3. However we humbly request the return of the Duke Andrew Allot from whence he has been taken, alive and preferably intact. There will be no retribution and indeed a reward constituted from a number of the newly first-born commensurate to the age of the Duke will be made available for collection, which you may do unto whatever it is hobgoblins do in such circumstances and frankly we are not too keen on enquiring any further into the matter, which we will consider closed and one of life´s inscrutable little mysteries, subject of course to the Duke´s reasonably safe return.

2.0. On the Consequences of Failing to Abide by the Terms of This Most Reasonable Request:
2.1. Should however our generous and conciliatory offer be spurned we shall not hesitate to burn out every wretched goblin hole within these Ducal domains;
2.2. Remember the Elfinshi, there really is no pressing reason why you cannot share their fate.

3.0. Fair-Warning & Compliance:
3.1. This notice constitutes fair warning and you have twenty-four standard hours, starting from the instance of its issuance, in which to comply.

[/signed]
Ardashir pîroz Moqtada al-Osmani
Brigadgeneral - Elwynnbrigaden
Khan of Vijayanagara
Baron of Eliria &etc.

3.0. There are at present no known motive or identity for the instigator of this foul deed, for once it not being ourselves. However the implausible nature of this event would seem to indicate the potential of Nordland as a point of origin for this mad act, the presence of a sheep we have subsequently caused to be killed and roasted for tonight´s dinner also seems to reinforce that s Investigations are therefore to focus primarily on the counties of Nordland. Office C [Counter-Intelligence] County Security Division (Alalehzamin), having the primary file on Anomalous Phenomena emanating from out of Nordland is to lead the investigation and coordinate counter-actions for the recovery of the Duke and the punishment of the responsible parties;
4.0. Gentlemen please do not use too much excessive or unnecessary force and try to keep civilian deaths to the absolute minimum required for an effective enquiry.

[/signed]
Ardashir pîroz Moqtada al-Osmani
Brigadgeneral - Elwynnbrigaden
Khan of Vijayanagara
Baron of Eliria &etc.

[Aurangzeb Khan]

[Allot]

Albert was moving sluggishly through the halls of Castle Eliria, ever since the Duke had disappeared. As he neared the Duke's quarters, which he hadn't entered since that fateful night of the Hobgoblin attack, he noticed a sheet of parchment pinned to a pillar.

Not a day had gone by, and they were already looking for him! Feeling better already, Albert stepped into the Duke's office to find the Khan sitting behind the desk. Without skipping a beat, Albert bowed to the Khan and said:

"That was commendably fast, my lord."
"Thank you, Albert," replied the Khan.

It came to no surprise to Albert that the Khan knew his name. He probably also knew the name of his wife and kids, and where he lived. Scratch that, he definitely knew where he lived.

"I do hope you find the Duke soon, my lord. Steve and Steve are lost without him." He gestured out to the courtyard, where Steve and Steve were weeping into a sheep that the Duke had allowed them to keep from his birthday, which they named (of course) Steve.

The Khan seemed to be engrossed in paperwork, so Albert did the proper thing and quietly stepped out.

[Leo Fenrir]

"Lord Dine! You must wake up immediately!" A servant was shaking the Baron's shoulders while another was using a fan to spread the smell of fresh bacon around him.

"Mmmm Bacon. Another five minutes please?"

"Lord Dine this is of the utmost importance." The Baron slowly came awake one sense at a time until he was able to stand up dramatically, and promptly proceed to fall.

"What just happened!?"

"You forgot to open your eyes Lord Dine."

"Ah yes thank you Near." Leo pried both open and looked around. "So what is so important that you had to wake me up?"

"Well for starters you have the Duke currently being held prisoner in a bedroom upstairs and we have just received this" Near handed Leo a copy of the report written by the Khan. "It seems that you have yet to be officially demoted from Steward yet and it came to our office by flying pidgin."

A brief silence enveloped the room as the Baron read the document. With a short cough and a subtle movement Near flipped the parchment right side up for the Baron to read.

"Ah! Much better. My god he moves fast. Note to self, keep friends close keep the Khan even closer. And he's linked the disappearance to Nordland already! I don't have much time then. Near, Dalon, seal the entrances to the Manor and find some excuse to get the Elwynnbrigade out of Echo. Tell them that there's some fighting or something. I will see the Duke presently."

The throne room buzzed like a hive for about a minute as everyone scrambled to group up to follow the orders. Leo sat back down on his throne which bleated softly as one sheep got a bit squished.

"The Duke my Lord Baron."

"Thank you. Send him in."

[Aurangzeb Khan]

Castle Eliria

"Who you? You no the boss."
There was no denying that this Steve was the more astute of the pair, though if the Khan had been forced to choose from which of all the creatures in the castle displayed there barest semblance of intellect he would have probably opted for their pet sheep, who was, perhaps inevitably named Steve.

"Well there´s no fooling you, is there Steve?"

"How you know my name?" Steve´s brain was starting to ache, being unaccustomed to these sorts of mental gymnastics.

"Because your fame precedes you, as you are reputed to be a warrior of great renown, and unsurpassed valour." Said the Khan, lying in the patronising voice he normally reserved for particularly stupid children.

Steve had been able to comprehend the words fame and warrior, and there was the faintest glimmer of recognition at the word valour - it was enough to have him grinning inanely.

"What bout me?" It was the dulcet tones of the other Steve, suddenly feeling aggrieved at the prospect of being slighted by omission.

"You too Steve - why I have heard it said you are the finest swordsmen to be found anywhere between the two rivy name?"

Great Zurvan this was going to be hard work the Khan thought to himself, sighing inwardly although his face failed to betray any presence of emotion to the pair who would quite frankly have been to thick to notice anyway. He didn´t really want to tell the truth, that he had seen copies of their bills of sale from The Best Defence to His Grace on file, namely because it would have wounded the very egos he was desperately trying to massage, but also because it would have involved trying to explain the concepts of bills of sale and files in very short syllables to a pair of educationally challenged armoured musclemen.

"Well, Steve, that is a somewhat complicated question - have you ever heard of a panopticon? No? Well, it hardly matters. The real point is this - I am, as you helpfully pointed out Steve, not the Duke, but you I am doing everything in my power to get him back, and in order to do so in an expeditious fashion - err - quickly, I will need your help."

"Help?"

"Yes. It is simple really - I need you two fine strapping young gentlemen to help in the search. Would you be prepared to do that? For your Master?"

The two Steves both affirmed loudly that they would give their lives for their Duke... which curiously was what the Khan had in mind.

"Excellent. I recommend you start at Echo City, firstly because it is the closest Nordlander settlement to Eliria and secondly because the Baron has his residence there and I´m sure that he will be willing to assist you in your enquiries. After you finish there I suggest heading to Avaldsnes in North Wintergleam followed by a journey up to Port Illumination, then head back to Eliria if you fail to find anything. However I would caution you to exercise discretion at all times whilst you conduction search..."

"Diskreton?"

"What you might call a certain subtlety..."

"Sub-toltee?"

The Khan couldn´t suppress the sigh that contained all the sorrows and weariness of the universe.

"Just try not to kill anyone too loudly."

"Oh right you are then... err... one thing guv"

"Yes, what is it?"

"Can we take Steve?"

"Steve?"

A short sharp baa from beneath the desk where the sheep had been grazing on the Duke´s carpet for the duration of the tête-à-tête, answered the Khan´s question.

"Well if it makes you happy. How soon can you be underway?"

"Soon as we can get our horses saddled up guv."

"Excellent. Take what you want from the kitchens and the armouries. Don´t let me keep you."

With that, the brace of Steves departed for their quest to rescue their lord, or get themselves carelessly killed trying, whichever happened first.

The Khan then quietly summoned his Adjutant who stepped out into the corridor and bellowed loudly for Albert, the Duke´s manservant and factotum. With habitual sluggishness Albert dragged himself into the Duke´s chambers and bowed towards the Desk as much as towards the Khan.

"You summoned me Sir?" Albert enquired in a sonorous voice that belied his advanced age.

"Yes Albert. Would you be so good as to be prepare tea and cake for two and then inform Daniel Dravot that he may come in."

"Yes Sir."

"Another thing before you go Albert."

"Yes Sir?"

"Is the drinks cabinet well-stocked?"

"Exquisitely, Sir."

"Wonderful. That will be all."

"Thank you Sir."

[Daniel Dravot]

Eliria Castle

A certain Daniel Dravot, resplendent in a scarlet tunic of a military fitting, entered the room at a brisk march and came to an overly theatrical halt before the Duke's desk.

*Salutes*

"Ardy, you old bastard! How the devil are you? I didn't ever expect to live to see one of your ilk behind the Duke's desk..."

The as to show him a copy of Decree LVII.

"Ooh, that's harsh old boy, harsh and ungentlemanly if I do say so myself."

The Khan merely shrugged and noted, laconically, that there had been a certain reluctance on the part of the peers of the realm to volunteer for the role of Grand-Vizier.

Albert then served tea to the Khan and his guest, visibly wincing as the Khan topped Danny Dravot's cup up with a palpable shot of blue gin.

"Capital. Mightily obliged to you, Brother Osmani. Now, how can I be of assistance? As if I can't guess."

[Allot]

Echo Manor

Allot strode (as he so often did) through the hallways, well rested and livid, Near scrambling to keep up with him. Near only just managed to squeeze past the Duke and announce Allot's presence to Leo before Allot walked in and stopped before the Sheepy Throne.

"Ah, Your Grace, I assume you slept well?"
"Well, yes, as a matter of fact, wool is very comfortable. I assume the Khan has already started hunting for me?"

Leo's face betrayed no emotion, which was, of course, a sign in itself.

"I thought so. Well?" Allot raised an eyebrow and waited for the Lord of the Sheep to speak.

[Aurangzeb Khan]

Still in Castle Eliria


"Now Danny, I'll keep this brief as time is of the essence. It cannot by now have escaped your notice that we are noticeably short of a Duke in Elwynn in the moment. Indeed some little bloody oiks of a doubtful origin have kidnapped him. Thing is, for various reasons, we actually want him back. Now I've hunch, based mainly on the cumulative weirdness of the place that our Duke, if he is being held anywhere, will be somewhere in Nordland. Now I've sent two tactless oafs off into Nordland looking for their Master. They'll doubtless make a ghastly hash of it but in so doing they'll leave a trail of rattled cages and split skulls in their wake. A trail that should be easy enough to follow and, if they blunder lucky, they'll force the instigators of this plot against the Duke to expose themselves - whereupon the Kopfjaeger will strike. Here is the force readout."

Kopfjaeger
-490 soldiers
--Azad Kompani (200)
---1st-4th Platoon (50)
--Babki Kompani (200)
---1st-4th Platoon (50)

-10 Blackops scout/snipers (10)
--Fireteams Alpha-Echo (2)

-SRT 1 (80)
--Artesh Squad (40)
--Borzog Squad (40)

=Support =
--5 engineers
--2 quartermasters
--2 cooks
--1 Ferocious Dog

"These are modelled on the Antican Naval Infantry aren't they?"

"Only so many times you can be beaten by them before the desire to slavishly immitate sets in. You will have the full support of Elwynnbrigaden formations in Nordland. The commanders on the ground will be informed that they will answer to me personally for any failure to comply with your every command. Now then, think you can handle a mission like this?"

Danny nodded to the affirmative, muttering gruffly that, compared to being thrown off a cliff in Kaffiristan this would be childs play.

[Leo Fenrir]

"Well?" The Duke was doing the best to remain regal in the sheep patterned pajamas that he had found in the closet in his room. Leo stood up to speak to the the Duke on the same level.

"How like you Andrew. Don't think that I haven't noticed your 'man in black' snooping around Nordland. You didn't think that I would just let you plot away and get off scott free." The look of shock that plastered Allot's face made Leo hesitate. "Ok so a letter may have sufficed but how am I supposed to react when my informants keep throwing around the word 'assassinate'." He seemed to realize he was caving and hardened his resolve. "Lets call this a... 'Preemptive' move on my behalf. Plus now that your here its not like I can just pop up in front of the Council and say 'Jokes, it was all jokes' can I? That doesn't matter though I have other plans for you. That is of course if I manage to conscript that Wraith before the Khan can find you. You wouldn't happen to have 300 erb on you? No didn't think so."

It was at this point that Allot noticed something odd about the Baron. As he paced his shadow seemed to struggle to keep up with him at times. Something was not right. He began to sidle towards the door and tried to keep Leo busy.

"Thats all fine and dandy Leo but what exactly do you intended to do with the Wraith?"

The Baron flashed a smile that was the purest of evil. "Now that would be telling."

In a sequence of events to awesome to be properly recorded Allot detonated a sheep screen grenade that had been lying around and escaped into the halls of Echo Manor.

At the same time Near came running into the room. "My Lord two men are here to see you, they go by the name of Steve and Steve. They are babbling on about Allot too."

"This can't happen now! Near find the Duke he has escaped in the Manor and may be in the city proper soon. Whatever happens he cannot be recovered yet! As for the Steves. Well I'll deal with them personally."

With an ominous cloud like static the Baron left the Throne Room and Near shook himself. Lord Dine was not acting like himself as of late. He couldn't ever remember him being so... Evil. However orders were orders and Near set off to prepare the search for Andrew Allot. Maybe the Duke might know more about everything that was going on.

That is if the Khan didn't beat him to it...

[Allot]

Damn, I'm good. Didn't realize I had such ninja skillz.

Allot ran through the endless corridors of Echo Manor, trying to find an exit. As he throttled down a hallway, he screeched to a halt as he heard the unmistakable voices of the Steves.

"We go see Duke now?" said one Steve.
"Err, yes... this way..." said Near, the Baron's informant. Allot waited until their steps had died away, and then peered around the corner. When all seemed clear, he stepped out into the courtyard they had been in and began searching for an exit. He froze as he heard Near's voice coming from down the corridor.

Near entered the courtyard, and sent an underling on his way to search the basements. As he was about to walk off, he froze. Something was not right. The statues were all there. No tiles loose in the floor. The suits of armor...Ah. Now that is odd. You usually don't see knights with sheep pajamas coming out their legs.

He whistled, pretending to walk away, then turned on his stealthiness and crept towards the suit of armor. As he got closer, he heard a voice say "Bloody sheep pajamas."

As he pounced on the suit of armor, he realized something was not right. He began to notice this when he continued sailing through the air with the armor, and was given a passing vision of the Duke, crouched behind the pedestal, before Near was thrown into a wall along with the armor.

When Near got up and untangled himself from the pajamas, Allot was already sprinting for the main doors (admittedly, less clothed than he was before). Near was on his feet a moment later, and running after him. The only though going through his mind was "I wondered how he could run so fast in those sheep pajamas?"

[Billy Phish]

Billy Phish was stuck outside Castle Eliria, attempting to negotiate with a guardsman in order to gain entry into the castle.

"Excuse me if you'll just take a step back..."
"I say there please! If you would just let me be passing, I will assuredly be returning with my master Mister Dravot sir!"
"Are you looking to get a good round of cudgeling?"
"Oh indeed by jove no! I merely seek to be making reconnection with my superior officer who I have been following for some time sir."
"And he's in the Castle is he?"
"Oh indeed sir!"

At this point, as the guard was raising his shiny new cudgel to deliver a lethal blow to the poor gurkha, Mr Daniel Dravot stuck his head out of a window of the castle.

"Billy? Billy Phish is that you?"
Hearing the authoritative voice, the guard snapped to attention and brought the cudgel safely down.
"Oh yes indeed it is sir!" called up the faithful rifleman. "Shall I come up to you sir?"
"No no Billy Phish you stay right where you are, business is almost done here. Have you still got your rifle clean as a whistle and ready for a fight?"
"By jove yes sir! A fight sir?"
"Yes Billy."
"A fight like Maxigrad Mr Dravot sir?"
"No, Billy, more like Goloni."
"Oh indeed sir!"

[Daniel Dravot]

The Courtyard of Castle Eliria

Danny now sauntered back into the courtyard with revolver holstered and rifle slung over shoulder. He waved a genial welcome to Billy Phish, who was for some reason or another glaring resentfully at one of the Khan's gentlemen-cudgellers.

"Billy lad! How the devil are you? No sign of Peachy though? Shame, shame. Oh well perhaps we shall just have to pursue this adventure without him. Now Billy Phish, tell me this. Have you ever had cause to take a ride in that peculiar contraption for aerodynamic-perambulation they call a 'heli-cop-ter'? Cause if not you're about too..."

[Leo Fenrir]

The gates to the Manor were drawing closer as Allot made a desperate dash for freedom. 'Bit drafty out here isn't it' he thought to himself. In the time it took him to formulate that thought a figure pounced from a shadow and caught him in the chest just as he passed the gates. A small murmur of shock from the crowd in the square lasted for a moment until they realized that it was just a madman with no pants who was certainly being taken in for public nudity. Before he could even blink the world went black.

When the Duke next awoke he was back in the Manor though undoubtedly in one of the basement rooms. The Baron and two men approached him.

"I must say that I admire your skills my old friend but now there wont be any more running."

"What do you think your doing Leo. Have you forgotten who exactly it is you are dealing with? None of Shireroth will forgive you for this."

"Oh they will. Actually, you'll be the one to convince them too." The Baron smiled. "My good friends here tell me that they have found a way to forcibly join a human host with a Wraith, one of which has just happened to have come into my service lately, though albeit it should take time then usual. Though they assure me it should be done in three days time. Then I will have the very Duke of Elwynn as a puppet on my finger tips!" *insert maniacal laughter* "I bid you adieu Allot." The Baron left the room leaving behind the Duke and the two mages.

Back in the throne room the Duke addressed a person wearing a large cloak. "The Khan seems to have taken over the office of the Duke in Eliria which, as you can understand, can't last much longer. It would be troublesome if he were to gain too much power during the absence of the Duke as he needs to have a position waiting for him when he returns. He also represents the largest threat to this operation with his network of underlings. He must be removed from the equation. You know what to do Cora."

With this the figure threw back its cloak revealing two large wings.
"As you command my Lord," and the Angel flew off in the direction of Eliria Castle with an arsenal of poisoned daggers in her belt.

[Allot]

C'mon...God playing much?

Allot sat, and waited. He had analyzed the situation from every possible angle, and saw no way out short of killing the mages. Therefore, he resolved to listen to his friend Havelock's advice, and wait. With his eyes closed. This would be sure to unnerve the mages.

One night passed. On the eve of the second night, the mages brought in a bench with all sorts of wires and such on it, and strapped Allot to it. Allot said nothing, but even in his mind he could not contain his fear.

On the morning of the third day, Allot had all but given up hope. There was nothing he could do. He would die, alone, while Leo misspelled evil laughter. He heard the main doors slam open, and a few screams. Probably the Wraith arriving. Oh well. He heard one of the mages leave to go check on the commotion. Just as he was closing his eyes, he heard a Baaa and a sheep came flying down the stairs and landed on the second mage's head, where it promptly bit his nose.

Allot watched in fascination as the mage ran around the room, bumping into tables, vision obscured by the sheep. As the mage lifted his hands to set the sheep on fire (or something to that effect), he suddenly froze, and toppled forward. Steve stood behind him, broadsword raised.

"Steve! And Steve!" cried the Duke. "You came!"
"Boss!" shouted the Steves, and they ran towards the Duke.
"Err...if you be so good, the ropes, Steve?"

"Oh, right." One of the Steves (Steve) picked up the sheep and the sheep chewed through the ropes. As Allot brushed himself off and got off the table, he heard a familiar voice.

"Well, well, well...This is an unpleasant surprise. Deal with them."

Allot turned to see the Wraith standing at the foot of the stairs with Leo. As the Wraith raised a hand, Steve (the sheep) launched himself off the table, just as a bolt of energy collided with him, sending the ovine flying against the wall, where it lay motionless on the floor.

"Steve!" cried the Steves, and they rushed to their friend.

"Thank you, that will do. Now, Allot, your time is up."

[Aurangzeb Khan]

Castle Eliria

The Adjutant entered the Duke's Office, beads of perspiration glistening on his forehead.

"My Khan," he spoke without seeking leave "His Grace the Duke had an air-raid shelter, command bunker and panic room installed in the cellars of the Castle Keep."

"Yes I know." Replied the Khan without looking up. "I have seen the schematics - it was really quite impressive how he managed to get the three design requirements combined into a single structure, and fit it all inside a converted torture chamber... but I digress, the fact you have seen fit to mention it suggests that we are about to face some sort of peril where a window side view would be somewhat inappropriate."

"I'm afraid so."

"You were going to elaborate?"

"I'm sorry Sir. A winged fiend was spotted taking flight from Echo City by the by the duty watch officer of the Nordlandregemente. Our Flygkompani presently moving the Kopfjaeger SRT into Nordland also confirms a visual sighting, suggesting a bearing that would put its direction of travel as... towards us..."

"Hmm. I agree that retiring to a more defensible position would be advisable. We shall go now. Albert, bring a bottle of malt Glenfiddich, three glasses and a brace of pistols for each of us."

"With pleasure Sir."

The Khan, his Adjutant and Albert, laden with guns and liquid courage, were now proceeding down the spiral staircase towards the Duke's Strangelovian 'war room'

"What is our tactical situation?" Enquired the Khan of his Major.

"The Livgardet has, on paper, or rather on the ground, forty F7 multi-role fighters available to defend the provincial capital, the L/F1 Flygflottilj has two prepped for short notice order to scramble. However the creature will probably arrive before they are able to get any more ready."

"Adequate and as much as can be expected at such short notice, but in any event I imagine a fighter jet will have grave difficulty acquiring a lock on such a target. What other preparations are in place?"

"The Luftjägarkompani 'Kapav Dawn' has an Apache helicopter armed and airborne, it has been given orders to engage any hostile entity attempting to enter the Castle and the Pansarkompani 'Janavasper' has dispatched a Musharref APC and ten Elwynnbrigaden troopers to reinforce the garrison of the Castle"

"Which consists of?"

"Twenty Gentleman-Cudgellers, the Master of Cudgels for the Bailiwick, you, me and Albert behind us here. Twenty-four men, twenty-one cudgels & six pistols"

"Ah..." mumbled the Khan, suddenly regretting his decision to use the two Steves as live bait.

"Exactly"

They had by now arrived at the titanium and lead-lined blast-door of the Ducal War Room.

"One more thing." Said the Khan. "This fiend, any idea where in Echo City it came from."

"The reports are garbled but Echo Manner was mentioned."

"Good enough, seems the Steves rattled his cage then after all. Instruct the Kopfjaeger to storm the building. Tell Dravot to apologise to Baron Leo for the inconvenience of the visit but make plain to the good lord that if the Duke is not returnd promptly it will be his head that will be resting atop a pike above the entrance to the Council of Eliria."

[Leo Fenrir]

-------------
Aside:

C'mon...God playing much?

Many apologies your grace but you see it was necessary to the plot.

-------------

[Leo Fenrir]

Basement of Echo Manor

"Thank you, that will do. Now, Allot, your time is up."

"It seems yours has as well Leo"

A voice came from behind the Baron and the faint click of a gun being cocked froze everyone in the room (except for Steve who was weeping over the body Steve [the sheep]). The haze of air that was the Wraith made a move towards the Duke who took a step back. "I wouldn't do that if I were you or the Baron here losses his head." The Kopfjaeger came around to face the Baron gun still pointed at his head. "The Khan told me to relate the utmost sincere request of the return our good Duke here but I must say after what I've just seen here I'm not sure you deserve any kindness."

Leo stood rigid, visibly infuriated, shaking on the spot. The Kopfjaeger continued "You are lucky that the Khan seems to need you for something or you would be dead faster that you could say-"

"Baaaa..."
"Steve! Your alive!"
"This is the happiest day of my life Steve!"
"Allot look Steve isn't dead!"
"Ba!"

The Duke jumped a bit. The narrator seemed just to have remembered he was actually in the room. "That great Steve. Kopfjaeger if I may take my leave i'll take Steve, Steve, and Steve with me. As for you Leo, I'll have to deal with you later." Allot was about leave the room when the figures if Near and another man he hadn't met yet came came running down the hall. "Oh in the name of the Goddess, and the Great Sheep, if you touch me I swear I'll throw this sheep at you! And who are you?"

"This is Troy Avalon your Grace and I believe he has some important information. Where is the Baron?" Allot pointed behind him and Troy immediately pulled a little glass vile and, uncorking it, proceeded to pour the contents all over Leo. A sound that was so high pitched that it couldn't be heard passed through the bodies of each person, like nails raking against their bones, in the room and the Baron slumped over semi-conscious, held up by a baffled Kopfjaeger.

"What did you do to him!" Allot exclaimed.

"Well you see your Grace," Near began, "we just cleansed him with holy Sheepy Water... He was being possessed." Alot raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"It was the temple your Grace." Allot and the Kopfjaeger both turned to look at Troy. "I think it was whatever that had been locked behind those barriers. I came here as soon as got a message from the research team explaining the nature of the creature."

"Well as soon as this whole affair is settled I want that Temple sealed up pronto." Troy nodded and fell quiet.

A groan announced Leo's return to consciousness. "Andrew! Why are you here? What happened?"

Allot smirked. "Long story short you tried to assassinate the Khan"

Leo's eyes widened and this time he fell into full unconsciousness. "Poor chap. Near help him up to his room. Kopfjaeger will you and your men escort me to Eliria? I have to get back before the Khan gets too comfortable." Allot led the procession up the stairs to the main floor and out the front door of Echo manor into a mob of men carrying cudgels.

"What in the name of...."

[Daniel Dravot]

Daniel Dravot now pushed his way towards the front of the great press of men who had been milling about rather aimlessly whilst waving cudgels with menaces.

"Now then! What the blazes do we have here? Who the devil told you to shoulder arms? Un-sling those rifles at once! And fix bayonets... and by all the Saints, put those cudgels away - you're not the Khan's bullyboys... well of course technically you are but" *exasperated sigh* "there are grades of bullyboys and you lads are Kopfjaeger, allegedly the finest soldiers of the Elwynnbrigaden, not some demented rabble of yahoos and plug uglies suddenly graced with the title of cudgellers! Form ranks! Show some discipline! Billy Phish! Put this rabble in order."

"Oh indeed sir!"

And with that the plucky little Gurkha set about marshalling the ranks via the skilful application of his khukuri to the backsides of slackers.

"Now who in the blazes are you!" Bellowed Dravot, turning his ire towards the party of men (and a sheep) who had presently stumbled out of the door of the Manor. Near attempted to begin to explain when Dravot cut him off sharply.

"And why is that sheep talking!" His voice an escalating oscillation of confusion and alarm (a necessary contradiction required to give an adequate sense of it) "I command it to stop this very instant - one more bleat out of it and I will be dinning on mutton for supper tonight!"

Now Allot tried to step away from the group, the better to speak with Dravot - a move which could have had unfortunate consequences as Daniel stepped in ready to brain him with the handle of his revolver. This impending calamity was averted when the Kopfjaeger who had escorted the party out of the manor house hurriedly rushed forward to may the necessary introductions.

Daniel Dravot was suitably abashed.

"Well, your Grace, I most humbly apologise for not recognising you there but you see I had no cognisance of your visage what with you being depicted on the wanted posters with the representation of a dead rat and the like..." Now formally he greeted the Duke of Elwynn, newly restored to liberty. "Duke, the Khan has sent me to set you free!" A moments pause. "He also wishes me to ask, what it is you wish to be done to your captors?"

Whilst waiting for the Duke's answer and for Billy Phish to restore some semblance of order in the vicinity, Dravot also indicated that a helicopter was waiting to convey Allot back to Castle Eliria post haste. "The Khan is most anxious for you to return to your desk and has drawn up some memorandums for your consideration on the flight back."

[Aurangzeb Khan]

The War Room, Castle Eliria

The Khan was sitting in a chair of the sort briefly fashionable with supervillains in the late 60's. The bottle of Glenfiddich having been in large part consumed during the wait for the avenging angel to appear, Albert had been set up to the kitchens to prepare bacon sandwiches and copious amounts of coffee in order to revive the spirits of the castle's brave defenders.

Accordingly, being in his cups, the Khan very nearly fell out of his chair when the War Room's teleprinter whirred to life, spewing forth sheaves of paper. While he recovered his lateral balance his Adjutant obligingly scooped up the print-out and began to read.

"It appears that the Duke has been recovered by Herr Dravot and his associates along with the two Steves, a couple of unidentified miscreants and a talking sheep."

"Does that place never get any less weird" muttered the Khan, longing for his sandwich. "What of the bacon... erm... Baron."

"Leo passed out a couple of times, claims - huh? - claims to have been possessed by a demon..."

"Possessed? Well he at least gets points for originality, makes a change from 'diminished responsibility', which I suppose it still is... one way or another. What about the winged creature?"

"Nothing."

"Good, lets hope it stays that way."

[Allot]

The Duke was sitting in the strange flying contraption with his eyes tightly shut, while the man called Dravot spoke loudly about how they'd soon have him home and such. He opened his eyes, looked down, then shut them again. It wasn't being in the air that so much frightened him, but knowing that the ground was waiting for him. He attempted to focus on the Khan's memorandums, but his slid off the page. Eventually, he drifted into a deep sleep.

When he awoke, they were still flying, but were near Eliria, skimming over the green fields.
"My, these things do go fast, don't they?" murmured the Duke.
"Oh, yes sah! Fastest little buggers in the whole world, sah!" said Dravot. "Amazing how they do it. Y'see what they do is, they get some air, right..."
Meanwhile, Billy Phish was desperately tapping Dravot on the shoulder.
"Not now, Billy, and they take that air, right, and they get it right nice and hot, and when- BILLY PHISH YOU INSUBORDINATE LITTLE WORM HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME WHAAAAAT IS IT?"

Billy Phish pointed out the window towards the spires of Eliria.
"Ye gods, what is that?" exclaimed the Duke.
"Looks like an angel, sah!" said Dravot.
"Why is it flying towards us?"
"Err...couldn't say, sah."
"We do have the parachutes, don't we?"
"Errr...parachute, sir, if you get my drift."
"Capital. Dravot, the parachute."

[Leo Fenrir]

Leo turned in his sleep as unpleasant dreams of men with cudgels, cudgeling him filled his mind. The scene then slowly faded into an average Nordland landscape with average Nordland sheep, with average Nordland wings... Something about the image caught the Baron as odd. Wings... Why are wings so important?

Suddenly, with a shock comparing to that of being thrown into a 11.3 degrees Celsius lake when you had just previously been nestled in the confines of a warm sleeping bag, Leo jolted awake remebering the order that he had given Cora.

"Holy mother of sheep protect me!"

---------

Somewhere near Eliria

"No your lordship I have absolutely no problems with killing innocent men. Of course it doesn't matter that I flew five days straight just to get here on time for you to send me half way across the Duchy. Why would your Lordship even think that I might need directions to the bloody castle of BLOODY ELIRIA!" Cora's exclamation sent a nearby flock of sheeplets (a species of sheep/bird/pigs indigenous to Nordland) plummeting out of the sky in shock. "Bollocks. I hope they don't hit anyone."

Cora continued flying in what she hoped was a western direction trying to catch of glimpse of the Castle she was supposed to find. She settled into a smooth rhythm for quite some time before a flying projectile ricocheted off her head. "What in Shireroth was that!"

"May apologies my good lady I was not watching where I was going" answered a small flying sheep.

"But your a-"

"Sheep? Quite observant of you yes. I am a sheep. When at first I appear I seem mysterious but when explained I'm noth-"

"Yes, yes. But you don't happen to know which way the castle Eliria can be found?"

The sheep let out a sound that could well have been a 'harrumph'. "How tasteless. I do actually happen to know, but do not feel so inclined as to share at the moment." A small black shape passed underneath the two and the faith sound of 'helli copter- copter- copter-' could be heard. "Those noisy fellows down there might know though. I bid you adieu my fair lady." With that he shot off.

Cora screamed in frustration. "The great sheep protect me from improbable and theatrically literate flying sheep." Deciding to follow the sheep's advice she lost altitude until she was on level with the flying contraption. As she tried to approach it though she noticed a commotion inside and the thing began to tilt alarmingly. Then suddenly a small white ball of fur (whose name the reader may be interested to know was Steve) leapt from the craft and deployed a parachute. 'How odd' she thought. Just as she was about to approach the cabin the peak of a castle popped over the horizon.

"Finally" she sighed and took off in a new direction.

---------

Leo came up the stairs from the cellar and in opening the door nearly knocked Albert off his feet. "Ah! Albert. Just the man I need. I'm sorry for the sudden intrusion but I have urgent business with the Khan if you don't mind."

Being by now used to the complete an utter lack of explanation offered by Leo's narratives on surprisingly important points Albert knew not to ask who he had gotten there so fast and merely nodded and asked the Baron to follow.

"Oh and Allot should be home any time now Albert." The old man's face lit up at this and his pace quickened slightly. They reached a lead door and Albert turned and left Leo with a key. Taking a deep breath he slid the key into the lock and opened the door. He had to fix all this somehow. Maybe the Khan didn't know about the order yet. No that was too much to wish for. The door slid open on well greased hinges.

"Ah Leo Dine. Nice of you to drop by!" The Khan offered him a cup of coffee and offered him a chair.

[Aurangzeb Khan]

"And of course when I say it is nice of you to drop by, and of course it always is, I also mean to say that 'Leo Dines, Baron of Nordland, you are hereby under arrest for kidnap, insurrection, crimes against the person of the Duke as well as against narrative causality.' Major, let this gentleman finish his coffee and then take him upstairs for transfer into the, doubtlessly charming, custody of the Master of Cudgels."

The Khan's Adjutant nodded and was in the process of drawing his pistol from its holster when the teleprinter once again whirred into life. The Khan indicated to the Adjutant to keep Leo under the sight of the gun whilst he would read the message this time instead...

+++FLASH TRAFFIC+++

'COPTER BEING PURSUED BY ANGEL OF DEATH. ONE 'CHUTE. DUKE PULLING RANK - DEMANDING 'CHUTE. PROBLEMS... REQUEST ASSISTANCE...
-DRAVOT #

Calmly the Khan began to tap in new instructions:

From: Elwynnbrigaden, Office of the Brigadengeneral
To: R1 Eliriaregemente; Gentlemen-at-Cudgels (Eliria)


SUBJECT: Anomalous Phenomena ('Angel')

1.0. The target has been sighted due east of this position (Castle Eliria);
1.1. The person of the Duke is in immediate peril;
1.2. Luftjägarkompani 'Kapav Dawn' to engage enemy creature with deployed assetwith all due haste.

Turning back to Leo the Khan drew his own pistol, clicked the safety catch to off, and carefully slid the mechanism back so as to chamber a round.

"Now assuming this monster is one of yours I am prepared to offer you an amnesty - being the return of your life and liberty and the erasure of certain charges in return for calling of that creature and ensuring its delivery to the Elwynnbrigaden Research Institute of my choice... you will also take the necessary steps to eradicate all sheeplets from your realm, as they are a hazard to navigation and an insult to nature, before the week is out. Do we have an accord?"

[Billy Phish]

Billy Phish was a simple gurkha. All that was required to make him happy was three bowls of dal bhat a day and someone sporting a British accent to tell him where to shoot his rifle or swing his kukhri*. By the same token, however, all that was required to make him unhappy was the sound of the wings of the angel of death beating right by his ear. And considering the fact that Billy Phish was already undergoing a mild case of stress enduced cardiac arrestage brought on by his status as an ignorant gurkha trapped in a flying noisy metal box, one can easily see why Billy Phish was in a particularly bad way at that moment.

"SIR!" cried Billy over the noise of the hell i-copta, since he had refused the microphone and headset which had been offered him on the basis that he didn't know what it was and he didn't like it. "SIR PLEASE!"
Dravot turned from hastily typing up a message using another one of his fantastic modern contraptions. "Yeaas, Billy Phish? What is it man?" he bellowed.
"GURKHA FOOTSOLDIER, NOT AIRCAV. RIFLEMAN MUCHENDRA BAHADUR GURUNG, WISHING YOU MANY GOOD LUCKS!" And with that, Billy Phish made for the door to the metal box.
"OH no you do not Rifleman!" shouted avot as he pulled the gurkha back into his seat. "You and I are sitting tight for the time being, Billy Phish, and mark my words if there won't be a bit of monetary recompense when this show's ovah!"
"OH INDEED NO SIR, I FIGHT NOT FOR MONEY, BUT FOR ENGLISHMEN. THEY IS THE NEXT BEST THING!"
"Well said, Billy Phish, well said."
"SIR INDEED- BY JOVE, HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED YOU SOUND SO MUCH LIKE THAT ENGLISHMAN SEAN CONNERY?"
"Shut up, Billy Phish."


*For the benefit of those of you in the UK suffering the same media campaign as I- it would also be nice if Billy Phish could have the residency in the UK that he and his comrades fought and died for in so many conflicts around the world.

[Aurangzeb Khan]

(I lolled oh and indeed ayo gorkhali)

[Allot]

As Steve the Sheep fell to safety, with helicopter's only parachute, the Duke gazed calmly back at Dravot.
"We seem to be in a bit of a quandry, Dravot. What shall we do now?"
Dravot was about to answer when the helicopter suddenly stopped moving, and hung silently in midair.
"Dravot?" said the Duke.
"Yes sir?"
"Please explain how we can be in the air when the rotors are not moving."
"Magic, sir?"
"Ah. Whose magic?"
It was at that point that the angel rose up in front of the windshield, like...well, like an angel. There were sparkles and things. It was quite impressive. She was about to speak when she paused and looked up, as if receiving a message. Then she looked straight at the Duke and said...

[cue Leo]

[Billy Phish]

"Oh indeed by jove sir what is that?!"
"Shuddup Billy Phish, this is a moment of great suspense and high drama, could you keep your mouth shut for just a moment?"
"Sir of course sir!"

[Aurangzeb Khan]

By now the Khan was up on the battlements of Castle Eliria's keep and was watching, through a pair of binoculars and with mounting incredulity, the scene unfolding in the sky before him.

The helicopter-gunship which had been sent to intercept the angel was hovering close buy. It's pilot had radioed in that the gunner now had a lock on target; an advantage somewhat negated by the target being draped across the windscreen of the helicopter that was supposed to be returning the Duke, Dravot & Co. back to Eliria, and indeed appeared to be the only contrivance holding the said helicopter and the party within aloft... indeed do many things come to pass. The Khan had toyed briefly with the notion of giving the order to open fire anyway but had swiftly dismissed it. Now it all rested on how the Angel would respond to Leo's message.

Leo meanwhile was tightly bound and manacled and safely under the watchful eye of the Master of Cudgels who was keeping him, well under the cudgel, if you pardon the pun.