The Tale of Lódondla and Zplízyl

[Oze]

Once, in the foothills of Klestfaalmont, there lived a teacher named Maavak. He was a good teacher, who taught the local children all about the world, and their place in it. Families from all over the area sent their children to be educated by him, as he was well known for being strict, but kind.

Maak also had twin children. One was named Lódondla, a bright young girl adept at reading, writing, running and flower-arranging. The other was calle Zplízyl. Zplízyl excelled at hunting and fighting, and would often return home bruised after wrestling with an Aaak Bird or two. From the moment they were born, they shared a bitter rivalry. Lódondla would throw socks into Zplízyl's cradle and Zplízyl would violently shake Lódondla's. Zplízyl would copy Lódondla's homework and Lódondla would whack him over the head with a book. The feud worsened after the death of their mother in an unfortunate fire. Lódondla blamed Zplízyl for not watching the stove, and Zplízyl blamed Lódondla for being out in the fields collecting orchids as the blaze took place.

Maavak tried in vain to get his children to make amends. Every day they got more and more angry with each other, and every day Maavak attempted to show them how pointless the rivalry was. It was no use; Lódondla and Zplízyl had learned long ago to ignore their father.

When Zplízyl was seventeen, he became the youngest ever Steikfaat champion, having beaten all the other contestants, most of them twice his age. He was congratulated for his achievement by Kaiser Edwin I, on his visit to Highpass, and was given the Freedom of Tusk award. This made Lódondla extremely jealous, and Zplízyl delighted in threatening her with his many weapons. Lódondla was spurred on to match her brother's prowess.

She began cultivating several new species of flower in the Laal Pass, in the slopes of Klestfaalmont, all of them extremely poisonous. Her finest flower, a purple flowering shrub which she called the Lódodendlon, could kill a Wulde Boar in ten seconds. With the juice of this plant she planned to murder Zplízyl.

However, Lódondla was unaware the Zplízyl was planning to murder her too. He had trained himself to ride astride two boars charging at immense speed. When Lódondla was walking along the Laal Pass, he would have the boars charge into her, knocklow. Then he would be rid of his sister, forever.

It took two years for these plans to fully take shape, and by then both Zplízyl and Lódondla had left school and built their own houses. Maavak had moved south to Vaap to live with his brother and his sister-in-law. Though they were now far apart, the twins' plans were still fresh in their minds, awaiting fruition.

Upon returning home from a round of Steikfaat with a friend, Zplízyl was surprised to see a letter from his sister lying on his doorstep. He was even more surprised when he read it:

My Dear Brother,
I know we have quarrelled for so many years, but I wish for us to settle our differences and to be friends. Please meet me at the Laal Pass on Thorsday. We shall have dinner.

Your sister,
Lódondla

Though the letter made an agreement sound so possible, Zplízyl threw that out of his mind. This would be a perfect occasion to carry out his plan. He would ready the boars and make haste to the pass.

Lódondla, meanwhile was readying the poisoned food and drink. She cackled to herself as she laced the leek soup with Essence of Lódodendron. Tomorrow, the feud would be settled.

Early on Thorsday morning, Zplízyl arrived at the entrance to the Laal Pass. In the distance was Lódondla's house. He would wait here until the morning when she would emerge to tend to her horticulture. As he thought over his plan in his head, he realized that the boars, which he had named Lúp and Vaak would have to die as well. The Laal pass was merciless.

After hours of waiting, Zplízyl saw Lódondla emerge and prepare an outdoor dinner-table of poisoned delights. Zplízyl was indeed hungry, and he wondered whether he should go and eat dinner with his sister, and leave the murder for afterwards. His stomach rumbled, and he settled for 'eat first - kill second'. He stationed Lúp and Vaak behind a rock, and arranged that he would signal to them from the dinner-table when they should charge.

"Lódondla?'' he called.
''Oh, Zpd to see you after so long. I am sure we can put our silly little fights behind us!''
''Yes, yes. Pefectly sure. What are we eating?''
''I've prepared sautéed Aaak garnished with sage and sprinkled with mushroom. I have added some special touches, too."
"Sounds excellent. Have you heard from father?"
"Not a word. I hope Uncle Krú is treating him all right, what with his swollen ankles. Shall we dig in?"
"I thought we'd say grace first. Bless us, great Biternion for this feast. That it may nourish us and lead to a long life. B0O0/\/\!"
"B0O0/\/\," concurred Lódondla, "now eat!"

As soon as Zplízyl took the first bite of meat he knew that something was wrong. His throat began to close up, and he felt himself shaking violently. He lashed out in anger as he realized his sister had tricked him.

"What have you done!? I-i, you, I, you...." He flailed his arms around in the air in a combination of rage and pain. Unfortunately, raising his arms was the signal for Lúp and Vaak to come charging straight towards the table. Zplízyl knew he was done for as he crumpled to the ground and saw the two boars' horns coming ever closer.

Lódondla was too busy enjoying Zplízyl's pain to notice the boars. She walked over to him, giggling.
"It's really a shame, brother..." she whispered, "that you didn't think of killing...". Lúp and Vaak smashed into the table.
"MEEEEEEEEEEE!" wailed Lódondla as she, Zplízyl, Lúp, Vaak and the dinner table hurtled to the bottom of the Laal Pass.

**************************

"Wake up!"
Zplízyl and Lódondla found themselves on a pristine marble floor.
"Wh-where are we?" asked Lódondla.
"Are we dead?" asked Zplízyl.

"You have transcended!" said the voice. "Welcome to the Celestial Temple!"]
"Transcended?"
"You are Transcendi. Gods. Rise, and I will show you around. I am Ikol, by the way."

And henceforth, Lódondla has been the goddess of purple flowers and the like, and Zplízyl of broken limbs and Steikfaat. Their feud continues to this day, and they are honoured by shrines, temples, and cities. To the rest of the world they are Rhodondra and Spleazure, their argument still in search of reconciliation.

[Ari Rahikkala]

* finally reads this story (it's been in my to-read list, well, since you posted it) *

... I love it. I just read Scott's story on Bjorngard, and it had one nice small subversion... but this? I think we're going to have to clarify just what *is* good and what is evil in Cedrism now (that's a good thing). I'd read the resolution while passing over the post earlier (it's hard not to let your eyes drift to the red bit) but it seemed so out of place I couldn't believe the story would actually end *that* way. Yet this is religion, where nothing is true and everything is permitted, so... yeah. I love it .

[Andreas the Wise]

Yeah. I was wondering if they might be more likely to have descended ....
Still, nicely written.

[Oze]

I figured that if such gods as H'Graa, Ugh and Tempus have a place in the Celestial Temple, so do Rhodondra and Spleazure. After all, they were only nasty to each other.

[Malliki]

I love your stories! I feel a possible reward coming soon. In some form.