Great Perrynge of Highpass: Cleaning Spleazure
Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 11:35 am
The barman of the Swishing Steik Taverna in the town of Scroll + String was cleaning out his store cupboard when he came across what appears to be an excerpt from the Perrynge of Highpass Saga, written by the famously awful Highpassian poet, Mihangel Turge. It tells, with increasingly strained rhyming and dubious commas, the tale of Perrynge coming to the Filthy City of Spleazure and attempting to clean it up.
Perrynge of Highpass
by the renowned bad poet, Mihangel Turge
I´ll tell you a story,
A story I´ll tell
About swords, magic, toilet rolls,
Whistles and Bells.
Great Perrynge of Highpass,
A brave man was he,
When he sailed his ship far away,
Far from the sea.
As he meandered,
Through glade and through glen.
Great Perrynge befriended
A wise little wren.
Said the wren `I will join you
On your noble quest,
But to where you are sailing
I could never have guessed!´
He sailed and sailed,
Until he reached port,
In the city of Spleazure
Of widest report.
The streets they were dirty,
The flagpoles were rust.
Every inch of the city
Was covered with dust!
He shouted and shouted,
`Let´s get this place clean!
I´m not leaving the city,
Until it´s pristine!´
The people all listened,
The people took heed.
The miserable misers,
Forgot all their greed.
The Steikfaat supporters
Let go of their clubs.
The drunkards came rushing
Like rats from the pubs.
They cleaned and cleaned,
For three days and three nights
Till the city of Spleazure
Looked sparkly and bright.
Said Great Perrynge of Highpass.
`My job here is done!
Feel free to resume
Your barbarian fun!´
He sailed to the distance,
And smiled at the wren
Not to know the soon Spleazure
Would be filthy again.
