Shireroth

Evenin Ma'am, The gaffer is tellin me that you is wanting rabbits on account of some craving or another. I am of course happy to oblige. Five skinned conies - one erb for the lot. Any lower and I'd be practically robbing myself, as opposed to the farmer whose hutches I lifted them from. http://dr-sp...

"You have to be kidding me."

"Sorry old chap. This aint no joke. His Imperial Majesty, Kaiser Osman the Provisionally Titled, commands you attend upon him in his presence in Shirekeep."

Daniel Dravot was pacing down the corridor as this figure crawled out of the floor grate and stood tentatively upright. "Oi! You there! Hands up!" and as a reflex action he drew his revolver. And then Leo turned to face Dravot, pulling his smug 'don't you know I out rank you' smile which fell away i...

Daniel Dravot, Meretricious Kalends, Shapur al-Osmani and twenty Kopfjaeger assault troops waited patiently for the docking arm of the gravship's 'gondola' section to attach itself to the remaining docking bay. 'Space rendezvous completed. Initiating docking procedures.' "Thank you, Commander Chang"...

Garden Gnome meet Hammer, Hammer meet Garden Gnome. I'm sure you will have a smashing time together.

"Compliments of the Khan to your Lordship. I regret the intrusion but the Baron of Eliria has reported four of his Gentlemen-Cudgellers, who had been assigned to 'beating the boundaries' that is to say demarcating the boundary between Eliria & Utasia and Illumination for taxation purposes and erecti...

"Well pardon me Sir but I did never claim to be a gentleman. Gentlemen is those what have the time and the luxury to be having sappy existential crises over daughters who have fallen in love with giant bugs and who belong in the nut house. Now I may be a detriment to that existential crisis but it's...

"A wise choice lord. Procreation with an Ohl'tar, being not only physiologically and biologically impossible is also deeply abhorrent to all right thinking gentlemen. God's holy trousers! Why the very thought makes my gorge rise. You were lucky the Kopfjaeger was in the area on a wide patrol when th...

"Well anyway, if you two have finished. A small piece of advice as it were. Me and Billy here have just returned from trying to cudgel some semblance of order into the mob, and might I say its a damned fool idea trying to outlaw corporal punishment in the midst of a riot. Anyway, long story short, w...

"Well perhaps then I can assist you with your dilemma." Answered an unseen voice from behind where the pair were standing.

It was now Leo's turn to have his door kicked in. Although it was in this instance the Duke's door, technically speaking; the All-Elwynn Insurance Society's Claims Department was already on the verge of a collective-nervous breakdown and this was not about to help matters. And as the Steward was ch...

Daniel Dravot now pushed his way towards the front of the great press of men who had been milling about rather aimlessly whilst waving cudgels with menaces. "Now then! What the blazes do we have here? Who the devil told you to shoulder arms? Un-sling those rifles at once! And fix bayonets... and by ...

The Courtyard of Castle Eliria Danny now sauntered back into the courtyard with revolver holstered and rifle slung over shoulder. He waved a genial welcome to Billy Phish, who was for some reason or another glaring resentfully at one of the Khan's gentlemen-cudgellers. "Billy lad! How the devil are...

Eliria Castle A certain Daniel Dravot, resplendent in a scarlet tunic of a military fitting, entered the room at a brisk march and came to an overly theatrical halt before the Duke's desk. *Salutes* " Ardy, you old bastard! How the devil are you? I didn't ever expect to live to see one of your ilk ...

Carol, I support the War on Terror, although it is not so much a war on terror as a war against an ad-hoc coalition of Jihadi groups who use terrorism as a signature tactic. What I would point out is that for many of us in Europe there is the sneaking suspicion that many Americans tend think that 9/...

Politics is too important to be left to politicians... or the electorate for that matter.

May a long and protracted slaughter befall al-Qaeda, the Taliban, their ideological fellow-travellers and all other enemies of England and America . That said I feel no lasting sentiment with regards to the attack, indeed I almost found myself nodding in agreement with a colleague at work today who ...

Vanity old boy. Just checking.

Now Peachy be a gent and free his writing arm. I'll have a few bills and writs and other miscellaneous bits of paper, decrees and the like for him to be signing as a token of appreciation for the kindness we are showing in not asking him to stand us a round.

"Peachy! It's that bloody Cossack again. And I'll have no time for his gabbling. Billy Phish! Bind this rascal's arms and bring him presently to the tavern - as he is seemingly some sort of local Nawab he can become to us what Atahualpa was to Pizarro."

"Now then Peachy - here´s the thing. Our objective today is to get two gentlemen adventurers, one native porter, three mules and fifty shiny rifles into yonder town with time to spare for a decent meal and big mugs of beer, frothing at the top, before settling down to a sound night´s kip. Our proble...

Billy Phish! Belay that dawdling and form the mules into a column. The road to the land of Ran stretches out before us. At it's heart lies the town of Tyrelwynn, set down snug beside the river. It will be as good a place as any to set ourselves down and take stock of the journey so far.

For Gawd's sake Peachy! We've not travelled all this way just to trade shots with Cossacks and angry tin men. If the Czar wants this land he is bloody well welcome to it once we've got what we've come for. As per the contract Peachy! Now let's press on before the infernal gun-totting automation come...

Billy pass me that wallet. Let's see what's in here... hmm... OK, if I'll just take a couple of Erb to tide us over, we'll leave the rest out of consideration. It's what he would of wanted. Oh and Billy, once you've interred the body in that well be sure to pass this wallet to that important looking...

The Caravan, it has moved on.

"Of course, you see, aside from one small to-do on the bridge over the river when it very nearly transpired that myself, my associate Brother Carnehan, our porter Billy Fish, the accursed mules and the blessed relics, we being cedarist pilgrims see, were very nearly shunted into the abyss by some ea...

Lunatics you be then Mr Yastreb. Far be it for me to question one in the know. Now, Ma'am, we be in the business of turning good honest men into good honest killers - it being something of a profession and a passion of ours - and we have been led to believe, have we not Brother Carnehan, that, right...

Well God bless you Ma'am but we have a way to go yet. But you're right about the Lunarians of course. Who knows, perhaps some of them will even be attracted by the loud bangs to sign up as junior partners to our little venture. But I digress and we must be away, time and tide and all that. Now Peach...

Peachy - have you not noticed? Everybody around here dresses strangely . By being dressed inappropriately we fit in already. As to the guns I have a cunning plan. You recall that temple we passed earlier, where we heard the sounds of loud explosions emanating from within? The fakir was telling me th...

Now Peachy, have I ever led you astray? While you were yelling at our porter of the order Cetacea I have been off in the bazaar researching and applying my brains, such as I have, to our little dilemma. Now with the last bit of shrapnel in my pocket I picked up a copy of the local paper from the kin...