Shireroth

Captain's log, Stardate 92010.6- Chief Engineer Welshy recording. The Captain and the First Officer are locked in a wrestling match on the bridge. The Captain keeps shouting, "Just one little town, I want to phaser ONE LITTLE TOWN off of a planet!", while the First Officer is yelling, "The Prime Dir...

"........ANYTHING, Mr. Spruck?"

"That's Captain Spruck."

"So why are you running the scanners?"

"The same reason you are sitting in that chair."

"Oh. ........ANYTHING, on the scanner, then?"

"Wars, pollution, Viking porn. The usual."

"Keep me informed."

Captain Spruck recording. After strange subspace static was detected from the planet Micras, Admiral Quirk has ordered the "Improvise" to approach the planet. We are in standard orbit, shielded from the primitive detection devices thought to be possessed by the nation-states dividing the planets sur...

Sets phasers on "fricassee"

Captain "Wrong-Way" Peter Peachfuzz

Captain's log, Stardate 90624.3- The Improvise sensors had detected a substance rarely, if ever, found on a primitive planet. And it was coming from what should have been a structure - but it was flying over the surface of the planet . "Threat assessment, Mr. Sprock?" "Pending, Captain, er Admiral, ...

Quatloos are real electromagnetic vibrations, not borrowed ones. But since there is no method of exchanging quatloos for erbs, we reluctantly withdraw from the bidding.

Unless one party or the other would like us to energize the replicators.

In partnership with Provider #2, Star Fleet bids 22,000 Quatloos.

Ship's Log, Stardate 31509.4- The Improvise was being called back to the home sector due to an urgent private message of an obscure sort. "Admiral, the messages said "giant space squids" and then cut out." "Mr. Sprock, scan the sector for oversized mollusks" "Admiral, other than the Snail People of...

FINALLY!!

Stardate 81107.3

The "Improvise" is picking up signals on a familiar band. After long exile, the signals seem to originate with - STARFLEET COMMAND!

I have ordered Warp Factor 6 toward these mysterious signals, but have ordered the ship to Yellow Alert.

I can see the guy in my minds eye...Brooks Brothers suit, portly, (Denny Crane?) carrying an oversized briefcase, arrives in a Lexus pulled by eight weasels.

Handsome devil......

...to explore strange new worlds.......

RD RD RD RD!

The crew of the Improvise supports Ardy because he will let them use the goddam phasers!

Personal log, STARDATE 8079.7 The Improvise had just beamed me back on board after a brief socialogic study on the planet below. I was greeted by Sprock and two security men holding phasers. And this Sprock was clean shaven ! "Admiral, you are under arrest for violation of the Prime Directive!" "Spr...

Tapes

(Puff, pant)
Am I too late for switching day?

(An oddly musical series of tones is heard, followed by sparkles of light, resolving itself into three figures.) "Bones, over here, quick!" said the Admiral. (The second figures runs over to a very stiff elderly man.) "Bones, can you do anything?" "He's dead, Jim." (The third figure, dressed in a re...

Quirk here. Improvise standing by.

is in origin Absentian............BUT!........can we interfere?

Yellow Alert! Shields up!

a limit that can't be reached by matter.

In ............ normal space....

(Six in a mini? A close family indeed! We had trouble with four in a SAAB model 93.)

Excuse me, I have to inspect the photon controls.

Just in case we are called in to the war.

The ponies are........MISUNDERSTOOD beings........find Spoke.....mindmeld.........(faints in a heap).

(Catches phaser.)

Scotty, two to beam up! Energize!

(Whirring, blinking. Sh033r and the Admiral vanish.)

Captain Kirk, you don't say engage? That was Picard, you dolt!

Yes, but I got the wrong script.

(Draws phaser, cautiously looks for an exit)

of course we banned mudkipping the next year, except on Slushkin 8, where it is allowed for religious reasons.

The Federation abolished locking on Stardate 17854.3

That's what I said, Mister.

Engage!

Very well, Mr. Shoe, set course for the Horsehead Nebula, Warp Factor 6!

Well the....transporter could BEAM the castle, but that would be.....interfering.....

Oh, Edith lived......but ...that.... Spoke, how can that BE! A transdimensional paradox!

I'm MELTING