Shireroth

So I'm here in the kitchen... With my computer... Alone.

It's almost exactly three years since I almost died by my own hand. I fucking took overdose, fucking Ric!! I just... did it, without thinking... unplanned, just did it, fucken fucken, bitching head forced me to it. I regret it with all my heart. And my soul. MAMMA, PAPPA... ÄLSKADE BROR

And now, all memories coem back, fucken fucken fucken idiot. I am. Nightmare. Was almost dead, I could have died. I was unconcious for almost a week, in coma. No memories.

Mamma, pappa, se så stor jag är. I hate this anxiety. It can make me do anything. So in February I did it again. Not so, luckily, dangerous as the last time. I ate some coal and it was fine.

ANyway, I can't breathe. My heart is aching. My vision is blurring. I'm gonna pass out soon. Don't be worried if I leave you for a while.

I wonder what I wanna say... Just wanna write soemthing, sort my thoughts out. I mgiht delete this soon anyway. But you're my friends, you understand. I've known you for ages.

I love you guys.

I DON'T WANT TO DO SOEMTHING AGIIN.

Eeeeee... Mamma, pappa... help me. OK. I'm gonna write here for all night. Just to keep myself occupied. I will not do soemthing bad.

I will nto go to hospital. I HATE THE FUCKING HOSPITAL

Hm. A poem. I should recite poems.

OUT OF THE NIGHT THAT COVERS ME,
BLACK AS THE PIT FROM POLE TO POLE,
I THANK WHATEVER GODS MAY BE
FOR MY UNCONQUERABLE SOUL.

IN THE FELL CLUTCH OF CIRCUMSTANCE
I HAVE NOT WINCED NOR CRIED ALOUD.
UNDER THE BLUDGEONINGS OF CHANCE
MY HEAD IS BLOODY, BUT UNBOWED.

BEYOND THIS PLACE OF WRATH AND TEARS
LOOMS BUT THE HORROR OF THE SHADE,
AND YET THE MENACE OF THE YEARS
FINDS AND SHALL FIND ME UNAFRAID.

IT MATTERS NOT HOW STRAIT THE GATE,
HOW CHARGED WITH PUNISHMENTS THE SCROLL,
I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE:
I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL.

I am the master of my fate! Remember that. I am the captain of my soul. I will not succumb to evil.

Härlig är jorden. Härlig är Guds himmel. Skön är lallala pilgrimsssång. Genom de fagra riken på jorden gå vi till paradis med sång.

*SINGS*

MISTER MUSCLE FORCING BURSTING
STINGY THINGY INTO LITTLE ME, ME, ME
BUT JUST ”RIPPLE” SAID THE CRIPPLE
AS MY JAW DROPPED TO THE GROUND
SMILE SMILE

IT’S TRUE I ALWAYS WANTED LOVE TO BE
HURTFUL
AND IT’S TRUE I ALWAYS WANTED LOVE TO BE
FILLED WITH PAIN
AND BRUISES

YES, SO CRIPPLE-PIG WAS HAPPY
SCREAMED “I JUST COMPELETELY LOVE YOU!
AND THERE’S NO RHYME OR REASON
I’M CHANGING LIKE THE SEASONS
WATCH! I’LL EVEN CUT OFF MY FINGER
IT WILL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH!
IT WILL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH!
IT WILL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH!”

MISTER MUSCLE, GAZING BOREDLY
AND HE CHECKING TIME DID PUNCH ME
AND I SIGHED AND BLEEDED LIKE A WINDFALL
HAPPY BLEEDY, HAPPY BRUISY

I AM VERY HAPPY
SO PLEASE HIT ME
I AM VERY HAPPY
SO PLEASE HURT ME

I AM VERY HAPPY
SO PLEASE HIT ME
I AM VERY VERY HAPPY
SO COME ON HURT ME

I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH

I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
I’LL GROW BACK LIKE A STARFISH
LIKE A STARFISH…

i cant breathe

So I tried to throw up. Not a good idea. Just upset my stomak even more.

... need to breathe... need to relax...

*looks at my crisis list*

This whole thread doesn't bode well.

You okay there chap?

Not really, no :/

Sorry for bringing this up. I just need someone to listen. To me... To show me... I need a hug. A hug.

*hugs*

All I can offer at the moment, I'm afraid. You hang tight there. Lotta people on the other side of the interwebs like you and are looking out for you.

Thanks man... Thanks

Relax... don't do it...

Mantra mantra mantra

Gud som haver barnen kär
Se till mig som liten är
Vart jag mig i världen vänder
Står min lycka i Guds händer!

Lyckan kommer, lyckan går
Du förbliver Fader vår.

Ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc et in hora mortis nostrae.

I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish. I'll grow back like a starfish.

Shaky shaky shaky...

VIK HÄDAN SATAN!

Rikkard ranka stod på en planka,
ropade så här:

Mamma! Pappa! Se så stor jag är!

Jag kan klara mig själv! Jag kan klara mig själv!

Six AM.

I'm shaking. I can't breathe. Death, death death death all aroudn me. Thoughts killing me. I need to relax. I need to relax, fantasize, dream... relax, sing, relax, breathe, breathe...

Mother, I'm tired, let me sleep.

Mamma... pappa... bror... älskade bror.

Förlåt.

Inte leka med kniven. Inte leka med kniven.

EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO.

Emo.

Vade in retro me, Satana.

STEP BACK!

Six o six. AM.

Six minutes. I'm still alive.

I will stay alive.

JÄVLA PISSHELVETES JÄVLA SKITKUKFANFITTA

Played with a knife. STUPID: WHY;:

SIx 11.

Still here.

Its gonna be a long day.

<it hurtsl